Wedding Cake Wipe Out

by Donna Doyle

  Stay out of my life, or else…

  "I’ve never seen that weird paper in my life," Swaggart shrugged his shoulders.

  "Come on, man," JJ Barnes's angry voice boomed through the room. “I never thought much of Miss Molly Gertrude's accusations, but this is getting interesting."

  "Oh is it?" Swaggart fought back. "I wasn't even present at the wedding. You are all narrow-minded idiots. This is nothing but a witch hunt to discredit my legal dental work."

  "Is it?" Molly Gertrude fired back. "Then let me tell you how you set out to kill Abe," Molly Gertrude said.

  "You knew Abe Mortimer couldn't stand aspirin. He had told you so himself. But there was more than that. He had an intolerance for nuts as well. Nothing serious. Just a mild reaction, but whenever Abe Mortimer would eat nuts he would start to cough."

  "So?" Swaggart said with a scowl.

  "When he ate the cake, there were nuts in it. Of course, as a result, Abe coughed. Not because he choked on the cake, but because of the ground-up nuts in the cake. Thankfully, there was a very kind waiter, who ran up to help poor Abe. This kind waiter offered him some wine to flush away the so-called cake in his air passage."

  "Nice story," Swaggart shook his head.

  "Except," Molly Gertrude went on, "this waiter was not as kind as he pretended to be. He had put aspirin in the wine before he gave it to Abe. As soon as Abe drank it, his heart stopped working as it should. I checked this with the doctor. Aspirin is harmless, except for those people who have a condition as Abe Mortimer had."

  For a long moment, nobody said a word.

  "He should have died instantly," Molly Gertrude said at last with a sigh, “but old Abe is not one to give up without a fight!”

  "Well, I wasn't there," Swaggart said, as he got up. "I have an alibi for that day. I was with my patients in Trenton Valley."

  "Sit down," Digby hissed. "We will tell you when to leave."

  Swaggart shook his head in disgust, but lowered himself back into his seat. "Another policeman on a power trip," he mumbled as he cast Digby an angry glare.

  "Of course, you weren't there," Molly Gertrude went on. "You never get your hands dirty. You let other people take care of your dirty work."

  "You do not know what you are talking about," Swaggart hissed. "You are speaking nonsense."

  Molly Gertrude motioned with her hand for the waiter to give her some more water. The man stepped over with his tray. But, just as he went to hand Molly Gertrude another glass, Molly Gertrude, with a fast movement of her hand, pulled on the waiter’s hair.

  "W-What are you doing, Miss Grey," Charmayne gasped. The waiter let out a yelp as he dropped the glass of water and stared in bewilderment at Molly Gertrude.

  He was bald.

  Instantly, he jerked the wig back out of Molly Gertrude's hands, but everyone had seen what had happened. The man stared for a panic-stricken moment at Molly Gertrude, and then ran for the door.

  "Grab him Digby," Molly Gertrude shouted.

  Instantly Digby sprang into action, as if he were a professional football player, and threw himself on top of the waiter, tackled him and held him down in an iron grip.

  "Meet George Latimer," Molly Gertrude said as she knelt down next to Digby and the waiter and pulled the man's glasses off his nose as well, and removed his fake eyebrows. "Here is Billy's old buddy in crime, and Swaggart's present errand boy. We thought these hairy caterpillars were false moustaches,” Molly waved the limp fake eyebrows in her fingers, “but they are eyebrows designed to compliment your many alter-egos.”

  "George?" Billy jumped up, as he recognized his former friend. "I can't believe this, Is this true? Did you really try to kill Abe?"

  "I am sorry, Billy," George cried out. "You know how it is… I just couldn't get out of it."

  JJ Barnes let out a soft cry. "What horrors! And that in Calmhaven."

  Molly Gertrude spoke to Bald-Head, who stared at her from the floor with fearful eyes. "From the moment I first saw you in Miss Marmelotte's Tearoom," she said, "I knew I had seen you before. I just didn't know where, but then it came to me. You were also the waiter at the wedding party. Swaggart had gotten you into the wedding and knew about the nuts. He told you to be ready. As soon as Abe would start coughing, you were supposed to give him the aspirin infested wine. A smart move it was. No real poison. It was almost the perfect murder… but the brain behind it wasn't you, George… That was Salvatore Swaggart, alias Willy Wilmot. You were even able to sweep away the evidence pretending to clean up the broken glass. Very clever indeed!"

  But, in all the commotion nobody had been watching Swaggart. The man had pulled a gun out of his coat pocket.

  "Everybody back," he shouted in a hoarse voice. "Up against the wall, hands behind your heads."

  "Don't," JJ Barnes hissed. "The show is over, Swaggart. The whole state is going to be on the lookout for you."

  "I'll take my chances," Swaggart fumed. "Come on… Hurry. Up against the wall."

  Billy, Finney and Charmayne got up from their seats and slowly moved their noses towards the wall. "You too, Digby," he spat out the words.

  Digby released his grip on Bald-Head and got up on his legs.

  "It's all right," Barnes mumbled from the side. "Do as he says."

  "That's right," Swaggart huffed. "You too, Molly Gertrude Grey and Officer Barnes."

  At that instant the door was thrown open wide, and Miss Tilly appeared in the door. She was holding a glass of champagne, and stared with hazy eyes at the scene before her. "I-eh- So-Sorry," she slurred. "Looking for the ba-ba-bathroom."

  But George Latimer saw his chance.

  He knew the gig was up, and he no longer wanted to dance to the tunes of Willy Wilmot, or Salvatore Swaggart.

  In one swift move he forced himself up to his knees and while Miss Tilly ran off screaming, he jumped on Swaggart like a tiger. Both men fell backwards and crashed to the floor. Digby knew he should not wait for even a second, and he too jumped forwards.

  A shot sounded.

  Bald-Head screamed in pain and stared in horror at his leg. "I am hit…" he screamed. "Help me!" The gun had gone off and Swaggart had shot him in the leg. But it was Swaggart's last deed as Digby was way too strong for the dentist and forced the gun out of his hand.

  "Call an ambulance," Digby yelled. Then he turned back to Swaggart and hissed in his ear, "I think we've got more than enough evidence on you to put you away for more than twenty years."

  "Good work, Digby," Barnes mumbled to Digby. Then he turned to the others and said, "Go join the party… It's over. I got it all under control and will take it from here."

  Molly Gertrude sank down on a chair. She was as white as a sheet.

  "Are you all right?" Dora asked.

  "I think so, dear," she nodded as she looked up at Dora and cast her a weak smile. "That is quite enough excitement for one day."

  "Thanks for the birthday present," JJ Barnes told Molly Gertrude as he stepped out the door, hauling Swaggart along. "I am glad I was able to solve this troublesome case. Calmhaven can sleep safely again."

  Molly just nodded. No words came. At last, she turned to Dora and asked, "Do you mind driving me home, Dora. I would like to see Misty."

  "No problem, Miss Molly. Let's go. I could use a cup of your raspberry tea, and I wouldn't mind having a Silky Citrus Curd Cookie.”

  Molly Gertrude smiled. "You can have 10 of them, Dora. You deserve every one of them."

  19

  All’s Well That Ends Well

  "Would you mind being the Godmother of our baby, Miss Molly Gertrude?"

  Molly Gertrude frowned as she stared at Charmayne. "But I am in my seventies, Charmayne. How can I be a good Godmother?"

  Charmayne pressed her lips together. "The Bridal Agency then. You and Dora can both be godmothers. Will you please do me and Billy the honor?"

  Molly Gertrude threw up her hands and smiled. "How can I refuse, Charmayne. When is the baby due?"

  Charmayn
e rubbed her tummy. "The doctor says it will be another two months."

  "I am so glad for the two of you," Molly Gertrude whispered. "And you are feeling fine?"

  "Couldn't be any better," Charmayne replied. "Billy is doing well. He found a job at Tykes Lumberyard. He's almost done paying off his debts, and since we have joined Papa Julian's Bible studies for married couples, our married life is getting better every day."

  "I am so happy to hear that," Molly Gertrude said as she squeezed Charmayne's hand. “And how about my dear friend? How is he doing after such a scare?”

  Charmayne looked at Molly Gertrude with a warm expression. "Daddy is doing fine, Miss Molly. He came round the very day you exposed his would-be killers. It took a few weeks for him to regain his strength, but since then he’s been stronger and more intent on changing the world for good than ever before. It’s a bone-fide miracle, Miss Molly."

  “Well, my dear girl, we most certainly believe in those. The good Lord is a miracle worker in all of our lives!”

  “Things really couldn't be any better than they are at the moment. Thank you for helping me Miss Molly Gertrude. When I saw Daddy keel over that day, I just knew something was wrong, and I could only think of one person to go to. And that person was you, Miss Molly Gertrude Grey.” Charmayne smiled.

  Molly Gertrude shrugged. "I am just running a Bridal Agency. That's all."

  Charmayne chuckled. "You should change the name to the Snoopy Bridal Agency, or something like that. You and Dora make a great team, and Calmhaven can't do it without the two of you."

  Molly Gertrude smiled. "Hey… you want one of my Chocolate Delights. My new batch is just about ready, and you can be the judge of whether or not I put too much sugar in them. Want to try?"

  "I'd love to Miss Molly Gertrude. Probably good for my baby too."

  Molly Gertrude got up from her seat and disappeared into the kitchen. Charmayne inhaled the luscious scent of the chocolate cookies and smiled. "Thank you, God, for your goodness. Thank you for Billy, and Daddy, and for dear Molly and Dora.”

  Dora, who had been quietly sitting listening added one more note of gratitude to Charmayne’s heartfelt prayer.

  “And thank you, Lord, for chocolate delights!”

  In unison, Charmayne and Dora giggled their “amen” as Molly stepped back through the door with a tray filled with chocolate covered manna from heaven.

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