Craving Redemption: Forbidden Series #4

by Lorraine, Tracy

  In reality, I haven’t heard from Trey since I ran away from him on Saturday morning.

  I expected to have had a call or at least a message, but it’s been radio silence. It makes me wonder if he’s happy now because he got what he needed and he’s forgotten about me. I wish I could say that were true for me. Not a second’s passed since leaving his flat in which I’ve managed to get him out of my mind.

  As always, I meet my sister for our weekly yoga class on Sunday morning before heading to see Mum. It’s been our routine for years now, and it’s the one thing I can rely on staying the same as the rest of my life has spiralled out of control. My older sister, Samantha, has the life I crave. She’s engaged to a guy who looks at her like she’s his entire reason for being. He wasn’t her first love, and knowing that does give me a little hope for myself. There was a time when I thought we were both too screwed up from our childhood to find a real, meaningful relationship, but thankfully she’s proving me wrong. They’re due to get married in a few weeks in an intimate wedding I’ve helped her plan. I’m looking forward to walking her down the aisle in her gorgeous white dress, but at the same time a part of me feels like she’s moving on. She’s been such a huge part of my life, especially during my teenage years. I know I’m being selfish, wanting to keep her to myself, but she’s been my rock my entire life and I fear what I’ll do if she—rightly so—moves on to have her own family.

  Having fallen asleep embarrassingly early last night, I’m up at the crack of dawn and, without much else to do, I head for the office early. I expect it to still be in darkness, but, as I approach, the light from Ben’s office shines brightly through the window.

  A familiar voice fills my ears and a shiver runs down my spine. I don’t need to hear the words he’s saying; the deep timbre of his voice is enough to affect me.

  “Just give her some time and a little space if she needs it. Don’t be like all the other men who’ve been in her life.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Not my story to tell, man. If Erica wants you to know, she’ll have to tell you herself.”

  My heart pounds as I listen to them talk about me. How fucking dare they? Racing forward, I push on Ben’s office door so hard that it swings open and crashes back against the newly plastered wall.

  “Have you two just about finished?” I snap, my eyes wide and my brows almost meeting my hairline. “You want to know something about me?” I bark, stepping closer to Trey and poking him in the chest with my index finger. “Fucking ask me. And you,” I say turning my heated stare to Ben, “stay out of it. This is my life, and if I don’t want to be screwing another member of this firm then I think I have a bloody good enough reason not to, wouldn't you say?” My eyes narrow at Ben and he swallows. I doubt he’s scared of me; I think the only person he’s scared of is Lauren, but he puts on a good show.

  “I was just trying to help,” he admits.

  “Well, don’t. I’m more than capable of looking after myself. I’ve damn well been doing it long enough.”

  Tears burn the backs of my eyes. In fear of them spilling over and showing Trey just how much of an emotional mess I really am, I turn my back on them and storm from the office.

  No words are said as I make my way to the kitchen and slam the door behind me. Turning the kettle on, I allow the sob I’m fighting to keep down to break free. My eyes pool with water and, before long, tears spill down onto my cheeks.

  Fuck them. Fuck all of them, I want to scream as I slam my hand down on the counter, embracing the sting of pain.

  I’ve always been the strong one. I’ve never allowed anyone on the outside to see what my world was really like, to see the pain that festered inside from all the let downs and betrayals I’ve endured. What I don’t need is for someone else, best friend or not, to be telling Trey what it is I do or do not need.

  I am the one in control here. If he has problems, he needs to address me, not go behind my back.

  My head’s hanging between my shoulders with my palms resting on the counter when the click of the lock drags me from my nightmare. I don’t look up. I don’t move in the hope that whoever it is will just leave me the hell alone.

  Unfortunately, that’s not Ben’s style. It never has been. Other than my sister, he’s the only other person who really gets me, who understands what it’s like. I think I knew that from the first day I looked into his eyes. They held the same shadows, the loss, the pain. He knew, and without speaking a word about what either of us had been through, it was like we just gravitated towards each other. Our shared pain was strong enough to bond us together without even understanding it. It’s why it hurt so damn much when he joined the other waste-of-space men in my life and upped and left without so much as a fucking warning. Now he’s back, and I have first-hand experience of what happened to make him leave. I understand his intentions, but that doesn’t mean the bitter sting of being abandoned once again by someone who was meant to love me isn’t still buried within me.

  His warm hand wraps around my shoulder and I’m twisted around until I’m pressed up against his solid chest. His strong arms wrap around me, and I’m powerless to do anything but soak up his support and cry into his chest.

  “I’m sorry, E. I wasn’t trying to go behind your back or tell him anything that isn’t my place to tell. I was just trying to help. To stop him being quite so full-on. I know that—”

  “Enough,” I whisper. Even my voice sounds broken. “It’s okay. I’m sorry.”

  I trust Ben one hundred percent with my secrets, but that doesn’t mean that what I just overheard doesn't sting, even if I know he has my best interests at heart.

  Once my breathing’s calmed, Ben pushes on my shoulders and moves me back slightly so he can look into my eyes.

  “I know you better than you think I do, and I can tell that you’re freaking out right now. You like him, that much is obvious, but you’re scared—and I understand why. I can see how intense he is, and I know that’s pushing you away. I was just trying to allow you a little breathing space.”

  Wiping the tears staining my cheeks with the back of my hand, I look up into his blue eyes and can’t help but smile. My heart aches with his need to try to protect me, and I love him just that little bit more for it.

  “Thank you, I do appreciate it. Things between us are…”

  “Explosive?”

  “Ha, yeah, you could say that. But I have no intentions on whatever it is continuing. I’ve screwed up here enough already. You’re drowning in debt because of my last mistake. The best thing for me to do is walk away before I screw something else up for you.”

  “And what if you don’t.”

  “Jesus, you sound just like Lauren,” I mutter, going over to the coffee machine. If we’re going to have this kind if serious conversation then I need more caffeine.

  “I must be rubbing off on her.”

  I snort, almost dropping coffee everywhere. “I’m sure you are, boss.”

  “As often as I can,” he says with a cheeky wink. “But that’s not what I meant. Just trust us, we know what we’re talking about.”

  “Doubtful.”

  “Careful. I am your boss, you know?”

  “Like you’re going to let me forget it.”

  “We good now, yeah?” He glances towards the door, probably ready to escape my emotional breakdown.

  “Yeah, we’re good.”

  “All right, well, I don’t pay you to make coffee.”

  “Sure thing, boss.” I salute him and he pulls the door open, his shoulders shaking with a laugh.

  I sit down at my desk, no less confused about Trey, but after my little chat with Ben I do feel a little lighter.

  After taking a cautious sip of coffee, I turn my computer on and drag my diary to the centre of the desk. Flipping it open, I stare down at what’s first on my list today, but I don’t get that far because written across every single day past the five o’clock line in huge bold Sharpie letters is ‘TREY’.r />
  My teeth grind as fire ignites in my veins. See, this is one reason you should never sleep with a colleague: they think it gives them the right to mess with your work day.

  “Where is he?” I bark. Seeing as we’re still the only two in the office, it should be obvious who I’m talking to and about.

  “Gone to site. Why, you need something only he can give?”

  “Fuck off.” He can’t see me, but I flip him off anyway.

  Chapter Eleven

  I managed to escape early Monday afternoon, and Tuesday he ended up stuck in a meeting so I was able to sneak off home without being caught, but I know my time avoiding him is coming to an end…and that’s not just because every message and email I receive from him tells me so.

  Stepping out of the office on Wednesday afternoon ready for a trip to the post office with a load of letters, I sigh in frustration when I discover the rain is harder than I was expecting. Pulling my umbrella from my bag, I’m just about to step out into the torrential downpour when a car pulls into the driveway.

  Even from this distance, I see his eyes light up and a smug smile twitch at his lips. I attempt to walk past him with my head held high, but his window is down by the time I get to him.

  “Get in,” he demands.

  “I’m good, thanks.”

  “Erica.” His deep, gravelly voice hits me right between the legs. “You’re getting wet.”

  “It’s fine. I quite like it.” His eyes glisten in delight, and I chastise myself for egging him on.

  “I can put an end to that. Get in.”

  “I’m sure you’ve got plenty of work to do.” I take another step, but his arm flies out and grabs mine.

  “Nothing that's more important than you.”

  I look back at him. Our eyes meet and my resolve to stay away from him weakens.

  “Fine, just drop me at the post office. It’s right next to the tube station for me to get home.”

  “Just get in.”

  Following orders this time, I quickly make my way around to the passenger door and slide in once I’ve closed my umbrella.

  “See, it wasn’t that hard, was it?”

  The second I shut the door, the tension between us makes it hard to breathe. The last time I was alone with him, I was bent over the arm of his sofa.

  “So…” I say, tapping my hand against my thigh, not really knowing if I should be making small talk or what.

  “Why’d you run?”

  My head snaps over to his, my eyes wide with shock that he’s diving straight into the issue.

  “I…uh…got what I came for?” I don’t mean it to come out as a question, but the squeak in my voice makes it sound that way.

  “You really expect me to believe you made the effort to come to my flat just for that?”

  “Of course. That’s what a booty call is, right?”

  “If you say so.”

  Silence descends, but it’s only a few moments later when he’s pulling into a parking spot right out the front of the post office.

  “Thank you for the ride.”

  “You’re more than welcome. I’m free for rides any day of the week.” I try my best to ignore the innuendo, but it’s easier said than done.

  “I’ll…uh…see you tomorrow. Thanks.” Jumping from the car, I slam the door and run before he has the chance to say anything or stop me.

  My heart pounds and my chest heaves like I’ve just run here as I stand in the queue, but that’s the effect his mere presence has on me. One look at him and I’m just a ball of need. If it were true that a man could melt a woman’s knickers, he’d be able to do it. Mine threaten to drop the second I look at him.

  I try to convince myself that that’s all it is, just a physical attraction, but as much as I try to ignore it, I know it’s more than that. When I’m around him, I have this unnerving need to spill all my dark secrets in the hope that he’ll take the weight of them for me. I’ve never in my life felt like that about another person; even the few who know the truth about my life had to drag it out of me; with him, the words are ready to just fall from my lips.

  It’s that knowledge that makes me keep him at arm’s length. Men before him have managed to break me without the power that comes with sharing my secrets. If I were to open up, when he screws me over it’ll be even more earth-shattering.

  Thankfully, the rain’s slowed by the time I make it back outside. Keeping my head down, I turn towards the tube station—until a very familiar and very solid wall stops me in my tracks.

  “Where are you going?” he growls, his hands on my upper arms, causing sparks to shoot around my body.

  Dragging my eyes up his shirt-covered chest, I find his intense steel eyes staring down at me. “Home?”

  “Let me take you.”

  “You…you waited so you could take me home?”

  “Yeah. Why is that so hard to believe?” Reaching out, he runs a lock of my hair between his fingers. He obviously doesn’t expect an answer, but to be fair, if he listened to anything Ben said on Monday morning then he already knows I’m not used to guys being so…nice. I’m used to following demands, taking orders and fending for myself. This…his genuine kindness is a little unnerving. “Wouldn’t you rather be in my car than sitting on a sweaty tube?”

  “Of course. What are you expecting in return?” My eyes narrow as I try to figure out his angle.

  He leans in. I half expect him to kiss me, but at the last minute he turns his head to the side and whispers in my ear, “Have dinner with me?”

  “Dinner?”

  “Yeah, dinner. You say where and we’ll go.”

  “And then what?”

  “Whatever you want.”

  “You just want to have dinner? No funny business?”

  “Like I said, whatever you want.”

  Standing to his full height, his eyes flit over my face. I’ve no idea if he finds what he was looking for or not, but he nods his head, runs his hand down my arm and locks his fingers with mine, pulling me back to his car.

  Like a real gentleman, he opens the door for me and waits until I’m settled before he closes it and makes his way to the driver’s side. I drag as much air into my lungs as possible, knowing that when he joins me and closes his door it’s going to suck all the air out.

  “So,” he asks, turning to me once he’s brought the engine to life. “What do you fancy?”

  You is right on the end of my tongue, but I manage to bite it back. “A curry.”

  “Good choice. Any particular restaurant?”

  “Nope, I don’t have a favourite.” The one my sister and I used to order from on a weekly basis closed down a little while after we both moved out of our family home. I’ve not managed to find one anywhere close to its quality since.

  “Lucky for you, I do and it’s incredible. It’s a little out of the city, though—you okay to drive for a bit?”

  I probably shouldn’t allow myself to be locked in this enclosed space with him for any length of time, but the promise of an incredible curry is enough to have me agreeing and getting comfortable in his soft leather seat. “As long as it’s as good as you say.”

  “I won’t let you down.” I know we’re talking about a curry here, but something tells me he means more than that. Butterflies dance in my belly no matter how many times I tell myself not to fall for his charm.

  He’ll only break you, like all the others.

  * * *

  His Indian of choice is a little back street restaurant. It doesn’t look much from outside, and I probably would never have chosen it if I were walking past, but after descending some stairs the most incredible dining room is revealed. We’re shown to our table in a quiet corner, and the waiter leaves us for a few minutes.

  “So, tell me…” I look up at Trey curiously and try to ignore the racing of my heart as I wait for the end of his sentence. “Are you the kind of girl who always has the same dish, or do you like to try different things?”

  Relieved
he didn’t demand something more personal, a smile spreads across my face. “You tell me. What do you think?”

  “I think you try it all, and the more exotic the better.”

  “Hmmm…” I run my eyes over the menu in front of me. “I guess you’ll never know.”

  “I don’t intend on this being our one and only meal, Erica.”

  “It takes two to tango, Trey, which means you’d need me to agree to this not being our one and only meal.”

  “I have ways to convince you.”

  Heat floods my belly as his eyes darken with desire. “Is that right?” My voice is husky, giving away how he really makes me feel. Lifting the menu slightly, I attempt to hide behind it but all he does is laugh at me. I fear I’m never going to be able hide from him.

  The whole evening is incredible…Trey is incredible. He’s thoughtful, caring, and a total gentleman. I’m afraid that I’m beginning to like him a little too much. I don’t have the strength right now to have my heart smashed to pieces, but I’m having a hard time keeping it out of what’s developing between us.

  “Thank you so much for the meal,” I say as he leads us from the restaurant, his hand tightly wrapped around mine.

  “You’re welcome.”

  He holds the car door open for me once again and helps me inside. The second he shuts the door, loneliness settles within me. It’s crazy, because he’s just walking around the car to get in, but knowing I’m starting to rely on how he makes me feel is unsettling.

  After dropping into the driver’s seat, he turns to look at me.

  “What?” I ask, starting to feel a little self-conscious.

  “I’ve no idea where you live. Point me in the right direction.”

  The truth is on the tip of my tongue, but a bigger part of me is scared to allow him into my life more than he already is, so, when I open my mouth, another address entirely falls from my lips.

  The drive is quiet, and it makes me nervous. He’s being so sweet. I know he listened to Ben’s warning the other day and is trying to be more than the demanding lover I’ve known up until this point, but, quite honestly, he was easier to deal with like that.