by Eva Haining
“And what now?”
“You said you wanted to stay friends. This is me trying to do that.” His voice seems suddenly cold and detached.
“I’m not some obligation you have.”
“I know that. You’re not. But being your friend right now… it’s too hard.”
“Then why the hell are you talking to me?”
“Because it’s been killing me not to hear your voice or feel your body beneath mine.”
“If that’s really the way you feel, why can’t we try and find a way to make this work? No one actively seeks out a long-distance relationship, but when you lo… like someone enough, you at least give it a go. Maybe we’ll be the exception.”
“I’m sorry, Belle. All I can offer is friendship.”
“But you just said you can’t be my friend right now. What does that leave us with?”
“I don’t know.”
“Would you have tried the long-distance thing if it were Maisie asking?”
“What the fuck? Why would you ask that after the time we spent together?”
“Because you won’t tell me how you feel. Either you feel what I do, or you don’t. It’s pretty simple.”
“It’s not simple at all. I fucking love you! There, I said it. Do you feel better now?” He doesn’t even pause to let me answer. “Didn’t think so. It changes nothing.”
“It changes everything.” My voice betrays me, quivering with a desperate need for him. I hate that this is how he said it and that we’re in different states as we speak.
“No, it doesn’t. I wish it did, but I have a business to run, and you have a career to focus on. Maybe when things aren’t so raw, we can find a way to be friends, but right now, I can’t.”
“Then I guess there’s nothing left to say.”
“Take care of yourself, Belle.” He ends the call and shatters my heart into a million tiny fragments, scattering them to the winds. It’s over. It’s really over.
Thirteen
KNOX
I’ve read Belle’s notebook of song lyrics every night for weeks, her declaration of love in written form. I wish I were able to tell her she owns my heart and apparently, my cock. I haven’t been able to distract myself with meaningless sex. Not even close. Tequila and giving myself a hand job seem to be all I’m capable of doing.
I wasn’t lying when I told Belle I’d like to get to a place in the future where we can be friends. Not having her in my life at all is torturous on a good day. On the bad days, I’ve drowned my sorrows at Cardinals while Kirby goes back to confiscating my keys.
My only saving grace right now is the fact that work has me slammed. The new therapy center is under construction, and business is booming. Now that the farm is tied to Mustang Ranch, it seems to be having a knock-on effect. Orders are up, we’re upgrading some of the older outbuildings, and I’ve hired two new staff members. I’ve promoted Ben, so I can focus all of my attention on the center.
Mad and A.B. invited me over for dinner tonight and wouldn’t accept any excuses. They’re great and all, but being around happy couples in love isn’t my idea of a good time at the moment. That said, I’m trying to be a good business partner, and the odd dinner isn’t going to kill me.
When I pull up out front of Mad’s house, I remember the last time I was here with Belle. I managed to make an ass of myself that night, but it worked out in the end. Thinking about it now, I can see why Belle asked me if I would’ve tried to make it work with Maisie when we were together. The truth is, I probably would have. Not because I felt more for her than I do for Belle—in fact, the opposite is true—but because I had no idea what a life in the limelight looked like.
I’ve seen it now, up close and personal in Kingsbury Falls. I know what it feels like to be the ordinary guy who gets dumped for a household name. I wasn’t even in love with Maisie, and it felt pretty fucking bad. Feeling like I do about Belle, I don’t want to put myself in that position with her because, at the end of the day, she’d find someone on the road, someone in her profession, and I’d be there weighing her down. She’s such a kindhearted person, it would shred her when it came time to leave me behind.
Look at how she reacted to leaving after a month—she couldn’t even stay to let me say a proper goodbye. I did the right thing. She’ll see that soon enough and move on. I want the best of everything for her in this life. You only get one go around.
Whatever they’re cooking tonight, it smells great, the aroma hanging in the air on the front porch. Their oldest daughter, Rae, answers the door, yelling at her little sister to quiet down.
“Come in, you’re just in time, dinner is going on the table.”
“Hey, Rae. When did you get so tall?” I remember her when she was a baby, and suddenly I feel old as fuck. I know Mad and Jax are a bit older than me, but they have wives and families and a killer business, or businesses plural, to be correct.
“My dad says I’m going to be a basketball star if I get any taller. I think that would be cool if I were any good at basketball.”
“I’ve heard that helps.” She giggles as she runs off to tell her dad I’m here.
When Mad appears, he hands me a beer and nods in the direction of the kitchen. “I hope you’re hungry. I don’t know what got into A.B. today, but she’s made enough food to feed the whole town.”
“Who else is coming for dinner?” He knows what I’m asking. I really don’t want a repeat performance of last time.
“I learned my lesson, bro. Just us tonight.”
“Cool. Can I do anything to help?”
“We’re all set. Come grab a seat. How’s the new center coming along?”
“It looks amazing. You should come by and see it if you have time this week.”
“Sounds good to me. And you’ve moved into your house now, right?”
“Yeah. Feels a little weird at the moment, but it’s easier being right there while the center construction is going on.”
“I bet. It takes a while to get used to a new place, and I get the whole ‘living on the family land’ situation.”
“I’ve made my peace with that aspect of it all, and the new venture with you guys is letting me put my stamp on the place. I just…” I don’t even want to say her name right now.
“You just miss Belle.”
“Is it that obvious?”
“To anyone with eyes, yes. You got that goofy grin around her, the one I know I get when I look at A.B.” I hate that he can see right through me.
“Well, she’s gone now, and I just need to move on.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure. I might not answer, but you can ask.” I take a quick sip of beer, steeling myself for his question.
“Why are you so adamant about cutting ties with her? If you love her, surely you can figure the rest out?” I consider it for a second.
“I do love her. I’m in love with her, and that’s exactly why I let her go. She’s at the beginning of an incredible journey. I was there when she needed a shoulder to cry on. The fact that I could be a distraction for her is good enough for me.”
“Bullshit.”
“I know, but that’s what I’m telling myself, every second of every day right now, so just do me a solid and agree with me.”
“Okay, I won’t mention it again.”
“Thanks, bro.”
The rest of the evening goes by in easy conversation and delicious food. As always, the Hale family serves as the gold standard for the rest of us mere mortals. I know they didn’t have the easiest start—or restart—but they seem so effortless together.
When I leave them to get their little ones to bed, I’m not quite ready to head back to the farmhouse and stare at my beautifully painted walls. Instead, I head for Cardinals. Kirby can keep me company for an hour or two before I go home alone, again.
He’s not surprised to see me. I’ve become a fixture over the past few weeks.
“Hey, brother. I was beginning to think you�
��d gone and gotten yourself a woman to warm your bed tonight. You’ve been in here every night for two weeks, and I haven’t seen you even hit on someone.”
“I’m not a fucking machine, bro. I have feelings and shit. Give me a couple of days, and I’ll be back to my manwhoring ways.”
“What are you drinking tonight? You want beer or tequila? How quickly am I swiping your keys?”
“Beer. My liver can’t take any more tequila.”
“Good choice. You’ve cleared me out of every dang bottle in this joint. Can I go back to my regular ordering numbers now?”
“Ha-fucking-ha. Just give me the damn beer and quit with your lame attempts at comedy.”
“Attempt? I’m hilarious. The fact that I’m essentially your therapist with alcohol on tap shows how diverse my talents can be.”
“Wow, you’re way too chipper for me tonight. Lottie give you some afternoon delight today or what?”
“I wish. She took the kids up to Houston to see her sister this week. They’ll be back tomorrow, and I plan to show her just how much I missed her, over and over, and all night long.”
“Lucky you.”
“Fucking right. What can I say, I’m not ashamed to admit that I am pussy whipped by my gorgeous wife. It’s a fallacy that the sex stops after you have kids. If anything, it gets better.”
“You’re seriously waxing lyrical about your sex life right now? That’s got to be breaking our therapist-patient code. When I’m bumming out about the best sex of my life leaving town, you can’t rub it in my face that you have a smoking hot wife who can’t wait to ride your cock every chance she gets.”
He has the biggest shit-eating grin on his face as he slides my beer across the bar. “When you say it like that, it makes me sound pretty douchey.”
“I’m not wrong. And I just came from the ranch, so I’ve already been subjected to enough loved-up wedded bliss for one day.”
“Fair enough. Change of subject. How’s construction going for the new Mustang Knox Center?” Now, this is something I can talk about.
“It’s great. They’re ahead of schedule, and if all goes to plan, we’ll be up and running by mid…” Kirby’s ringtone interrupts me.
“Let me just grab this real quick. It’s probably Lottie.”
“Go whisper sweet nothings to the love of your life. I’ll still be here nursing my beer when you’re done.”
“I don’t know about sweet nothings, more like dirty promises.” He answers his phone like a giddy schoolboy with a crush, but his smile quickly fades, and his face drains of all color as he drops his phone to the floor.
“You all right, bro?” He doesn’t say a word but jumps over the bar and sprints out the door. What the fuck just happened? I go behind the bar and pick his phone up off the floor, the screen cracked, and the call still running from an unknown number.
I hold it to my ear.
“Hello, Mr. Hollander, are you there?”
“This is his friend, Thomas Knox. Can I ask who I’m speaking with?”
“I’m Dr. Adams, I work at Houston Methodist Hospital. Is Mr. Hollander there?”
“No. He just ran out of here. What’s this about?”
“His wife and children were brought into the emergency room this evening. There was a multi-car pileup on I-45, and they sustained substantial injuries. Am I right that Mr. Hollander is in Kingsbury Falls?”
“Yes.”
“I’d strongly suggest that he not travel here alone. He’ll be in no fit state to drive, and he’s going to need some support when he gets here.”
“Are they alive? Are Lottie and the kids going to be okay?” My heart is pounding in my chest. I take off at a run after Kirby. He definitely needs someone to drive him to Houston.
“I’m not able to divulge any details of their condition to you, I’m afraid.”
“Are they going to be okay? Can you tell me that at least?”
“I’d advise you to get your friend here as quickly as possible.”
“They have to make it.”
“I have to go, but when he gets here, tell him to ask for Dr. Adams. I’ll come and let him know what’s going on.”
“Okay.” After I hang up the phone, I shove it in my pocket and sprint in the direction of Kirby’s house. I’m not letting him do this alone. As I round the corner, I see him peeling out of the driveway, and without thinking, I put myself in his path, forcing him to slam on the brakes.
“I have to go. I need to get to Lottie and the kids.” Tears are streaming down his face as he stumbles over his words.
“I’m going to drive you.”
“I can drive.”
“Get out of the car, Kirby. I’m going with you, and I am driving.” He doesn’t protest, and when I open the door, he almost falls into my arms. I walk him around to the passenger side and literally buckle his seat belt.
“They’re visiting her sister. I didn’t even ask if she was with them.”
“We’ll find out what’s happening when we get there.”
“I can’t lose them, Knox. They’re my whole world.”
“The doctors are doing everything they can. I’ll get us there as fast as possible.”
I’m true to my word, breaking the speed limit on every highway between Kingsbury Falls and Houston. I spend the entire journey feeling sick to my stomach. I’ve never seen Kirby so distraught, and there’s nothing I can say to alleviate his fears right now. A small kernel of hope is the only thing keeping him from losing it altogether.
I’ve known Lottie since I was born. She’s been a good friend and a pillar of our little community. And the kids—fuck. I can’t bear the thought that they could all be fighting for their lives. It’s horrifying, and all I can think about is how much of an idiot I’ve been with Belle.
Waiting for some perfect moment, I’ve pushed her away, making her pay for the sins of girlfriends past. As Kirby faces the possibility of losing the love of his life and possibly his children, I find myself desperate to speak to Belle—to tell her I’m in love with her. That I’ll follow her to the ends of the earth and back if she’ll have me. I don’t even know where she is right now. She could be in LA, New York, or Japan for all I know, but I promise myself that the second I get home, I’m packing a bag and going after her.
When we arrive at the hospital, Kirby is out of the car before I put it in park. I chase after him, looking for signs for the emergency room. He can barely string a coherent sentence together, so the second we see the reception desk, I take over, summoning whatever calm I can muster as I request that they page Dr. Adams.
“He’ll be right down. If you take a seat in the waiting area, he’ll find you.”
“Thank you, ma’am.” I relay the message to Kirby, but he can’t sit down. He paces the waiting room, running his hands through his hair, full of nervous energy. Within minutes, I see a doctor walking toward us, his expression grave as he meets my gaze. No.
“Mr. Hollander?”
“Dr. Adams? I spoke with you on the phone, I’m Thomas Knox.” I gesture to Kirby. “This is Lottie’s husband, Kirby.” His eyes tell me everything I don’t want to know.
Reaching out, Kirby shakes the doctor’s hand, his voice frantic. “How are they doing? How are my children? How’s Lottie?”
“Your son, Mason, sustained multiple breaks. His wrist, two ribs, and his left tibia were broken in the crash. He has a lot of bruising from the seat belt, but it saved his life.”
“And Janey? How’s she doing? What about Lottie?” His words are frantic. Sharp. Staccato. Desperate.
The look on the doctor’s face tells me to brace for impact. I move to my friend’s side as the doctor begins to speak.
“Your daughter Janey suffered massive internal bleeding, as did your wife. Their side of the car took the brunt of the collision. The fire department was able to extricate them from the vehicle. Janey is in the ICU right now, and I need you to understand that the next twenty-four hours are critical.”
> “Critical, what does that mean? She’s going to be okay, right? She’ll recover.”
“I’d love to tell you that I’m confident she’ll recover, but when I say she’s in critical condition, I mean it’s touch and go. We’re doing everything we can, but now we have to wait and monitor her overnight. If she can be kept stable through the night, then she has a good chance of recovery. I don’t want to give you false hope, and I wish I had better news for you right now. We’ve put Mason’s bed in the room with Janey so that you can be with both of them.”
Kirby reaches out, grabbing my forearm to steady himself. “She’s a little fighter, always ready for rough and tumble with Mason. She can get through this. She’s a strong little thing, just like her mom. How’s Lottie doing?”
There’s a visible shift in the doctor’s demeanor, and a chill runs through my body.
“As I mentioned, the driver’s side of the car took most of the impact. When the fire department got her out of the car, she wasn’t breathing. The paramedics performed CPR until they arrived in the ER. We worked on your wife for an hour, but despite our best efforts, we weren’t able to resuscitate her. I’m afraid your wife didn’t make it. She died at 10:43 p.m. I’m very sorry for your loss. We did everything we could, but her injuries were too extensive.”
Kirby’s feet go out from under him, but I grab him before he falls to the floor, wrapping my arms around him. He lets out a blood-curdling cry, his whole world crashing down around him.
“She can’t be dead. You’re wrong. It can’t be her. She’s strong. She wouldn’t leave me and the kids behind. She has so much life left to live. We’re supposed to grow old together. I can’t. No. She can’t. She’s their mom.”
I hold him as tight as I can, trying to hold the fractured pieces of his soul together.
“Lottie can’t be gone, Knox. I can’t… she can’t… Mason. He needs his momma. And Janey needs us if she’s going to pull through. I can’t lose them both. He needs them. I need them. I need her, Knox. I can’t do this without her. I can’t do life without her. And Janey.”
