Replay: An Off Track Records Novel

by Shea, Kacey

  I relax my shoulders into the hospital bed and release a sigh. This feels like a turning point in our relationship. I’d like to believe it would’ve happened naturally, but there’s something about being held at gunpoint that makes a person reevaluate their priorities. I love Austin. I want to be with him, and I’m no longer holding anything back. “I have a secret of my own.”

  His eyes widen, just the slightest. “Oh?”

  “WMI asked me to stop making videos with you.” The truth rolls out of my mouth easily. Maybe it’s the pain meds, or the belief Austin and I will make it through whatever life throws us, but I’m no longer hesitant to tell him everything.

  “When?”

  “A few weeks ago. In Chicago.” My eyelids feel heavy again, and sleep threatens to pull me under, but I fight through. “I didn’t want to start problems for you and the band, and we were in a good place. Besides, I knew if I told you, you’d post another video anyway.”

  He chuckles and offers me a slight smile. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

  “It was selfish of me.” I snuggle back into my pillow and let my head roll to the side.

  Austin rubs his finger against my wrist again, and it’s the most soothing touch.

  “I didn’t want to leave the tour. Not when we’d just discovered something good. I didn’t want it to end.”

  “It’s okay. I’m not angry with you.”

  “But it wasn’t right. I’m not someone’s pawn.” I yawn and my eyes water. Why am I so sleepy? Apparently, almost getting killed is hard work. “I manipulated you. Distracted you so you’d stop asking to make videos.”

  Austin grins. “In your defense, I enjoyed every second.”

  “Austin.” I draw out his name, but smile. When I’m healed and out of this hospital I look forward to ‘distracting’ him again.

  “I’m not mad. I forgive you.” He kisses the back of my hand. “That was a shitty thing of WMI to ask of you.” His lips press together, his smile gone. “I fucking hate our label. I curse the day Off Track Records got bought out.”

  “You curse the day?” I can’t help it, I laugh.

  “Hey!” Austin feigns offense. “Don’t poke fun. The injured patient card only works so far.”

  “I guess you’ll be getting a new head of security again.” My eyelid flutter shut.

  “Yeah,” Austin says. “But that’s okay with me.”

  My eyes fly open and hurt seeps through my tone. “Why’s that?”

  “Because . . .” His lips lift with his smile. “I’d much rather have you as my girlfriend.”

  I roll my eyes, and even though I do like the sound of being his, I am not about to give up my career simply because we’re dating. “I’m so much more than some rock star’s girlfriend.”

  “You’re right. You’re everything.” He stands and leans over me, pressing his forehead against mine a long moment before kissing my lips.

  “I don’t know how this is going to work,” I admit honestly, but my brain is too tired to process the logistics of our relationship.

  “Sleep.” He kisses my lips again, and then settles back into the chair. “We’ll figure it out tomorrow.”

  “You don’t have to stay,” I say through another yawn.

  He stretches out his long legs and settles back as if the chair’s as comfortable as one of the bus’s leather recliners. We both know it’s not. “Sleep, please. You need to rest,” he says. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  The promise in his words is all I need.

  * * *

  The next morning Austin never leaves my side. Besides a few phone calls and texts, his attention is completely focused on my needs. We navigate my pain meds, more tests, so many different doctors, and the next steps to my care plan.

  Terrence hangs in the hallway just outside my door, and I’m not sure whether that’s more for my sake or Austin’s. Either way, it’s comforting.

  The only time I leave the room is for tests, all precautionary, and I pass with flying colors. There’s no internal bleeding, and I don’t have a concussion. The only permanent damage from Coy’s attack is the massive scar I’m sure to have once my wound heals. Though, the doctor who stitched me up insists it’ll be minimal. A physical therapist comes by and I work with her on basic maneuvers like sitting up, getting to the bathroom, and hoisting myself in and out of the wheelchair they insist I use for another twenty-four hours.

  It’s late in the afternoon when I’m moved to a different area of the hospital. It’s a private room, much nicer than my apartment. “Why does it feel like this room is reserved for celebrity patients?” I say once the transport nurse leaves.

  “Because it is,” Austin replies. He chuckles and glances down at his cell.

  “Austin.” I draw out his name, not sure whether I should thank him or reprimand him for this extravagance. I don’t need a private recovery ward. I certainly can’t afford it, but I don’t have to question who’s footing the bill.

  “Don’t.” He points a finger and levels his stare. “I need you to get better. Let me do this.” His lips lift with the hint of a grin. “I mean, if you’re worried about it being fair, we can call it even. I do owe you a solid.” He shrugs. “Some might even say I saved your life yesterday.”

  “Oh, no. Don’t even.” I shake my head and fight back the urge to laugh, mostly because my side hurts like hell when I do. “I’m not cashing in my favor. Not when I’m the one who got shot!”

  “I thought you said it was just a graze,” he says with a stupid grin and I can’t help but smile back.

  There’s a buzz from his cell and Austin glances down, checking his phone for about the hundredth time this hour. “I have to leave soon.”

  I nod, knowing what he means. He has the concert, but he’s also leaving New York. There’s still another three weeks left on the tour. He taps his fingers nervously at his side.

  “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah.” He pockets his phone. “Sorry. I would stay if I could, but apparently that’d be a breach of my contract.”

  “I don’t need a babysitter. I’m fine.” I already miss him and he hasn’t even left. I’m not familiar with the emotion. These next few weeks will be hard.

  “I know you are. You’re the strongest woman I know.” He brushes his thumb over my cheek and along my jaw. “But that doesn’t mean I want to leave you.” He closes the space between our mouths and captures my lips for a kiss. It starts chaste with the gentle press of his lips to mine, but quickly turns to more. He parts his lips, I brush my tongue along his, and our mouths fuse in a sensual dance that spreads desire in every fiber of my being. Longing. Promises. Love. Fear. Trust. I pour everything into this kiss that feels like both the start of a new chapter and a good-bye I don’t want to give.

  Austin pulls back, steadying his breath with his forehead pressed to mine. “This tour is going to be torture.”

  “One month. We can do one month.” I’m not sure who I’m trying to convince, him or me. “Then we’ll be back in LA.”

  His grin turns positively wicked. “Get ready because I’m already planning all the sex we’re gonna have.”

  Sex. That’s a loaded topic. One we haven’t properly addressed. I drop my gaze and fiddle with the edge of my blanket. “Austin, I-I’m not sure . . .”

  “What’s wrong?” He drops to the edge of the bed and stills my hand in his. His eyes are wide and worried as they find mine. “Shit. I screwed up already, didn’t I?”

  “No, it’s just . . .” I shake my head and will myself to push out the words. I’ve been to enough therapy to understand how important this conversation is. “You know I have triggers, and I have to be in control.” I exhale the fear that I won’t be enough for this man and lift my gaze to find his. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be normal. I don’t want you to expect something I can’t give.”

  “Jayla, I only want what makes you happy.” His lips pull up with a smirk. “And normal is totally overrated.”

&n
bsp; “But sex is important to any relationship.” With Austin I’ve been able to explore my boundaries without judgment, but we haven’t had much time. He might get tired of dealing with my triggers. My limits. He might want more.

  “I’m going to admit something, but you have to promise not to hold it over me.” He grins, taking my hands in his. “You are so damn sexy. I loved it when you cuffed me. I want you to hold me down. I like when you lead. I think about it pretty much twenty-four-seven. Hell, I’m confident you could get me off without ever touching my dick.”

  “I’m being serious.”

  “So am I.” He squeezes my hands. “I promise to respect whatever boundaries you need to feel safe. Whatever gets you off, I’m willing to try.”

  My body sings with his words. They chase away the doubt and insecurity. They also flame my attraction, and if I weren’t in this hospital bed, I would jump his bones.

  Austin’s gaze heats as if he’s reading my mind. His voice drops, low and rumbling in a way that goes straight to my core. “I only have one request.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Can we get a new pair of handcuffs?” His brow lifts and his lips pull into a grimace. “Because the ones we used touched Coy, and call me superstitious, but they’re tainted now.”

  A laugh bursts through my lips, and I grip my side because . . . ouch!

  “I’m sorry,” he grimaces.

  “Stop making me laugh.”

  “Can’t help it. It’s kinda my thing.”

  We stare at each other, grins painted on our lips like two lovesick fools. We look ridiculous, but I can’t seem to care.

  A knock sounds at the door and Austin’s grin widens. I tilt my head in question, but it only causes him to laugh and I know whatever happens next is all his doing.

  He turns to open the door, but it swings open before he reaches it.

  Mama. Emotion catches in my throat as I take in the sight of my mother. I didn’t call her yet, because I didn’t want to worry her or my brother. I knew she’d be torn up about being so far. But this man, my man, went and took care of everything. I wonder if there’s a day he’ll ever stop surprising me with his kindness.

  “Mrs. Miller, it’s great to see you again.” Austin holds out his hand.

  But mama isn’t having that. “Please, it’s Mama Lou.” She opens her arms wide and wraps them around him in a tight hug. “Thank you for making arrangements so I could be with my baby.”

  “It was my pleasure.”

  Mama pats his shoulder and moves around to come to my bed. “Jayla, he’s sweet.”

  I glance over her shoulder and meet his smile. “He’s all right.”

  She shakes her head and pulls back my covers. “I want to squeeze you, but I don’t want to hurt you worse. Where is it?”

  I lift my shirt so she can see.

  She sucks in a sharp breath. “I can’t believe you got shot.” Her lower lip trembles and she leans down, cradling me to her side with a hug. “My baby.”

  It’s so good to have my mama here. I didn’t realize how much so. Her embrace brings forth a surge of emotion and I cling to her so I won’t cry. I can’t believe Austin did this. He’s amazing, and if my mama weren’t here I’d tell him.

  Mama releases me from her hug and eyes me up and down. Her lips pinch and her hands go to her hips. “Now, will you please finally put this security career to rest and find yourself a nice man?”

  Oh, God. Here it comes. I glance to Austin, a deer in the headlights, save me please look in my eyes, but he’s already got a foot out the door. I glare.

  He just laughs and waves his hand. “Ladies, I’ve got to go.” He gives me a wink. “I’ll call you. Later, baby.”

  I open my mouth to reply, but he’s gone.

  “Baby?” Mama hums and her eyes light with interest. “I like the sound of that.”

  Here comes the inquisition. I scowl at the door and swear I hear his laughter from down the hall. I can’t believe he just did that. And yet, I can. I’d be mad, except I’m also incredibly touched that he flew my mama in to be with me.

  37

  Austin

  The next three weeks of the tour are brutal. I hate being away from Jayla while she recovers, and no amount of video calls or texting appeases my desire to be by her side. She’s back in LA living at home again, and her girlfriends text daily with updates. Between her family and her friends, she’s well cared for in my absence, but still it sucks being so far from the one I love.

  Love.

  It’s the only thought on my mind these last weeks. Funny how a dude like me could go from rock’s most eligible bachelor to happily off the market in the span of one tour. The guys were right. I fell hard and fast. Jayla’s it for me. I know it in my heart of hearts, and while we haven’t had the time or space to figure out how our relationship will work, I am absolutely certain we will overcome whatever challenges life throws at us. Hell, she took a bullet for me and my friends. Commitment doesn’t get much bigger than that.

  I still can’t believe Coy blindsided us all. The kicker being the cash I paid him in hopes of getting him out of Jess’s life for good, is the same money he used to fund the attack on us in New York. He was behind the incident in Salt Lake too. Apparently, he bribed some woman to purchase and deliver the explosives with an IOU. Funds he didn’t have until I settled the lawsuit. That’s why there wasn’t another attack until New York. That’s also why the investigators couldn’t find a paper trail. They used burner phones and no wire transfers were made around the time of the incident. But all of it’s over now. Coy won’t be out of jail anytime soon, if ever. I’m okay with that.

  “Hiya!” Schmitz pops his head into the doorway and raps his knuckles against the frame. “You guys ready?”

  “Let’s do this,” Trent says, and we make our way out of the green room and onto the stage. I pick up my beloved Lola, and steady the strap over my shoulder. The crowd shouts into the dark stage in anticipation of what’s coming, and my pulse kicks up in response. I will always love this feeling. The natural high of being on stage. The fans and the music. Rocking out with my best friends. But now there’s a tiny part inside me that can’t wait to get home. It’s a new and unfamiliar sensation. One I’m learning to like more than I care to admit, and it’s because of her.

  God, I miss her.

  Leighton settles behind his set and counts us off, his sticks crashing down as the house lights blast on. For the next two hours I lose myself in my performance. I have my friends right here on this stage, and we’re doing what we love. Later I get to ride home to the woman I love. Life doesn’t get much better than this.

  It’s been a long tour and we’re all exhausted, but tonight we bring all we have and lay it out on the stage in Salt Lake City. This is the venue we were supposed to play three months ago, and the one that had the potential to end us all. There’s a gravity to the energy of the crowd. This moment is special. Every song becomes an anthem of resilience. Every chord I strike proclaims “We are still here.” Every lyric Trent sings says “We will not be silent.” It’s about survival and not allowing the bad to scare us away from living the life we were meant to live. We feel it. We’ve been talking about it all day. But this crowd, they feel it, too.

  The music fades away and Trent steps closer to the mic. Fans cheer and we all pump our fists in the air. “This is our last song tonight. But before we go, we want you to know how grateful we are that y’all came out tonight,” Trent shouts into the crowd. The roar. He wipes the sweat from his face with a towel and stoops to pick up a bottle of water as the arena quiets. Chugging half the contents, he steps back up to the mic. “We thought we’d end things a little differently than we normally do. We usually like to go out with a hard number. Something that rattles your bones. But tonight we’re mindful of all that was lost here only a few months ago. Jennifer Kay, the concession worker who passed from injuries. Some of our crew, Darren, Robbie, Jones, and Adam, who’ve been on the mend recovering.�
� The crowd cheers again, this time in respect.

  Trent strums his guitar and our lighting crew dims the lights. “We want to play this last one for them. And also, to you. We realize how scary it must be, coming out to a show and not knowing if something tragic like that might happen again. Yet you all gave fear a ‘fuck you’ by showing up for us tonight.”

  The crowd goes wild and I give in to a smile. They love it when Trent says fuck. It’s like a golden ticket he can cash out at any time. Which he does often during our shows.

  “Thank you. We love you all. We get to do what we love because of your support, and I hope we see you back here real soon.” Trent bows his head and turns to meet my gaze. He bobs his chin, counting off, and then our fingers are off, picking out the notes in tandem. It’s a stripped down version of one of our older jams and the crowd erupts. Their voices join in with his for the chorus.

  Come to the party, come to the show.

  This life ain’t worth having without a little fun.

  Pour me a drink, sing me a song.

  The night is for sinners, and lovers, and the dreams that I hold.

  I’ve got no reason to be here, but you, you drag me along,

  And baby when you love me, it sure feels like home.

  There’s magic in the air. That’s how it feels. And my bones rattle as we take our final bow on stage. My heart races; any harder and I swear it might beat right out of my chest. I memorize this moment. This feeling. This gift.

  As we make our way off stage, my feet move with a lightness from my soul. It’ll be another twelve hours until I see Jay, but that’s nothing compared to what we’ve weathered. Lexi, Jess, and Opal wait off stage and greet their guys with hugs and sloppy kisses, ones I used to find pathetic. Now I try not to be jealous. I asked Jayla to come to the show, but her physical therapist didn’t clear her for travel and she didn’t want to risk a setback.

  “You got a delivery from Jayla,” Opal shouts to my back. “It’s on the bus.”