Stone Sober: A Hawke Family Novel (The Hawke Family Book 3)

by Gwyn McNamee

  “At that point in my life, I was just about to graduate, and I was heading on to law school. I was looking for any way to unwind, destress, and kind of ground myself, I guess. Even with my life and future planned out, I felt…adrift. When I went to the club that night, there was a demonstration from a shibari and kinbaku master. I'd heard him mentioned in the club before, but I hadn’t ever seen a live demonstration. There wasn't any sex involved, but it was one of the most sexual and sensual things I’ve ever experienced in my life.”

  Trying to put this into words is difficult. No one has ever asked me about it before. But I want Nora to know.

  I need her to understand.

  “Watching him bind her into a beautiful piece of art…it was more erotic than anything I'd seen in the club with people outright fucking, and something about it just spoke to me and my soul.”

  She smiles against my chest and presses a kiss there.

  “I approached him after the demonstration and asked him if he would teach me. At first, he said no, but as you may have discovered, I'm persistent when I want something.”

  Her responding chuckle vibrates against my chest. “Really? I hadn't noticed.”

  I smack her ass, earning me a playful yelp.

  “I eventually got him to agree to at least meet with me once.”

  “What happened?”

  I shrug. “I guess I must've said or done something right because when we were done with our session, he told me to be there at the same time next week.”

  Christ…it feels like such a long time ago.

  “How long did you train with him?”

  “Once a week for almost two years. I'm not a master nor even close to being one. That takes a lifetime of dedication. But something about creating the bindings just…I don’t know…it calms me and makes me feel like I’m in control of something so important and beautiful. The other stuff…”

  I chuckle and squeeze her ass. “Well, that’s just for fun. Being in control and having someone place that much trust in you is very heady, and the rush I get from it is indescribable. And it is a trust. If I didn't know what I was doing, I could seriously hurt you or me.”

  She's quiet for a few moments, no doubt running through her head every possible way I can maim her with what she saw hanging in those cabinets.

  “You just have to remember that this isn't about pain or sex. It's about the ultimate pleasure through dominance and submission. For both of us.”

  She nods and stretches out languidly, letting out a deep sigh. I’m thrilled she’s open to exploring this with me, but she needs to do a little research to fully understand what this all means.

  “I want you to look at something when you get home.”

  “What?”

  I brush my hand across her abdomen. “I have a good friend who is a Domme. She has an online column called Dear Mistress. It’s part of the Shameless Book Club. People can send in questions about the lifestyle or really anything BDSM related, and she answers there. I think you would find it very informative.”

  She considers me for a moment. “Okay, I can do that. But…” Her eyes flit over to the wall of cabinets, and a blush spreads on her cheeks. She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth and then looks back at me. “Um…you want to show me what all those whips and things are for?”

  I raise an eyebrow.

  Whips and things?

  The chuckle slips out before I can stop it, and her blush darkens and she buries herself deeper against the pillows, trying to hide her face.

  “Don’t be embarrassed, Nora. I’ll show you whatever you want.”

  It just surprised the fuck out of me. It's the last thing I expected her to ask about because they’re probably the most sinister looking items in my cabinet next to the anal hook and Wartenberg wheels.

  “Just remember…you asked for it.”

  Stone climbs from the bed in his full naked glory and saunters over to the cabinets. A soft creak sounds when he pushes the door open all the way. The floggers, paddles, and something I’m not sure about all sway against the wood. He runs his hand over the line of options, seemingly considering the different possibilities.

  Crap. What was I thinking?

  He stops on a black leather flogger with a red braided handle and long, thick strips. A drawer opens, and something long, black, and silky looking gets pulled out. He wraps it around his right hand and then grabs the flogger. Then he moves over to the ropes and grabs several coils and loops them in his elbow. When he turns back to me, he offers me a sly smile.

  “This is deer skin leather.” With each step he takes toward the bed, he smacks the flogger against the palm of his hand, sending my heart thudding harder against my rib cage every inch closer he comes. “It’s thin, light, and soft as silk. A lot of the other ones are quite brutal. But since this is your first time, I’ll take it easy on you.”

  Take it easy on me?

  Something tells me Stone doesn’t go easy on anyone. He’s far too formidable and driven to not go all out in everything he does. So he’s either lying to me, or he’s going against his own nature.

  “Lay flat on the bed and spread your arms and legs.”

  My eyes automatically move to the eye rings on the bed posts.

  He chuckles. “I’m going to tie you now. It’s your first time, and I want you to experience it fully. If you aren’t tied, you’re going to instinctively move and try to cover your body. Don’t worry, I just want to give you a little taste.”

  Well, heck, I just had a taste of him. And it wasn’t nearly enough.

  I spread out on his bed, the cool, crisp sheets against my back. He stands at the side of the bed, staring down at me with appreciation and lust burning in his eyes.

  “Remember, the anticipation is worse than any pain you may experience.”

  The word pain alone makes me cringe. And he hasn’t even touched me yet.

  He pulls the silky strip of fabric from his hand and dangles it over me. “I’m going to blindfold you. Sensory deprivation will make the feelings strong, more intense. It will also stop you from watching what I’m doing and overthinking things.”

  Yikes.

  I’m not sure not being able to see what’s happening is a good thing. But I trust Stone when it comes to this. Plus, if it’s too much, I can always scream cupcake at the top of my lungs. He leans over and ties the blindfold around my head then he tugs it down to make sure I can’t see. The rope wraps around my wrist, and he pulls it to the side until I can’t move it. The process is repeated on my other arm and legs until I’m held prone by the ropes.

  My blood rushes in my ears. The thud, thud, thud of my heartbeat sounds like a banging drum. I brace myself for the impact of the flogger.

  Geez, this is going to hurt.

  I’ve never been hit by anything in my life, except Dani when we were kids.

  But instead of the sharp bite and sting of a strike, soft, feather-light strands tickle over the skin of my abdomen. My body bows and arches into it. The restraints tighten around my wrists and ankles, and I force myself to drop back down to the mattress.

  Stone drags the flogger lower, dipping it between my legs, over my wet center. The drag of the leather against my clit has my hips arching again. The inability to clench my thighs together against the onslaught of sensations there is overwhelming.

  A low whimper falls from my lips. Stone’s chuckle in response only makes my body thrum more.

  The leather leaves my skin briefly before a sharp sting hits my chest. I jerk against the bindings.

  Ouch.

  A dull throb radiates out from the point of contact, almost as if I’ve been slapped. But really, it doesn’t hurt, just tingles and warms.

  Was that it?

  Warm, wet lips pressed against the spot interrupt my analysis.

  “That wasn’t so bad, was it, baby?”

  I shake my head no then remember… “No, sir.” It wasn’t bad. Like at all. In fact, I’m pretty sure I like it.


  But I’m withholding judgement. Because something tells me, Stone is far from finished with me. His hand scalds a trail over my belly and down between my legs.

  Fingers delve into my slick center, and he gives an appreciate groan.

  “I think you’re liking this, baby.”

  I clasp around his fingers, my body craving something to fill me.

  But he retreats, leaving me panting and bereft.

  No!

  Before I can beg him to come back, another sharp sting smacks across my abdomen.

  “Ahh!” I cry out, more out of surprise than the sting rippling across my skin. Another strike lands almost immediately, this time right across my left breast, followed closely by one on my right.

  My entire body vibrates and burns, like napalm rolling over my skin.

  “Stone!” He catches his name in his mouth, sliding his tongue along mine while his hand brushes my overly-sensitive nipple then moves to the other one.

  Something presses against my clit…but it’s not his hand.

  It’s…

  Oh Lord…

  It’s the handle of the flogger. I can’t stop my hips from arching against it. The hard leather-wrapped handle moves lower, and he drags it through my wetness then returns to gently probe at my opening.

  He’s not gonna…

  The tip slips in, just barely hovering inside me. “Christ, you’re wet, baby.”

  A groan is the only response I can muster to his words. He laughs against my lips and pushes the handle into me further.

  I was right, Stone Hawke is everything dark, dirty, and depraved. And I love all of it.

  What does that say about me?

  “How’s the temperature?”

  “Perfection.” Nora sighs and slides even deeper into the bath water like a siren slipping into the ocean waves. Seeing Nora so at peace and relaxed makes my dead heart beat a little faster. I never imagined I’d have her naked and sated in my clawfoot tub.

  I glance down at the tray in my hands.

  “So, I know I promised to feed you, but I don't really cook other than reheating leftovers my mom sends home on Sundays, and I've already devoured all those, so our options were slim.”

  She peeks an eye open at me. “What did you bring?”

  I hold up the bottle of water and hand it to her. She giggles. “All you have in the house is water?”

  Smartass.

  “I'm not that bad. I also brought us Pop Tarts.”

  She bursts out laughing. “Seriously, Pop Tarts? What are you? Ten?”

  I scowl at her and set the plate and my bottle of water on the small table next to the tub. “No, twenty-six, but that's beside the point. Pop Tarts are nutritious. They have fruit.”

  Nora twists open the bottle of water and takes a sip while giving me an incredulous look. “That logic seems flawed to me.”

  “Well, I do logic for a living, and I can tell you, it's rock solid.”

  Her lips turn up and her eyes slide closed again. “Whatever you say, counselor.”

  A laugh bursts from me as I reach down and nudge her shoulder. “Scoot forward.” She opens her eyes and considers me for a moment before straightening and inching forward in the tub until there's enough room for me to slip in behind her. I guess she wasn't expecting me to join her. Maybe I should've asked, but I thought it would be a given. We both need a nice long, relaxing bath after what we just did. But especially her.

  I’m so damn proud of her and the way she placed her trust in me. She’s a fucking beautiful submissive.

  I’m selfish to have acted on my feelings for her though. She’s going to get dragged into my life no matter how hard we try to keep this quiet.

  But for right now, I’m going to enjoy this.

  The warm water envelops me, and I slide my legs along the outside of hers and settle behind her.

  “Now, I do have to apologize because the Pop Tarts are cold. I haven't quite found my toaster oven yet. It's in one of these boxes piled up downstairs. I only unpacked absolute necessities first.”

  “Like all your toys.”

  I wrap my arms around her waist and drag her back against me, then press a kiss to the back of her head. “Yes, exactly.” She laughs and takes another sip of her water then eyes the plate of Pop Tarts. I press my lips to her ear. “You should really eat something.”

  “I will. Just let me relax in this awesome water for a little bit.”

  That sounds absolutely heavenly to me too. I am spent, and she has to be utterly exhausted too after spending the whole day and part of the night fucking. I grab her water and place it on the table then reach over and grab a bottle of shampoo sitting on the side of the tub.

  “Drop your head back in the water.”

  She looks over her shoulder at me and then sees the shampoo bottle. “You're gonna wash my hair?”

  “Yeah. Why not?”

  There’s a brief moment of consideration before she shrugs. “I don't know. No one's ever done it before except a beauty salon or when I was a kid.”

  I grin at her and squirt shampoo onto my palm. “Well, that's about to change then.”

  Nora deserves to be taken care of. She should be treated like the fucking queen she is. I know I can’t give her everything she wants and needs, but I can do this.

  She moves forward a bit and then tilts her head back until her hair is drenched before she sits back up. The shampoo slips through my fingers and I delve them into her thick blonde hair. She moans and turns into my touch. I lightly scratch her scalp as I work the shampoo into her hair, kneading and massaging my way across her head.

  “God, that feels good.”

  “Good.” I lean forward and kiss her to temple. She relaxes back against me as I continue to work.

  “How do you know how to do this so well?”

  I bark out a laugh. “I grew up with three older sisters who had no qualms about making their little brother play hairdresser with them.”

  Her laughter fills the bathroom, and I imagine she is picturing me as a small boy with my sisters gathered around me, putting me in dresses and makeup. She’s not far off. That was basically my childhood until I got old enough to realize what they were doing.

  She shakes against me. “Oh, my God, I can't believe you let your sisters abuse you like that.”

  I grin to myself. “Yes, it was truly awful child abuse.” I fucking love my sisters more than anything, but they definitely took advantage of their little brother. At that age, I was willing to do just about anything to get to play with the big kids, so it didn’t matter if I was put in a pink dress or forced to wash their hair. I played along.

  Savage was too busy being the man of the house to really pay me much attention, and when he did have time, he was with Gabe doing things he insisted I was far too young to participate in.

  “What was that like, growing up with three older sisters? I mean, I know you and Savage never really got along, but it seems like maybe you and your sisters had a better relationship?”

  “Oh yeah. I was definitely closer with them than I ever was a Savage. Maybe because they were girls and I wasn't constantly fighting for control with them like I was my brother. They were fairly easygoing and playful, but Savage was always so serious and strict.”

  She nods and glances up at me. “I can see that. Obviously, I've met Storm and Skye, but what was Star like?”

  Stone stills behind me and his hands stop moving in my hair.

  Crap. Way to ruin the mood with that question.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

  His lips find the back of my neck and his hands resume the wonderful scalp massage. “No, it’s fine. Losing her was probably the single hardest thing in my life. Star was the most singularly good, real, and most caring person I've ever known.”

  It’s a little hard for me to picture. I don’t doubt Skye is a wonderful person, Gabe wouldn’t have fallen head over heels in love with her if she weren’t, but she’s a little abrasive. Consideri
ng her and Star were identical twins, I would think they shared some of those qualities.

  “I know what you’re thinking. You've only ever known Skye after we lost Star. I'm not gonna lie and say she wasn't always a little bit difficult, but losing her twin sister definitely changed her dramatically. They always balanced each other out. It was like a yin and yang thing with those two. Once Star was gone, Skye kind of became an angry, bitter person, and she's only just starting to come out of it. I think finally getting together with Gabe and having someone else to worry about and take care of was what helped her work through some of her shit.”

  Of course.

  That totally makes sense. I shouldn’t judge Skye. I have no idea what she’s been through, what any of the Hawkes have, for that matter. I lost Dad when I was young, just like they lost their father, but they also lost a sibling. They’ve had to endure more than any one family should. The fact that Stone turned out so well is a true testament to how his mother raised him, and apparently, the intervention of Dom.

  “I wish I could've met Star.”

  His hands move from my head and wrap around my waist. He tugs me against him tightly. “Me too, babe. You would've liked her a lot. I have no doubt that you’d been friends with Star. She had a way of getting people to open up about whatever was eating at them. Everyone just felt comfortable around her and trusted her implicitly with their deepest darkest secrets.”

  The thought of opening up to someone, anyone about what happened creates a war inside me. I don’t want anyone to know my shame, but sometimes talking makes things better. Although, in this case, I’m not sure that’s true. Who knows, maybe Star would have been the one I felt comfortable enough with to tell all to. I guess I’ll never know.

  “What about you? What was it like growing up with Dani as an older sister?”

  I laugh at his question because he’s no-doubt imagining a tiny blonde dictator cracking her whip. He nudges me forward. “Rinse.”

  So demanding…

  “Yes, sir.” I glance over my shoulder to see his reaction, and a smug smile spreads across his lips as I tilt my head back into the water.