My Billionaire Fake Fiance

by Linda West

Dad looked up from rubbing off the scratch ticket. "You mean like be a stripper?"

  "What? No! I’m saying we’re not going to lose this place. Okay? I don’t know how, but I’ll figure it out.”

  Dad scratched off the last lotto tickets and shook his head. “Better luck next time."

  I pondered my spoonful of goulash and wondered when our next time would come.

  Chapter 4

  “I saw on TV that a bunch of people got arrested in a protest in front of the Somerset building–please tell me you weren’t there.” My dad had his serious eyeshade going–azure.

  My face flamed and I made a production of loving my goulash. “Yum!” I said instead of fibbing anymore.

  Of course I was there. I organized the darn fair wage protest! Somerset Industries made a fortune and paid their workers less than other prominent companies in the area.

  The truth was I had bumped straight into the heir to the Somerset Throne before the police pulled me away–with a warning.

  I glanced at the clock. “You better get ready to go to the center, Dad–I put your Santa outfit on the hanger in the guest room. That tummy takes up a lot of room.” I laughed.

  Argument deflected.

  Dad’s phone chirped and he put a finger up and lowered his voice to his professional tone. I recognized the ring. Mr. Moneybags on the redline.

  “Hello, Mr. Somerset. Of course. Right away.”

  Chapter 5

  I cleaned up our dishes and helped myself to some chocolate milk. The snowstorm outside looked like it had gone code red. I could barely see our birdbath in the backyard.

  I cast a glance at Dad’s serious expression as he paced and listened. Stupid Somersets. I hated them. They were everything I abhorred about humanity. They were also my family’s benefactors in a way. Sigh.

  The blue-blood Somerset’s were THE SOMERSETS of Long Island’s old money, and also owners of Somerset Enterprises. They had made their billions in multiple areas, but the most significant was in boxes.

  They were the providers for Bamazon, and the online retail business kept going straight up along with their need for boxes.

  The youngest Somerset, Devlin, had taken over the reins a bit ago and had been credited for steering the bulk of their assets into the box realm. As the world became more delivery orientated, the need for boxes had grown and grown, and with it, their fortune. They owned half of the trees in America and employed people all over the country.

  The royal Somersets were also and had always been Dad’s biggest client. He had chauffeured Mr. and Mrs. Somerset and their children since they were born. We had lived on the extensive property when I was a child back in the days when carriage houses still had a place in proper society. And until the spoiled Sissy Somerset decided that our home should be her art studio and we had to move.

  In the end, the change had been the best thing for us. Dad bought us our own home here on the Jersey Shore, and we had started a new venture. As well as being the premier chauffeur for the Somersets and keeping their cars in order, Dad and Mom had invested in more cars over the years and started Archer Premier Transport.

  Dad came back into the kitchen, looking troubled. I was afraid to ask.

  He finally blew out his breath and released a short laugh. “Well, when it rains, it pours, doesn’t it, darling? Or when it snows, it blizzards, in this case.” He cut a glance at the snow-packed window.

  I looked up from petting Piewacket, who was sprawled on my lap. “What did the Superior Somersets need from you today?” I said in my fake haughty voice.

  “Mr. Somerset has decided he would like to go out–despite the conditions. I’m going to have to call the center and tell them I won’t be there to play Santa tonight this year.”

  I sprang to my feet in battle mode, and Piewacket fell off my lap. She was beyond irritated with me again, but I didn’t have time for her. There was no way the Somersets were ruining my mom’s special holiday function she had started! It was a tradition!

  Ooooh, it was sooooo typical of the Somersets to call last minute and ruin everything!

  “Dad, no–just say no.”

  “It’s okay, darling. I don’t feel much up to ho-ho-hoing, anyway.” The sadness in his eyes showed that wasn’t the truth.

  I put my hands on my hips. “No, no, no, no! The homeless center holiday party was so important to Mom. I know it’s always been important to you too!”

  I pointed out the window at the dire weather. “They’ve been issuing no driving warnings all over the news—they can call somebody else! Just say no, Dad.”

  Dad patted me on the back. “Yes, they can call somebody else, honey, but if they start calling another car service, or worse, Uber, I will lose my biggest client. I can’t say no to the Somersets.”

  Another Christmas interrupted by those overindulged Somersets. How many holidays or special occasions were interrupted because the Somersets called?

  “Dad, they don’t care about other people. They don’t care that maybe you were spending Christmas morning with your child or your sick wife, they just—”

  “Allie, stop, darling. I appreciate the Somersets. They gave us a great life, and it’s not their fault we lost your mother.”

  It was just too much. Mom gone, our home about to be lost–and the homeless center holiday party without their Santa? Maybe I couldn’t change everything, but I could save Mom’s legacy and a little child’s dream at Christmas.

  “Who called? Which one is it–the old man?”

  Dad smiled. “No, he’s been out of town for a long while now. It’s Devlin.”

  Oh, of course. Devlin. Figures. Who goes out in the middle of a snowstorm anyway? Devlin Somerset, because the weather stops in his wake.

  “Seriously, where does he need to go in this crazy blizzard?”

  “Not for me to ask, darling. My job is to drive.”

  “Dad, just let me go drive him. I’ll go take the spoiled brat where he needs to get dropped off. He’s probably going to Bar 26, or a strip club, more likely, knowing Devlin.”

  I pushed on when my Dad hesitated. “You just said yourself we can’t afford to lose the Somersets as clients. I’m home now, and I’m going to help, and I’m going to start by doing what Mom would’ve liked. You’re going give out the toys tonight, and I’m going drive the self-centered brat.”

  Dad scratched his head and I rushed on.

  “I’ve been driving for you practically since I could drive. I can certainly take Mr. Fancy-Pants around town or whatever he needs. He never even looks through the darn divider window; he probably won’t even know it’s not you!”

  Dad laughed at that thought. Despite the fact his daughter refused to wear makeup or mess with her locks other than to pull them up in a ponytail–yours truly was a natural beauty. No thanks to me. I had Mom’s long eyelashes framing blue eyes that snapped with life and fire. No, I’m sure Dad couldn’t imagine anyone not seeing his daughter’s natural beauty, but Devlin Somerset might be blind enough to his own narcissism that he wouldn’t even notice. Dad seemed to consider it.

  I pushed him toward the back room and the awaiting Santa Suit.

  “Look—go to the center, and I’ll meet you there. I’m sure I’ll be back in a snap, and we’ll celebrate together.”

  He seemed doubtful, but I was not about to leave the kids disappointed.

  “Please, don’t leave the kids hanging. You know how much they count on this—we might not be able to do anything about some things, but we can make a difference tonight. You know Mom would want you to be there.”

  Dad eyes softened –light blue. He knew I was right. Devlin rarely left the Upper East Side, so it was sure to be a quick ride.

  “I wish I had somebody else—but with this blizzard coming and all the airports closed…” He looked doubtful, but I could see he was relenting.

  “Of course, I always have their Rolls Royce Limo ready, so that’s thankfully not an issue.”

  Dad’s face clouded with doubt
. “Are you sure…?”

  I held out my hand. “Give me the address.”

  I wasn’t taking no for an answer.

  He inhaled deeply and reached in his pocket, producing the pickup location. He handed it over tentatively.

  “Okay, darling. I have a uniform that should fit you. It won’t be perfect.” His brow furrowed.

  “Don’t worry, Dad. He won’t even know it’s me, and I’ll be back before you can say jingle bells.”

  Chapter 6

  I pulled the chauffeur cap over my piled-up hair and tucked in a stray lock. No matter how much I adjusted the overly big uniform, I still looked like Tom Hanks in Big.

  The bellboy of the Chic Park Avenue Elite Apartments opened the side limo door as Devlin Somerset strode out of the glass entrance with a statuesque blonde bombshell gliding behind him.

  I kept my head down as I glanced at the handsome man in the Gucci suit and elegant tweed coat draped over his shoulder as if he were an off-duty superhero.

  Devlin Somerset was a chiseled work of man-art that was for sure. Even as a child, he had been overly cute. Now that he was grown, he was tall with imposing shoulders that made everything he wore an instant fashion statement.

  I studied him in the side mirror as they approached. Everything about him screamed rich. He was tanned despite the weather, and his gray eyes were enough to make any girl go soft inside. He had graced the cover of GQ and been named the World’s Sexiest Man, but I knew firsthand what a spoiled jerk he really was.

  I cast my eyes down and pulled in my breath as Devlin and his date slipped into the back seat. If I were lucky, they’d never even notice I wasn’t my father driving as usual.

  I glanced briefly into the rearview mirror to see if I had been detected, but thankfully Devlin was caught up in his voluptuous platinum-haired bombshell in the back seat. She was kissing him as his hand ran up her leg like ice cream.

  The bellboy opened the door and handed me an address. “Mr. Somerset will be vacationing at his family Ski Chalet in the mountains for a holiday. This is the address.”

  I nodded like I imagined my father would and looked at the paper with the address. My eyes widened.

  Kissing Bridge–Vermont!

  Vermont?!

  Seriously?

  My heart quickened. Vermont was five hours away! I took a deep breath, but my heart sank. I would never make it back in time for the holiday party tonight! I wanted to groan, but I was afraid Devlin might hear.

  I considered my options while Devlin’s face was busy buried in his date’s massive bosoms. I really wanted to know how long he planned to STAY in Vermont. Gosh, darn it. Drivers drove. They didn’t question their bosses’ choices. I had promised Dad I would handle it.

  I glanced out at the inclement weather, unsure of traversing dangerous mountain roads in a Rolls Royce limo with no tire bands. New York City streets were one thing, but the ski mountains of Vermont were an entirely different story.

  There was a heavy rap on the dividing window and I jumped like a ninny.

  “Let’s get a move on, Charles, I’d rather not be caught in the blizzard on this side of the mountainside,” Devlin said.

  I groaned and put the Rolls into gear.

  Chapter 7

  “What do you want me to act like, Grandma Moses?” Miss ample bosoms squealed in the back.

  I watched the road, but I peeled my ears.

  The sound was on in the back so I could be of service if they needed me, but it also allowed me to hear everything they were saying. I considered turning off the sound but decided against it. Maybe I could sell a story to the tabloids for some cash? At the very least it would be entertaining.

  Devlin was being charming and trying to calm his Latina Goddess’s temper down. “No, just clothes that cover your body. I don’t want you to get frostbite, darling...”

  She was angry with him, and I was loving listening to Mr. Man squirm.

  “Oh, you thought it was fine when you met me when I had no clothes on my body.”

  Devlin cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Look, my father is very traditional. I told you to wear the clothes that I bought you. Did you even pack them?”

  “I gave them to my maid. They old people's clothes. I no wear that! Why should I cover up my body? My body is my gift. Do you not love my gift? Others love my gift!”

  I rolled my eyes and faked a cough to cover the little laugh that came out. I couldn’t help, but sneak peeks at the drama ensuing in the back. Served him right that Devlin. Spoiled brat. He’d been getting anything he wanted since he took his first golden breath.

  Sofia had large full lips that were now pouted in displeasure and steam rose up her cheeks. Devlin was petting her like a miniature Chihuahua.

  “Listen, Sofia, we went over this and over this.” Devlin cooed. “Please, just please get through this next four days with me, and I’ll give you whatever you want.”

  My mouth dropped at the mention of four days.

  FOUR DAYS?!

  Sofia seemed mollified by a bribe.

  “Whatever I want?” She tinkled out.

  “Yes - whatever you want.”

  “I want a lot.”

  “You always do.”

  “Maybe this time we can get me a pair of boobs that include cleavage. Is that too much to ask? Stupid New York surgeons…I should move back to Spain…”

  He poured her a drink and rubbed her shoulders. “Just take a little stress off, but remember don’t drink too much and don’t talk about all the free sexual encounters you’ve had.”

  Sofia blew up. “My work is art! Do you want me to be somebody else? You don’t love me!” She squealed out. Devlin went back to petting her again.

  “Of course, I just… I’m just saying my father is difficult – We just need to get in and get out. If he thinks I am finally marrying and settling down, he’s more likely to give me what I want.”

  I sucked in my breath. Wow this was really getting good. I bet the Tattler would give me a whole heap of cash to hear about this intimate exchange. If I could only have secretly videoed this, it would be worth a fortune. I considered taking notes, but I was driving, so I just peeled my ears for details.

  “So, I’m supposed to act? I’m just an act for you? I’m just a play thing?” Sofia rage was on the rise and building up steam.

  “No – well you’re an actress, right?” Devlin countered. “Nothing wrong with acting.”

  I’m just asking you to be yourself, but acting self.”

  Oh, this was rich. I had to give it to Devlin. He was smooth. Still, Sofia looked like Mt. Vesuvius ready to explode, and I couldn’t wait for the finale of these fireworks.

  “I’m just asking you to subdue some of your more passionate side. I need him to trust me -this is good for both of us, baby.”

  “Good for you. Not good for me!”

  Devlin let out a loud gush of air and held up her hand. “You have the biggest diamond ever! Why can’t you just be happy and do what I want?”

  “Happy? You think I wanted a thing? You never give me what I want! I want a commitment. Why not this Christmas, we set a real date for our wedding to make your father so happy for real?”

  Devlin threw his hands up in the air. “I’m just not ready to set a date. We’ve talked about this.”

  “ARGGGGG!” The scream of agitation from the beauty was piercing. I turned the sound down and shook out my eardrums, but I didn’t turn the sound off.

  “Sofia, come on honey. I’ll buy you that diamond necklace you wanted at Tiffany’s?”

  Sofia considered it. “And the matching earrings?”

  Devlin blew hard out his nose. “Some women don’t need to be paid to accompany their boyfriend to meet his parents!”

  “Ahh, but you want me to be an actress – act like someone else – like someone you marry. But me not good enough to marry?”

  Devlin shrugged. “I didn’t think you believed in marriage, Sofia, that’s why I asked you to mar
ry me! “

  My mouth fell open and made a little “o.”

  There it was. Typical guy. They were all the same. But Sofia wasn’t having any of it.

  “You want to buy me and use me up and then I be old and never be marriage material?”

  Devlin cocked his head to one side. “Let’s face it, Sofia. A porn star isn’t the career you go into if you want a traditional life. That’s why we’re so good baby – come on I’ll get you the earrings too. I promise.” But Sofia had worked herself into a full Latino hand-throwing tirade.

  Devlin caught my eye in the mirror and angrily reached over and shut off the sound button. I blushed and focused on the road. Gosh darn it, right when it was getting good.

  I refocused on the road instead of the drama, ensuring in the back of the limo. But, suddenly there was an angry pounding on the divider window.

  “Stop, stop, stop, stop!” Sofia rapped on the divider window rapidly to get my attention.

  I slowed down and turned slightly, trying to keep my face undercover and be of service to the woman who was now screaming in complete Spanish—which I couldn’t understand through the divider window or otherwise, as I didn’t speak any other languages.

  I looked at the switch to pull it down and gritted my teeth. If I turned around, they’d know for sure that I wasn’t my dad.

  I had hoped to be far out of Manhattan before they realized their usual driver had been replaced and by then it would be too late to do anything about it. I was unsure of what to do.

  “Little, short un-attractive woman driver. Stop Now! I demand of you! “She screamed.

  I reluctantly turned to see her face pushed up against the window. Close up, her big fake lips resembled a potato man add-on feature.

  I grudgingly rolled down the window between us as slowly as possible, but I kept driving. I hoped Devlin would offer her a better deal or more jewelry or something that would pacify her and we could just get on with this.