Black and the Ugliest
Page 16
“Roses. Plants.” He giggled. “Everything honestly.” He sighed deeper. “Now that I think about it, he wanted most of my attention on him. Maybe that’s why he didn’t want me having a hobby. He was always—” Unable to move past the pain, he broke down crying.
Parade rushed up to him but he extended his hand, stopping her from getting closer.
“Wayne,” she said passionately. “I miss you. Don’t you miss me?”
“You’re selfish, Parade.” He wiped his tears away with his arm. “And I, I never saw it until recently.” He continued potting his flowers.
“But how could you say that? I have always showed you how much I love you.”
“You could’ve gone a different route with all of this. You could’ve taken my advice and gone a different way, Parade. You could’ve stayed by Jay’s side in the hospital and then my Danny would still be alive.”
“You made a choice!” Parade yelled, fists clenched tightly. “I never asked you to but you made it all the same!”
Wayne smiled and rose while facing her. “There you go, honey. Reveal yourself, Parade Knight.” He walked toward her. “Little Miss Selfish One.”
Guilt stricken she dropped to her knees at his feet. “Wayne, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have given that gun back to you that you gave me. Then I could’ve—”
“None of what should have happened will bring back Danny, his cousins or his aunt.”
“I’m so fucking sorry! But I can’t live like this…I need you back in my life. Please.”
He looked down at her. “You’re spoiled and it’s part my fault. I tried to show you that the difference in your skin color made you worthy of love no matter what, but you believed it made you a victim.”
“Wayne, I…I…” She was so hysterical she could hardly form words or catch her breath and still there were so many things left to be said. “I was lost. I didn’t, I didn’t know what to do.” She paused. “I even prayed to God and got no help.”
“He answered you,” Wayne yelled. “Through me. Through Bianca who wanted to go into business with you and through Sirena who had enough room for you and your family to live in one of her apartment buildings. And instead of hearing God’s voice you cut everybody off and blamed the world when we didn’t do things your way.”
“Wayne, I—”
“Did you see the spelling of Am’rak’s name in the newspaper? When they talked about his death?”
She sniffled, looked up at him and wiped her nose. “Huh?”
“Did you see how his name was spelled?”
“No?”
“Am’rak.” He paused. “It spells karma backwards.” He walked back to his garden and eased down to tend to his roses again. “Go home, Parade.”
She stood up, dusted her knees and took a deep breath. “Wayne, I don’t think I can do life without my best friend. Do you, do you think you could ever forgive me?”
SILENCE.
His back remained faced in her direction.
She looked down, took a deep breath and moved toward the gate.
“Time.” He said.
She turned around and when she saw him tending to the ground she wondered if she was hearing things. “Did you say anything?”
“Give me time.” He looked at her. “It’s all I can offer for now.”
****
Parade walked through the doors of her mansion where Jay was hanging up a portrait on the living room wall. “Where were you?” He asked. “You gotta start answering your phone because I’m still nervous about if anybody gonna come looking for what we did to Am’rak and his aunt. I mean, Mercer still got the blame for killing Danny and his family but I still don’t feel safe.”
“Where the kids?”
“Over friends’ houses.” He moved closer. “I thought you and I could spend some alone time.”
She walked inside. “Do you truly love me, Jay?”
He smirked. “I already forgave you for fucking ole’ boy so let it go.”
“I asked you a question from the heart,” she said seriously. “Do you love me? Or are you still manipulating the little girl whose only world revolved around you at Quincy Manor?”
“Parade, you asking me that question after I almost died for you? After everything we lost?”
“Jay, I’m tired. I’m tired of chasing images of women I think you want instead of me. I’m gonna lose my shape with age. I’m gonna lose my looks with time and I want to know when I do if you’ll still be here.”
Jay took a deep breath and moved closer. The last thing he wanted was his wife to feel inadequate. But Parade was out of pocket in his firm opinion. He got with her in the beginning because she was submissive and followed his lead but now…well now she was different.
“I almost died because you out here tossing pussy around and you come at me crazy?” He paused. “Are you serious?”
“You haven’t answered my—”
“I don’t owe you no fucking explanations!” He yelled. “You my wife and you will follow me blindly!”
Parade stumbled backwards. Jay had revealed his younger self just like she had revealed her immaturity earlier with Wayne. It was obvious that neither had grown much.
“I’ll be back for my things in the morning,” she said. “We can figure out what to do with the kids. I’m gonna stay at my shop for the time being but know that I want a divorce.” She turned to walk out.
She realized in the moment that she needed time to figure out who she was outside of Jay. Good thing they took five hundred stacks out of Am’rak’s house because she was able to rebuild her business and afford a place to stay.
More than all, in that moment, she realized Wayne was right. She wasn’t sure who she was and what she wanted in the world. She did know that she didn’t want to chase being someone else anymore. It was time to learn the real Parade. And although she wanted to take the journey with Jay he was too selfish in the moment and absorbed to take the journey with her.
She was almost to her car when he said, “Parade!”
She turned around where Jay was standing at the doorway. She swallowed the lump in her throat. “Yes.”
“Don’t leave me.”
“I…this isn’t…I can’t…”
“Please.” He moved closer. “You so wrong, Parade. So wrong about so many things.”
“I’m confused.”
He walked up to her. “I knew I loved you the moment…” He took a deep breath and squeezed her hand. “There has never been a woman I wanted, dead or alive, more than I wanted you. Ever.” He paused. “Even cut my own mother off after hearing how she treated you and lied about me paying rent before the accident. I don’t play when it comes to you. You it for me. And vice versa.”
“But sometimes it feels…I mean…”
“If you feel like that’s not the case then, baby, that’s on me.” He paused. “But I know this,” he pointed at the ground, “If you stay you will feel me. I will show you how much I love and want you. Just, please, please don’t go. No more running. I’m tired and we’re too old for the games.”
She looked into his eyes trying to determine if he was honest but the last thing she wanted was to play the victim. She was just as guilty as he was with a lot of things. “I don’t know, Jay.”
“Two months.”
“Huh?”
“Two months is all I need to fight for love. If it doesn’t work you can leave and I won’t stop you. Can you give me that?”