Stone Sober: A Hawke Family Novel (The Hawke Family Book 3)

by Gwyn McNamee

  “No. This isn’t about Robert.” He’s not wrong, though. I know I’ve been letting what’s going on with Stone, and in my own head, get in the way of my work.

  How ridiculous is that? I leave school because I can’t hack it, and here I am, failing at being a dang stripper too because I think too much. How’s that for irony?

  “I swear, Byron. Things are fine. I’ve just had a lot happening.”

  He sighs and looks over my shoulder as one of the other girls enters. “Do you want to go back over to TWO for a little while? A change of pace might help. I know you didn’t exactly love it last time, but it’s still an option, at least until THREE opens.”

  I hadn’t even thought about that. Once the third location opens, Savage and Gabe will be looking to fill spots over there. Maybe getting out of this building would help at least relieve some of the stress of the sneaking around with Stone situation.

  “When does it look like that’s going to happen?” I vaguely remember hearing Ben discussing it with everyone at the dinner table the other night, but frankly, my ability to comprehend and process any sort of information was greatly diminished by those gosh darn panties.

  He shrugs and pushes himself off the lockers. “Looks like maybe a month or two. Ben and Caleb have been working on some interior stuff.”

  I nod and grab my things. “I’ll think about going over to TWO again. I definitely am not ruling it out right now.” I have other things to worry about, like where the heck Stone is. He’s really starting to worry me now.

  Byron’s large hand lands on my shoulder. “You know we’re just looking out for you, right?”

  My heart swells with his concern. Byron is a really good guy. He’s like a brother to all of us, taking care of us and watching our backs. “Of course, I know that. And I really do appreciate it. But I promise, I’m fine.”

  “Good.” After a gentle squeeze, he disappears out toward the front of the club.

  Scarlett eyes me from her place in front of the vanities. “What was that about?”

  Sigh.

  I love Scarlett, I really, really do, but I don’t want to get dragged into a convo with her right now. I want to go try to find Stone.

  “Oh, nothing. He was just letting me know the offer to go to TWO still stands.”

  Her eyebrow quirks up. “You going to go back? I thought you didn’t really like it.”

  I offer her a non-committal shrug. “Maybe. And it’s not that I didn’t like it, it’s just a different environment than here.”

  She chuckles and grabs her mascara. “I know what you mean. The clientele here is way better.”

  I don’t want to insult the catty dancers from TWO, so I bite my tongue. “Yeah, for sure.”

  “Speaking of which…” She turns in her chair to face me. “Have you seen Stone around lately?”

  His name from her ruby red lips sends ice water through my veins. Why is she asking about Stone? Does she know something is going on between us?

  “Um, I saw him at the Hawke dinner on Sunday. Why?”

  She shrugs and tries to look nonchalant, but a dreamy, longing look overtakes her green eyes. “Oh, just wondering. He used to come around a lot, and I figured now that he’s back permanently, we’d be seeing him more. I haven’t seen him much lately.”

  Because he’s been spending all his time with me.

  Her eyes flick down to the thick bracelets on my wrists, and she gives me a wry smile.

  Holy crapballs.

  The words from so many months ago come flooding back…

  “Girl, you are missing out. You wouldn’t believe what this man can do with some handcuffs and a little rope.”

  Jesus…

  How did I never make the connection before? She had tried to hide it, when she started saying his name and changed it to Steve.

  My skin heats, but not from embarrassment. It’s anger.

  But why does it bother me so much?

  Of course Stone has been with other women. Probably lots of them. But it never even once crossed my mind that he might have slept with someone I know, someone I work with every day. For some reason, that makes it ten times worse.

  My heart creeps up into my throat. I cough it away and move toward the door. “I’ll tell him hi from you if I see him.”

  Lame, Nora, really lame.

  She grins and chuckles. “You do that, honey.”

  I can’t be mad at him about this, right? That would make me a possessive psycho. But still, my concern for him is quickly being replaced by jealousy and an anger I’ve never felt before.

  Stone has a way of stirring up emotions in me best left dormant. Last night was amazing, and it was precisely what I needed. But now, the feelings swimming through me are not a good thing, at least not for my relationship with Stone. He and I need to talk.

  I stumble into my house and slam the door shut behind me.

  This can’t be happening.

  Either I’m having a really bad coke hallucination, or my world is falling apart at the fucking seams.

  I never would have believed Dom, if he hadn’t pulled out a newspaper article dated August 11, 2002 with the headline proving the truth of his words

  Officer Killed on Duty

  My eyes skimmed the article until they landed on the one name that could shatter my life—Fredrik Eriksson.

  It didn’t even register at first. I stared at it with blind eyes for what felt like an hour before Dom cleared his throat.

  “Now you understand.”

  That’s all he said before I fled from his office and made my way to the closest bar.

  What the fuck am I supposed to do?

  My phone rings as I step into my office.

  Nora. Again.

  I send it to voicemail for the third time in the last twenty minutes.

  She’s the last person I want to talk to right now. What would I even say? Sorry, I killed your father when I was a kid but it was an accident. I didn’t know he was a cop?

  “Fuck.” I drop down into my office chair and tug open the middle drawer. This isn’t some bad trip, but at least maybe I can dull my senses for a while with a good one. I haven’t touched the stuff in weeks, but the booze isn’t dulling the memories of Dom’s screams, the blood pooling under the man in the warehouse, the chaos as I was rushed out of there…

  It’s all so crystal clear, as if it happened yesterday.

  The pinnacle moment of my life. The turning point.

  The single second in time when my fate was decided for me.

  It sent me down the path I’m on today…

  I just couldn’t have known that path would lead straight to Nora, or how tangled this web would become.

  My hand shakes removing the small vial from the drawer.

  Shit. I’m a fucking mess.

  I need some relief from the onslaught of images…the gut-wrenching pain…

  But the ping of my phone momentarily distracts me from my mission.

  A text from Nora.

  > Where are you? I thought you were coming to the club? Is something wrong? <

  I ignore her again and concentrate on arranging the lines of coke on my desktop.

  My shaking hands make it hard to roll up the bill from my drawer, and I have to pause for a moment to take a deep breath and steady myself.

  A quick snort, and almost instantly, the rush hits my body, relaxing my tense muscles and momentarily clearing my mind from all the bullshit rattling around in there.

  It’s not enough to keep the image of Nora’s father’s blood pooling out under his body from flashing before my eyes, though. So I do another line. And another.

  Fuck.

  I recline back into the chair, close my eyes, and let the blissful high overtake me. But I can’t sit still. The coke floods my veins and has my heart thumping wildly in my chest. I rise and pace through the house until I practically wear paths on the wood floors. The boxes I haven’t yet unpacked sit in the corner of the dining room and call to me.r />
  I tear into the one on the top. A picture of my father with the five of us before he died is the first thing my eyes land on.

  Searing pain rips through my heart. Nora and Dani lost their father. Because of me.

  The frame shatters against the floor, and I shove my hands back through my hair.

  My high is already starting to wear off. And my head feels like it’s being twisted in some sort of medieval torture device. I make my way back to the office and drop into my chair. The remaining lines on the desk top call to me.

  A door slamming vaguely registers, but I can’t manage to bring myself to care.

  “Stone?”

  Her footsteps echo across the wood floor and fade as she ascends the stairs. The thumping of her feet as she searches my room above me is like a banging drum in my ear, but I can’t move. I’m physically and emotionally exhausted. And now that my high wore off, all I want to do is another line or sleep. I can’t face Nora like this. I don’t know how I’ll ever face her.

  “Stone?”

  That damn voice…

  It cuts through the anger and post-drug fog and goes straight to my cock. But it almost makes bile rise in my throat.

  I can’t tell her.

  She would never understand. She could never forgive me.

  The footsteps grow closer until she appears in the open doorway of the office.

  Her eyes narrow in on me, then shift down to the desk. She takes two tentative steps in, her mouth pressed in a tight line.

  “Stone, what are you doing?”

  I raise a hand over my desk and let it flop back down on the armrest of my chair. “What does it look like I’m doing?”

  “Something really stupid.” She wanders around the desk, eyeing the two lines of coke still laid out on the wood. “Seriously, Stone, what the heck are you doing?”

  What am I doing again? Oh yeah…

  “Trying to forget.”

  She huffs and leans her ass against the desk, eyeing me with concern and anger.

  “I don’t know what’s going on, and you clearly don’t want to tell me. But I’ll tell you this, Stone…drugs aren’t the answer. And I can’t be with you if you are using. That’s a deal-breaker for me.”

  I scrub my hands over my face. “Nora, this is not the time for ultimatums. Really, you need to go.”

  She scowls at me.

  Damn, how can that be so fucking hot with everything else going on right now?

  Because she’s fucking perfect. A literal angel brought into my life only to be ripped away by this joke of fate.

  “I’ll leave after you listen to me. You’ve been begging me for weeks to tell you why I dropped out of school. This,” she waves her hand over the white lines, “is why.”

  What?

  I heard her, but my brain isn’t processing her words correctly. I swear she just said coke was the reason she dropped out of school.

  She shakes her head. “Well, not this exactly. I was drowning in all the work—reading, studying, exams—and I was falling behind…way behind. I couldn’t handle it. Then one of my roommates gave me one of her Adderall. She swore it was a miracle pill for concentration. I should have said no, but I wanted to succeed so badly.”

  Even as messed up as I am right now, I can already see this story is going nowhere good.

  “It was fine for a while. I only used it when I had a big exam or some project to finish. But then, things got out of control, and my roommate couldn’t give me any more of her prescription.”

  A deep breath puffs from her mouth, and she drops her head.

  Fuck, I hate seeing her like this.

  It will only be worse if she learns the truth. And I can’t lie to her forever. I could never do that to her. I need to end this.

  “There was this guy…in one of my classes. Nick. He was nice, and not bad looking, and he had asked me out a couple times, but I always turned him down because I was so busy with schoolwork. Turns out, he was dealing Adderall, and some other things. When I found out, I asked him for some.”

  A tear trickles down her pale cheek. My fingers itch to wipe it away, but I can’t move. Doing it would only confuse things more anyway.

  “He agreed. But…crap…” She swipes at the tears now flowing rapidly and takes a deep breath. “I didn’t have any money. I was at Tulane on scholarship. But I needed it. It felt like I couldn’t function without it. So…dang…I didn’t think it would be this hard to tell you…”

  She doesn’t even have to say it. Her reluctance speaks volumes. But being the dick I am, I remain silent and let her finish. I make her say it.

  “So, I slept with him…to get the pills.”

  Motherfuckingcocksuckingshit.

  Rage simmers in my veins, mingling with the after effects of the coke to create a potent and volatile combination.

  “I felt like dirt and couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror afterward. I couldn’t concentrate on school. I couldn’t do anything. So, I dropped out and started dancing. It was low stress and made me feel like I was in control. Now, I’m not so sure that was true.”

  I suck in a deep breath and gather my strength to do what needs to be done.

  “What do you want me to say, Nora? You fucking prostituted yourself out for some pills.”

  Her wet eyes widen, and her bottom lip quivers.

  “I can’t pity you right now…I have…my own shit to deal with. It’s over between us anyway. You would be out the door…if you knew the truth.”

  I don’t have a clue what Stone is rambling on about. He’s high or just coming down and not making any sense. But what’s abundantly clear, is I’ve made a huge mistake in trusting him with my heart and with the truth about what happened in school.

  He’s taken it and thrown it back in my face. Knowing he’s capable of that burns like acid down my throat as I swallow and search for the right words in response.

  What am I supposed to say?

  Sucking in deep breaths doesn’t calm my racing heart or the ache in my chest. How could I have been so naïve? Everyone warned me about Stone. I warned me about Stone. But I didn’t listen.

  I let myself believe that deep down, he’s a good guy with a great heart. And he’s shown me he can be sweet, and loving, and thoughtful. He just can’t let go of whatever anger and hostility he has boiling under his skin.

  And I can’t let myself be dragged under by him.

  “I don’t know what you’re rambling on about, Stone. But I know I don’t need this in my life.”

  I push off the desk and give him another once-over. His half-lidded, unfocused blue eyes search my face before they shutter closed.

  “Just go, Nora.”

  “Goodbye, Stone.”

  Saying the words shatters my heart into a million pieces I know I’ll never be able to puzzle back together. Anyone could have seen this coming from a mile away, but it still blindsided me. I let him do this to me.

  Tears fall as I race from Stone’s house to my car.

  Dumb.

  How could I be so dumb?

  I’d give anything to be able to drive straight over to Dani’s and collapse in a sobbing heap right now. But she’s the last person I can go to. I promised her I would stay away from Stone, and at the time, I meant it. But it was out of my control. I was helpless once I was sucked into his orbit.

  We circled around each other for far too long to let it go. There was bound to be a collision at some point. I just never imagined he could be so dang cold and heartless after everything we shared.

  I can’t go home to an empty apartment right now. But it’s three a.m.

  There are only so many options I have at this point.

  I start my car and make a call. “Hey, sorry to call you so late. Do you mind if I come over? I really need to talk and don’t have anyone else to talk to…okay…thanks…ten minutes, tops.”

  At least I won’t be alone.

  It won’t ease the pain flooding me to my core right now, but maybe I ca
n get some perspective.

  By the time I pull up outside, the tears are flowing so fast, I can barely see the street.

  I knock lightly on the door and wait for it to open. Two seconds later, Caroline has me in her arms, hugging me fiercely. “Tell me what’s going on, hon.”

  She drags me into her apartment and deposits me on the couch. A bottle of Jack Daniels sits open on the coffee table with two glasses next to it.

  Without prompting, she pours way too much and hands it to me.

  “Drink that, then spill it.”

  It burns going down, but it’s a good burn, the kind that promises some hazy relief soon.

  When I have it half gone, I drop my head back against the couch and stare at the white popcorn ceiling. “I’ve been sleeping with Stone.”

  “What?” She grabs my shoulders and shakes me until I look at her. Her wide eyes meet mine. “Are you serious? For how long? Oh, my God…does Dani know? Holy fucking shit…does Savage know? What does—”

  I halt her with a hand. “Stop. Give me a minute, and I’ll explain everything.”

  She pulls back, but I can see the curiosity in her eager gaze.

  “You have to promise not to tell anyone, especially Dani or Savage. Please.”

  Her mouth curls down into a frown. “I guess I can do that, if it’s important to you.”

  I manage a nod.

  “We danced around each other for a long time. He was coming to the club to watch me every time he was in town, but he hid in the shadows. I didn’t realize it was him until I got dragged to a Hawke family dinner. He was flirting relentlessly, even in front of everyone, and I recognized his watch. I knew it had been him. It scared the crap out of me.”

  Caroline nods, and I down another couple swallows of Jack.

  “I don’t blame you, sweetie. Those Hawke boys, Gabe included, can be a little overwhelming.”

  “You have no idea.”

  I can’t reveal all of Stone’s quirks and kinks. That’s not mine to tell. But to understand what’s happened between us, she needs to know what he’s really like.