Black and the Ugliest

by T. Styles

  “Is your husband.”

  “And I understand all that!” I yelled. “But he embarrassed me in front of my friends and—”

  “What is happening to you?” He asked as he frowned at me.

  I looked away.

  “What has L.A. done to all of the work we did in Maryland?” He continued. “Because lately all you seem to be concerned with is this lifestyle and how you look.” He paused. “For all we know your love for living in luxury may be the reason Jay made some bad decisions.”

  “Wait, so this my fault now?”

  “Never said that. I just want you to be aware.”

  I laughed. “It’s funny how you taking up for him but when I gave him your offer, for us and the kids to live at your house, he said no. Didn’t want Landon and Logan around a bunch of faggies.” I paused. “His words not mine. But you keep taking up for your mans if you want to.”

  He smiled and shook his head.

  I felt immediate guilt.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You don’t have to say what’s evident,” he said. “You sorry as shit.”

  “Wayne!”

  “What?” He pulled over and parked in front of somebody else’s house even though mine was on the next block. “What were you about to say?” He continued. “That I’m wrong for agreeing with you?”

  I ran my hand down my face. “I don’t know what I’m going to do,” I cried. “I don’t…I don’t know…”

  “You hold your family closer, Parade. That’s what you do. You don’t bring more space in between you all by placing blame on your husband. It won’t help right now.”

  I shook my head and took a deep breath. “God has taken everything from me.”

  “How can you be sure? Maybe he gave everything to you by taking away things you don’t need right now.” He paused. “You went from having nothing to having everything and it looks like you still have no idea who you are. And that makes you ill prepared to be handling money. Cash just shows the worst in us if we aren’t strong.” I looked at him.

  “We’ll see.” I said.

  “At least now I know where your car went.”

  My eyes widened. “You do?”

  He nodded. “I was on my way to the shop to tell you I made some connections on the streets about your ride. After a few calls to my family at the House Of Dreams it became apparent that your car was repossessed. If you would’ve called the police we would’ve found out.”

  “I know. Was too afraid to face it. “I took a deep breath and looked out my window. “My car is in Jay’s name but his truck is in his mother’s. That’s why he still has his wheels.”

  “Yep.”

  Suddenly Wayne grew quiet and I looked over at him. He was squinting and looking ahead. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “Is all them people going into your house?”

  My heart banged inside the walls of my chest.

  They were.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  JAY

  There had to be at least twenty niggas in my house. Taking pictures off the walls, sculptures off tables and electronics off brackets. The only thing they didn’t take was the clothing and I had put most of our stuff in the U-Haul trailer while I waited on my wife.

  To be honest I was ready to leave.

  “Pops, where we gonna live?” Landon asked walking up to me. Logan was next to him on his iPhone texting. He was probably hitting up his girl who was a bitch. I hated the fuck out that little ass broad.

  “Back to Maryland for now.”

  Logan looked up at me, his eyes wide. “Maryland? But what about my girl?” He asked. “And my friends?”

  “What about ‘em?” I glared.

  “Man, I hate you!” He yelled, running out the house. “I FUCKING HATE YOU!”

  Landon looked up at me and sighed. “I’ma go look for him.”

  I was trying to keep my calm but all this shit was weighing on me. Like I knew I needed to do something but didn’t know what. Sometimes the twins blew me. When I felt someone holding my hand I looked down and saw Ella. “I don’t care where we go,” she said. “As long as we’re together.” It was like she could hear my thoughts.

  I smiled at her and ruffled her hair. Digging in my pocket I handed her the keys to my Suburban. “Go wait in the truck. We staying at a hotel tonight before we take the trip.”

  She took them from me and walked away smiling.

  Just then Parade and Wayne walked through the door. I met them halfway as movers were entering and leaving the house with authority. “What’s happening now?” Parade asked, tears running down her face.

  “We talked about this.” I paused. “You already know.”

  “Is there anything I can do?” Wayne asked.

  I shook my head no, too ashamed to face him. Plus, don’t get me wrong. I fucked with Wayne, I really did. But there was a lot I had to stop when we first got here. Like Parade calling him Miss Wayne when he was around my kids and letting them go over his house. Gay men ran in and out that bitch and one time I caught Landon playing with one of his wigs in our house, which I had no idea how he managed to take from Wayne’s crib as tight as he was with them things.

  Anyway, what Wayne does in his own life is his business but I couldn’t have it around my family. That’s why we couldn’t live with him even if it was temporary.

  “Okay, well let me know.” He took a deep breath and hugged Parade. “This is happening for a reason, Parade. I feel it.”

  She snatched away from him and ran upstairs.

  When she was gone he looked at me. “I don’t know how you got this low but you gotta fix this shit, Jay. It’s the worst I’ve ever seen her and I don’t like it.”

  “I know what I have to do, Wayne.”

  He placed the handle of his purse in the middle of his forearm while both hands sat on his hips. “And I’m not saying you don’t. What I do know is that if you don’t have a plan that works, you’re about to lose everything.” He glared at me. “Now think on that with your arrogant ass.” He turned around and stomped out the door, knocking into a mover in the progress.

  I waved the air and went to find my wife.

  ****

  JAY

  THE NEXT MORNING

  It was a rough night at Motel Chaz and although I wasn’t looking forward to us staying with my mother, I was relieved to be getting away from L.A. Everywhere I went people knew me and heard about us losing our home and businesses. I just wanted a break but it wouldn’t be easy.

  For starters my mother and wife didn’t get along. Mainly because she never got over the fact that my wife was dark skinned. She wanted me with a white or light woman but I couldn’t help who I fell in love with. She said the darker the skin the harder the journey but I didn’t see it that way unless people believed they were inferior because of it.

  Besides, my wife is beautiful and the children we had together is a testament of what happens when Latin and black culture meet. Still, we had no choice.

  My kids were already in the truck waiting on the long ride ahead. I couldn’t afford plane tickets for all of us so we had to drive. I slid into the driver’s seat when suddenly I saw Wayne’s navy blue BMW pull up. Danny, his husband or whatever he called him these days, was driving and Wayne was in the passenger’s seat.

  They parked next to the car said a few things to each other and looked at me. I was confused. I waved at Danny and Wayne slid out with a duffle, said a few words to Danny and he pulled off quickly. I take it Danny was hot about something.

  Parade came out our room’s door and walked up to Wayne. I could see and hear them from the window.

  “What you doing here?” Parade asked him.

  “You got three kids and a situation,” Wayne said. “You need my help and I’m gonna be there for you.”

  “What about Shantay?” Parade asked. “You know that girl can be a handful when you gone.”

  “That’s why her father is gonna get her,” Wayne said playfully as if he
fucked Daffany, her real mother. “It’ll give me a break.”

  Parade looked at him for a moment and hugged him tightly.

  I sighed.

  The last thing I needed was her Gay Husband interfering in our business because when the two of them were together the world was forgotten. They slid into the truck and my kids all hugged him. It was the most excited I heard them since all of this shit happened so for that I was relieved.

  “Jay.” Wayne said once he was seated in the third row with Landon.

  “Wayne.” I said. “So you just inviting yourself along for the ride, huh?”

  “I’m inviting my friendship to help out friends.” He said. “You see a problem with that?”

  “Ain’t no room at my mother’s house for you.” I let him know straight up.

  “Nigga, please,” he said waving the air. “The last place I’m gonna stay is with your spicy mother.” He ran his index finger around the edge of his lips. “I’m Wayne. I’m worldwide. Trust me when I tell you I’ll have a place to lay these legs.”

  Landon broke out into laughter.

  I pulled off.

  ****

  JAY

  We had been driving four seven hours when I looked over at Parade who like everybody else was asleep. When she opened her eyes and yawned I smiled. “How you feel?” I asked. “You were out for awhile.”

  She rolled her eyes.

  “Parade, you gonna be mad at me forever? We need—”

  “I want a divorce.”

  I moved uneasily in my seat because I thought she said she wanted a divorce. “Can you repeat that?”

  “You heard me.”

  My heart rate kicked up. “Parade, please, please don’t leave me.” I paused. “You not even giving me a chance to make shit right!”

  She looked away.

  I shook my head quickly. “Well I’m not letting you go,” I continued. “On God, I’m not letting you break up our family. You know the nigga you married so I don’t see why that should change.”

  “You did this to us,” she whispered harshly. “Not me.”

  I laughed once. “Let’s just get back to Maryland and talk about this like adults. Like a married couple. Because you and me know when I gave you that rock on your finger it was for life. And I’m not ‘bout to let nothing break us apart. I’ll kill somebody first.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest. “You can say what you want. All I know is I don’t love you no more.”

  Suddenly my vision got blurred. It’s like I could see the road in front of me but it looked like a bunch of fog was sitting on top of it. I rubbed my eyes roughly but it wouldn’t clear up. Then my left arm started…it started…

  “Jay, you okay?” Parade asked looking at me with wide eyes.

  I looked over at her, wide eyed and…

  CRASSSSSH!

  CHAPTER SIX

  PARADE

  My sons were hugging me tightly on my left and right side as we stood. In the middle was Ella and she was holding my waist while Wayne grabbed my hand. We were standing in the middle of a private waiting room at the hospital in California waiting for the doctor to tell us what the status was on my husband.

  Would he live or die?

  Please God. Not like this.

  Slowly the doctor walked up to us, his gaze not telling me anything. I broke away from my family. “Doctor…what…how is he?”

  He took a deep breath and looked at my children and then at me. “Should we do this privately?”

  “Tell us what’s going on!” Wayne yelled.

  “He’s in a coma. Lost a lot of blood. He may not make it through tonight.”

  ****

  WAYNE

  WEEKS LATER

  “Danny, I know it’s so sad,” I sat back and looked over at Jay’s mother’s house. Parade and the kids were inside while I was talking to my husband on the phone. “At least he’s stable now because at first…whoa. Things looked bad.”

  He sighed. “Well do they know what caused the heart attack? He’s way too young to be having one.”

  “You telling me.” I paused and took a deep breath. “Must be stress. Where is Shantay?”

  “Out front with her friends.”

  “You can’t let her do too much, Danny. You have to—”

  “When you asked me to be her father I didn’t agree to you telling me how to raise her too.” He paused. “Now either you gonna accept how I’m doing things or—”

  “I’m sorry.” I put my fingers on my forehead and looked at my reflection in the rearview mirror. “That was wrong on my part and I’m…it’s just that…I’m worried about both of you that’s all. Jay possibly dying is too much and I guess I took it out on you.”

  “Just come home, Wayne. As soon as you can. I know Parade and Jay are going through their crisis but you have a family out here that loves and cares about you.”

  “SURE DO, BITCH!” Adrian yelled in the background.

  “Sit down somewhere,” Danny said to him before returning to our call. “Wayne, are you there?”

  I laughed. “I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

  “Make it quicker.”

  After I hung up with him I walked to the front door. Before I turned the knob I could hear Parade yelling at Melissa inside. The last violent confrontation they had consisted of Parade smacking Jay’s mother to the floor and it didn’t look like this would end any better.

  Jesus, take the pen and write a way for us. Please.

  ****

  PARADE

  I turned around when the front door opened. Wayne walked in and I was trying to regain my composure. Jay’s mother was really working me and I was trying not to lay hands on her but I was on my last nerve.

  “Melissa, all I want is for my kids to be okay until I figure things out.” I said. “And I—”

  “What about my son?” She yelled at me in her Spanish accent. “Huh?”

  “You mean my husband?”

  She moved closer. Thick wild black hair all over her sweaty face. “I heard about what you did to him.” She pointed in my face. “How you broke his heart when all he wanted was to make things right.” She placed her hands on her hips. “I heard what you said and how you treated him too. If my son dies…”

  How could she know what was said in the truck? I looked at my daughter who was trembling across the room. I realized it was her who told her grandmother one thing too much. Her lips were gonna get her in trouble if she wasn’t careful.

  Melissa’s words stung me like a hot blade and I felt myself choke on the inside, and then Wayne touched me from behind. He had a thing with appearing in my life when I least expected but always needed him. I considered him my living angel, despite not always agreeing with what he says.

  When I looked around I saw Landon and Logan looking at me too. Their eyes begged for answers I didn’t have. All day they wanted to know would their father be okay but I couldn’t say for sure.

  But Melissa was right about one thing. It was my fault. All Jay wanted was a chance to make things right and I denied him because of my pride. Had I just listened, had I just waited to hear what he said in the truck maybe we wouldn’t be going through all this.

  I took a deep breath and wiped my hands down my face. “Okay, Melissa, what you want from me right now? Huh? What can I do to keep the peace so we can focus on Jay?”

  “I want for Jay to be better!” She yelled, spit flying from her mouth and plopping on everything near, including my arm. “But you can’t fucking give me that now can you?” She moved closer.

  “Mrs. Hernandez—”

  “No! No!” She threw her hands up, palms in my direction. “You don’t get to say shit to me. My son was sent to Maryland by Medevac all because you broke his heart. And I want you to know, just as sure as I’m standing in front of you, that I will never forgive you.”

  When Ella ran away crying I knew I would personally hate this bitch for the rest of my life.

  I took another deep breath.


  “I’m gonna put my family back together because you’re right about one thing, this is my fault.” I looked down. “And I will never forgive my own self until I—”

  “Parade, don’t—”

  “Stop, Wayne.” I looked back at him. “Just…” I took several breaths. “Just don’t say anything.” I focused back on Mrs. Hernandez. “And when I get my husband back on his feet let me be clear on one thing, you will never, ever, see us again. Trust me. I will tell him how you treated his family and he’ll not like it one bit. You will pay for this shit.”

  “Don’t fuck with me when it comes to my son you, black bitch.”

  “Now wait one fucking minute you—” I put my hand to Wayne’s chest to stop him from unleashing on her.

  “After all this time it’s still about my complexion.” I smiled. “Now we’re really getting down to the heart of your heat. Your own grandkids, with the exception of Ella, have dark skin and look…you still being petty.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest. “I love my grandkids no matter what they look like. Don’t make this about them.”

  I turned to walk away with Wayne following.

  “Just know that my grandkids are always welcome here,” she continued. “But it will cost you.”

  I turned to face her. “Excuse me?”

  “Before you almost killed my child, me and Jay agreed to three hundred dollars a month in rent. I’m gonna be needing every penny payable in two days.”

  I shook my head. “Whatever.”

  “You greedy bitch,” Wayne said under his breath.

  He was right about that.

  We walked out.

  ****

  PARADE

  “Parade, I know you feel like you gotta stay there but you don’t,” Wayne said as we sat in a diner in Bladensburg, MD, some place we both hadn’t been in years. “His mother is way too disrespectful and the kids shouldn’t be around that shit. At the very least let me take the kids back to L.A. so they can finish school and be with their friends.”