by Eva Haining
“Yes, sir.”
“Well, all right then. I’m sure we’ll see each other again, but hopefully, the next time you won’t be creeping around my fields in a t-shirt.”
“No, sir. I’ll be fully dressed, I promise.” I’m glad it’s dark right now for more reasons than one. I’m praying he can’t see too much of me, and I’m pretty sure my face is bright red as my humiliation lingers in the night air.
“Call me, Tommy.”
“Okay, sir. I mean, Tommy.”
“And this will stay between us. I don’t think my wife needs to know about this.”
“I’d really appreciate that, more than you know.”
“Now get on back to the house before the mosquitoes eat you alive.”
“On my way.” As I turn to scamper back to the house with my tail between my legs, he has one last request.
“Don’t break his heart.”
“I have no intention of doing that. I love him very much.”
He nods in acknowledgment before heading into the barn. My heart is racing, and my pulse is whooshing in my ears.
Thankfully, I make it back in one piece, but when I open the door, Knox is standing in front of me wearing only the low-slung gray sweats he had on earlier tonight.
“What the hell, girl? Were you sleep-walking or something? You scared the shit outta me.”
I point to my bag. “I left it at the side of the barn so I could run down here as soon as I arrived.”
He looks at me like I’m one card short of a full deck. “And you needed it at three in the morning?”
“I couldn’t sleep, so I thought it made sense to go get it now, so I didn’t need to in the morning. With the funeral, I wanted to be a help, not a hindrance. I seem to have a knack for disturbing your sleep.”
He holds his hand out to me, which I gladly take, and let him lead me back to bed. “Girl, I can’t believe you went out in a t-shirt and my boots. You look a riot right now.”
I tuck a stray tendril of hair behind my ear, feeling a little self-conscious. “I wasn’t planning on anyone, including you, seeing me.”
He stops in front of me, cupping my face in his hands. “I didn’t mean it in a bad way. You’re the cutest dang thing I ever saw. You could be wearing a trash bag, and I’d still think you’re gorgeous.”
“Well, now I’m blushing.” He brushes a kiss to my lips before heading back to bed. As I slide under the covers, I’m finally tired enough to sleep, closing my eyes and drinking in the scent of Knox’s cologne that lingers on the pillow.
“This bed has been lonely without you.”
“I’m sure you’ve had other offers to keep you warm at night.”
“Offers, yes. Did I sleep with anyone since you left? No. You’ve ruined me for anyone else, girl.”
“Good. I plan on keeping it that way.”
“You’re supposed to say I’ve completely ruined you for any man but me.”
“That was implied by my flight across the country and my shameless declaration of passionate, undying love.” I realize my word choice isn’t great. Shit!
“I was so busy ripping your clothes off, I didn’t even get a chance to ask you how the album and LA are going.”
“There’s plenty of time for catching up. Besides, I didn’t come to talk about me, I came for you.” I can barely keep my eyes open now, a yawn making them water. Every muscle in my body is exhausted. Sex with Knox is one hell of a workout. I might have to start going to the gym to keep up with him.
I slide my hand up his chest, coming to rest over his heart.
“Belle…”
“Mmm.” I struggle to form a sentence, ready to give in to a few short hours of sleep.
“I was dreading tomorrow, and having you here will make it that little bit easier. Thank you for coming back for me.”
“Always.”
Fifteen
KNOX
As I pull my truck into the church parking lot, my heart aches at the sight of everyone in our little corner of Texas, dressed in black, while a hearse sits out front. There are flowers and wreaths all around the perimeter of the old church building, friends and family all looking as shellshocked as I feel.
When I cut the engine, I sit for a few moments, so deeply saddened by what I’m about to do. Belle is sitting by my side, quietly supporting me as she slips her hand into mine.
“What can I do?”
“A.B. is inside with her kids and Mason. He only got out of the hospital yesterday, and is still in a lot of pain, both physically and mentally. If you could just keep her company, I know she’d appreciate it. Mad says she’s barely slept since they found out. He’s really worried, and right now, he’s waiting for me with Jax and the others.”
She lifts my hand to her lips in a gentle kiss. “I can do that. And I’m here for you, okay? I can’t imagine how hard today is for you and everyone else.”
I can barely speak through the lump in my throat. “None of this seems real.” I lean in, pressing my lips to hers. “I better go.” The soft scent of her perfume comforts me in ways I can’t explain, and as I step out of my truck, I know I need to muster all of the strength and comfort her presence provides.
“I’ll see you inside.” I watch as she heads in before turning my attention to where Mad, Jax, Jasper, Kirby, and Lottie’s brother, Braxton, stand waiting. You hear people say that something feels like a death march, but it doesn’t mean anything. An empty phrase. Until now.
I take a deep breath, struggling to fight back the tears for my friend. I can see that all of them are facing a similar struggle, and when my eyes meet Kirby’s, my heart breaks for him. He’s a shadow of his former self, dressed head to toe in black with the weight of grief bearing down heavily on his soul, twice over.
I hold out my hand to shake Mad’s, but he pulls me in for a hug. “Hey, brother.”
“Hey. How’s he holding up?” I ask in a whisper.
“We need to get him through today. I’m glad he had you with him at the hospital.”
“Any one of you would’ve done the same thing. Who’s at the hospital with Janey right now?”
“Kirby’s dad. Obviously, he wanted to be here, but he knew Kirby wouldn’t leave her bedside unless he knew she had someone familiar with her.”
“That’ll give him some small comfort today if there’s any in this whole thing. I still can’t fucking believe it.”
Jax is next to give me a firm embrace, and I can see that he’s fighting back his own tears. Lottie was in the same year as Jax at school, so they were friends their whole lives. His kid plays with Mason and Janey all the time.
I offer my condolences to Brax before pulling Kirby into my arms. “We’ve got you, brother. Let us carry some of your burden today.” He breaks down, unable to look as the undertakers remove Lottie’s coffin from the Hearse.
“Thank you,” he says, his voice thick with grief. “I know if Lottie is looking down on us right now, she’s honored that you guys are going to help me…” He can’t even finish the sentence. All I can do is hold him like I did that day in the hospital. The sight of Lottie’s coffin is more than any of us can handle.
The undertakers tell us where to stand and how to shoulder the weight. The last thing any of us can do for her is to be her pallbearers. I have to relinquish my hold on Kirby and take my place across from Jasper. He’s clearly emotional as well, and suddenly my petty grievances with him seem inconsequential.
Kirby and Jax are in front of us, both of them crying as they rest their hands on the smooth mahogany. We’re all struggling to keep it together, tears flowing freely and deathly silent.
We follow directions and lift Lottie’s coffin, ready to take her inside and say goodbye. Kirby’s anguished cry reverberates through each of us as he does this one last thing for his wife, walking down the same aisle he walked the day they were married and vowed until death do they part.
No one anticipates that day will come sooner rather than later.
&n
bsp; As we slowly reach the altar, I feel Belle’s eyes on me, and it keeps me going. When we set the coffin down and take our seats, you could hear a pin drop. All eyes are on Kirby as he takes his seat beside Mason. He’s still pretty banged up from the crash, and his entire world has just been rocked on its axis.
Belle moves to sit by me, but I can’t even chance a glance in her direction. If I do, I don’t think I’ll be able to keep it together. She takes my hand in hers, and I hold on so tight, my knuckles turn white. As the minister begins the service, people start crying softly as a wave of collective sadness descends on our town.
The men in this town are the type never to shed a tear for fear of showing weakness, and yet the loss of this bright soul has them weeping. I hope Lottie is somewhere, able to look down on this moment and see how truly loved she was by everyone here.
I can’t help but stare at the coffin, unable to comprehend that she’s really gone. You don’t think about dying when you’re young. It’s not something that’s ever really crossed my mind before now, and yet here I sit, gripping my girlfriend’s hand, hoping to God I get to grow old and gray with her. My reasons for pushing Belle away seem ridiculous as I look to where Kirby sits, his son crying in his arms.
When the minister asks if anyone wants to share a memory of Lottie, one-by-one, people stand up to speak, and I find myself joining the line of locals who want to pay tribute. I’m not even sure what I want to say, but having been with Kirby when he found out that she died in the accident, I feel the need to say something—for me, for Lottie, and for Kirby. He’s too distraught to reminisce about the woman he loved more than anything in this world. And his daughter is still in the hospital, unable to come and say goodbye to her momma, so as I take to the altar, I want to acknowledge their life together.
“Hey, everyone.” I run my fingers through my hair—a nervous tick. “I’m not great with words, but Lottie was a good friend. She and Kirby have always been an inspiration to me. Who wouldn’t want to find the kind of love they shared? To marry your best friend.”
I look to Kirby as he fights to hold it together.
“Last year, Lottie took me aside one night at the bar and gave me a good southern telling-off for ‘playing fast and loose’ as she put it. She told me I needed to get my head out of my ass if I wanted to find the girl of my dreams. I could always tell when she was mad at me because she’d use my full name.”
A small chuckle ripples through the pews. Everyone has had a lecture from Lottie at some point because she cared about every single person in Kingsbury Falls. She was a fixer and wanted to help people whenever she could.
“I didn’t get a chance to tell her that I finally took her advice.” My eyes well with tears. “The last time I saw her, she was spinning Janey in the tall grass out at the ranch. A picture-perfect moment of a mother and daughter laughing, loving, and so full of life. That’s how I’ll always remember her. Janey’s sweet little laugh carrying in the breeze as she basked in the adoration of her momma. I know I speak for everyone when I say we’re all thinking about Janey and take comfort in the knowledge that she’s on the road to recovery. She’ll be welcomed home when she’s well enough, and I know every momma in here will love her for Lottie.” I wipe the tears from my eyes and step down, unable to continue.
Everyone who speaks has a story of Lottie’s warmth and friendship. When the last person finishes, Mason tries to stand, but he’s too injured to walk. His dad tries to settle him, but he wrestles in his arms. “I want to speak, Daddy.”
Kirby breaks down, and I know he can’t bear it. I stride over to him and lift Mason into my arms. “I’ve got him.” Through my tears, I carry Mason up to the altar and hold him as he speaks. “Go ahead, Mase.” He clings to me, his tiny broken body shaking in my arms.
“I miss Janey. When I have bad dreams, Janey always lets me crawl into bed next to her. She tells me fun stories until I go back to sleep. I hope she can come home soon. I told her I’d say goodbye to Momma for her. Momma told the best stories. She was telling us a funny one in the car before she had to go to heaven. Daddy says she’ll tell stories to the angels and tell them all about me and Daddy and Janey. The angels let me stay to look after Daddy, so he’s not alone, and when Janey is all better, she’ll help me look after Daddy because he’s sad a lot. He cries at night because he misses Momma a lot, too.”
Kirby wipes his eyes and comes to where I’m standing, lifting Mason into his arms. He holds him so tight as he weeps for the loss they’ve both suffered, and there isn’t a dry eye in the house.
The rest of the day goes by in a blur, too much grief to comprehend. Having laid Lottie to rest, we attend the wake, but Kirby seems almost catatonic as he receives condolences and more food than he could ever eat. By the time we make it back to my place, I’m emotionally and physically exhausted.
Belle doesn’t press me, instead disappearing into the bedroom for a while. When she reemerges, she’s dressed in one of my oversized t-shirts. Reaching for my hand, she leads me down the hall, through my bedroom to the master bathroom. The tub is full, bubbles almost overflowing.
“Guys don’t really relax in the tub, but I appreciate the sentiment.” Without another word, she loosens my tie, unbuttons my shirt, and continues to strip me bare.
“Get in.” She leaves no room for argument, so I do as she says, the water almost uncomfortably hot on my skin. Once I’ve situated myself, she reaches for the hem of her t-shirt—actually my t-shirt—and pulls it up over her head before discarding it on the floor. The sight of her naked makes me hard, but in all honesty, I’m so drained, I have no desire to fuck tonight.
She steps into the tub, nestling herself between my thighs, resting her head back on my chest. She doesn’t say anything or make a move to act on the hard-on I know she feels at her back. I wrap my arms around her, holding her tight as I take a deep, settling breath, letting the scent of her perfume soothe my soul.
We sit in companionable silence until the water goes cold and our fingertips wrinkle. After we dry off, I head to the kitchen to grab a drink, but Belle follows me in, rustling through the pantry for something to eat. She sets a box of cereal on the counter, pulls two bowls from the cupboard, spoons from the drawer, and milk from the refrigerator.
“You should eat something. You didn’t touch the food at the wake.”
“Frosted Flakes are my favorite,” I say as I pour them into the bowls.
“I know. You always go for them. Doesn’t matter that you have five different kinds of cereal in your pantry at all times.”
“You noticed?”
“Yes. I notice everything about you, Knox. Since the first time we met.” I’m surprised by her confession.
“That feels like a lifetime ago right now.” She hands me a spoon, her fingers caressing mine as I take it from her.
“I remember it like it was yesterday. The movie rap party. Obviously, I didn’t know about your situation with Maisie at the time, but I could tell you weren’t up for taking me back to your place.”
“During my woe-is-me phase. That seems so fucking insignificant now.”
“Life has a way of slapping us in the face with perspective when we least expect it.”
“So you wanted to jump my bones?” I crack a smile.
“Yep. Wanted to jump them and hump them. Then when I saw you again at the wedding, I thought I was dropping you all the come-hither vibes, and you still didn’t proposition me.”
“Seriously, I must have been way off my game not to notice. I mean, I noticed you were hot and funny and sexy as hell. I guess I wasn’t my usual confident, cocky self.”
“When I came back for the gig at Mustang, I was adamant I’d seek you out and have my wicked way with you.”
“Well, you definitely did that.”
“You were worth the wait, Thomas Knox.” She walks around the kitchen island to sit in my lap. “So very worth the wait.”
I place my bowl on the counter and wrap my arms around her, pr
essing a chaste kiss to her lips. “I meant what I said today at the funeral. I never got a chance to tell Lottie that I took her advice. That I finally got my head out of my ass and found the woman of my dreams. Or more accurately, the woman of my dreams found me.”
“I’m not the kind of girl who hangs around for a knight in shining armor.”
“No, you’re definitely not. More like Lady Godiva on a wild mustang.”
“Didn’t she ride around naked with only her hair to save her modesty? My hair isn’t long enough for that. Everything would be on display.”
“That’s quite the visual you paint. I could handle you naked on a horse, breasts bouncing, and a leather strap between your thighs.”
“Dirty boy.”
“You love me,” I jibe.
“Yes, I do.”
“And yet there’s still so much we don’t know about each other.”
“Ask away. I’m an open book to you.” She looks at me with those big, beautiful eyes of hers, and I know she’s being sincere.
“What’s your favorite color?”
“Barbie dreamhouse pink. You should know that already.” She fakes disgust which only makes her cuter. “What’s yours?”
“Blue. Not dark. The color of the sky on a clear day.”
“Tell me about your childhood.” It’s been a long time since a woman was genuinely interested in me for something other than my cock.
“Not much to tell. Grew up here, played football in high school. When the plan to go to college fell through, I started working the farm and learning every aspect of the business. My mom and dad are still together and sickeningly happy.”
“Sounds perfect to me.” I’m hesitant to ask about her upbringing in foster care.
“You said you grew up with Johnny. If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand.” She rests her palm on my cheek, a soft smile on her face.
“You’re right, I don’t normally want to talk about it, but you’re different. We’re different. I have no idea who my parents are. I was left on the doorstep of a police station when I was three weeks old. Although that’s an estimate. Technically, I don’t know the day I was born.”
