Circle of Arms (The Shades of Northwood 2)

by Wendy Maddocks

  Katie leaned over and scribbled a signature on the bottom of her sheet. He left her to fill in the blanks – name and date. “Put it back in the drawer when you’re done. I guess you’ll be going out the back way so thanks for tonight, well done for not having a meltdown and I’ll see you tomorrow.” He touched her shoulder in goodbye, just the lightest brush of his fingers, then left. It was nice to feel useful and appreciated. It was also a novelty for Katie who was starting to feel that she was working her arse off trying to keep hold of something resembling a normal life and never really managing it. But she wanted her friends back; she wanted Jack by her side; she wanted to save all those Shades on that cliff edge – and she couldn’t do that as well. Something had to give.

  She filled in the details the timesheet asked for then clipped the lid on the pen. Her shift was officially over.

  Jacket on and already zipped up as high as it would go, Katie slid the drawer further open to put the paperwork back in. It was the typical pile of junk she kept in her own desk – a confusion of pens, pencils, paper clips and elastic bands. Why hadn’t she noticed these before? Or, rather, why hadn’t she asked? Katie held her hair back in one hand and reached in for one to tie her hair up. Her hand hit something long and chunky. She gripped it and pulled, letting go of her hair, tying it back a forgotten idea. The object she brought out was bright yellow and wider at one end. A Tazer. It wasn’t very heavy either. About half a pound if she had to guess. What the hell was Shimma doing with a controlled weapon in his office? Not only did Katie not want to ask but she was suddenly sure he had meant her to find it. It had a comfortable grip and it slid into the inside pocket of her jacket with barely a bulge. No-one would ever know it was there. Not unless the towns’ non-existent police force decided to do a stop and search. She tied her hair back, blew her breath out and decided to head home. Life would carry on. There would be study and races, cooking and cleaning, friends and a psychotic teenager who might strike anywhere and when.

  And anywho.

  That was a nice thought.

  “Knackered! Going to bed!”

  There were noises coming from the kitchen of their old house on Newton Street, and the door was closed. Katie remembered the times when her parents had sat in the kitchen with the door closed. It either meant they were having a quiet argument, or they were discussing something important that they didn’t want the kids to know. Which, in turn, meant she had to know.

  “Adam, we’re gonna get fired for sure.”

  “Whatever happened wasn’t our fault. They can’t blame us for an accident.”

  “An accident. One of our girls nearly killed herself because we didn’t spot how much she was hurting. We didn’t give her the help she needed.”

  “We couldn’t have-“

  Lainy must have cut him off because Adam stopped speaking and she continued. “And then we focussed so much on her that we didn’t support the ones still here. So much so that one of them ran away.”

  “These things happen, Lainy. It’s got nothing to do with us being bad guardians.”

  “I don’t think the academy will take that as a valid defence. God, we are fucked. Completely and utterly screwed.”

  “Calm down. Dina’s going to be fine-“

  “If she ever wakes up.”

  “When she wakes up. We’re house parents, not these kids’ parents. Nor are we psychotherapists. The academy expects us to take care of our kids while there with us, not fix them.”

  “And if we do get sacked.” Lainy sounded incredibly calm and collected, not even upset really, but Katie could imagine her sitting at the table, chewing on the end of her messy braid. “If we get disciplined. What happens to the others? I mean, Katie – she’s young and nervous and she likes it here. It’s a new start for her. And – and Leo. He’s just starting to turn into a human being.”

  “Maybe we should be sacked. Stop giving them false hope.”

  “Bullshit, Adam. You love all these kids as much as I do.”

  “Yeah, I do. And maybe we just need to let them make their own mistakes and not feel so damn responsible when they get hurt.”

  She stood back from the door and swallowed back a sob. It was impossible to miss the implication in that sentence. They were talking about her. Katie had gotten hurt and was still working herself harder than she probably should – but nobody else was going to do it! And it wasn’t her fault if Lainy and Adam felt responsible for her. She might be the youngest student they had probably had in the house, but she was still old enough to make her own decisions – good, bad or almost certainly suicidal.

  “You need to remember that we might be looking after these kids but they are smart and tough too. They can take care of themselves.” He paused. Lainy would be sitting with a steaming mug of coffee and staring at Adam with love and tears in her eyes. It was understandable – Adam was speaking a lot of sense and Katie herself loved him for being so logical but gentle and caring. No mistaking the fact he adored his job as man of the house.

  “I know they can. The trauma some of them have seen, I’d never have left the house again if it was me. And we do our best.”

  “Course we do.”

  “But what if-“ – the best isn’t good enough? Katie imagined the end of the sentence, shivered as a tingle of something dark and dead crept through her and headed for bed.

  She was too tired to process the feeling she was getting. Too tired even to do anything about the roaring vortex in her stomach. Too exhausted to fully change into her pyjamas. She changed her jeans for PJ bottoms and crawled into bed wearing the work-sweaty t-shirt and thick socks. Katie was asleep before the duvet had even settled over her shoulders.

  The deep and dreamless sleep was over much too soon. The room was still mostly dark when Katie awoke, although once she had pushed the curtains back and allowed morning sunlight to trickle in, it was light enough to dress by without switching her lamp on. Someone had closed her bedroom door at some point during the night.

  Lainy, Adam and Leo were already in the kitchen by the time she got down. Adam was frying eggs and bacon, Lainy was sitting at the table enjoying the sight, Leo was being his usual grouchy self and making tea. Apart from the strange chill she felt - cold coming, maybe – it all looked nice and normal.

  Which should have been her first clue.

  Because when she stepped further into the food haze and slid into a seat, she noticed a fifth person at the able. A short, slim, dark haired wonder by the name of Jaye.

  “Erm…”

  “Oh, isn’t it fantastic, sweetie. Jaye came home.”

  “When?”

  “Late last night, after you went to bed. We’re all so glad to have you back.”

  Jaye picked a slice of toast from the rack and started to butter it. “I’m glad to be back. You have no idea how cold it was out there.”

  “You were sleeping rough? Oh, well, it’s over now and your nice warm bed’s missed you, I’m sure.”

  “Believe me, I missed it right back. And I missed you guys. I wanted to come home before but… I didn’t think there was anything to come back for.”

  “Oh, sweetie. There’s always a reason to come home.”

  “Uh-huh. The house wasn’t the same without you,” Adam called over his shoulder. The bacon fat was spitting at him but he was doing that completely insane macho thing of staring at it until it agreed to simmer down. Apparently, he hadn’t got the memo that angry, spitty food was generally done by that stage. “I’d welcome you back with a hug but hey, I’m feeding you”

  “I’m honoured. Truly.”

  “You should be. Cooking is not manly.”

  “But you look so good in the apron. And plenty of men cook. They just don’t look quite as sexy doing it.”

  “I know,” Lainy agreed. “The kitchen is most definitely on fire.” She leaned close to Jaye and smiled as though they were sharing a secret. “The more people in this house, the more normal it feels. You’re glad Jaye’s back too, aren�
�t you Leo.”

  “S’pose,” he mumbled, barely glancing up from stirring. A one word answer seemed to be pushing the limits of his conversational abilities this morning. Katie wondered if he had just got as little sleep as she had.

  Jaye rolled her eyes at him and groaned. “Chatty as usual, I see.”

  Kate stretched her arms out and circled them around the dainty little person beside her, pulling her close in a fierce hug. God, she’d missed her. A thought occurred that Jaye had come home a little too conveniently, when sane people were well asleep and after their meeting in the club. But she thought the knowledge that Dina was close to waking had shaken the real Jaye into fighting She. And everything Jaye had just said and done was her real personality and not just a quite good imitation. “I’m so glad to have you back. I love you, Jaye.”

  Jaye pressed her cheek close and whispered. “Do exactly what I say or I tear the fucking roof off this place.”

  And that wasn’t the real Jaye after all.

  Katie felt her eyes widen and her face try to draw in on itself but she forced her face to be still, the smile to stay on her face. “Where were you?”

  “Oh, here and there. Most of it’s a blur. Tears and tissues.”

  There went that plan. Trapping Jaye into revealing her stolen identity had sounded like a good idea all of thirty seconds ago. But now Lainy was sending her a look that said no questions in stereo sound.

  Katie grabbed a slice of cheese on toast, dropped an apple in her pocket, slung her bag over her shoulder, silently thanking all her years of training to pack her school bag the night before. “Got to go. Early study group.”

  It was a lie. She hadn’t signed any of the sheets her tutors had passed around for study groups. And nor was she planning to. Just didn’t think she would have the time. But it sounded a lot more plausible than I’m just getting out of the house because that thing is not Jaye and she might actually tear the place apart. So where to go instead? Really there was only one option. It was the one place and person than might just be the key to ending this. If there was anywhere that might show her how to give Jaye her body back it was the hospital.

  Katie shivered. A waterproof coat hid at the bottom of her rucksack and, while it might keep the forecasted rain off later in the day, she wasn’t sure if it would do much to combat the cold. This was the debate filling Katie’s head when it suddenly got a whole lot colder.

  Her vision went fuzzy. Her knees went weak. An icy hand grabbed hold of her insides and pulled. For a few seconds – longer? Time warped – there was a pressure on every working organ. Katie detached herself from the pain. It wasn’t anything she wanted to feel. The next thing she knew, she was being spoken to.

  “…didn’t see you at all yesterday.”

  It sounded as though Jack had been speaking for a while. Having missed the beginning of the conversation, Katie had no idea what to say, or even if she should say anything. So she stayed silent.

  “Lady Katie? Are you… God, I’m hurting you when I use you.”

  “I didn’t even feel it.”

  A tiny frown line appeared between his beautiful green eyes, broken by the perfect round scar. Katie rubbed the pad of her thumb over it, matching his expression. Jack reached up, took her hand and dragged it down to his lips. Kissing her fingertips gave Katie shivers that Jack could practically feel. “Even a ghost can’t outfade a speeding bullet.”

  “What about a ghost bullet?”

  “No such thing.”

  “Oh.” That couldn’t be right. Maybe the thing wearing Jaye simply had access to weapons he didn’t know about.

  “Why do you ask?”

  “Just wondered.” There were a few more things to wonder about. “Where does the rubbish go?”

  “You lost me.”

  “Well, we put the bins out and next day they’re empty again. Where does it go? Who collects it?”

  “Ain’t never spent long enough here to find out.”

  “She’s back. Everyone believes it’s Jaye but I know it’s not. She threatened us all.”

  “She’s in your house?”

  Katie nodded. How stupid had she been – just waltzing off and leaving her at home without even warning the others? “I have to get her out of there. She doesn’t belong in this world.”

  And she was speaking to empty air. Jack had done a runner. It figured. Leaving her alone to face the big scary was the story of her life so far. Okay, so maybe that was a little bit harsh. No-one had meant to leave her to face her demons alone – and they had tried to give her support. But in the end it was too little, too late.

  Dr de Rossa was just walking into the student medical centre when she got there. it was still early – not quite eight o’clock. “Miss Cartwright.” He nodded at her in greeting. He probably wouldn’t have looked out of place tipping his hat.

  Katie nodded backed and hurried inside. She wasn’t in the mood to engage in conversation with him. She was not in the mood to do what she was about to do either. There was nobody on reception but a woman was hovering by the staff room, pinning a name badge on her jumper and watching boredly as the teenager strode through the waiting area and through the swing doors. She looks like she thinks she owns the place. Must work here or something. I’m not getting in her way – she might get nasty. Besides, I don’t clock on for another – oh, sweet Jesus, I’m late! Katie marched down to Room 4 near the end and hesitated outside the closed door. Was she doing the right thing? Was she doing it for the right reasons? Was she even sure it would work? Answer – not even a little bit. But, it was too late to turn back now. She knocked to warn anyone who might be inside and then walked in without waiting for an answer. If any response came then she thought she might just run away.

  The room was full when she entered. Dina, of course, was lying on the big bed in the middle of the cubicle. But she seemed to be taking up even less room than the nurse fiddling with one of the drips, the domestic assistant changing the empty bed next to her and her anxious father all put together. In less than a blink, the nurse and cleaner had slunk out of the room, leaving Mr Bayliss leaning against the window and staring at his daughter. Looking at Dina harder wasn’t going to make her wake up. Katie fluttered a glance at him but he hardly seemed to have noticed she was in the room. That was okay. She was pretty sure she could make this work with him in the room.

  Pretty sure.

  Her voice wouldn’t attract attention. She wouldn’t be moving around and disturbing anyone. She would be as quiet and as still as a corpse. That sentence had never been funny until it was serious.

  Katie pulled the red plastic chair away from the wall and set it close to the bed. There was a comfier chair but the cushioning might make her relaxed enough to let her concentration slip. And then Dina might be lost forever.

  She took Dina’s hand in hers, stroking the fresh bandages around her wrists.

  Did you mean it?

  No answer. It wasn’t exactly confidence building when your test question fails to even garner an answer. Holding a hand was a loose connection, Katie already knew, skin was too physical. She had to go deeper. A lot deeper.

  Mr Bayliss was talking to her and Katie could hear herself answering but she had no idea what she was saying. This habit she had developed since returning from the End Place was alarming. Disconnecting so quickly and so completely from reality wasn’t right and Katie shouldn’t be able to do it. Never look a gift horse… blah blah blah. It was enabling her to save her friends and that was the important part. She looked at her friend and thought back to almost their first meeting. Dina had handed her a spiked drink – which was bad enough – but then she had stood by as Katie wandered off and blacked out in the middle of a deserted sports stadium. It was going to take a while to forgive that, even if she had done it with good intentions, but that process couldn’t even begin if Dina wasn’t here. But most of all, Katie wanted Dina back to complete her dysfunctional Northwood family.

  She closed her hands tight
around the cold, thin one, slid her eyes shut, reached her mind out for the familiar thread and pulled.

  Chapter fourteen

  Katie had only the vaguest idea of what she was doing. It was a plan based on ifs and maybes. More of a prayer than a plan really. She had no clue what holding on to the steel thread that represented Dina’s still far too thin connection to the human world would do to her. Only that she had to do it. Maybe it was a mistake. It shouldn’t take this long to get through. And then just as she thought it, Katie broke through the final layer of Dina’s consciousness.

  Dina, where are you? She was just a voice in the crushing darkness. Try as she might, Katie couldn’t visualise a body for herself or anything for Dina. But she knew the other girl was around. There were black on black streams drifting around.

  I’m all around you.

  Are you safe now? I got you back here but She followed me. Why does She want you so badly?

  It’s just the way it was meant to be. None of that matters now. You pulled me back from the edge and She didn’t like it. That’s why I’ve been staying here… locked inside myself. If I’m not fully alive, I’m safer.

  Why did She want you when you were almost dead then?

  Because I couldn’t fight back.

  If I can get her out of this dimension, put her back where she belongs, things will go back to normal, won’t they? You can come back?

  There’s still so much wrong with the world. With you. And I don’t want to come back into that chaos. I just can’t. You understand.

  There’s nothing wrong with me. Lack of sleep, a caffeine crash and a pang of homesickness – for crawling under her duvet and not coming out until Christmas. That was all.

  If everything was right with you, Katie, I’d come home in a heartbeat. But it’s not. There’s darkness in you. It scares me that you don’t even see it.

  And her vision exploded into a Technicolor assault of reds and silvers and flashes of black. There was hate and blood and he smell of burning. A fleeting image of the man she had killed just last week; the sickening grief she should have felt for her poor dead brothers; the deal made with the Jaye-wearer; a beautiful cowboy who could never kiss her; the friends she could make but was too busy trying to save; the bleak future that lay ahead. None of it looked good. But it was the guilt – the piercing and very abrupt stab of guilt – that made Katie want to cry. She thought tears might be rolling down her cheeks but returning to her physical body seemed of little importance.