Catfish: Volumes 41-45

by Andrew Bushard

  The book is not nearly as shallow as it sounds. The book does talk some about attracting the wealthy, but the book is much more than that. The book is broader in scope than the title would suggest. The book offers lots of good relationship tips which could be useful for even those who don’t care about “marrying money”. Actually, if you were concerned about “marrying money”, the broader emphasis of this book might disappoint you.

  Catfish 44Q

  Andrew Bushard

  Reviews

  Books

  Axelrod, Alan and Jim Holtje

  1997:201 Ways to Say No Gracefully and Effectively. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.

  I was looking for something more impressive than what I got. I really learned nothing new in regard to assertive techniques. I loss interest in the book, but since it is fairly thin, I decided I wanted to finish it, so I did.

  Blanchard, Ken

  1999: The Heart of a Leader. Tulsa, OK: Honor Books.

  On page 33, Blanchard discusses how managers are wise to understand what works particularly well and not just assume. At my former work place, to show "thanks" to paraprofessionals, we were given a party. Unfortunately, I did not want that. I even was pushed to go though I wanted to stay working in an assignment that day which I was needed for and knowing I was useful was one of the greatest ways to say thanks to me.

  On page 128, Blanchard says "Servant Leadership is more about character than style" and he suggests that servant leaders may not be perfectly democratic all the time, and such is not really relevant because the underlying motivation is more important. This is profound. In our world everyone seems hung up with democracy even when the democracy leads to injustice. I would rather be just and undemocratic rather than

  unjust and democratic. Unfortunately, a lot of people just do not get this.

  I think I want to read more Blanchard books. I love leadership and motivational works and Blanchard seems to be good at this.

  Brandt, Judith

  2002:The 50 Mile Rule: Your Guide to Infidelity and Extramarital Etiquette. Berkeley, CA: Ten Speed Press.

  I checked out this book and it sat dormant for awhile, then it sparked interest enough for me to get down to reading it. These days I am much more interested in reading books with great meaning, and thus I was afraid I would be wasting my time with light reading here. After all, this is a book about how to get away with an affair. It turned out that the book did provoke some thought. The book questioned monogamy and it brought back my questioning of that in college such as wearing a “Legalize Polygamy” shirt. The book thus again has me wondering if monogamy is right.

  The book presents some intriguing thoughts about the mating game. For example, on page 43, it argues that since men supposedly are inclined to pursue a number of women, and if the best men get all the women, then those who do not naturally get lots of women enact monogamy as a way to make sure some women are still available to them. There are other similarly intriguing theories as well.

  Covey, Stephen

  2004:1989:The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change. New York, NY: Free Press.

  I did something rare for me; I purchased this book. With libraries purchasing books is rarely necessary especially when I have access to 100+ Twin Cities libraries. Furthermore, this book is a huge bestseller, so I could find it at just about any library or even just about every library.

  After finding out about the Franklin Covey store, I decided I would have to check it out. On Covey’s audio tapes, he tells a story about how impressed he was at this hotel for having detailed mission statements. So I wanted to see if Franklin Covey practiced what it preached and if it did, I was thinking then I should support the place because it’s about time I give money to a good place instead of all the lousy places I give money too. Indeed Franklin Covey did have a mission statement, and this book is what I ultimately purchased.

  Although, I have heard abridged audio versions of this work, I decided I actually needed to get down and read it. Although a good amount of the material was review, it was valuable to have read this book. Sadly, I have found that in too many ways, my old work place is the opposite of what this puts forth.

  I am amazed that some of what I have been practicing for awhile and have discovered independently is very similar to what Covey supports. He talks about “synergy” and the Autonomy Party has been a party of synthesis. In fact, I have often used the word synthesis to describe what we do. We pull in the best for competing ideas to make something better. For example, we take the idea that drugs are harmful and should be eradicated from the pro drug war folks and we take the idea that it’s inhumane and unjust too punish people for merely using drugs from the anti-drug war folks to create an altogether new drug policy.

  Additionally, one of the chapters is called “Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood”, which title is self explanatory. Federation Without Television has followed this. Our organization has invited diverse speakers representing many ideologies and belief systems and have given them forums to present their views of the world and we learn without judgment.

  In the Forward, on Page 9, Covey supports something rational which flies in the face of conventional psychology. Conventional Psychology says it’s bad to have high expectations. I have considered this to be terrible. Covey instead encourages high expectations.

  There are many gems through this profoundly wise book. On page 58, Covey says, “always treat your employees actually how you want them to treat your best customers.” That sounds a lot like servant leadership. I wish my former work place practiced that. On page 179, “Trust is the highest form of motivation. It brings out the very best in people.” I don’t know if trust is the absolute highest form of motivation, but he is right that it is something very important. It has felt awesome when people have trusted me at work for example. I do think trust and respect are much harder to fake than approval.

  On page 190, he starts to discuss “Six Major Deposits” and the one being “Understanding the Individual”. He discusses how it’s imperative to know a person before we know how to make the person happy since what one likes is not the same as what another likes. That sounds exactly like the “Platinum Rule” which an audio tape was created on.

  On page 165, Covey says something ironic, “I have come to believe that many truly great classes teeter on the edge of chaos.” This totally describes Federation Without Television sometimes. One of the members called our meetings “free spirited” and indeed they are because we let them go in just about any direction.

  On page 195, Covey says, “Education – continuing education, continually honing and expanding the mind – is vital mental renewal. Sometimes that involves the external discipline of the classroom or systematized study; more often it does not.” I have heard something similar to this many times before, but it’s awesome that Covey acknowledges this. I believe wise people understand this.

  A beautiful line is “Peace of mind comes when your life is in harmony with true principles and values and there is no other way.” Principles have long been something that have been very important to me. Thus his chart, “Possible Perceptions Flowing out of Various Centers”, which include the “Centers” of Spouse, Family, Money, Work, Possessions, Pleasure, Friends, Enemy, Church, Self, and Principles was both spiritually and intellectually edifying. Hopefully, all along my life has been what he calls “principle centered”. I sure hope so.

  This material is awesome and it has wisdom unlike many others. These ideas I want to integrate into my life. This is better than just about anything from the leftist establishment. If karma exists, Stephen Covey must have some great karma.

  Dyer, Wayne

  1995:Your Erroneous Zones. New York, NY: Avon Books.

  The title of this book is a clever play on words, which I did not get at first. I initially thought it was about “erogenous zones”. I wa
s familiar with Wayne Dyer and it struck me as interesting that he wrote a book about sexual play, but I did not think too much about it. It eventually dawned on me that it was “erroneous” not erogenous”.

  I was reading this book on the public bus. The book was mostly pointed down to such an angle where I would not think anyone could see the title. One woman said, “Your Erogenous Zones; he wants to get some pussy”. I did not tell her what was up; I just snickered.

  On page 49, as well as elsewhere, he says “A fully functioning person never complains.” I’m not sure whether my idea of fulfillment meshes with that or not or whether I am just not quite as fulfilled as I can be since I certainly do complain.

  Homeschoolers and other critics of the public schools would likely love what he has to say about “Approval Seeking Messages from School”. Furthermore, on page 118, he condemns the public school system for making us feel guilty. He believes there is something seriously wrong with our school system.

  Dyer provides a novel critique of rock music. Starting on page 72, Dyer discusses “approval seeking messages” in hit songs (of the 70’s when this piece was written). Usually, when people criticize rock music, it is for other reasons.

  On page 87, Dyer categorically dismisses all apologizing. This resonates with me since apologizing is something I generally avoid if all possible. I am not free from apologizing but it is very rare for me.

  On page 110, he claims, “Guilt is the most worthless of all erroneous zone behaviors”. I’m not so sure about that. I’ve long believed that guilt keeps me and others moral. I have thought that there might be another way to stay moral besides guilt although guilt can be very useful. He thinks that indeed guilt should go and he insinuates that you can still do right. I recognize that there are two types of people in the world who are without guilt: the self actualized people and the sociopaths. It is so ironic that the two opposite ends of the spectrum share this condition, and perhaps there is a fine line there.

  On page 180, Dyer hammers down the common psychological theme in “The Folly of Shoulds, Musts, and Oughts”. In many ways, Dyer buys all the common psychology hook, line, and sinker. He did describe the harm of these “shoulds, musts, and oughts”, which most every psychologist does these days, but he did so by getting me to think about it in a new way. He claims that shoulds, musts, and oughts “come from someone else”. I have long been resistant to the idea that shoulds, musts, and oughts are categorically bad, and now this really gets me to think that if these are impositions from other people, then there is a big problem with them indeed.

  In one section, Dyer condemns what he calls “The Justice Trap”. He claims that justice does not exist in the world so it’s foolish to pursue it. Yet, I know Dyer also believes in karma, which is suppose to be total justice for everything that happens in the world. The two contradict themselves it would seem.

  I have some conflicting emotions about the last chapter, “Portrait of a Person Who Has Eliminated All Erroneous Zones”. I believe I have a different though in some ways overlapping idea of a self actualized person. His notions of a self actualized person not caring what others think, being brutally honest, having no heroes, not getting bored, being open to learning all the time, taking action, ignoring social status, along without other of the attributes resonate with me. I wonder if the points of difference are parts I have a hard time accepting though are a component of self actualization or whether he is wrong about those points.

  A great and empowering book. I want to read his work Pulling Your Own Strings. [Edit this has been done!]

  Evangelista, Nick and Anita

  1999:Blood Lust Chickens and Renegade Sheep: A First Timer’s Guide to Country Living. Port Townsend, WA: Loompanics Unlimited.

  One search I do on library computes, when I think of it is a search for keyword “Loompanics”. I am fond of the books Loompanics sells so I get happy when a public library has a good volume from Loompanics which I have not already read. I found this particular fine Loompanics book at the Rum River Library in Anoka, MN, which is part of the Anoka County Library System. This book is a pretty tame book as Loompanics goes. Loompanics bills itself as being this big subversive book company and it is indeed. This book would not probably raise too many eyebrows, but it sure was interesting. There were good stories. The authors talk as if all country homes are farms, but such may not definitely always be the case. This book was quickly finished because it was quality.

  Fanning, Patrick and Heather Garnos Mitchener

  2001:The 50 Best Ways to Simplify Your Life: Proven Techniques for Achieving Lasting Balance. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

  I’ve read enough other books on this topic, that’s there is little fresh or new, still the book served a purpose and I want to indeed be more and more committed to living simply.

  Goldenflame, Jake

  2004:Overcoming Sexual Terrorism: 40 Ways to Protect Your Children from Sexual Predators. USA: Xlibris Corporation.

  I read an intriguing article in People about this sex offender who turned his life around and is now trying to make up for his past by reaching out to sex offenders. Ever since reading that my mind could not stop thinking about it. As a sociologist, I have thought about how life must be as sex offender and whole ramifications of sex offenses.

  Then this book jumped out at me at the Hennepin County Public Library branch in Hopkins, MN. I checked it out.

  The title of the book makes it sound as if the book is just about preventing sexual abuse of children. The fact of the matter is that the “40 ways” are really just in the back. Most of the book is telling the intriguing story of Goldenflame, which seems to suggest that someone who has done something this bad, can still make something good come out of life.

  He discusses how he came into sex offending, and how he came out of it. It was interesting to find out how important Buddhism became in his life. He is one of those people who sure have evolved a lot in a life and now seems like a caring and spiritual person when before he was the epitome of evil.

  Goldenflame is well educated and well read and that really shows in his writing. It makes the book more thoughtful and insightful.

  On page 182, he makes an excellent point that sex offender registration should not be used for statutory rape offenders, especially when the given statutory rape is just technically illegal. My dad was telling me about this dude who was around 20 who had sex with someone about 16 and because of that he was put on the sex offender registry. It struck me as very wrong for him to be put on the sex offender registry for that. After all some who is 50 can have sex with someone who is 18 or 19, and it’s all legal. What is more twisted a 50 year old person having sex with an 18 year old, or a 20 year old having sex with a 16 year old?

  Although mostly he does express enormous remorse, he also complains about his plight in some places. On page 184, 192, and elsewhere, he attempts to get the reader to feel bad about the restrictions placed on sex offenders and how inconvenient sex offender registration can be. At best, such is a waste of breath. I do not imagine many people feeling sorry for sex offenders.

  On other occasions, I have wrote about and thought about how oppressive housing and especially employment situations can be for criminals, since they have the mark of a criminal. I have thought about how some criminals must have difficult living anywhere because more and more housing units these days do not allow those with felonies to live there. On page 194, he says, “If these new laws are allowed to drive lawfully registered sex offender out of the cities, we could easily see them become an angry band of exiled sexual predators roaming across the countryside and that could threaten public safety everywhere.” That is not likely in my book. I do not picture that happening. There he attempted to gain sympathy for sex offenders by trying to show us how such policies would negatively affect us. Again, I think sometimes these anti criminal housing policies can go overboard, but I doubt an
yone would even blink an eye at this. People do not care if life is difficult for criminals.

  I was so intrigued about the whole stigma of sex offenders and this enabled me to get an inside glimpse of that.

  Johnson, Spencer, M.D.

  1998: Who Moved My Cheese?: An Amazing Way to Deal

  With Change In Your Work and In Your Life. New

  York, NY: G.P. Putnam's Sons.

 

  Lately, I have been trying to find books about blessings in disguise. Unfortunately, I find few to none listings under this topic. I found a book with the title "Blessings in Disguise" and after I paged through it at the shelf, I decided it did not look that interesting. I came across this work and decided to check it out. I have seen this work before, but

  I was not inspired to check it out.

  Ironically, the book is about blessings in disguise!! I did not know the book was about that! I know one blessing in disguise can totally change your life. All it takes is one. This book reaffirmed the perspective I have come to embrace and it further encouraged me to keep going with that mindset.

  Langdon, Ken and Christian Osborne

  2001:Performance Reviews. New York, NY: DK Publishing, Inc.

  Interesentingly enough, this book popped out at me soon before a performance review of my own. This book gave the perspective of the boss giving a performance review and as such goes, it seemed to be sensible. I have experienced two fair performance reviews and one unfair one, thus I know something like this can help.