The O'Ruddy: A Romance

by Stephen Crane

  CHAPTER XIII

  "So that is the way of it, is it?" said the Earl, grinning. "And whydid you not take it to some clerk?"

  "My lord," said I with dignity, "the papers were with me in trust foryou. A man may be a gentleman and yet not know how to read and write."

  "'Tis quite true," answered he.

  "And when I spoke of the tutor in London I did not mean to say that Iwould use what knowledge he imparted to read your papers. I was merelyblushing for the defects in my education, although Father Donovanoften said that I knew half as much as he did, poor man, and him aholy father. If you care to so direct me, I can go even now to mychamber and make shift to read the papers."

  "The Irish possess a keen sense of honour," said he admiringly.

  "We do," said I. "We possess more integrity and perfect sense ofhonour than any other country in the world, although they all say thesame of themselves, and it was my own father who often said that hewould trust an Irishman as far as he could see him and no more, butfor a foreigner he had only the length of an eyelash."

  "And what do you intend with the papers now, O'Ruddy?" said he.

  "I intend as I intended," I replied. "There is no change in me."

  "And your intentions?" said he.

  "To give them into the hands of Lady Mary Strepp and no other," said Iboldly.

  I looked at him. He looked at me.

  "Lady Mary Strepp, my daughter," he said in ironic musing. "Would nother mother do, O'Ruddy?" he asked softly.

  I gave a start.

  "She is not near?" I demanded, looking from here to there.

  He laughed.

  "Aye, she is. I can have her here to take the papers in one shortmoment."

  I held up my hands.

  "No--no--"

  "Peace," said he with a satanic chuckle. "I was only testing yourcourage."

  "My lord," said I gravely, "seeing a bare blade come at your breast isone thing, and running around a table is another, and besides you haveno suitable table in this chamber."

  The old villain laughed again.

  "O'Ruddy," he cried, "I would be a well man if you were always nearme. Will I have a table fetched up from below?--'twould be easy."

  Here I stiffened.

  "My lord, this is frivolity," I declared. "I came here to give thepapers. If you do not care to take them in the only way in which Iwill give them, let us have it said quickly."

  "They seem to be safe in your hands at present," he remarked. "Ofcourse after you go to London and get a tutor--ahem!--"

  "I will be starting at once," said I, "although Father Donovan alwaystold me that he was a good tutor as tutors went at the time inIreland. And I want to be saying now, my lord, that I cannotunderstand you. At one moment you are crying one thing of the papers;at the next moment you are crying another. At this time you are havinga laugh with me over them. What do you mean? I'll not stand thisshiver-shavering any longer, I'll have you to know. What do you mean?"

  He raised himself among his cushions and fixed me with a bony finger.

  "What do I mean? I'll tell you, O'Ruddy," said he, while his eyesshone brightly. "I mean that I can be contemptuous of your plot. Youwill not show these papers to any breathing creature because you arein love with my daughter. Fool, to match your lies against anex-minister of the King."

  My eyes must have almost dropped from my head, but as soon as Irecovered from my dumfounderment I grew amazed at the great intellectof this man. I had told nobody, and yet he knew all about it. Yes, Iwas in love with Lady Mary, and he was as well informed of it as if hehad had spies to watch my dreams. And I saw that in many cases a loverwas a kind of an ostrich, the bird which buries its head in the sandsand thinks it is secure from detection. I wished that my father hadtold me more about love, for I have no doubt he knew everything of it,he had lived so many years in Paris. Father Donovan, of course, couldnot have helped me in such instruction. I resolved, any how, to bemore cautious in the future, although I did not exactly see how Icould improve myself. The Earl's insight was pure mystery to me. Iwould not be for saying that he practised black magic, but any how, ifhe had been at Glandore, I would have had him chased through threeparishes.

  However, the Earl was grinning victoriously, and I saw that I mustharden my face to a brave exterior.

  "And is it so?" said I. "Is it so?"

  "Yes," he said, with his grin.

  "And what then?" said I bluntly.

  In his enjoyment he had been back again among his cushions.

  "'What then? What then?'" he snarled, rearing up swiftly. "Why, thenyou are an insolent fool: Begone from me! begone! be--" Here somespasm overtook him, a spasm more from rage than from the sickness. Hefell back breathless, although his eyes continued to burn at me.

  "My lord," said I, bowing, "I will go no poorer than when I came, savethat I have lost part of the respect I once had for you."

  I turned and left his chamber. Some few gentlemen yet remained in thedrawing-room as I passed out into the public part of the inn. I wentquietly to a chamber and sat down to think. I was for ever going tochambers and sitting down to think after these talks with the Earl,during which he was for ever rearing up in his chair and then fallingback among the cushions.

  But here was another tumble over the cliffs, if you like! Here wasgenuine disaster. I laid my head in my hands and mused before mylonely fire, drinking much and visioning my ruin. What the Earl saidwas true. There was trouble in the papers for the old nobleman. Thathe knew. That I knew. And he knew with his devilish wisdom that Iwould lose my head rather than see her in sorrow. Well, I could bide atime. I would go to London in company with Paddy and Jem Bottles,since they owned all the money, and if three such rogues could notdevise something, then I would go away and bury myself in a war inforeign parts, occupying myself in scaling fortresses and capturingguns. These things I know I could have performed magnificently, butfrom the Earl I had learned that I was an ill man to conduct an affairof the heart.

  I do not know how long I meditated, but suddenly there was a greattumult on the stairs near my door. There were the shouts and heavybreathings of men, struggling, and over all rang a screech as fromsome wild bird. I ran to the door and poked my head discreetly out;for my coat and waistcoat were off as well as my sword, and I wishedto see the manner of tumult at a distance before I saw it close. As Ithrust forth my head I heard a familiar voice:

  "And if ye come closer, ye old hell-cat, 'tis me will be forgettingrespect to my four great-grandmothers and braining you. Keep off! Am Inot giving ye the word? Keep off!"

  Then another familiar voice answered him in a fine high fury. "And yougallows-bird, you gallows-bird, you gallows-bird! You answer me, doyou! They're coming, all, even to the hangman! You'll soon know how todance without a fiddler! Ah, would you? Would you?"

  If I had been afflicted with that strange malady of the body whichsometimes causes men to fall to the ground and die in a moment withouta word, my doom would have been sealed. It was Paddy and Hoity-Toityengaged in animated discussion.

  "And if ye don't mind your eye, ye old cormorant--" began Paddy.

  "And you would be a highwayman, would you, gallows-bird--" began theCountess.

  "Cow--" began Paddy.

  Here for many reasons I thought it time to interfere. "Paddy!" Icried. He gave a glance at my door, recognized my face, and, turningquickly, ran through into my chamber. I barred the door even asHoity-Toity's fist thundered on the oak.

  "It's a she-wolf," gasped Paddy, his chest pressing in and out.

  "And what did you do to her?" I demanded.

  "Nothing but try to run away, sure," said Paddy.

  "And why would she be scratching you?"

  "She saw me for one of the highwaymen robbing the coach, and there wasI, devil knowing what to do, and all the people of the inn trying toput peace upon her, and me dodging, and then--"

  "Man," said I, grabbing his arm, "'tis a game that ends on the--"

  "Never a bit," he interrupted
composedly. "Wasn't the old witch drunk,claws and all, and didn't even the great English lord, or whatever,send his servant to bring her in, and didn't he, the big man, stand inthe door and spit on the floor and go in when he saw she was forbattering all the servants and using worse talk than the sailors Iheard in Bristol? It would not be me they were after, those menrunning. It would be her. And small power to them, but they were nogood at it. I am for taking a stool in my hand--"

  "Whist!" said I. "In England they would not be hitting great ladieswith stools. Let us hearken to the brawl. She is fighting themfinely."

  For I had seen that Paddy spoke truth. The noble lady was engaged inbattling with servants who had been in pursuit of her when she was inpursuit of Paddy. Never had I seen even my own father so drunk as shewas then. But the heart-rending thing was the humble protests of theservants. "Your ladyship! Oh, your ladyship!"--as they came up one byone, or two by two, obeying orders of the Earl, to be incontinentlyboxed on the ears by a member of a profligate aristocracy. Probablyany one of them was strong enough to throw the beldame out at awindow. But such was not the manner of the time. One would think theywould retreat upon the Earl and ask to be dismissed from his service.But this also was not the manner of the time. No; they marched upheroically and took their cuffs on the head and cried: "Oh, yourladyship! Please, your ladyship!" They were only pretenders in theirattacks; all they could do was to wait until she was tired, and thenhumbly escort her to where she belonged, meanwhile pulling gently ather arms.

  "She was after recognizing you then?" said I to Paddy.

  "Indeed and she was," said he. He had dropped into a chair and waslooking as if he needed a doctor to cure him of exhaustion. "She wouldbe after having eyes like a sea-gull. And Jem Bottles was all fordeclaring that my disguise was complete, bad luck to the little man."

  "Your disguise complete?" said I. "You couldn't disguise yourselfunless you stood your head in a barrel. What talk is this?"

  "Sure an' I looked no more like myself than I looked like a wild manwith eight rows of teeth in his head," said Paddy mournfully. "My ownmother would have been after taking me for a horse. 'Tis that oldcreature with her evil eye who would be seeing me when all the otherswere blind as bats. I could have walked down the big street in Corkwithout a man knowing me."

  "That you could at any time," said I. The Countess had for somemoments ceased to hammer on my door. "Hearken! I think they aremanaging her."

  Either Hoity-Toity had lost heart, or the servants had gained somecourage, for we heard them dragging her delicately down the staircase.Presently there was a silence.

  After I had waited until this silence grew into the higher silencewhich seems like perfect safety, I rang the bell and ordered food anddrink. Paddy had a royal meal, sitting on the floor by the fireplaceand holding a platter on his knee. From time to time I tossed himsomething for which I did not care. He was very grateful for mygenerosity. He ate in a barbaric fashion, crunching bones of fowlsbetween his great white teeth and swallowing everything.

  I had a mind to discourse upon manners in order that Paddy might notshame me when we came to London; for a gentleman is known by the waysof his servants. If people of quality should see me attended by sucha savage they would put me down small. "Paddy," said I, "mend yourways of eating."

  "'My ways of eating,' your honour?" said he. "And am I not eating allthat I can hold? I was known to be a good man at platter always. SureI've seen no man in England eat more than me. But thank you kindly,sir."

  "You misunderstand me," said I. "I wish to improve your manner ofeating. It would not be fine enough for the sight of great people. Youeat, without taking breath, pieces as big as a block of turf."

  "'Tis the custom in my part of Ireland," answered Paddy.

  "I understand," said I. "But over here 'tis only very low people whofall upon their meat from a window above."

  "I am not in the way of understanding your honour," said he. "But anyhow a man may be respectable and yet have a good hunger on him."