I Will Not Beg

by Cherise Sinclair

  Never lifting her head, she snorted. “I read your texts. God, Ethan, if he had followed me into that tiny bathroom, I’d have lost it even more than I did. Thank you for realizing that.”

  The remorse that lay so heavy on his heart lightened a bit. “Then can you—”

  “How did you get in here?” She looked around as if just realizing they were in her place, not his. “Wait, don’t tell me—Stan let you in.”

  “When he and Darrell arrived, yes.” Ethan rubbed his cheek over the top of her head. Her hair smelled different, no trace of lavender or lemon.

  Her gaze lifted “That was a couple of hours ago.”

  “I thought you’d eventually return here. Or call me.”

  “I was going to.” She pulled in a breath. “After I changed, I was going to call. So we could talk.”

  Relief filled him. “I left a note on the table at my place in case you showed up there.” All right, time to deal with the elephant in the room. When he scooped her into his arms, she squeaked and clung to his neck.

  He sat on the couch, settling her on his lap. “Now, tell me what kept you from calling me right away. From letting me help.”

  “Master Serna has a—”

  “Stop.” Was this a mistake? Maybe. But it needed to be said. “That abusive git doesn’t deserve the title of Master, Piper. Don’t give him that respect.”

  A wrinkle creased her forehead. “Right. You’re right. Okay. Serna is incredibly vindictive. If someone questions his methods, he goes after them. In Kansas, you were hoping to see Bob Fenton. Serna and other Masters drove Master Fenton out of the community because he intervened in a nonconsensual whipping and then later reported a Dom for rape.”

  “Ah, yes. We like to believe that we self-police, but too often, it’s a cover-up, especially if a crime involves the so-called pillars of our community.” Unfortunately, power inequities existed in even the most enlightened groups. “You’re worried that Serna will drive you out of the lifestyle?”

  She shook her head. “He’ll go after you, Ethan.”

  Which was why she’d stayed away, trying to think of what to do. Warmth swelled Ethan’s heart. She wanted to protect him.

  “Have I mentioned that I love you?” he said.

  Her eyes sparked with anger, and she gripped his shirt in tight little fists. “Did you not hear me? He’ll get you kicked out of the community. You’ll lose your friends—all your friends. Again.”

  “Yes, I do completely love you.” His words reduced her to sputtering, which he silenced with a long, thorough kiss.

  * * *

  Ethan’s arms were around her, his mouth on hers. Every breath brought her his scent, so clean and masculine. As the jittering worries inside her smoothed out, it felt as if she’d come home. She wrapped her arms around his neck and let herself go.

  Here was where she belonged, right here.

  When he eased her back, pulling her arms down and kissing her fingertips, her heart was so full she almost started to cry.

  His deep blue eyes softened. “You had a nasty night, sweetheart. Can I assume you were at a friend’s house and safe?”

  He was still worried. God, she loved him. “The woman I’ve been cat-sitting for let me use her apartment, and I was at Dixon’s this morning.”

  Ethan lifted an eyebrow. “Stan’s been home for a couple of hours. He knew I was over here.”

  “Uh…he was a bit busy.” She averted her gaze. “Dixon was leaving him, and they had a fight. I tried to leave, but Stan wouldn’t let me. He made me give my word I’d only come here or use his guest bedroom. I was scared that Serna might get into the building, so I chose the guest bedroom.”

  “What changed your mind?”

  She could feel her face heat. “Dix is…noisy, and the walls are awfully thin. I’m surprised Stan didn’t gag him.”

  Ethan ran a finger down her hot cheek, and his lips quirked. “I daresay Stan knew exactly how loud Dixon was getting.”

  Because…he knew Ethan was in her apartment and figured he’d drive her over here.

  That sneak.

  Since Stan wasn’t present, Piper punched Ethan in the arm.

  His masculine laugh sent desire curling in her stomach. Until his expression went stern.

  “All right, poppet. You warned me about Serna. Is there anything you want to discuss?”

  Because Ethan undoubtedly had a whole long list of things he planned to scold her for. “I was planning to leave San Francisco. Fast. To stay safe.”

  “I’ll keep you safe.” His face was hard. Determined.

  “I knew you’d say that, and I thought about running to you, but then Serna would ruin your life. You deserve better than that.” Under her breath, she added, “Than me.”

  His jaw turned to stone. He opened his mouth. Closed it. “You were going to call me, so you must have changed your mind. I’m listening. Tell me why.”

  Because this was who he was. A Dom—but one who would listen first. Listen with his mind open. Even if they didn’t work out, and she ended up a continent away, she would never forget this moment. His hands stroking up and down her arms, his gaze level, his patient silence.

  “I—” She had to bite back her first words. I love you. No, this wasn’t the time. Things were undecided. “Dixon was going to leave Stan without talking to him first. I heard them arguing. Dixon didn’t think he was worthy of Stan. I understand how he felt.”

  “Because an arsehole trained you to think you’re worthless?” Ethan asked softly.

  She nodded. “Dixon doesn’t see all the things that make him incredible, and I thought, maybe, my self-image might be a bit skewed, too. It hurt Stan when he realized Dixon was just going to leave. Dix wasn’t right to do that.”

  “So you decided to talk with me.” Brows drawn, Ethan gazed at the wall for a moment before his sharp eyes focused on her again. “Unlike Serna, I don’t think anyone is worthless. Perhaps they haven’t found what they have to offer the world, haven’t realized their potential, but worthless? No.”

  She blinked. Although she told herself she wasn’t worthless and believed it—mostly—his words cheered her soul.

  “I agree that Serna messed with your self-image. So…let me tell you about Piper Delaney.” The corner of his mouth kicked up slightly. “She’s empathetic, fun, affectionate, loyal, and bubbly. It’s no wonder that she’s so well loved by her friends.”

  What? She stared at him.

  “She’s an excellent multitasker and persuasive, intelligent, quick-witted, forward-looking, and hard-working. That’s why she’s such a success in business.”

  He really saw those things in her? This was like being wrapped in a warm blanket.

  “She likes to laugh—even at herself—and she makes me laugh more than I have in years. She apologizes when she’s wrong, fights fair in an argument, and doesn’t lie about how she feels, although sometimes I have to pry it out of her. She’s giving, responsive, loving, and almost a mind-reader when it comes to knowing what someone else needs. I love how Churchill has her wrapped around his paws and how she stops to pet dogs in stores. She has a wealth of interests, and her mind bounces around when she lets it loose, so she’s never boring.”

  She couldn’t move.

  “Even after fifty years, we’ll probably find things to discuss—and argue about. And I’ll still love her as much or more than I do now.” He cupped her cheek, his thumb stroking over her lips. He kissed her, a promise in his warm lips, in the way he lingered.

  Gathering her close, he wiped the tears from her cheeks.

  She didn’t know when she’d started to cry.

  “We’ll keep working on how you see yourself,” he murmured. “Can we agree you’re not going anywhere?”

  She stiffened. “I don’t want him to ruin your life. Your friendships.”

  “He can try.” Ethan’s voice was nonchalant. “Piper, the circumstances here aren’t the same as in Kansas. The communities aren’t the same. Xavier an
d Simon—all of us who run Dark Haven are on the same page when it comes to abusive relationships and ethics in the lifestyle.”

  Oh. She swallowed hard. “Are Xavier and Simon mad at me?”

  “No, poppet. Simon is furious with Serna. Xavier even more so. He planned to ban him from the club.”

  Relief made her sag against Ethan. “But…‘planned to’?”

  His thumb rubbed his chin as he studied her face. “I asked him to wait. I wanted you to have the opportunity to face him in the club. Not for him to waylay you, but for you to be able to say what you need to say.”

  “Are you crazy?” She pushed against his chest, terror sliding cold fingers between her ribs.

  “Think, Piper. Don’t react blindly.”

  She sucked in air. Think. Sure. Just the idea of seeing the Defiler again terrified her. Facing him with people around and…

  Deliberately facing him. Not having him sneak up on her from behind. The breath she took this time had an audible quaver. “You want me to exorcize him from my life.”

  “Mmmhmm. You have things you need to say to him.”

  Like that he was a liar. “Would you…would you be there?”

  His expression held the gentlest of reprimands. “Do you really imagine I’d allow you to be in his presence without me there?”

  Warmth filling her, she leaned into him. “I guess not.”

  “I’ll be there. So will Simon, Xavier, deVries, Stan, and all your submissive friends. No one could keep them away.”

  She wouldn't be alone. “I…yes, then. I don’t know if I can, but I want to try.”

  “Good enough. Do you want him tied-up and gagged first?” He grinned. “I’m asking for a friend.”

  And she burst out laughing.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  After a while, Piper had wanted to go—Ethan smiled because she’d almost said “home”—and cuddle with Churchill. So he’d driven her back to his house.

  As Churchill meowed his vehement annoyance of her absence last night, Ethan set them both on his lap. Bloody hell, but he loved having Piper in his arms.

  Thinking he might never see her again had created an ache in his chest. Holding her eased it. Eased him.

  As they talked about the night, Piper slowly went limp against him. It was time to move out of the past and look toward the future.

  When he ran his hand over her curvy hips, he had to say that the immediate future held a definite appeal.

  Piper must have felt his dick harden. She wiggled—which he couldn’t complain about.

  He trailed a finger down her cheek, along her jawline, down her neck. Under her thin shirt, her nipples were tiny peaks. “I missed you last night.”

  Her lips tilted up. “Are you planning makeup sex? I’ve heard it’s fun.”

  She hadn’t experienced makeup sex? Maybe not. She’d mentioned that her lovers before and after Serna had been casual. Short-term. Serna had been her only serious relationship. “It is fun. I believe it’s part of a Dom’s duties to add to a submissive’s experience.”

  And he had a craving to take her. To be inside her. No, more than that—to exert his will over her, to see her sweet submission, and to satisfy them both.

  Gripping a handful of her hair hard enough that she knew he had control, he watched her pupils dilate. Rather than fear, her expression held dawning excitement.

  “Piper. Go into the bedroom and strip. Kneel on the bed, facing the headboard. I need to notify Xavier and Simon that they can stop looking for you.”

  She winced. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize for being human. Xavier’s sorry, too. And quite angry you weren’t safe in his club.”

  “It’s hardly his fault. The dungeon monitor got there right away. Can you tell them thank you for worrying?”

  She could break a Dom’s heart. “I will.” He set her on her feet. “Go.”

  Giving her time to obey, Ethan let his friends know Piper was safe, as well as her decision to face Serna tonight. Xavier said he’d go in early and text if and when Serna showed up.

  When Ethan entered the bedroom, he saw Piper kneeling in the center of the bed. He cocked his head, listening. She’d gone above and beyond his instructions. The playlist with Apocalyptica’s most haunting music, starting with “Farewell”, was playing.

  The curtains had been closed to shut out the daylight. The flameless votive candles on the nightstands provided a flickering light that danced over her golden skin. It also showed the tense muscles of her back and arms. Why was she ill at ease?

  After a second, Ethan caught on. She’d taken the initiative, something Serna would have found irritating. Serna was an idiot. “Very nice, poppet. Thank you.”

  Her tension drained away in an almost visible stream.

  Ethan smiled and used the keypad to unlock the black leather trunk against the wall.

  She turned to see what he was doing, and her eyes widened.

  He cleared his throat. Initiative was one thing. Ignoring his orders about position was another.

  Flushing, she returned her gaze to the headboard.

  For a moment, he considered his canopy bed—custom-built to his tastes as a Dom. The top of the black heavy steel frame held three extra cross bars. The headboard was ornate as well as sturdy—a black steel geometric design that changed to black leather padding closer to the mattress. Because it’d only taken one time of fucking someone into the headboard to realize padding was useful.

  Last night at Dark Haven, he’d planned to create an elaborate Shibari design on Piper. Share the intimacy of rope with her. Render her utterly helpless in suspension.

  But… That scene wouldn’t work this time. For the safety of a completely suspended submissive, he always stayed focused on her, which meant no sex for him.

  Today, they both needed the closeness of making love.

  So… Bondage? Definitely.

  Total suspension, no. Partial suspension? Yes, that would be perfect. Just enough helplessness. “I’m going to tie you, poppet, and we’re going to have some fun.”

  She stayed motionless except for a betraying quiver of her lovely breasts.

  Reaching into the trunk, he picked up the silk ropes, ran them through his fingers, set them down. Stroked a finger over the jute. Too harsh for now. Hemp…yes. He’d use the set of ropes that were broken in and thus softer.

  “Black and teal will look beautiful against your skin.” He draped the hemp ropes over her shoulders, so she would smell the sweet grassy fragrance, and set the basket holding scissors and toys onto the foot of the bed.

  Picking up the suspension rigging, he stepped up on the bed. The rigging plate with several vertical lines was already set up and merely needed attachment to the bed’s crossbars. Then, he could start.

  Folding the blue-green rope in half, he located the bight and began to tie his favorite chest harness. “I like the way this compresses your lovely breasts and holds in your waist.” With every glide of the rope, he followed it with a stroke of his hand over her velvety skin. As he wrapped her breasts, above and below, he took the time to play, filling his hands with soft flesh and using his mouth on her nipples until they were swollen and red.

  The semi-corset around her waist would give her the feeling of being hugged and add comfort to the sense of helplessness that he intended to give her. The constriction of the rope around her breasts would add an erotic element.

  Keeping his body against hers, enjoying the heat of her skin, how she’d begun to breathe in time with him, he continued, extending the knots down each arm in a beautiful pattern with loops for the swivels. The tension left her muscles as the ropes created a silent dialogue between them, reinforcing his authority, her helplessness. His love.

  After pressing a kiss to her palms, he nipped her fingers to assess the warmth and sucked on her fingertips. A flush of anticipation rose in her face.

  As he moved her where he needed her, and she gave herself fully over to his hands, he cou
ld feel her increasing surrender.

  He did a set of basic frog-ties, fastening her ankles to the backs of her thighs. He loved the vulnerability the tie imparted. A submissive would know she couldn’t escape, not with each foot pressed against an arse cheek.

  Checking in, he kissed her slowly, gently. “Give me a color, poppet.”

  Her eyelids were already at half-mast. Her voice was husky as she whispered, “Green, Sir.” Sliding into rope space.

  “I’m going to position you now…solely for my enjoyment, sweetheart.”

  She didn’t reject the idea—more the opposite. Her eyes held a glow of delight at being used to serve his needs. His beautiful submissive.

  He ran a rope from her left knee to the side of the bed frame, then her right, adjusting them until her legs were widely spread. Her lower half was restrained to the bed, but her arms were free. She braced herself on her hands in doggy style.

  Such a pretty arse and pussy. He ran a finger through the slickness. She was very, very wet.

  Her breathing sped up as he penetrated her with a finger. Then another. His cock throbbed with its own urgency. Patience.

  Reaching up to the suspension rigging, he attached one vertical line to the loop at the back of the chest harness and added another so her torso was supported. More support—rather than less—increased a bottom’s comfort, so he hooked more lines to the loops he’d left on the backs of her arms. Her arms, held straight, were restrained alongside the long length of her upper body, like a bird taking flight.

  The rigging’s anchor point was closer to the head of the bed so the harness lines pulled her forward slightly. She was bent over with her torso not quite parallel to the bed, but angled slightly upward. Although some of her weight was on her knees, her upper body was fully supported by the ropes. Helplessly held in place.

  And her pussy and arse were nicely available for whatever he wanted to do.

  He sat down in front of her. Her expression was…interesting. She was relaxing into the ropes, the partial suspension, as she realized she was supported comfortably. Yet her breathing hadn’t slowed completely because she’d also realized she was restrained in a very erotic, very vulnerable position