An Oik's Progress

by Steve Eastwood

  ‘Have you any idea where Vic is now?’ said Benny.

  ‘I don’t know. He ran off over the field somewhere (Mandy indicated the playing fields opposite the house). Anyway, come in and see what the bloody idiot has done.’

  They went into the house via the front door which had the top half missing as it had been cut horizontally. It looked for all the world like the door to stable. Benny assumed, not unreasonably, that it had gone onto the fire. Then Mandy led him into the living room and he saw that there was a three piece suite which was still in situ and that each item of furniture had been sawn in half.

  The remaining pieces just lay forlornly on the floor along with the television, a coffee table and bookcase that had apparently all been dealt with in similar fashion.

  They were joined in the living room by a peroxide blonde who had emerged from the kitchen holding mugs of tea. She was a tall woman of around 35 years of age with short hair and quite stunningly attractive with strategically placed tattoos on her knuckles, which Benny did not care for. Apart from the tattoos she reminded him of a PE mistress who had been at his last school in Germany and who had driven the lads of the fifth year to distraction. Benny assumed that this lady was just a good neighbour, who was providing Mandy with some support, so no introductions appeared to be necessary and none were made.

  Mandy directed the officers into the kitchen and then upstairs to the bedrooms where he saw that the windows were wide open. Every stick of furniture and door had been cut in half, and evidently thrown from the windows, to be loaded onto the bonfire.

  Mandy surveyed the scene and then said stoically ‘If this is Vic’s idea of sharing the contents of the house 50/50. I don’t think he’s really grasped the concept, do you?’

  ‘No. I see what you mean but it’s not really a 50/50 type situation though Mandy, is it?’ said Benny.

  ‘What do you mean by that?’ said Mandy, who become quite indignant, ‘I paid for most of it myself and it was here when he moved in with me four years ago. The sponging bastard never really had a proper job or paid for anything’

  ‘Yes but is this your house?’

  ‘Yeah it’s in my name. I rent it,’ said Mandy.

  ‘From the Council?’

  ‘Yeah, it’s a Council house.’

  ‘So all the doors that have been cut in half belong to the Council then, don’t they?’ said Benny.

  ‘Oh shit! I didn’t think of that. Do you think that the Council will evict us?’ said Mandy.

  ‘Hope not. If they raise it as a possibility I’d be happy to speak to them if you like. But they will want paying for the damage. The other thing to consider though is whether the Council even know that he has been living here I’d have to tell them that the damage was caused by him during a domestic dispute. But only you know whether there was any financial arrangement between the pair of you. Not only that, what about the Social Security people Mandy? You’ll have to think carefully about what you are going to tell them.’

  ‘Oh shit. Yeah, you’re right. Trouble is I’ve got no money to paying for anything. I’m behind with the rent as it is. If they try and sue me they won’t get anywhere. You can’t get blood out of a stone. Still if the worst comes to the worst, I could always move in with Frankie.’

  The blonde woman appeared at her side and they linked arms. Suddenly the situation became a bit clearer.

  Chapter 15 – Opportunity knocks.

  Benny was settling down to life at the flat which was in fact a two storey Maisonette above a parade of shops. The entrance was accessed from a balcony at the rear and over the front door was a covered porch made from corrugated plastic sheeting which acted as a shield from the wind and the rain.

  On the first floor was the kitchen and a large living room. On the second floor, apart from the bathroom /toilet there were two double bedrooms and a small box room which was occupied by Neil who paid a lower portion of the rent. He was an eccentric character whose main purposes in life seemed to be working, getting pissed on real ale and listening to his rock music. He would lay in his room listening to Radio Caroline until the early hours. He was an old school friend of Steve Savage, one of the Disc Jockeys, and, unbeknownst to senior officers he had, the previous year, spent a short holiday aboard the Caroline boat mv Mi Amigo.

  On one occasion Benny was getting ready for work, and as Neil was due to go in at the same time, Benny was to provide him with a lift. As he knocked on Neil’s bedroom door, he could hear the strains of Deep Purple coming from the room so, satisfied that Neil was up and about, he went downstairs to put the kettle on. Ten minutes passed by and still no Neil, so Benny went back upstairs and knocked more loudly. Still no answer. He entered the bedroom and there was Neil, lying in bed asleep, with his radio on his chest and a lead rising up to the main light socket in the ceiling which was providing the power. As Hawk wind were supplying their best effort, Neil was laying on the bed “plugged in” and looking, for all the world, like Frankenstein’s monster.

  Neil’s other main handicap was the fact that he was an awful driver. He was the proud owner of a Morris Minor in which he would regularly swerve his way home from the pub, taking a tried and tested route through the back roads to avoid other traffic. Benny had made the mistake of riding with him on one occasion when Neil was sober, and he had experienced sheer terror at only 25 miles per hour.

  All things considered, for three of them, the accommodation itself was more than adequate. The only real draw back was the noise. Benny’s room was at the front of the building directly above the green grocer’s shop. The front door of the shop banged, whenever anyone came and went and this caused the whole window frame to rattle. Benny had spoken to Fred the greengrocer (and landlord) to try and have him put slow closing risers on the door but despite his assurances, nothing was ever done and Benny had to learn to live with it.

  There was also one lazy Prat who would regularly provide a lift for a young lad who lived a few doors along the road. He would arrive around 8.30 am on weekdays and either because he was too stupid or too lazy to get out of the car and knock on the door, he would just sit outside and sound his horn.

  This always woke Benny from his slumber when he was settling into a deep sleep after night duty. Once Benny was disturbed it made him angry which, in turn, made trying to get back to sleep after nights, for any length of time, almost an impossibility. Benny had considered speaking to the neighbour but he knew of the family and dismissed the possibility that they would apply any reasonable attitude to the problem.

  So one morning, having had enough, Benny took direct action and dealt with the matter himself. He laid in wait in full uniform. The offender arrived at his usual time and sounded his “Audible warning instrument” (as defined). Benny was upon him. Although Benny was of a mind to tell him his fortune, he kept his emotions in check and calmly reported the driver for “Unreasonable Use.” The driver, who was an arrogant young Estate Agent, protested at Benny’s perceived waste of his duty time with the tired old refrain, ‘Why don’t you go and catch some real criminals mate!’

  But Benny wasn’t in the mood for playing games and following the submission of his offence report the offender appeared before the Magistrates who fined him the sum of £40. “Fuck him. Problem solved.” It didn’t happen again.

  Benny’s other flatmate Tom, also seemed incapable of moving around the flat quietly, particularly after a night out when he would fall through the front door and stagger up the stairs when he was completely pissed.

  Tom had a girlfriend called Cindy who was a very attractive brunette and who possessed a wonderful figure. The only trouble was, Cindy was a borderline Alcoholic and a very domineering one at that. Cindy’s typical behaviour would unfold in several discrete stages. She could be sweetness itself until the first half a dozen vodkas had passed her lips. Then she would turn! She would trot out the details of various perceived slights and insults. She would then have tears and later, if one was lucky, she would get her tits out in t
he pub for all to see. Benny supposed that that was why Tom loved her. His mates certainly appreciated her but in Benny’s opinion, the poor woman definitely had,” a few less marbles than advertised.”

  It could not be denied that she wore the trousers in the relationship and they often had shouting matches regardless of who else was in the flat. One day, Tom, whilst drunk, to pacify her after yet another “Punch and Judy Show”, rather stupidly proposed marriage. When Tom had sobered up he was soon reminded by Cindy, who even in drink had a memory like a steel trap. He regretted it instantly but he was too cowardly to tell Cindy that he hadn’t really meant it. He didn’t wish to get wed at all. Not to her, not to anybody.

  Not long afterwards, on a Saturday, Benny was alone in the flat. Neil was away for the weekend. He had just come home from a late shift and had not long since got off to sleep.

  Around Midnight Benny was awoken by the sound of Tom loping up the stairs. He got out of bed, still half asleep, to use the toilet. He bumped into Tom on the landing. He had a girl with him. A rather voluptuous blonde who Benny knew to be Ruby, a bar maid from Chuck’s pub, the Imperial. Tom had obviously used his charm and had pulled her for the night. Tom was flustered.

  ‘Listen mate. I need your help. Cindy is at the front door and I think she may have seen us come in. Can you go down stairs and get rid of her for me?’

  Benny reluctantly agreed and he pulled on his dressing gown. Benny advised Tom to take Ruby into his room and to sit quietly with the light off. Benny then went downstairs to the front door. The doorbell was ringing off of the wall. He could see Cindy through the opaque glass.’ Who is it?’ enquired Benny.

  ‘It’s me Cindy.’

  ‘What do you want?’

  ‘I want to speak to Tom.’

  ‘He’s not here Darling.’ Benny opened the front door on the chain. He could see Cindy in the porch and it was raining heavily. She was obviously very drunk and wet with mascara streaming down her face.

  ‘I thought I saw him come in. His car’s outside.’

  ‘No that was me,’ said Benny. Thinking on his feet, ’He let me use it tonight.’

  ‘Well I don’t believe you Benny. I want to come and look around and I won’t go until I do.’

  Benny needed to stall her. ‘Ok, I’m not decent Cindy. Please just stay there for a moment and I’ll get some proper clothes on.’

  He shut the front door and went back upstairs to his room. He then related to Tom, what Cindy had said.

  Benny was annoyed. He didn’t want to get involved. He just wished that Tom would be fair to the girl and tell her the truth. He really resented being placed in this position and he didn’t like having to lie to her. He certainly didn’t want a scene though and he knew what she could be like. He just wanted to get back to sleep.

  As he was getting dressed Benny was struck by an idea.

  ‘Listen mate, Neil’s away for the weekend. Go and lock yourself in his room. Ruby can sit in my room and when Cindy comes in to look around she will see her and think that she is with me. That will explain why I was reluctant to open the front door. When she has gone, then you can come out of hiding.’

  ‘Brilliant!’ said Tom. He went and locked himself away. Ruby sat on the bed looking a bit bemused.

  Benny went downstairs to the front door and he let Cindy into the house. She made a methodical search of each room with Benny trailing in her wake. He hoped to God that she didn’t start shouting and getting her tits out!

  The penultimate room was Neil’s bedroom. She tried the door but it was locked. ‘Of course, Neil’s away in Billericay for the weekend, isn’t he?’ –Tom had obviously informed her of the fact already

  She then went to the final room which was Benny’s. She walked in and was surprised to see Ruby. ‘Sorry love I didn’t realise Benny had company. I was looking for Tom.’

  He saw that Ruby was sitting in his bed with the covers up around her neck. She was doing her best to look startled. ’Good girl. What a trouper,’ Thought Benny.

  Cindy withdrew to the landing and once out of Ruby’s hearing she whispered, ‘oh I’m ever so sorry Benny what must you think of me. I didn’t know you had a new girlfriend. Well I think I’ll just go downstairs and make myself a cup of coffee and wait for Tom to come home. I won’t disturb you anymore.’

  What! This wasn’t part of the plan at all!

  Benny didn’t try to argue or persuade her to do otherwise. It would have only looked suspicious. He knew that Tom could hear Cindy’s words through the bedroom door and he reasoned that at some time during the night Tom would quietly leave the bedroom, sneak downstairs and bang the front door to give the impression that he had just returned home.

  He went back to his room and saw that Ruby was still sitting up in bed. ‘Well played Ruby.’ He whispered. ‘That’s OK.’ She replied. ‘I suspected that he was still seeing her anyway, rotten sod.’

  Ruby let down the covers. She was naked. ‘Looks like you are stuck with me for the night. Come to bed,’ she said. Benny decided that it was best that he didn’t make a fuss. He just did as he was told.

  About 5am Benny heard a loud bang as Tom dramatically shut the front door. For once Benny didn’t mind.

  Chapter 16 – Ted’s attack.

  Ted Moffat worked for the Unigate Dairy as a milk rounds man and he had done so for about twenty years. Ted had delivered to the Newham Estate for the past ten. He enjoyed his job and was well known to the people on the estate. He was a compassionate man who made it his business to keep an eye on his elderly customers.

  Ted’s routine was well established. He would start work about 5am and spend about 45 minutes loading up his float. This usually left him about 15 minutes to have a mug of tea before he left to carry out his round about 6am. It took him another 10 minutes to get from the Depot to the start of his deliveries.

  He would start work later on a Saturday, and as this was the day for collecting money from his customers, his round would take a lot longer. He had started receiving help on Saturdays from Becky, his 11 year old daughter, and she was starting to get to grips with what was required without having to be prompted. Ted would give her extra pocket money which her mother would put aside for the holidays. Rather than expect Becky to go to the Depot with him, he would pick her up at 8am from home, which was en route to the estate.

  So it was that one Saturday Becky was helping her Dad by collecting the empty bottles from doorsteps.

  About 11.30am Ted was well into his round and he had takings of about £150 in his leather satchel which was slung across his body with the bag riding on his hip.

  He had noticed a red Triumph Stag which was moving along slowly behind his float and he had gained the impression that the driver was looking for a particular house number- some houses on the estate had no numbers on the door and others were quite obscure. Ted and the postman, it seemed, were the only people who truly knew how the numbering system worked.

  Becky was doing well and she was well ahead of Ted, collecting a few doors further down the road. He was very proud of her. She was a good girl. Well she was for now, he thought. But, if her older sisters were anything to go by, this was likely to change as she got into her teens and the hormones kicked in. Still they were both off his hands now having both married and his eldest, Ruth, was pregnant with their first grandchild.

  Ted had just delivered to number 68 and he had managed to secure payment for three weeks of arrears, which he was quite chuffed about. As he returned to his float Ted began to select some bottles for his next few deliveries. He was then approached by a large man who suddenly appeared from behind the float ‘Have you got change of a fiver please, Milko?’

  Ted was about to turn to the man and answer him but he did not get the chance because the man, wielding a baseball bat, struck him across the back of the head from behind. Ted instantly dropped to the floor banging his head on the side of the float on his way down. The man delivered a second blow to Ted as he lay on the ground. Ted w
as rendered unconscious and blood began to flow from a head wound.

  Becky who had heard a shout looked back to the milk float just in time to see the man roll her father over and remove the satchel from his body. She then saw him run back to the Triumph Stag, he jumped in the passenger side of the car and she saw it rapidly move off with a screeching of tyres. Becky was stunned rigid, events were unfolding in front of her as if happening in slow motion. She was able to get a look at the men who were laughing aloud as they sped past her and was also able to get most of the index number of the car. She then ran back along the road to her father who was lying on his side. His head was bleeding profusely.

  Becky was quickly joined by people from the nearby houses who were as angry as they were concerned. Somebody called an ambulance for Ted which arrived after a few minutes and he was taken, still unconscious, to the County hospital.

  The Area car call sign DA12 attended the scene as did the CID in the person of Dc Dave Phillips. He spoke to Becky who by that time was being comforted by a lady in one of the houses. Becky had had the presence of mind to make sure that she wrote the index number of the car down on a piece of paper. She gave this to Dc Phillips. He passed the details to the Area Car crew for them to be circulated by radio. Becky was in a very distressed state so a female officer was requested to attend the scene to look after her.

  A witness statement would have to be taken from her at some stage, to record what she had seen. But for now he needed the descriptions of her father’s assailants and he had to reconcile care and patience with the urgent need for information.

  Dave Phillips reasoned that the statement might best be obtained in the presence of a Social Worker. Becky’s mother had not yet been informed of the attack and she was likely to be in a state of shock herself when the news was broken to her. Dc Jenny Freeman soon arrived at the scene and she took Becky into another room where she set about trying to obtain her account of events with calm reassurance.