With Every Breath

by Everhart, Allie

  "Honey, don't worry about it," Ray says. "Your aunt is just kidding. You don't have to—"

  "Ray, stay out of this," Nora snaps, then says to Skye, "If you don't have the money, you'll need to earn it."

  Skye holds up the bill. "This is over a thousand dollars. It'll take me forever to earn that much while going to school. I won't be able to pay him for months. And where am I supposed to find a job? It's the middle of the semester. All the jobs are taken by now."

  Nora glances back at me. "I believe Mr. Stranski said he was looking for help. Perhaps he might consider you for a job."

  "Seriously?" Skye looks at her aunt like she's lost her mind. "I can't work at an auto shop. I don't know anything about cars."

  "Perhaps he has other tasks you could do. Cleaning up. Doing paperwork. Greeting customers. I'm sure he could find something."

  "Yeah, I don't think so." Skye shoves the estimate at her aunt. "I'll find some other way to pay for it."

  I walk over to them. "Actually, I wouldn't mind having some help."

  "No, thanks," Skye says. "I'm sure fast food is hiring. I'll go flip burgers."

  Folding my arms over my chest, I say, "But if you work for me, I get the money right away. You work somewhere else, I may never see it. You may go spend it on more black sweaters. Black t-shirts. Black—"

  "I wouldn't spend it," Skye says. "I'll get you your damn money."

  "Watch your language," Ray scolds from across the room.

  "Sorry," Skye mutters.

  Ray walks over and stands next to his wife. "I think it might be a good idea."

  "What?" Skye asks.

  "You working here. Helping to pay the bill. If it gets to be too much we'll help you out but let's see what you can do."

  "You seriously want me to work here? That doesn't even make sense." Skye points to me. "He won't even get paid anything. Whatever he gives me will go right back to him so it comes out even."

  "It saves me from having to hire someone and pay them," I explain. "So I actually do get paid, just indirectly. You'll essentially be working down your bill. When it's paid off, you're done."

  "So I won't see a paycheck," she says.

  "No. You'll just track your hours and I'll deduct what you make."

  "How much do I make?"

  "Ten dollars an hour."

  "That's a decent wage," Ray says.

  Skye's eyes bounce between her aunt and uncle. "I can't believe you guys are making me do this. You don't even know this guy. He could be a serial killer!"

  Nora looks me up and down. "He doesn't appear to be."

  I cleaned up to meet with them today. Shaved my face. Fixed my hair. Put on dark jeans and a button-up shirt.

  "Ever killed anyone?" Ray asks me.

  "Never."

  Ray turns to Skye and smiles. "Say hello to your new boss."

  She sighs. "Can we go now? You guys have a long drive back and we still haven't had lunch."

  Ray checks his watch. "We do need to get to lunch." He smiles at me. "Care to join us?"

  "What? No!" Skye says to her uncle. "He's not coming."

  "I didn't ask you," Ray says, then says to me, "What do you say?"

  "I'd love to join you. Thanks for asking."

  I smile at Skye, who's scowling at me. I don't know why she's so angry. She gets to work for me. See my smiling face every day. And check out my body, which I keep catching her doing. She pretends she doesn't like me but she clearly does. She wouldn't be so angry if she didn't.

  9

  Skye

  I can't believe they're making me work for him. And have lunch with him! Have they lost their minds? They don't even know him. They know nothing about him. He could be crazy and yet they want their niece to work at a garage in the middle of nowhere with some strange guy? He's huge. He could easily kill me with just his hands! Not that he would. He seems very gentle and kind, but that could all be an act.

  I'm sure it's not. He's clearly a nice guy given that he stayed up with me all night. I'm still shocked he did that and shocked that I actually slept. I haven't slept that long since Amy was alive. Was it because Travis was with me? He wasn't even there. He was just on the phone. But I felt better knowing I wasn't alone. And knowing he knew what I was going through.

  He doesn't really know what I'm going through. He lost his brother, but he wasn't the cause. It's different for me. I have to carry the guilt. The shame. The knowledge that I was the one responsible for Amy's death. That's something I can never tell anyone, which is why I always feel so alone.

  Last night, for the first time since her death, I felt some of that loneliness go away. It was a good feeling until the guilt crept in. The guilt I felt over feeling better when I should've been feeling worse. Last night should've been torture for me. I should've suffered, because that's what I deserve. To suffer for killing Amy. Taking her from her friends and family and the life she could have had if I hadn't been so stupid and careless.

  I should've been up all night thinking about her but instead I fell asleep. I slept on the one year anniversary of her death when I should've been up thinking about her. Remembering her. Telling her how sorry I am for what I did.

  When I woke up this morning I realized what I'd done and blamed it all on Travis. He was the one who calmed me down last night. His deep steady voice and soothing words somehow managed to lull me to sleep and before I knew it, it was morning.

  When I woke up I yelled at Travis, saying it was his fault I didn't stay awake for her. And as I said it I got even angrier, remembering where I was supposed to be this morning. He ruined my plans. Instead of being with Amy, I was back in my room, in my bed, like it was any other morning.

  I'm so confused. I no longer feel like I want to end my life but I can't figure out how I go on without Amy, knowing what I did. And then there's Travis. I feel something for him but I don't want to. I don't want to get involved with him, or even be friends with him. He asks too many questions and makes me talk about things I said I wouldn't talk about. Things about Amy and my aunt and all kinds of other personal stuff he shouldn't be asking.

  "How long have you been a mechanic?" Uncle Ray asks Travis as we wait for our food. This restaurant is usually really fast but today they're super slow.

  "Pretty much since I was a kid," Travis says with a laugh. "My dad had my brother and me working at the shop before we could even read. We grew up learning how to fix cars. My dad was hoping we'd both take over the shop one day but I ended up going to college."

  "Is that so?" Uncle Ray asks, sounding surprised. "What did you study?"

  "Engineering. Before taking over the shop, I was working as a design engineer at a start-up firm that develops new products and technologies."

  Travis sounds so smart and sophisticated talking about this, completely different than the country boy mechanic I met yesterday. It sounds like he used to have a totally different life, the life he wanted. Now he's living the life his brother wanted.

  "That's very impressive," Uncle Ray says. "So you came back after your brother passed?"

  "Yes. I don't know if Skye told you but my dad is in a convalescent home. He has dementia and it was getting to the point that I couldn't let him out of my sight. I wasn't able to run the business and take care of him."

  "I'm sorry to hear that," Aunt Nora says, folding her napkin over her lap.

  "I still go see him all the time. I know all the staff and they take great care of my dad. It's hard having him there but at least I don't have to worry."

  "You think you'll ever sell the business?" Uncle Ray asks.

  Travis sighs, shaking his head. "I really don't know. It's a hard decision. The place was my dad's dream. And then it was Seth's dream. Selling it just seems wrong."

  Uncle Ray nods. "I understand. I'm sure you'll make the right decision when the time comes."

  Our food arrives. Finally. I hope everyone eats fast so we can leave. It's really awkward having Travis here with my aunt and uncle. They ask way too
many questions. They do it with everyone and I've always found it embarrassing. It's why I never brought guys to the house.

  After the meal, the waiter brings the check and both my uncle and Travis reach for it.

  "Let me get that," Travis says.

  Uncle Ray snatches it up. "It's on me. We're the ones who invited you and it's our way of saying thanks for helping Skye out last night. I'm so glad you found that issue with the brakes. I should've had that car inspected before I sent her off to school."

  "They may not have found anything," Travis says. "I'm thinking she drove over something the past week or so and that's when it happened."

  "I don't remember driving over anything," I say.

  "You may not have noticed," he says. "It doesn't matter. We'll get it fixed."

  Uncle Ray smiles. "Should we go?"

  "Yes," I say, relieved we're finally done.

  "So about the job," Travis says to me as we're leaving the restaurant. "Can you start tomorrow?"

  "Um, I don't know. I'll have to check my class schedule."

  "Don't you know it by now? It's the end of September. Classes have been going on for weeks." He smiles slightly.

  He's loving this and I don't know why. Why would he want me to work at his garage? What am I even going to do? I can't fix cars.

  "My classes end at three. I guess I could come over after that."

  "Will she need to be there every day?" Uncle Ray asks.

  "That's up to her," Travis says, looking at me. "The more she works, the faster her bill will be paid off."

  "I'm sure she could find time to be there every day," Aunt Nora says to me with a smile. "Isn't that right, Skye? You're only taking three classes."

  This semester I didn't take a full class load, which annoyed Aunt Nora. She wants me to hurry up and graduate so I can get a job and stop living at her house. I want that too, but I didn't think graduating was how it would happen. If I'd done what I'd planned to do last night, she'd have her wish. She'd never have to see me again. Now my plans have changed and I'll have to take a heavy class load in the spring and go to summer school to catch up so I can graduate on time.

  "I'm not sure yet," I tell her in regards to my work schedule. "I'll figure it out."

  "Well, it was nice meeting you," Uncle Ray says to Travis, shaking his hand. "Give me a call if you find any more issues with the car."

  "Will do." Travis smiles at my aunt and uncle. "Nice to meet you both." Then he looks at me. "I'll see you tomorrow."

  "Yeah. Bye," I say, both annoyed and excited about seeing him again. I'm annoyed because I didn't want a job, especially with someone who knows so much about me. I shared way too much of myself last night. I let him see a side of me that nobody else has seen. But I'm excited because I really do like him and like being around him. Even though he asks a lot of questions—ones I don't want to answer—I like that he knows what I'm going through. The situation with his brother isn't the same as mine, but it's similar in that we both suffered a huge loss. One we're struggling to get past, although he's doing a much better job than me.

  "He seems like a nice young man," Uncle Ray says as we're driving back to my apartment.

  "He's okay," I say.

  "It was kind of him to offer you a job," Aunt Nora says in that tone she uses that implies I should be grateful instead of annoyed I have to work there.

  "About that," I say. "Is there any way I could get a loan for maybe half the cost of the work and I'll pay you back later?"

  Uncle Ray glances at Aunt Nora. "I suppose we could consider it but as of now we'd like you to give this a try. It'll be good for you to have a part-time job. If you show up there every day, I think you'll be surprised how quickly you'll pay it off. And if the bill is paid off by the end of the semester, we'll give you the car."

  The car is a silver Lexus sedan that's four years old but looks brand new. My uncle only keeps cars for a couple years before trading them in but he kept this one after the accident so I'd have something to drive, then bought himself a new BMW.

  "Ray, that's a very expensive car," Aunt Nora says in a disapproving tone. She doesn't want me having it. It's too nice of a car for the niece she can't stand and wishes would go away.

  "We don't need it," Uncle Ray says. "We'd just end up selling it after Skye graduates. She needs a car, so why not give it to her now? Assuming she sticks with this job and pays off the repair bill."

  "What if I can't pay it all off? The semester ends in two and half months. That's not much time."

  "Talk to Travis about it," Uncle Ray says. "I'm sure you can work something out. He's seems like a reasonable young man."

  "I don't think it's enough," Aunt Nora says.

  "What do you mean?" Uncle Ray says as he pulls up to my apartment.

  "We're giving her a car in exchange for paying off the repair? It's not enough. I think she should have to pay something for the car. It doesn't need to be the amount it's worth but it should be something. It shouldn't be free."

  If Amy were alive Aunt Nora would've given her the car without expecting anything in return. And she would've paid the repair bill. She's doing this because she hates me, and hates the fact that I lived and her beautiful, perfect daughter died.

  "We'll discuss it later," Uncle Ray says as he parks. He shuts off the car. "Skye, I'll walk you up."

  "You don't need to," I say, opening the door. "You guys should be heading back. I'm sure you have things to do."

  "Wait here, dear," Uncle Ray says to my aunt. "I'll just be a minute."

  Aunt Nora pulls down her visor and checks her makeup while Uncle Ray gets out of the car. He puts his arm around me as he walks me to the door.

  "You can go," I tell him. "I don't need you to walk me upstairs."

  He chuckles. "I'm walking you up so stop telling me not to."

  We go up the stairs because it's faster than the elevator. When we get to the apartment, Heidi is walking out.

  "Hi, Skye!" she says with a smile. "Hi, Mr. Cooper."

  "Heidi, nice to see you." He gives her a smile. "Where are you off to?"

  "Just grabbing a coffee with Brad. Then we might go to the library to study." She smiles at Uncle Ray. "Here for a visit?"

  "Actually, Skye had some car trouble last night so we drove up to meet with the mechanic."

  "Car trouble?" Heidi looks at me. "What happened?"

  "It was nothing. Just some brake fluid leaking out so it had to be towed. And there were some other issues, but nothing too serious."

  "It had to be towed?" she says. "Why didn't you call me to pick you up?"

  "I figured you were with Brad. I didn't want to bother you. The tow truck guy gave me a ride home."

  "Where'd it break down?"

  "It was—" I almost say the bridge but then quickly correct myself. "Not far from here. Anyway, tell Brad I say hi."

  "She was at the laundromat," Uncle Ray says to Heidi. "But I hear you got your washer working again."

  Heidi looks at him funny. "Our washer wasn't broken. I used it yesterday before I left, and again this morning."

  "Heidi, you should go," I hurry to say. "You don't want to be late meeting Brad."

  She eyes me, knowing I lied to my uncle. She shouldn't judge me for that. She lies to her parents all the time.

  "Good seeing you, Mr. Cooper," she says as she walks off.

  "You as well." He gives her a wave.

  I wait until she's gone, then say to my uncle, "Well, have a good trip back."

  "Let's go inside," he says, walking into my apartment. He goes straight to the couch and sits down. "Have a seat."

  Damn. He wants to talk. I should've known I couldn't make it their whole visit without a talk.

  "Uncle Ray, you should go. You know how Aunt Nora hates waiting in the car."

  "She'll be fine." He pats the couch. "Come sit down."

  I reluctantly walk over there and sit beside him. "What is it?"

  "Last night was a significant night."

>   I look down. "I know."

  "Your aunt and I really wanted to be with you," he says, his voice softening. "I wish you had let us."

  "I just..." I pause. "I just wanted to be alone. And I thought...I thought being around me might remind you of her and what happened and—"

  "You shouldn't have been alone." He puts his hand on my shoulder. "Skye, look at me."

  My eyes raise to his.

  "Did you go there last night?" he asks. "Did you go to the bridge?"

  I don't answer, my heart pounding against my chest.

  "Is that where you were?" he asks. "Tell me the truth. You weren't at the laundromat last night. You were there, weren't you?"

  I swallow and look away.

  "Skye, why would you go there?" Both of his hands are on my shoulders now as he turns me toward him. "Talk to me."

  I shake my head, willing myself not to cry.

  "Why?" he asks. "Why won't you talk to me? What happened with us? We used to talk all the time. You were the only person I could talk to about her. Nora still shuts down if I even bring up her name." His voice stutters like he's about to cry.

  I remain strong, doing everything possible not to break down. I feel so bad for him. I know he's still struggling and needs someone to talk to but I can't be that person for him anymore. It hurts too much to feel the pain that comes with talking about her. Before, I saw an end to that pain. Last night would've been the end. But now? I have to find a way to live with it and talking about it isn't the answer.

  "I'm sorry, Uncle Ray, but I can't do it. I can't talk about her."

  He nods and is quiet a moment, then says, "Just tell me if you were there. Tell me if you were at the bridge last night."

  I keep quiet.

  "Travis would tell me. If I asked him where he found you, he'd tell me."

  Knowing him, he probably would. He'd think he was helping me by telling my uncle. Travis knows I'm not over what happened. Not even close. But I don't want him telling my uncle that, or even talking to him.

  "Yes," I say so he won't call Travis and ask. "I was there."