Third Strike

by BJ Harvey

  All I can do is focus on breathing.

  She squeezes my fingers, and when I look up from my lap, I see her soft eyes seeking mine. “You’ve been lost for a long time, but whenever I see you look at my daughter, and when she looks back at you, you’re both found.”

  “Nina, I think—”

  She clears her throat and shoots me a mom glare, the likes of which Millen and I haven’t seen in years. It still sends a chill through me, same as it always has.

  “The only thing you’ve been thinking about is how not to let yourself have what you really want, and stringing my daughter along as you go.”

  “But Mill—”

  “My son is a grown man who does not get to dictate anyone’s life but his own, and he may be mad, but he’d get over it as soon as he saw how happy you and Ash would be together.”

  “And the years of lying?”

  “Are you together now?”

  “You think I would’ve let her leave for Europe if we’d been together in the way we both wanted to be?”

  “I think you wouldn’t have been able to stop her, but that’s not the point. Are you together now?”

  “No.”

  “Do you want to be?”

  “Nina…”

  “Do you love her?”

  “I’ve never stopped.”

  Her eyes go soft, a sheen of tears covering her eyes. “Then take it from a woman with very little time left.” She lifts my hand to her cheek. “Do it right, and make it count, Andrew. Make sure she has absolutely no doubt of the way you feel about her, that there’s nothing more you’ll ever want and need in life than her and her love.”

  My voice cracks, and for the first time a long while, I don’t try and hide my emotion. “I already lost her once.”

  “And yet my gentle-hearted daughter was there for you the night you saved my son from making the biggest mistake of his life.”

  “I don’t deserve her.”

  “I don’t agree with that but until you believe it, you can’t be the man she already sees you to be.”

  “And Lana?”

  Nina lowers our hands back to the bed, not hiding her sneer. “That woman doesn’t deserve anything more from this family or you, but that baby of yours has done absolutely nothing. You have to remember that.”

  “I love you, Nina. You’re the best second-mom a guy like me could have ever hoped for.”

  The dam breaks, a single tear trailing down each side of her face. She squeezes my fingers in hers.

  “I love you too, Andrew. Now don’t let any more time pass you by before you tell my daughter the same thing. Do it right and make it count.”

  I leave Nina as she dozes off to sleep, her eyelids slowly closing as I talked about work and my father and other completely random things as she finally drifted off.

  With a long look before closing the door, I whisper one last promise to the other mom in my life. “I’ll make it right, then I’ll make her mine. I promise.”

  Nina Grace Ross passed away at home surrounded by her extended family, aged fifty-six years’ old. Knowing her time was close, she had planned her funeral with the help of Ash and Kenzie, leaving absolutely no detail undecided. White and pink lilies and yellow and cream orchids adorned her coffin as Millen, his dad, Gaby’s boyfriend, Bruno, Benny, James, and I carried her from the church and out to the waiting car, which took her to the crematorium.

  One month later, we all drove to the lake to scatter her ashes out on the water as per her final wishes.

  It was painful. It hurt just as much as when my own mother passed away, but her last words to me have become a sort of solace, advice that I now plan to live my life by.

  Do it right and make it count.

  Now all that’s left to do is make it happen.

  Almost six months have passed, and Lana’s due date is now three weeks’ away. She tried to play the “you could miss the birth” card a few months ago to guilt me into not going to Millen and Kenzie’s wedding. This was something I very quickly quashed as I made it clear that there was no way I would miss my best friend’s wedding after everything I put him through.

  A lot of things have happened since Nina passed away, the biggest thing being Ashley moving to Davis. She was going to stay with Millen and Kenzie for a little while, the Ross siblings having grown closer since their mom’s death, but then, fortuitously, Gaby and Bruno decided to move to Indiana and offered Gaby’s place to Ash. So, she had a new house, then a month after moving in, she had a new job, a post-doctoral position at UC Davis.

  It means she is closer to me. Our close friendship is still strictly platonic, and since the day Lana turned up to my house unannounced and came face-to-face with her, Ashley seems to have avoided being alone with me.

  That’s also the day before I got so drunk I couldn’t think straight and called Millen, asking for his help.

  “Are you home tonight?” Lana asks from my bedroom doorway. The reason why Ashley, Millen, and Kenzie haven’t been to my house—I haven’t told them about my new roommate. With her father cutting her off from the family fortune, and her inability to work due to being in her third trimester, Lana had to give up her lease and had nowhere to go. She also played on my emotions, telling me our son needed his father around.

  A big lawyer’s bill and a hell of a lot of stipulations later, she moved into my guest room.

  The reason why I’m looking forward to escaping to the south of France for a week? I need some space to think.

  That’s a lie. I need Ash. With everything going on—doctor’s appointments, birthing classes, lawyer visits, and work trips—and Ash’s new job, there hasn’t been a good time to have our well-overdue conversation. There have still been texts and the occasional phone call, and Millen and Kenzie’s engagement party, but this weekend I plan on explaining everything and telling her what I should’ve said five years ago.

  If I ever get packed and to the airport. Seems Lana has forgotten about my trip or is angling to make me forget. “I’m leaving tonight, remember?”

  “That’s right. Sorry. Baby brain.” She taps the side of her head and smiles at me. I’m sure there is a nice person in there somewhere, behind all the manipulation, scheming, and gold-digging, but I’m still trying to find it. I hold out hope that our son will have a caring mom like I had—twice.

  One thing I am grateful for is that she has kept up with all her appointments and has done everything she’s supposed to be doing. I’m assured by both Lana and her doctors that our son is healthy and is in the top percentile for weight and length for his gestation. I never thought I’d be spouting off words like percentiles and gestation.

  “Want me to drive you?” she asks, saccharine-sweet, earning narrowed eyes and a quirked brow from me.

  “I’m good, thanks.” Knowing my luck, the car would “break down,” and I’d miss my flight. Given it’s the last chance I’ll have to get to the wedding in time, I’m not risking anything. “Mark is taking me.”

  “Mark? I haven’t heard of him before,” she says, sounding put out like she has any right to know anything about my life.

  I sigh, shaking my head and turning back to my open suitcase. “He’s a friend from the bar. Now, if you don’t mind, I really need to finish packing.”

  “Oh… okay. I’ll leave you to it then…” She has the audacity to sound hurt, but not wanting to play into her games—of which I’ve become very accustomed to of late—I refuse to look over my shoulder to acknowledge her comment.

  “Mark will also be available should anything need doing around the house, but I doubt you’ll need to call him at all…” I leave that hanging, my insinuation clear as day, “… since I’m only gone for a week.”

  “Right. Well, I’ll get out of your way then,” she snaps. Ah, there she is.

  “Thank you!” I call out after the sound of her footsteps disappear.

  An hour later, I’m walking across my front yard with my suitcase and lifting it into the trunk of Mark’s ca
r just as Lana comes to the front door, calling out to me, “Drew, baby, you didn’t give me a kiss.” She pouts and tries her best to look genuinely sad.

  “You can cut it out, Lana. Mark already knows you live here.”

  “Does he know we’re—”

  “Having a baby? Yes, Lana, everyone knows that. Remember?”

  She narrows her eyes at me and feeling daring, I shoot her a wave before getting into the passenger seat and closing the door.

  Mark looks at me and shakes his head, a huge smirk on his face. “You know you’re totally fucked for the next eighteen years, right?”

  “Don’t fucking remind me. Let’s go before she turns on the waterworks.”

  His eyes go wide. “She would do that?”

  “I wouldn’t put anything past her this week.”

  “Alright then. To the airport we go.”

  Thirteen hours after my plane takes off from San Francisco, I land in Nice. I quickly grab my bags, get in a cab, and head for the hotel.

  After my first look at the orange and purple sky framing the dark blue sea, I know this isn’t just a chance for me to escape the clusterfuck that is now my life. This is a chance to make new memories with Ash in paradise.

  First step, checking in and finding Millen. After the disappearing act I pulled at his last wedding, he was nervous when I couldn’t fly out with everyone else two days ago.

  He knows about Lana and the legal hassles she’s been causing me. He just doesn’t know to what extent, something he doesn’t need to know the day before his wedding. The wedding that almost didn’t happen because of me. I’m determined not to let anything screw this trip up. Not me, and definitely not Lana.

  “Look who finally decided to turn up,” Millen says as I’m standing at the reception desk. I hand over my credit card and turn to see him walking toward me, Kenzie by his side.

  “Hey, Drew,” she says, giving me a big hug and squeezing tight. “So glad you’re here.”

  “And a day before the wedding this time.” Millen’s smirk is wide, and although part of me still regrets everything I did to bring Lana into my life, I’m also glad we’re all now at a point where we can make jokes about it.

  “Where is everyone?” I ask, having taken my room key from the lovely—yet far too young to be making eyes at me—receptionist.

  “Dad and Kenzie’s father are playing a round of golf together, and Gaby and Bruno are sightseeing.” And Ash? I want to ask.

  Thankfully, Kenzie answers my unasked question. “And Ash is supposed to be working in her hotel room. Apparently, she had a few emails to reply to before not checking her computer at all for the next week.”

  “She promised me she was actually going to take a vacation, not use it as a working holiday,” Millen grumbles, earning a smile from his wife-to-be.

  “Turn that frown upside down, Mr. Ross, or I’ll be forced to use one of my many tricks to get a smile on that handsome face.” The look they send each other is so heated I’m almost worried they might set off the fire alarm.

  And that’s my cue to leave.

  I clear my throat, earning an annoyed scowl from my best friend and a blush from Kenzie. “I think I’ll go up to my room, have a shower, and relax. What time is dinner?”

  “Seven thirty in the restaurant. We’ve booked the whole outside terrace for everyone.”

  “Sounds good. Now, shouldn’t you two be doing something pre-wedding related?” I waggle my brows, and Kenzie bursts out laughing.

  “Yes, I think we should. What do you say, hubby?”

  Millen tightens his grip around her waist and pulls her in closer. “Hubby? I like how that sounds.”

  “Yeah. My other husband likes it too.”

  Millen’s growl and hard kiss on her lips takes me past my limit of PDA viewing. “See you later, lovebirds.” I shoot them a wave and walk toward the elevator bank, stopping mid-step. I spot an absolutely gorgeous-looking Ashley standing there in a long red sundress, waiting to go up. Memories of Vegas and that night together hit me—and make me—hard.

  “Hey, stranger,” I say as I reach her side.

  “Hey.” She beams at me, and it hits me like a Mack truck just how much I’ve missed her looking at me that way. “You’re here.”

  “And not a pregnant bride in sight. I’m losing my touch,” I add with a wink.

  “Oh my god,” she says with a spluttered laugh. “How can you even joke about that? Don’t let Millen hear you.”

  Now it’s my turn to grin. “He’s already made a joke about his last wedding and my disappearing act. I almost think he’s relieved I’m here a day early.”

  “I bet. And no baggage?”

  I quirk a brow because I know she doesn’t mean my suitcase. “Absolutely no unwanted luggage this time around. I made sure that was left back in America, far, far away from everyone.”

  “Smart choice.”

  “The only choice.”

  I don’t miss her subtle attempt at giving me sneaky look-over, probably because at the same time I give her a completely obvious one. Her smile widens when she catches me doing it, and I swear I’m blinded by its beauty. In our years apart, I often wondered if I’d over-romanticized memories of the years we spent stupidly not being together. I knew I’d made mistakes—like we all do when we’re young. My only regret is taking too damn long to stake my claim, consequences be damned. If there’s one thing these past nine months dealing with Millen and Kenzie, the non-wedding, Nina’s passing and all of Lana’s issues have taught me, it’s that life’s too fucking short to waste trying to make everyone else happy when you’re not even happy yourself.

  With the elevator almost here, I need to say something now if I have any hope of getting her alone.

  “Have you got plans tonight? I mean…” My mouth goes dry. I’m suddenly as nervous as a virgin on prom night.

  She scrunches her forehead, and I fight against the sudden need to kiss that adorable look right off her face. “I don’t think so. Why? Do you wanna do something?” She bites her lip.

  I’m forced to squeeze my hands into tight fists to keep them to myself. “We could go get a drink somewhere? Find a quiet bar?”

  She gifts me a small smile. “I’d like that. With work and moving and. . .”

  “Lana,” I say, matter-of-factly.

  “Yeah.”

  “I just thought it was easier to give you space and maybe. . .I think I needed some space too.”

  A bell rings, and the metal elevator doors slide open.

  Grabbing the handle of my suitcase, I move forward, leaning close just as I’m about to pass by. Her breath hitches and I swear, sparks of energy snap between us. “She’s not here, Ash, and after always having an excuse between us, I’m not going to let her become another one. It’ll just be you and me, and now that I’ve seen you, I’m really fucking looking forward to tonight.”

  Later that evening, the wedding party—Millen, Kenzie, Gaby, and myself—have a quick run-through of the ceremony on the beach with the minister before returning to the hotel’s restaurant for a low-key rehearsal dinner. Ash sits at a table with her dad, the empty chair beside him a sad reminder of one guest who would’ve loved to have been here.

  Millen stands, knocking a fork against his champagne glass to get everyone’s attention.

  When the room goes quiet, he looks down at Kenzie with eyes full of complete and utter devotion, leaving no doubt that they were made for each other.

  I clear my throat, shooting Millen a shit-eating smirk.

  “Yeah, yeah, Peters. I know. But can you blame me?”

  “Never. But considering you were close to committing lewd acts in a public place earlier today, can we hear your speech before you jump your wife-to-be?”

  That gets everyone laughing. Millen raises his glass my way. “My best friend, Drew, everybody. Fourteen long years I’ve been putting up with him, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.” I blow him a kiss just as he turns back to face the room. “But
enough about him. This time tomorrow I will be the happiest man in the world because this beautiful woman had a brief moment of insanity and agreed to marry me. You can bet I’m not going to let her back out now.”

  “Dammit,” Kenzie says, sounding exasperated. “Drew, our plans to run off together have been thwarted.”

  I bite my lip to hold back my grin.

  Millen’s lips twitch before he leans down, hooks his hand behind his fiancée’s head, and lands a hard and very determined kiss on her lips before standing up straight and shaking his head. “See? She’s totally certifiable.”

  The group starts laughing again, and I meet Ashley’s gaze. Her smile is wide and bright, her eyes sparkling in the fairy lights. She looks so relaxed, so free, so happy, and for a brief second, I rethink my plan.

  My vulnerable side wonders whether I could handle her rejection. We’re not the same as we were before. Then, I knew where I stood until she blew up the ground beneath me. But I’m sick of waiting. I’m sick of circumstances and consequences controlling my life. With everything that’s happened, now is the time for me to take the reins and get everything on track. That means Ash. She’s the restoring force for my equilibrium—my level center—and I want her back.

  She quirks a brow, her smile widening. “You’re staring,” she mouths.

  “So are you,” I reply.

  “So please raise your glasses to my beautiful wife-to-be and yourselves, our closest family and friends…” Millen’s voice wavers as his eyes lock on the empty chair beside his dad. Kenzie stands and wraps her arm around his waist, burrowing in close. “I know my mom is here with us this weekend too. This is all for you, Mom.”

  A big lump forms in my throat, the raw emotion on Millen’s face almost breaking me. Ash leans over and rests her head on her dad’s shoulder, her eyes shimmering with tears.