Bad For You (Rocktown Ink Book 4)

by Sherilee Gray

  I nearly swallowed my tongue. “The fuck?”

  “Get the hell off me,” she said, yanking down her top, eyes filling with tears, face bright red.

  “Lila? What happened…did I, did we—” My jeans were undone. I looked down between our bodies and winced. My cock was blowing in the breeze. I had a seriously bad case of whisky dick, and the fucker hung there soft and pathetic. My hungover brain sluggishly started to wake up.

  My head snapped up, my eyes locking on hers. “Lila…”

  “Get. Off.” She was looking at me like I was the biggest asshole in existence. And she was right.

  I rolled off her, put my dick away, and quickly climbed off the bed. My head pounded, and I nearly fell on my ass with the way it spun. “What the hell happened here?”

  She scrambled off the bed as well and did up her jeans.

  Why the fuck were her jeans undone?

  She snatched her glasses from the bedside table, shoving them on and wrapped her arms around herself. “You know exactly what happened here.”

  I shoved my fingers through my hair, feeling sick. “No. I don’t.”

  “Are you serious?” she whispered.

  I clenched my teeth and dipped my chin, dread twisting in my gut and stabbing me in the chest.

  “Tell me,” I demanded, freaking the hell out.

  She bit her lip, her gaze everywhere but on me.

  “Tell me before I lose my damn mind.” Had I hurt her? Was I so wasted that I’d pushed her too far. “Lila.”

  She gripped the fabric of her sweater at her sides, still not looking at me. “I came here to talk to you, and I…I followed you in here. You seemed happy to see me, but you…you…”

  “I what?” I yelled. She jumped, and I wanted to roar in frustration. “Sorry, I’m just… I’m freaking the fuck out here, Bambi.”

  Her throat worked. “You pulled me onto the bed with you, and we were kissing and I thought, I thought we were going to…that we would finally…” Her face got even darker. “You know,” she whispered. “But you…um, you couldn’t…” She motioned to the front of my jeans. “So you told me to…” She swallowed audibly. “With my mouth…”

  I froze as a hazy memory worked its way forward.

  “You didn’t, ah…want me…um, so you pushed me off and passed out,” she finished.

  I shoved my fingers through my hair again and fisted, taking in a visibly upset Lila, and barely resisted punching myself in the head. “I drank a whole lot last night, smoked some weed, did some other shit. I didn’t know what I was doing… I didn’t know it was—”

  Her gaze snapped to mine. “You didn’t know it was me?” Betrayal stared back at me.

  “Bambi…”

  She headed for the door.

  “Lila, hang on, we need to talk about this.”

  “No, we really don’t.” She tried to open the door.

  I slammed my palm against it, stopping her. “Yes. We do.”

  “You’re leaving,” she whispered without looking at me. “You’re leaving and you weren’t going to tell me, or even say goodbye, were you?”

  Her words landed like a steel-toed boot to the gut.

  Breaking it off with this girl, hurting her, had fucked me up more than anyone knew. Shit, she was the reason I’d been wasted last night, the reason I’d been getting wasted the last month, but she was right, I hadn’t planned to tell her. I’d never wanted anything, anyone, the way I wanted her. Talking to her, seeing her again, wasn’t a risk I’d been willing to take. I wasn’t that strong, not when it came to Lila.

  She’d come here last night, driven over an hour, for me, and from the fragments that I could remember, I’d humped on her like a blow-up doll and shoved her off when I couldn’t get it up. I’d treated her like dirt. The fact I barely remembered any of it didn’t excuse that shit.

  “Were you?” she said again, voice husky, pained.

  “I’ve gotta go away, maybe months. Don’t know when I’ll be back.” If I’ll make it back. “And I don’t…I don’t do relationships, Bambi, that’s not me, let alone long distance,” I forced myself to say. That may be true, but honestly, I didn’t want any other woman.

  The truth was, I could’ve fallen for this girl.

  But I’d only end up hurting her. What did I know about relationships? It’s not like I’d had a shining example growing up.

  And the shit I was about to wade into, yeah, I’d rather end it now than risk her getting caught up in it. I wouldn’t risk her getting hurt.

  “Look, Lila…”

  “Don’t. Please, don’t say any more.” Her lips were quivering, and there was no missing how hurt and embarrassed she was.

  I wanted to pull her into my arms so bad, I shook. “Bambi…”

  “I need to go.” She yanked the door open.

  “Hang on…”

  She ran out.

  I strode after her, couldn’t stop myself. My brain roared at me to drag her back into my room, to claim her as mine, to keep hold of the best thing that had ever come into my shitty life and never let go. Instead, I stood there as she got into her car and drove away, because no matter how much I wanted her, she wasn’t for me.

  Chapter Two

  Lila

  Three weeks later

  My phone chirped in the darkness.

  I blinked up at the ceiling. If it was my sister drunk-texting again, I was going to lose it. Kate was currently at the beach for her wedding anniversary and the daily recaps of her awesome time partying with her man were starting to annoy the crap out of me. Don’t get me wrong, I was thrilled that she and Eric were still all loved up, that they got to go away kid-free for the first time in a long time. Over the moon even, but right now, I was actively avoiding all happy couples.

  I ran my hand over my eight-year-old niece Madison’s mussed, dark hair. She was curled into my side, and my heart clenched. Though, looking after Maddie was definitely no hardship.

  You’re being a petty jerk.

  Sighing, I snatched my phone off my bedside table.

  Unknown: Hate the way we left shit, Bambi. Can’t stop thinking about it.

  I stared at the screen, my heart smacking around in my chest as I read the text again. I’d deleted Jesse's number from my phone when I got back from my humiliating night at his house. He hadn’t tried to stop me when I left, and he hadn’t contacted me since.

  I didn’t think I’d ever hear from him again.

  Deep down I’d known it was for the best.

  I’d overheard Dane tell his cousin Bull at The Thirsty Mule, the bar Bull owned, that Jesse was on the road and he didn’t know when he’d be back.

  Of course, I’d known he was going away. It was the reason I’d gone to him in the first place. But hearing it from Dane had filled me equally with relief that I wouldn’t see him after what happened between us, and pain, because I wouldn’t see him after what happened between us.

  I hated that I still cared.

  I stared at my phone. What could I say? What was there to say? The guy I was crazy about didn’t want me. Didn’t find me desirable. Hadn’t even been able to get it up when I’d had my mouth on him.

  But what did I expect? He was an insanely sexy, badass biker who’d no doubt had scores of hot women lick him all over, and I was an inexperienced librarian who’d gotten all nervous and wracked with guilt—God, had freaked out—when he’d tried to go beyond second base.

  Being with Jarod had given me warped, twisted feelings about sex and relationships. He’d made me feel terrible about myself.

  Jesse had made me feel the opposite.

  Then he’d hurt me, too.

  I curled my fingers into a tight fist. No. I refused to let the hurt creep back in. I was done, so done with letting people treat me like my feelings didn’t matter. Like I didn’t matter.

  It had taken every bit of courage and strength I’d possessed to break away from my suffocating, controlling parents. Still, their harsh and ugly words rang thr
ough my head whenever I did anything they would have slightly disapproved of.

  I fought that almost every day.

  Caring for Jesse, wanting someone who didn’t want me, made me feel—weak. Made me feel like that sad, scared girl who didn’t know how to escape the pain.

  I didn’t want to be that girl anymore.

  My phone chirped again, and Maddie stirred beside me. I quickly put the phone on silent.

  Unknown: Bambi?

  God. I used to love it when he called me that. Now? Not so much. The meaning behind it, the way he obviously saw me came across loud and clear. And it wasn’t flattering. Wide-eyed, naive, inexperienced. Cute.

  I freaking hated that word.

  I’d wanted him to look at me and have his jaw hit the floor at how sexy and confident I was. I’d wanted to tear his clothes off and ravage his glorious body, and he’d basically patted me on the head and sent me on my way.

  I’d been a bit of fun to him, maybe a challenge that got old quick. Not surprising when he had sexy, adventurous, and experienced women under his nose, willing and waiting to give him whatever he wanted on a daily basis.

  Unknown: Know you’re awake, Lila. You always read late. What you reading?

  Why wouldn’t he stop? Why wouldn’t he just leave me alone? Was he getting off on torturing me like this? Ha! At least that would be something.

  My finger hovered over the screen. Politeness that had been drummed into me all my life insisted I reply.

  He hurt you.

  He’d also never promised you anything.

  No, he hadn’t. It had been my overactive imagination that had come up with some ridiculous, grand love story, some invisible “connection” between us, when in reality it had been a handful of make-out sessions and some late-night calls and texts.

  Unknown: Wuthering Heights?

  I blinked down at his text.

  He’d asked once and I’d told him. I never thought he’d remember.

  Big deal. He has a memory. So do goldfish. It means nothing.

  No, it didn’t.

  I couldn’t do this with him. I couldn’t do this to myself.

  I turned off the sound and put my phone back on my bedside table facedown.

  Jesse and I were done. For good.

  Jesse

  I took a bite of my burger and screwed up my face. How could you fuck up a cheeseburger? Guess I should’ve paid attention to the near-empty parking lot. Lila would’ve hated this place. She liked to cook, liked good food.

  I mentally shook the shit out of myself. Jesus, I needed her out of my head.

  I still couldn’t believe I’d texted her a week ago. One minute I was lying there thinking about her, the next I was tapping out a damned message. It didn’t matter that walking away from her was for the best. It still seriously sucked. And I’d caved.

  She hadn’t replied.

  What the fuck did you expect?

  I took another bite of my burger, scowled, and tossed it down on the plate.

  I just wanted to find my brother and be done with this. But Trip wasn’t making it easy, and he’d dragged Sofia, his old lady, along with him. She’d managed one distress call to me, then nothing.

  If he’d hurt her? Shit, I curled my fingers into a tight fist.

  My asshole brother was as violent as our father.

  You’re not much better.

  Yeah, I was good at inflicting pain, at dishing out club justice when it was needed. Which was why I’d been made an enforcer, just like my twisted old man had been, but that’s where the similarities ended.

  Unlike him, I would never lay hands on women or children.

  My father was in deep with this latest shit Trip was involved in, I had no doubt, but so far we had no evidence. He got other people to do his dirty work.

  Usually, my brother.

  Trip and several of his club brothers had joined forces with our enemy, the Jackals MC, wanting in on their drug running operation. The fuckwit had offered our guys up as couriers, for a nice chunk of the profits, of course, if they helped him take out Trip’s chapter president in Albert. Positioning himself for the top spot.

  The Ramblers had left that life behind a while ago. Extracting ourselves from it had not been easy, and we weren’t looking to go back.

  Something Trip and my old man had voiced their displeasure about many times.

  I rubbed my hands over my face, and let out a harsh breath as my gaze dipped to my phone. I opened my messages and my gaze dropped to Lila’s name instantly. What was it about this girl? Why couldn’t I get her out of my head?

  I checked the time. She’d be at work. I could see her now, glasses perched on her nose, wearing one of those sexy-as-fuck pencil skirts she always wore, a pretty silk shirt clinging to her gorgeous tits. Yep, I was a full-on bastard because my dick was instantly hard. I shifted in my seat.

  And instead of texting her like I wanted to, I replied to Dane’s message from earlier asking what town I was in.

  Jesse: No fucking idea.

  Dane: Any sign of Trip?

  Jesse: Nope. You seen Lila?

  Dane: Yep.

  Jesse: And?

  Dane: And what?

  Jesse: Don’t be an asshole. She okay?

  Dane: How the fuck would I know? We don’t get together for girly chats.

  Jesse: You’re a prick, you know that?

  Dane: Yep.

  I was choking down cold fries when my phone chirped again.

  Dane: Actually, I do have something. She’s seeing someone. You’re in the clear. No need for all the guilt.

  I read it again.

  My gut knotted. My heart beat faster. Rage, sharp and white hot hit me. I snatched up my phone and had to stop myself from throwing it against the wall.

  She’d moved on.

  Found someone else.

  What did you think would happen?

  The roar of bikes shook the diner windows. I turned as two guys rolled into the parking lot wearing Jackals MC colors.

  They were off their bikes now, checking out mine.

  Coincidence? I didn’t believe in them.

  I stood, cracked my neck. Perfect timing. I was in the mood to beat the shit out of someone.

  Chapter Three

  Jesse

  A week later

  I curled my fingers into a tight fist, my knuckles bleeding and split, and spat at my brother’s feet. He stared up at me, battered and bloody, his hatred for me shining bright.

  The feeling was mutual.

  “This is done, you hear me?” I tore his Ramblers cut from his hands, and shoved a sobbing Sofia behind me. I glanced at her, at the bruises on her face, her arms, some faded, some new, and kicked the prick in the ribs one more time.

  Maybe I should feel bad, feel anything after beating the shit out of my own brother, for taking everything from him. But I didn’t. Seeing Sofia had cured me of any sentiment towards Trip.

  We were blood, but we’d parted ways a long time ago, right about the time he’d become a carbon copy of our abusive father.

  He was nothing. He didn’t exist to me anymore.

  Rooster, a club brother from Albert, had joined me a few days ago. He’d been sent to help me clean up the mess Trip had made. He’d spilled his guts without much encouragement, given us the names of the traitors to save his own skin. Not the old man though. He was protecting that fucker, even now.

  I stood back as Rooster torched Trip’s bike, then I crouched down beside him, got in his face. “I ever see you again, anyone in the club sees you again, you come anywhere near Sofia…and you’re dead,” I bit out.

  I gave Rooster a chin lift, tossed Trip’s cut on the blaze, then took my sister-in-law’s hand and led her away from the warehouse parking lot. We both got on my bike, and tore off.

  I wanted her away from Trip. Away from all of it.

  I found an old barn a few miles out of town that I could stash my bike behind and was far enough from the farmhouse that we shouldn�
�t be woken in the night by some pissed-off, gun-wielding farmer.

  As much as I wanted to get Soph as far away from here as I could, she was exhausted and it wasn’t safe for her to ride.

  She shuffled in after me, trembling. I pulled the blanket out of my pack and wrapped it around her. She immediately curled up on a pile of hay on the ground and squeezed her eyes closed.

  Trip had broken her. Just like the old man had broken my mom.

  “Okay, Soph?”

  She nodded.

  We both knew she wasn’t. But I didn’t push.

  I needed to get her back to Albert, to the club where they could keep her safe until I finished what needed to be done. Clear out the rest of the trash. Then I’d take her home to Black Stone.

  Away from any memories of Trip.

  A short time later, I was lying on a pile of hay as well, staring out one of the grimy windows.

  They reminded me of the ones we’d had in the basement when I was a kid. I ran my hand over my shaved head, my mouth going dry.

  How many times had I’d crawled down there battered and bleeding, hiding from the old man after he’d beaten the shit out of me. Lying there in the dark listening, unable to move, unable to do anything as he turned his anger on my mom.

  I reached for my phone, telling myself that I needed to send an update to Stones, my president, but it was bullshit. I wanted, no needed, to talk to Lila.

  I started typing and couldn’t stop.

  Jesse: Christ, I miss you. Wish you were with me. I’d pull you in close, those gorgeous fucking curves against me, your ass in my hands. I’d just hold you like that, breathe you in. Love the way you smell, Bambi. Fucked up the last time I had you in my bed. If I had the chance again, I’d make you feel so good. I’m a bastard ’cause I want all that sweetness you got, all that beauty back on me. I want inside you so bad I can barely breathe. I want to make you laugh. Fuck, I just want to talk to you.