Cruel Desire

by K. A. Linde

  I arranged the Chinese takeout on the coffee table and streamed the first Harry Potter movie while she went to change. She came back out of her bedroom a few minutes later in black sweats and my Harvard Lacrosse sweatshirt.

  “So, that’s where that went,” I said with a laugh.

  She tugged on the sweatshirt and then grinned. “Yeah. I was accidentally wearing it when Josh showed up.”

  “Did he notice?”

  She sank into the couch. “Yeah.”

  “And?”

  “And what?” she asked, wide-eyed.

  “Does he know we’re together?”

  She tilted her head. “Are we together?”

  “You’re the one who is just getting out of a marriage. Whatever this is, it’s up to you.”

  “Okay,” she said.

  “But I think we are,” I added. “Together.”

  She smiled up at me, and it took a lot of self-control not just take her to the bedroom and remind her how much of mine she was.

  But she didn’t agree or disagree with the assessment otherwise. So, I let it go. It didn’t matter to me whether or not we were something. As long as she was here. The rest we could wade through when the time came.

  “Josh guessed that we’re together. I didn’t really say anything one way or another. He wasn’t happy to see it.”

  “Good,” I said vengefully.

  She snorted, reaching for the Chinese food. “You’re such a dude sometimes.”

  “Hey, he hurt you. I can be happy to see his downfall,” I said as I plopped down onto the couch next to her and dug into the noodles.

  She just laughed at me and picked at her rice. She ate like a bird. I watched her sigh over her food and barely touch it as we watched the first movie.

  I’d just turned on the second when she tilted her head back onto the couch and stared at the ceiling.

  “I quit my job,” she muttered.

  “Yeah. How are you feeling about that?”

  I pressed the pause button on the TV. I’d been waiting for her to be ready to talk again.

  “Shitty,” she said.

  “Even after what she did?”

  “Yeah. Margery found me. She helped build my career. She was like a parental figure to me.” She laughed sardonically. “The only good one in my life.”

  “And then she fucked you over.”

  “Yep,” she said, popping the end of the word. “Just like everyone else. All the time.”

  “Well, what’s the plan now?” I asked.

  She shook her head. “There is no plan. I was confident on the phone. Acted like I’d be able to take her down, but really, Court”—she finally met my gaze—“who the hell am I?”

  “You’re one of the most successful publicists in the industry.”

  “I’m not even a publicist. You know, technically, I don’t even work for you anymore. The contract was through Poise.”

  I grinned. “Well, that makes us a little easier.”

  “Yeah,” she said softly, “it does.”

  She silently chewed on her bottom lip. I knew that I was supposed to be sympathetic that she’d only quit her job because of what she’d found out. But I thought English was way ahead of the company she’d been working for. She didn’t need Poise. They needed her.

  “What am I even going to do? I have a non-compete. I know Margery is going to try to blacklist me from getting another job. And it’s not like I can start my own company.”

  “Why not?” I asked.

  She huffed and rolled her eyes. “I have five years of experience. Plus, I’m just breaking into the New York scene.”

  I shrugged. “So? Five years to become one of the best. That’s impressive as hell. And you have me for the New York scene. You have all of us.”

  She frowned as she looked at me. She thought I’d been joking, but now that she was looking at me, she could tell I was serious.

  “You actually think I could do it?”

  “No,” I said evenly. “I know that you could do it. Look what you did for me in six months, English. Fuck.”

  “Yeah, but… you’re different.”

  “I’m different in that I’m more difficult than your usual clients. In fact, I remember you telling me that I was the worst client you’ve ever had. So, if you can fix my problems, the sky’s the limit, right?”

  “Yeah. I did say that,” she said softly as if finally considering it as a real option. “But… I don’t know. I wouldn’t even know where to start. I’d need my own agency and a name and an office space. I’d need to contact my old clients. I’d need capital.” She sighed and shook her head. “That I don’t really have. Not until the divorce is finalized.” Then, she glanced around her apartment. “Well, maybe I could sell this place. I don’t know if I even could. I’m probably not supposed to make any big purchases or sales yet.”

  “Don’t worry about the money.”

  “What? Why wouldn’t I worry about the money?” she asked, her blue eyes returning to mine.

  “I can help.”

  “No way,” she said immediately.

  “It’s just money, Anna,” I said tightly. “What am I going to do with it?”

  “Court, you just got in trouble for giving Jane money. I could never ask you to help me with this.”

  I shrugged. “You didn’t ask. I offered.”

  She vigorously shook her head again. “It would look terrible. Not only did you just get arrested for this, but you were also my client the last six months. We were discreet for a reason. This would be a big splashy red sign in the middle of my divorce. Not to mention, public perception is everything. And right now, they’re on my side with Josh. It would hurt my integrity.” She sighed heavily and then reached for my hand. “But I appreciate the offer. Even if I can’t take it.”

  “Well, it’s on always on the table.”

  “I’ll find another way to get the money. I’m sure that I can get a loan,” she said, a crease forming between her brows.

  I could see all the steps she needed to make circle through her brain all at once.

  “Hey.”

  Her eyes refocused. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

  I grabbed her hand and tugged her into my lap. She straddled me and put her arms around my neck.

  “You can do it. I know you can. But you don’t have to figure it all out tonight. It’s been a busy day.”

  “True,” she agreed and then bent down to kiss me. “Thanks for being there for me today.”

  “Always. Plus, you told me you throat-punched Josh. I’m pretty sure today was great for me.”

  She pushed my shoulder. “You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”

  “Definitely no.”

  “Well, he’s on The Tonight Show today, and I think he’s going to say he has laryngitis.”

  “Because my ex-wife throat-punched me when I broke into her apartment doesn’t have a nice ring to it?”

  She snorted. “Oh my god, could you even imagine?”

  “It’d be hilarious.”

  She leaned forward and pressed her lips to mine. I was greedy with my time with her. I wanted more. I wanted faster. I wanted harder. But she was fragile right now. She didn’t need me pushing her facedown into the couch and fucking her like I wanted to do. She needed me to care for her. And I could do that.

  I gently tugged her hair out of the topknot and let the long strands cascade down her back. Then, I brushed them back off of her face and ran my fingers through the tresses. She purred like a kitten, which did nothing for the erection that was already forming.

  My hands slipped under the sweatshirt that she’d stolen from me. I ran my fingers and down her back before exploratively skimming her ribs. She squirmed against me, grinding her heat into me. I reflexively tightened my hands, and she stopped moving.

  She bit her lip. “Sorry.”

  “Why are you apologizing?”

  “You were being sweet, and then I…” She grinned devilis
hly.

  “You what?”

  “I was dry-humping you on the couch like a teenager.”

  I pressed her down more firmly against my cock. “Again, why are you apologizing?”

  “Oh, should I keep going?”

  “Fuck yes, you should,” I said immediately.

  She giggled, one hand going to her mouth to cover her devious smile. “Today has been a day,” she said softly. “Can I tell you something?”

  Her pussy pressed harder against me, and my brain functions were beginning to shut down. “Anything.”

  “Remember when you first went down on me?”

  My ears perked up. “How could I forget having you pinned against that wall with your leg over my shoulder?”

  She flushed all over. “Well… that was the first time I’d ever come from oral.”

  I froze in surprise, and then a pleased smile crossed my face. Satisfied. “Oh, really?”

  She nodded.

  “How is that possible?” I asked, dumbfounded.

  “I don’t know. A lot of selfish jerks?”

  “But you were married,” I blurted out.

  “Yeah. Well, Josh kind of… I don’t know… he wanted to rush to the main event.”

  “What a douche! I bet he made you give him blow jobs.”

  She wrinkled her nose. “I hated them, but… yeah.”

  “Douche. Fucking douche.”

  She laughed. “What? And you’ve never just gotten yours?”

  I shrugged. “Yeah. Sure. But not with a woman I intended to marry.”

  “And how many women have you intended to marry, Court?”

  “Touché,” I said with a head tilt. “Probably just Jane.”

  “Really?” she asked, her eyes wide.

  I glanced away. This was not the conversation I wanted to be having when my dick was hard as a rock and she was sitting on top of me.

  “Anyway, it doesn’t matter. Jane is in prison.”

  “Right,” she said easily. “Josh doesn’t matter either. They’re both liars.”

  Then, she leaned forward and claimed my lips with a possessiveness I’d never felt from her. Seeing Josh had really made it final. Over and done. I could feel it in the way her lips pressed against mine and the lightness to her limbs and the aggressiveness of her demeanor. She didn’t just want to be fucked. She wanted me.

  “I think we should try for another orgasm while I go down on you,” I told her, guiding her back toward the couch.

  She shook her head, holding on to me to stay upright. “Actually, I thought… we could try something else.”

  Then, she slipped to her knees in front of me.

  “You just said you hated them,” I said. Even though the thought of turning her down when she was expectantly sitting there would be pure torture. I’d done it that first night, but I hadn’t realized what I was giving up. That she might not offer again.

  “I hated being forced to give one,” she said. “It always felt, like, guilt. But… I want to make you feel good. The way you make me feel good.”

  “I’m not saying no, but you can stop at any time, Anna,” I said, reaching forward and cupping her cheek. I brushed my lips to hers.

  She groaned deep in the back of her throat, and fuck, my cock responded accordingly. I wanted to shove it straight down the back of her throat. But I knew I couldn’t do that. I was usually in control here. She was such a control freak in every aspect of her life that I loved when she gave it up to me. I’d guide her here if she wanted, but this was whatever she wanted.

  I shucked off my sweats and boxers, dropping them to the side before pulling my shirt over my head. English reached forward and gripped my cock in her slender hand. She experimentally stroked up and down, up and down. As if she were getting acquainted with me. My cock jerked in response, aching for more of her.

  She moved her body between my legs and then lowered her mouth onto the tip of my cock.

  “Oh fuck,” I groaned as her hot, wet mouth encircled me.

  She hummed in response. She opened wider and bobbed her head lower, taking more of me into her mouth. I didn’t think she could get me all in there. Not unless she had no gag reflex. But with her hand working me, it didn’t even fucking matter.

  I collected all of her hair into my hands, holding it out of her way. I wrapped it around one hand like a rope. As she dragged her way back up my cock, I had to remind myself not to use her hair to shove her back down. Self-restraint was not my forte.

  “Anna, oh god,” I said encouragingly. “Keep going.”

  She moved back down, taking me just a little further.

  “That’s right. Fuck.”

  From my view, I could see her straight back and her ass in the air while she was on her knees before me. Just the thought of taking her from behind again made me jerk up into her mouth.

  She coughed, and her eyes flickered up to mine in surprise.

  “You just feel so fucking good,” I groaned.

  She flickered her tongue out against the tip of my cock and met my gaze again. “Show me how you like it.”

  I arched an eyebrow. “Are you sure about that?”

  “I’ve been sure about everything with you, Court. I trust you.”

  That was a high praise. I took it that Anna English trusted very few people. And even fewer since what had happened with Josh.

  “Tap me if you need to stop.”

  “I won’t need to.”

  “Fuck,” I muttered. “Put your mouth back on my cock, Anna.”

  She shuddered between my legs, her body squirming. But she did as I’d said. Then, I used her hair like the rope I’d wanted to use, pushing her face down against me and thrusting at the same time. She opened her mouth wider. Her fingers dug into my thighs. But she didn’t stop me. She didn’t tap out.

  Her lips and her mouth and everything about her felt so fucking good. I should stop. I should pull back before I was done, but here she was, giving me exactly what I wanted. And she was getting off on it. Like I was the one going down on her.

  So, there was no way of stopping. Not as I fucked her mouth. Not after she’d begged me to.

  “Close,” I ground out. “God, you feel good.”

  And then my climax hit mercilessly, pouring out of me and deep down the back of her throat. She gagged once around me and then pulled back to swallow reflexively.

  “Holy fuck.” My eyes were closed, and I leaned back against the couch, panting. “Holy fuck.”

  “Yeah,” she said softly. Tears glistened under her eyes, and she swiped at them.

  “Are you okay?” I asked automatically. I hadn’t wanted to hurt her.

  She responded by stripping out of her sweats and thong. She dropped the sweats but handed me her underwear. They were soaking wet.

  “Fuck,” I said, my dick responding already. What the fuck was going on? I usually needed more rebound time than that. But I was already getting hard again. As if just the thought of her getting wet while giving me a blow job was too irresistible. “Come here.”

  She stripped out of my lacrosse sweatshirt and climbed back on top of me. This time, there was no fabric between us. No dry-humping.

  She hovered over my cock, just barely grazing it with her wetness.

  “Condom?” I forced myself to ask.

  “I’m on the pill.”

  “Are you sure?”

  She responded by spreading her legs wider on the couch and sliding her pussy onto my cock. My hands went to her hips, and I hissed through my teeth. Good fucking god, she felt so fucking incredible. It was impossible. Just fucking impossible that anyone could feel this good.

  She seated herself fully, and then with a smirk, she said, “I’m sure.”

  “You’re so… wet,” I said as my finger slipped down between us to graze her clit.

  She jerked like I’d hit her.

  “Sensitive?” I asked, making slow circles.

  “Jesus, I’m so close, and all I did was blow you.”
/>   I laughed as she bucked under my hand. “Now, you get how I feel every time I go down on you.”

  “Fuck, Court,” she said, her eyes snapping closed.

  Then, she began to move, lifting off of me and driving back down. Slow and steady and not at all the pace I wanted. So, I reluctantly stopped playing with her clit and gripped her hips in my sturdy hands, slamming her back down on my cock.

  “Oh!” she gasped out. “So deep.”

  “Good,” I said, doing it again and again.

  She was so primed from the blow job that it only took a few thrusts before she was coming all over my cock. She yelled out, “Oh fuck, god, fuck yes, god yes, fuck,” and held me still inside of her.

  When she was done and she looked back at me with glazed, satisfied eyes, I picked her up and carried her into the bedroom. I laid her out on the bed and spread her legs wide, wide, wider and then dragged her ass forward until it was nearly off the bed. Then, I entered her in one long thrust. Perfect height for my taking.

  She gripped the comforter with both hands as I fucked her hard and deep.

  Perhaps it should have been gentle after the day she’d had. Maybe it should have been a soft lovemaking. But this was what I liked… and this was what she responded to. That didn’t seem to change just because I’d finally admitted we were together.

  If anything, this felt more secure.

  More real.

  More us.

  29

  English

  Starting my own company sounded impossible. When Lark had suggested it a few months ago, I’d laughed at her. Called it ludicrous. But when Court had suggested it, somehow, it hadn’t sounded quite so crazy.

  I was actually contemplating it. Not just contemplating it, but I was also figuring out how to put it in action. Planning for it, looking into office space, and designing what I’d want my own company to look like. The twenty-year long-term goal had just become the right-now, get-the-fuck-to-work job.

  Which meant, while Court was busy at work each day, I had so much extra stuff to do. So much to do and so little time to do it. Especially since I needed to figure out what to do about Court… like yesterday. He wasn’t my client anymore. Which was good, considering how unethical it was that we were fucking… and how little I wanted that to stop.