The Unusual Suspects

by Michael Buckley

  “First day?” the queen said nervously. “Sabrina, I’ve been this class’s teacher since the beginning of the year. Don’t you remember?”

  Suddenly, everything made sense. The reason no one was upset about Grumpner’s murder was because no one remembered him. Grumpner had been erased! The Everafters had covered the entire town in forgetful dust and wiped him from everyone’s memory. The only reason Sabrina remembered him was because her house was covered with protection spells that kept the family safe from magical attacks.

  She didn’t know why she was so surprised. The lousy Everafters were always making inconvenient things disappear. When something got in the way, it vanished. Just like her parents. Just like her entire family, if the Everafters got the chance.

  “You erased him!” Sabrina shouted, unable to control her anger. “You wiped him away, just like that! Just like you did with my parents, but I won’t let you do it again. You tell your dirty Everafter friends that I’m going to find my mom and dad. And I’m going to find who killed Mr. Grumpner, too!”

  The queen’s face reeled in horror. Sabrina had betrayed an unspoken rule of Ferryport Landing—never reveal the truth! She looked up at the nasty teacher’s face, hoping the queen could see that she was tired of secrets. Daphne was right. Mr. Grumpner’s murder needed to be solved, if only to show the Everafters that they couldn’t get away with their tricks anymore.

  Suddenly, Wendell, the boy who had been late for school the day before, rushed into the room. He looked confused for a moment as he spotted the queen, then he recovered and hurried down the aisle to his seat, an odd, chalky dust trailing behind him. He sat down awkwardly and hid his face in his textbook.

  Sabrina’s eyes watered and she sneezed loudly as the cloud of dust settled to the floor.

  “Cut it out, Grimm,” Toby cried from across the room. “You’re spraying your cooties all over the place.”

  Sabrina turned on the boy, walked down the aisle, and grabbed him by the shirt collar. Still full of rage, she shouted, “Shut your mouth you little bug-eyed freak!”

  Toby stared into her face and just smiled.

  “Mrs. Heart, I’m sorry to interrupt,” a voice said from the doorway. Sabrina spun around and saw Principal Hamelin. “I’d like to introduce a new student.”

  “Take your seat, Ms. Grimm,” the queen said between gritted teeth. The angry girl marched back to her desk.

  “Mrs. Heart, class, this is Robin Goodfellow,” the principal said as Puck marched into the room, waving and bowing as if he were a movie star.

  “Taa-daa,” Puck sang. “Please, don’t make a fuss.”

  “Robin is here all the way from Akron, Ohio, and he’ll be staying with Sabrina Grimm’s family,” Hamelin announced.

  “Robin Goodfellow?” the queen muttered knowingly. It was obvious to Sabrina that the teacher recognized the boy.

  Puck winked at her. “That’s my name, don’t wear it out,” he crowed.

  “Take a seat in the back. There’s one near your friend.”

  The boy looked around the room. “Is that the only seat available? The Grimm girl tends to have a very foul odor,” he said with a wicked grin. “She’s a real stinker.”

  The half of the class that wasn’t asleep roared with laughter and Sabrina blushed.

  “And she’s got quite a temper, too,” the queen replied. “Sorry, Mr. Goodfellow. If the rest of the class has to suffer, so do you.”

  The students roared again.

  “So, Mrs. Heart, he’s all yours,” the principal said and left the room.

  Sabrina’s head was pounding and she had a fever. How had she gotten so angry so quickly? Mirror was right. Puberty was really screwing with her head and if she didn’t get control over it she was going to be the school weirdo forever. She glanced around the room and noticed that kids were staring at her. How humiliating the whole thing had been. The only kids who didn’t seem to care were the ones who had slept through it all and Wendell. The chubby little Everafter boy had been busy reading and keeping his head down the whole time Puck was being introduced by the principal, almost as if he’d wanted to avoid his father’s gaze. There was something unusual about the boy. His feet were covered in white chalk. It had made Sabrina sneeze, just like the dust they had found in Mr. Grumpner’s footprints. This odd boy with the runny nose had been in the same place their murdered teacher had been.

  “Ms. Grimm,” Mrs. Heart said—she had come down the aisle and was standing over Sabrina with her grade book in hand—“No homework today?”

  Sabrina’s eyes flared as they met the queen’s. “I didn’t know we had any homework today,” she snapped.

  “That’s a shame, Ms. Grimm,” the teacher said with a wicked smile. “I’m going to have to give you a zero.”

  The girl met her grin with a bitter scowl.

  “Since you’re having trouble keeping up with your assignments, maybe we should set up some special time for you to get them done,” Mrs. Heart said. “I’ll see you in detention this afternoon.”

  “What’s a detention?” Puck asked.

  “It means I have to stay after school for an hour,” Sabrina whispered

  “An hour!” The boy laughed. “That’s the most twisted, depraved punishment I have ever heard of. I’ve been here for five minutes and it’s already an intolerable agony!”

  “Well, then, Mr. Goodfellow, maybe you should join her,” Mrs. Heart suggested.

  “Your Majesty!” Puck cried, leaping from his seat. He threw his arms around the woman and wailed. “Show some mercy!”

  The Queen of Hearts waited patiently for Puck’s dramatics to end and for the students to stop giggling. When he released her, the teacher spun around and headed to the front of the classroom.

  “Now, class, let’s talk about past participles,” she said, turning toward the chalkboard. On the queen’s back was a sheet of paper that read I KISS GOATS. The kids who were awake fell over themselves laughing.

  The teacher spun around and flashed the class a mascara-heavy evil eye. She turned back to the board and the class exploded again.

  “Anyone who wants to join Ms. Grimm and Mr. Goodfellow tonight in detention, just keep it up,” she shouted.

  By the time the bell rang, the entire class was looking at Puck as if he were a rock star.

  “Hilarious!” one kid snorted as the students emptied into the hall. Puck absorbed their praise like a greedy sponge and agreed with each one wholeheartedly that he was indeed a genius. But Sabrina had no interest in Puck’s groupies. Her eyes were fixed on Wendell, who now hurried down the hallway, followed by a cloud of dust. She rushed after him.

  “Hey, stink-pot,” Puck said, breaking away from his followers. “You’re not supposed to leave my sight.”

  Sabrina didn’t reply. Instead, she darted through crowds and dodged open lockers as she trailed the chubby boy through the over-packed hallway. He raced down a flight of stairs and slipped through a door. By the time Sabrina caught up, he had already slammed the door behind him. The sign on it read BOILER ROOM.

  “Where are you going?” Puck asked, grabbing Sabrina’s wrist and pulling her back before she could open the door.

  “I think that boy knows something about Grumpner’s death,” she replied, reaching for the door.

  “You’re not supposed to go anywhere without me.”

  “Well, you’re here now, let’s go.”

  “I don’t feel like it.”

  “Puck, it’s the boiler room. I bet it’s dirty and gross in there,” Sabrina said, trying to play to the boy’s biggest weakness—filth. “I bet there’s a greasy floor you could roll around on.”

  Puck’s eyes lit up and he nodded vigorously. It was nice to see that she could manipulate him when it was important. She reached for the doorknob again, but before she could turn it, a muscular, grizzled-looking man stepped in her way.

  “Where do you kids think you’re going?” he asked. He was tall and strong, with arms as big as tree trun
ks and a chest as wide as the family car. It was obvious that he hadn’t shaved in several days and could probably use some sleep. His blue coverall uniform had a patch on it that told everyone his name was Charlie and the smell coming off of him told everyone his uniform needed a trip to the laundromat. But it was the mop slung over his shoulder that told her this was the school janitor, and the boiler room was his domain.

  “I was looking for my next class,” Sabrina lied.

  “In the boiler room?” Charlie laughed, spraying his corned-beef-and-cigarette breath all over her. “Ain’t nothing in there but a bunch of mops and brooms.”

  “My mistake,” she said. She turned around and together she and Puck headed down the hallway. She snuck a peek back, hoping Charlie had moved on, but he was still there, leaning against the door.

  “I could lure him upstairs and push him out a window,” Puck offered.

  “No, we can’t do that. We’ll come back later. For now, just go to your next class,” Sabrina replied. “Where is it?”

  She snatched his schedule out of his hand and looked at it. “Puck, you’re in all my classes!”

  “The old lady and Canis negotiated it with the principal,” the boy explained.

  Sabrina knew what kind of negotiating Mr. Canis could do. Now Sabrina would have Puck practically riding on her back.

  There were several kids walking behind them and one of them laughed loudly and said, “Hello, Smelly Stink-pot.”

  Sabrina spun around to see who had insulted her but the kids just walked away.

  “Smelly Stink-pot? What does that mean?” Sabrina asked Puck.

  “Who knows?” he said. “Kids can be cruel.”

  It would be hours before Bella stopped her in the hallway and removed a sign that had been taped onto Sabrina’s back. It read, PLEASED TO MEET YOU, I’M SMELLY STINK-POT!

  The rest of the day, Sabrina and Puck kept a watchful eye out for Wendell, but it seemed as if the boy had disappeared. During a break between classes, Puck even rushed outside and summoned some pixies with his flute, to look for their chubby suspect. As Sabrina and Puck waited for word back, they went from one class to the next, and in each the Trickster King did his best to humiliate his housemate. Unlike a normal kid, Puck didn’t bring pencils or a notebook to class; he brought what he called the essentials: a squirt gun, stink pellets, a shock buzzer, and his personal favorite—a whoopee cushion. Now, to Sabrina, fart jokes were so old-fashioned. She believed kids were pretty sophisticated in the twenty-first century. It would take more than an obnoxious noise to get a modern kid laughing.

  Unfortunately, Sabrina was wrong. Puck let the whoopee cushion go in every class, making it seem as if Sabrina were having intestinal issues, and the kids just thought it got funnier and funnier. Eventually, he added a little acting to his routine, pretending to gag on Sabrina’s imaginary fumes. When this proved to be wildly popular as well, it quickly evolved into an elaborate death scene, which ended with Puck shaking in convulsions on the floor. His performances, and Sabrina’s threats of a serious beating, helped the two rack up an impressive five detentions apiece by midday. At the rate they were going, Sabrina suspected they would be in detention until they were twenty-five.

  So, as they headed for gym class, she smiled, knowing revenge was within her grasp. Puck was about to get what he had coming to him.

  “OK class,” Ms. Spangler said as she tossed a ball back and forth between her hands. “We’ve got a new student today. His name is Robin and he says he’s never actually played dodgeball.”

  Even from across the room, Sabrina could see Toby’s and Natalie’s eyes light up with excitement. Bella, who was standing nearby, leaned over to her. “Your friend is in serious trouble.”

  Puck waved to everyone, unaware that attention was the last thing he wanted in this class. Once everyone got an eyeful of him, Ms. Spangler divided the class into two teams. Puck and Sabrina found themselves standing next to each other.

  “How do you play this game?” he asked.

  “People throw balls at you,” she said. “If they hit you, then you’re out.”

  “Let me get this straight. The object of this game is to hit someone with a ball. Can you hit them in the head?”

  Sabrina nodded, eyeing the opposing team to avoid a sneak attack.

  “And you can hit them as hard as you want?”

  “That’s actually encouraged. But be careful—if they catch it you’re out.”

  “Does anyone ever catch the ball?”

  “Rarely.”

  “How diabolical!” Puck cried. “It’s so twisted, it’s brilliant! Are you any good at this ‘dodgeball’?”

  “I used to be,” Sabrina grumbled, staring at the two children directly across from her on the other team, Toby and the big goon Natalie, who were staring back at her with evil grins on their faces. They were like vultures, waiting to take a bite of her.

  Ms. Spangler blew her whistle and the insanity began.

  A ball whizzed past Sabrina’s head and smacked into Bella. Sabrina was surprised. The day before, the girl had been so agile, but now it seemed like Bella had actually stepped into the ball, as if she wanted to be knocked out of the game.

  The blond girl shrugged her shoulders. “Good luck,” she said to Sabrina, as she made her way over to the sidelines. Sabrina looked up to see Toby and Natalie. Both were grinning. Toby winged his ball straight at her head and just before it smashed her in the nose, Puck reached over and caught it.

  “Toby’s out!” Ms. Spangler shouted. Dejected, the boy scowled and sulked over to the sidelines.

  “Now what do I do with it?” Puck asked.

  “Throw it at somebody,” Sabrina said impatiently.

  Puck wound up, ready to smack Sabrina right in the face with the ball.

  “Not me, you idiot!” she cried, pointing at the opposite team. “Them!”

  Puck threw his ball at a red-haired boy standing close to the front. It rocketed across the room like a missile, hit the redheaded kid in the chest, and sent him flying backward ten yards. The class stopped playing and let out a collective gasp.

  “Kevin is out!” Ms. Spangler said, unsympathetic to the boy’s obvious injuries.

  Every kid looked at Puck as if he had just suggested adding another day to the school week. Even kids on his team seemed afraid of him, and when the game resumed, Puck was public enemy number one.

  Balls came from every direction and the boy managed to duck, jump, and somersault around every one. He bent in impossible directions that no normal human being ever could. He stood on his hands and let balls fly between his feet. He taunted everyone, which only made them want to smash him in the face even more, but every effort failed. When the already sleepy kids were thoroughly exhausted, Puck began to collect their weak tosses. In no time he had collected almost every ball and had laid them at his feet. When the kids realized what he had done, they whimpered. Even Natalie let out a little cry.

  Puck picked up the first of his collection and winged it at a boy standing nearby. The ball hit the kid so hard he slid across the floor and out the gym doors. Puck picked up another ball, and another, and another, tossing them at impossible speeds. A tall skinny girl was hit so hard her shoes flew off her feet. One ball hit a group of kids, bouncing off of one and then hitting the next and the next, until they all tipped over like bowling pins. Even Ms. Spangler got cracked hard in the back and nearly swallowed her whistle. By the time it was over, Sabrina, Puck, and Natalie were the only ones left standing.

  “No boundaries!” Ms. Spangler said.

  “What’s that mean?” Puck asked.

  “It means we can go after her,” Sabrina said, pointing at Natalie.

  He clapped his hands like a happy baby. “School is awesome!” he shouted. He picked up a ball and handed it to Sabrina.

  Sabrina was so happy she could have kissed Puck. Quickly shaking off this thought, she helped him stalk the big girl around the gym. Natalie huffed like an angry bull.r />
  “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll drop those balls right now,” she threatened them.

  “You’re probably right,” Sabrina said, tossing the ball at the girl as hard as she could. It smashed into the side of Natalie’s face and she fell down. Sabrina had knocked the bully down for the second time in two days.

  “Natalie is out!” Ms. Spangler shouted. “No sides!”

  Sabrina turned to congratulate Puck, just as a ball crashed into the side of her face and sent her reeling. The class cheered and Puck raised his hand in triumph.

  “I won!” he cried. He raised both arms into the air and ran around the gym shouting, “Victory lap!”

  Sabrina could already feel her lip swelling.

  By the time lunch rolled around, Sabrina was ready to strangle the boy. So when she saw Daphne’s smiling face in the cafeteria, it was like seeing a rainbow. The little girl was surrounded by her classmates, who, as they had the day before, looked at her as if she were a movie star. When Daphne spotted Sabrina and Puck, she excused herself and joined them at a table in the far corner of the room.

  “How has your day been?” she asked.

  “It’s been horrible,” Sabrina said.

  “Tell my sister I wasn’t talking to her,” Daphne said to Puck. “I was talking to you.”

  Sabrina rolled her eyes. “How long are you going to be mad at me?”

  “Remind my sister that I just said I was not talking to her,” the little girl said to Puck.

  Puck grinned. “The squirt says she isn’t talking to you.”

  “Get over it!” Sabrina cried.

  “Tell my sister when she stops being a snot I will get over it.”

  “She says when you stop being a disgusting booger-crusted freak she will honor you with a conversation, but until then, shove off,” Puck said.

  “This is ridiculous,” the older girl said, staring down at her serving of not-too-green green beans.

  “Ask my sister what ridiculous means,” Daphne said.