The Way We Were

by Shandi Boyes

  “Does Regina know you are here?” My words convey my shock.

  Before their run-in nine months ago, Regina hadn’t seen Tobias in nearly three years. That’s why she reacted as she did when I passed on her message. Even knowing seeing him again would add to her anguish, she hated the missed opportunity.

  Tobias finalizes the last four steps before shaking his head. “This is out of Regina’s jurisdiction.”

  I stare at him with shock on my face. We may be on the outskirts of Ravenshoe, but my home is located within Regina’s purview. She doesn’t have the official title, but she will always be the head of law enforcement in my eyes.

  “When Regina discovers you’re responsible for breaking the restraining order she instigated, you’ll be in trouble.”

  Smiling a grin that reveals he's looking forward to his penance, Tobias gathers my hands in his then guides me to a wooden bench built into the curve of the stairwell. It is a smooth move on his behalf. This is a favorite spot of mine. It is where I spend my days reading during summer, so it instantly appeases my hostility.

  Tobias is smarter than I first perceived. He not only has gentle eyes, but he gains trust quickly. Out of the three people surrounding me, he’d be my first pick if I were forced to choose who to trust the most. How fucked up is that? He's a stranger, yet I’d choose him over an ex-boyfriend and my mom. No wonder why I have trust issues—issues I’ve kept very well hidden from my boyfriend.

  After filling half the bench with his backside, Tobias locks his eyes with mine. I tighten my core, anticipating a painful knock.

  The prompts of my body are odd, but spot on when he asks, “Do you recall the time your father came home with a bloody nose? He had veered to miss a deer and lost control of his car, resulting in him hitting his head on the steering wheel?”

  I nod, not trusting my voice not to squeak. I remember his accident very well. I thought it was lucky his car didn’t sustain any damage. Only now am I realizing I have everyone fooled. I’m not intelligent—not in the slightest.

  “He didn’t hit a deer, did he?” Disappointment rings in my tone. I’m not disappointed in my dad; I’m disappointed in myself. My intuition knew something was amiss that night, but believing my dad had already overcome his darkest days, I ignored it.

  “No,” Tobias answers with a shake of his head. “With Axel aiding in our investigations the past six months, we discovered your father was assaulted by members of the Petretti crew that night.”

  I vault out of my chair like my ass is on fire.

  “It wasn’t me,” Axel swears, recognizing I’m five seconds from smacking him into next week. “I had nothing to do with it...”

  His words stop when my open palm connects with his left cheek.

  “You may not have done it, but you knew it happened. The entire time we were together, you hid this from me. If that doesn’t make you scum, I don’t know what does.” My hand burns when I slap him for the second time.

  Before I’ve disbursed one tenth of my anger, Tobias wraps his arms around my waist and drags me toward the stairwell. Fury floods me when I spot my mom’s shocked expression. She's disgusted by my unladylike behavior. I shouldn’t be surprised. She went from cutting hearts into my sandwiches to handing me twenty dollar bills when my dad’s wealth went from a peasant to a king.

  Within months, she transformed from a loving, caring mother and wife to a greedy, narcissistic bitch. If I hadn’t adored who she was before money sparkled in her eyes, her betrayal wouldn’t have hurt as much. But since I loved her just as much as my father, it stung—it stung really bad.

  “That is how you protect someone you love,” I snarl at my mother, ignoring the crocodile tears in her eyes.

  This is just a game to people like Axel and my mom. One sick, fucked-up hoax.

  When we reach the den at the bottom of the stairs, Tobias releases me from his grasp. I pace the polished marble like a mad woman—because that is precisely what I am. I’m too shocked to absorb the facts. I’m too stunned to do anything.

  I freeze like a statue when Tobias says, “I’m not saying Thorn’s assault aided in his diagnosis—”

  “But there's research that indicates traumatic brain injuries can increase the risk of developing dementia,” I interrupt, my words nearly a sob.

  I’ve read every bit of information I could get my hands on about dementia and Alzheimer’s. I know the chances of my father’s assault being the catalyst of his condition is low, but it is still possible. He was a brilliant man, who just like me, didn’t have the APOE-e4 risk gene. There has to be more to his disease than just bad luck.

  I argued with specialists for weeks that there was something iffy with my dad’s diagnosis, but since I was unable to present a plausible reason, my worries were brushed off as an overbearing daughter. God, I wish my shock hadn’t swallowed my stubbornness.

  My lungs inhale their first breath in what feels like minutes when Tobias discloses, “For the past twelve months, we’ve been deep in operations to have the men responsible for your father’s assault brought to justice. But when you shake feathers, some are bound to come loose. That is why I am here, Savannah. I want to lessen the ripple effect about to impact you and your father.”

  I stare, breathing but not speaking.

  What does he mean? What ripple effect?

  Tobias knocks the wind straight out of my lungs when he advises, “I want to put your family in witness protection.”

  My head shakes so uncontrollably, I look like I’m having a seizure.

  Acting like he hasn’t spotted my blatant refusal, Tobias says, “Let me do what I should have done years ago. Let me protect all of you.”

  I stare at him in shock, certain he didn’t admit what I just heard.

  The hits keep coming when he mutters, “I thought your mother’s connections with associates in your industry meant she was the only one in danger. I was wrong.” The way he mumbles “connections” leaves no doubt as to what he means. Clearly, Ryan’s father wasn’t the only man she was sleeping with.

  Ignoring the bile racing to the back of my throat, I ask, “You helped her leave?”

  I don’t know why I’m asking a question when the answer is staring me straight in the face. Tobias has one of the most honest pairs of eyes I’ve ever seen. There are only two men who can compete with their candor: Ryan and my dad.

  “Why would you do that, Tobias? Why would you help her abandon her family?” I grit my teeth, loathing the anger in my voice. Tobias isn’t culpable for my family’s demise. That blame lies solely on my mother’s shoulders.

  Tobias takes a step closer to me before smacking me with straight up honesty. “Because I underestimated your father. I thought he’d handle her decision to leave like a normal man.”

  “By treating her like she treated him?” I ask, my tone lowering to match his. “My father is a good man, Tobias. He doesn’t believe in tit for tat.”

  Tobias nods, agreeing with me without words. “He blindsided me. Even with your mother spelling out every horrible thing she had done, he still searched for her.”

  “My father loved her. He probably still does. He’d never hurt her just for revenge. He isn’t that kind of man.”

  Tobias smiles, but his mouth remains tightlipped.

  I calm my skyrocketing heart rate before asking, “I still don’t understand what this has to do with me and my dad. We aren’t in danger...”

  My words trail off when Tobias shakes his head. It was only brief, but quick enough for me to notice.

  “Despite what Axel told you, my mom didn’t steal Col’s money.”

  “I know,” he agrees, smiling softly. “I’m not here about Col’s missing millions. I’m here because of this.”

  My hand rattles when I accept the folded-up piece of paper from his grasp. “What the fuck?” I murmur under my breath when I read my name typed on the arrest warrant. I’m not usually a fan of profanity, but there isn’t a more adequate reply than the one I ju
st gave. “I’m not a criminal.”

  My eyes snap to Tobias when he says, “Did you hand a financial ledger to the Ravenshoe Police Department nine months ago?”

  Unable to speak through the lump in my throat, I nod my head.

  Tobias arches a brow. “Did it have your handwriting in it?”

  I should be shutting down this interrogation and demanding to speak to a lawyer, but I’m so interested in where our conversation is heading, I can’t do anything, much less speak.

  Spotting my brief nod, Tobias discloses, “So you weren’t just seen in numerous FBI surveillance images attending functions of notoriously well-known members of the underworld...”

  “I attended as Axel’s girlfriend. I wasn’t there in a business manner...”

  Tobias continues speaking as if I never interrupted him, “You also handed evidence of the money laundering activities you engaged in a minimum once per week for over a year to a woman who is obligated by law to share what she received.”

  My heart falls into my shoes. “I didn’t launder money.” I want to say more, but decide to start at the most concerning part of his confession.

  “I didn’t,” I continue to defend myself when Tobias remains quiet. “I used the cash that arrived with the ledger to pay for invoices amassed throughout the week. I didn’t launder anyone’s money.”

  My last five words are nowhere near as confident as my first sentence when the routine I followed every Sunday morning smacks into me. I paid for purchases from businesses every week without bothering to check what was brought. I didn’t care what was in the gym bags they handed me, because anything purchased by Axel or his family wasn’t of interest to me.

  Jesus Christ—could I have been more stupid?

  I move to the stairwell to sit on the first step. If I don’t sit, I’ll fall.

  “Am I going to jail?” I ask, my words shaky.

  A four by four cell isn’t scaring me. It is the prospect of leaving Ryan and my dad. That is worse than any sentence I could be handed.

  The sturdy stair squeaks when Tobias takes the vacant spot next to me. “No, not if you agree to my terms.”

  I stop cradling my pounding head to peer at him. “What terms?”

  He holds my gaze while asking, “Do you remember the businesses you collected the purchases from?”

  I smirk. It isn’t a joyful smirk. “How could I forget them? I visited them a minimum once a week for over a year.” I aim for my reply to come out playful, but my attempts are pathetic. I sound as stupid as I feel.

  Tobias bumps me with his shoulder, attempting to quell the panic swallowing me whole. I appreciate his effort, but I don’t think anything could take away my unease.

  “There’s the get out of jail free card you’re looking for.”

  “That might be a get out of jail free card, but it is also a death sentence. If those men are associated with Col, and I go against them, I’m placing a target on my back.” You can hear the turmoil in my voice.

  Concerns for my father’s well-being may have forced me to turn a blind eye to things that should be obvious, but I’m not foolish enough to miss the warning alarms bellowing in my ears now. Col Petretti is a horrible man. Axel and I barely escaped his wrath when we arrived at one of his events thirty minutes late.

  Our tardy arrival wasn’t even close to what Axel voiced to Ryan months ago. We weren’t doing anything that resembled sexual activities. We merely trusted the directions of a gas station attendant. It was a foolish mistake—one of many I made that year.

  Tobias’s deep sigh returns my focus to him. “If you give me everything I need, Savannah, I guarantee to keep you and your father safe.”

  Even with his tone matching the promise in his eyes, it doesn’t stop me from saying, “By hiding us? Pretending we don’t exist—”

  “By returning your life to what it would have been if your parents hadn’t made the decision they did years ago.”

  He overemphasizes “parents,” ensuring I know the brunt of our setback doesn’t solely reside on my mother’s shoulders. My father is somewhat to blame as well. He was so desperate to keep his family living in luxury, he sided with an evil man. He made a mistake. I can forgive him for that.

  “You will have a good life, Savannah. A good, honest life.”

  I wish Tobias’s guarantee filled me with gratitude. It doesn’t. I can’t do this. My dad refuses to leave his room, and I refuse to leave Ryan. He has had me under a spell since I was four, but the few weeks we had while Axel was at football camp turned the spell into a full-blown trance. I honestly felt like I couldn’t breathe the months following Justine’s eighteenth. I wouldn’t survive leaving him again. Furthermore, I’d rather face the consequences of my actions than hurt him more than I already have. He’s been through enough. He doesn’t deserve more heartache.

  “I can’t,” I mutter, my two words barely audible since they were forced through the fear clutching my throat. “I can’t leave Ryan. I can’t give him up.”

  Like I can be any more stupid, I up the ante. I’m racing for the front door of my house before Tobias even registers my legs are moving. I hear him shout my name, but nothing can stop my steps. It has been weeks since I’ve seen Ryan’s smile in the flesh. I’m not giving that up for anything.

  Not even a bullet.

  Chapter 3

  Savannah

  “I’ll be back.” Although my pledge is worthless, I still issue it, praying it will keep me from getting shot.

  Mercifully, it does.

  Tobias doesn’t even draw his gun. He just watches me dive into the driver’s seat of my car and kick over the ignition with an amused expression brightening his face. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear he was encouraging my evasion.

  I have no clue what I plan to do when I reach Ryan, but it feels right to be running toward him during a crisis instead of away from him like I usually do. He's the glue that kept my shattered remains together the past five years. If it wasn’t for his touch, affection, and words the past nine months, I wouldn’t be half the woman I am right now. He didn’t just fix my cracks, he repaired them so flawlessly, no one can see them. Even I have trouble spotting them. He made me whole again. He made me—me.

  With blurry eyes and a heart in coronary failure territory, I somehow arrive at Ryan’s residence in one piece. I honestly don’t recall which route I took or how many traffic lights I stopped at. But I am here—where I belong—finally.

  If I am arrested and charged, it will be as bad as it can get. Not just for me, but for Ryan also. He's a rookie police officer at Ravenshoe PD. This won’t look good to his colleagues, no matter how brightly he shines a light on it. I know Ryan will support me. He will stand by my side no matter what happens. I just hope I don’t drag him too far down. He's a remarkable man, but even the strongest men can only take so many knocks before they eventually crack.

  I don’t want to break him any more than I don’t want him to break me.

  After clearing the sweat from my hands, I grip the trestle I’ve climbed many times in my childhood before raising my head. I stare at Ryan’s window without thought. My mind is so overworked, I don’t remember exiting my car, much less walking through the side gate.

  I suggested many times that he spray some fish oil on the hinges to stop its annoying squeak, but he never did it. He likes having his own personal doorbell. The instant he hears the gate creak, he knows I am close, as I am the only person who uses it.

  I’ve barely scaled two rungs of the ivy-coated wood when I hear my name being called by a voice a million years won’t erase from my mind. I take a moment to clear the anguish from my face before cranking my neck to Ryan. I don’t want him to see my turmoil—not yet—not until I’ve seen his smiling face first.

  The air I’ve only just sucked in rushes out in a hurry when I spot Ryan standing next to me. With only a towel wrapped around his hips, his panty-wetting body is on display for the world to see. His hair is wet, as if he has r
ecently showered, and his heaving chest shows signs of exertion.

  “What are you doing outside ...?” Shock resonates in my tone. Tonight isn’t as cold as the weather in New York, but it certainly isn’t warm enough to wander outside half-naked. “Why are you only wearing a towel? Aren’t you cold?”

  Ryan’s lips twitch, but before a word can spill from his mouth, a weird moan sounds from the back of his house.

  I jump down from the trestle, taking a dozen ivy leaves with me. “Is that your mom? Is she okay?” I ask, my tone half-worried, half-suspicious.

  The sound was unlike anything I’ve ever heard. It wasn’t quite a moan, but it wasn’t a groan either. It was somewhat of a feminine roar? Or perhaps even muffled laughter?

  “It’s not my mom. It’s nothing.”

  A dash of insecurity smacks into me when Ryan seizes my elbow in a firm grab. His eyes show his hesitation at his unusual manhandling, but his aura is screaming of desperation.

  I want to pretend they are the only signs I’m reading from him. Unfortunately, they aren’t. I can also sense betrayal.

  What. The. Hell?

  “If it’s not your mom, who is it?” I strive to keep suspicion out of my tone. My attempts are below par.

  My distrust is surfacing faster than I can contain. I truly feel like I am five seconds from losing my cool. I know my anger doesn’t belong on Ryan’s shoulders, but with my mind on the fritz, his eagerness to evade my question isn’t helping matters. Unless he has something to hide, why won’t he answer me? It is a simple question. I’m not asking for a cure for cancer.

  “Is it the person responsible for occupying so much of your time today you couldn’t answer any of my calls or texts?”

  I try to shut down my anger. I tell myself on repeat that Ryan is nothing like my mother, and my distrust is due to the trying day I’ve had, but when Ryan answers my question with a simple, “It’s nothing,” all my hard work comes undone.