The Unusual Suspects

by Michael Buckley

  “I know where the filthy thing went,” the first secretary cried. Suddenly, Sabrina’s safe hiding place began to rock back and forth. The file cabinet moved several inches before it stopped. “It’s heavy.”

  “I’m not a cockroach!” she shouted, but she knew the woman couldn’t hear her. A stream of the poison came showering in from one side of the cabinet. Sabrina darted out of the way, but the secretary seemed to anticipate her escape route and was waiting for her on the other side. The girl looked up to find the nozzle of the can pointing right at her.

  “Now I’ve got you,” the woman cried.

  But she never got her chance to spray the poison. Sabrina heard the office door open, and Mr. Sheepshank say, “Hello, ladies. The commotion is all over.”

  “What was it?” the secretary with the roach spray asked.

  “Oh, just a big dog some kid let in,” he replied. “Scared everybody half to death. Most of the kids have already left for home. Principal Hamelin just told me to let you two go, as well.”

  “Early dismissal for the grown-ups? I love it!” The roach-obsessed secretary cheered. She quickly forgot about Sabrina and crawled to her feet.

  “I’m going home myself,” the guidance counselor said.

  Sabrina couldn’t see what was going on, but she could hear the women packing their things and leaving. Sheepshank followed them out and closed the door.

  After several minutes, Sabrina realized that the entire school was empty. All she could do now was wait, so she walked over to the desk of one of the secretaries and lay down under her big chair. The room was warm and comfy and before she knew it, she had fallen asleep.

  Sabrina woke up inside Elvis’s nose. Granny and Mr. Canis had used the big dog’s excellent sniffer to track the tiny girl down, and when Elvis found her asleep under the chair, he accidentally inhaled her. With her head now covered in dog boogers and mucus, she kicked for freedom, but this only caused the dog to snort deeply, and Sabrina rocketed into his nasal cavity, slid down his throat, and was coughed out onto the floor.

  When Sabrina got to her feet, Granny Relda was already standing next to her, holding two Eat Me cakes in her hand. She was as tiny as her granddaughter, but the anger on her face was as big as the moon. Her round face and button nose were so red with frustration Sabrina wondered if smoke might blow out of her ears.

  “Granny, you won’t believe what I found out,” Sabrina said, hoping her news would change the old woman’s mood.

  “I agree, Sabrina,” Granny Relda snapped. “I doubt I’ll be believing anything you say for a very long time.”

  She handed the girl an Eat Me cake and quickly unwrapped her own. She took a big bite and began to grow. Sabrina ate her cake and felt her body sprout up, as well. Unfortunately, Elvis’s boogers grew at the same rate and when she reached her normal size, even the Great Dane looked disgusted at the goo that covered her from head to toe.

  Daphne, who was standing nearby, ran to hug her sister but halted when she saw the disgusting mess that covered Sabrina. “I’m sorry. I love you but you are way, way too gross,” the little girl said.

  “We got into the boiler room,” Sabrina said, still hoping to impress her grandmother.

  “She knows,” Puck said sheepishly. He and Wendell leaned against the wall, looking guilty. Why wasn’t everyone excited? They had found an important clue to the mystery.

  “I also know you did it by breaking almost every one of my rules,” Granny lectured. “Mirror says you have a set of keys for nearly three dozen of the rooms in the Hall of Wonders.”

  “I’ve been making copies,” Sabrina said, lowering her eyes to the ground.

  “How sneaky of you,” Granny said. “I suppose you are proud of yourself?”

  Sabrina knew it was not the right time to brag.

  “You told us that this was our job,” she argued. “Daphne and I didn’t come banging on your door hoping that we’d get chased by giants and evil rabbits. Now that we’re actually trying to take on this destiny of ours, you want us to stop.”

  “Sneaking around behind my back, defying my requests to stay out of this case, stealing and copying my keys, testing out magic and potions in the middle of the night, and dragging your sister into danger,” said Granny. “Add that to your attitude about Everafters and I just don’t see you as much of a help right now.”

  Sabrina’s eyes welled with tears, but she refused to cry. She bit her lip hard and squeezed her fists tight. The last thing she would do was show the old woman that her words had stung.

  Dinnertime was a quiet affair. No one talked, no one made eye contact, and no one smiled. Even Puck, who could usually be counted on to fart during dinner, was oddly quiet. When everyone had eaten, Granny quietly washed the dishes while Puck, Sabrina, and Daphne stared at one another from across the table. Elvis eyed Sabrina from time to time, but didn’t seem to want to go near her after she had been inside his nose.

  Just then, there was a knock at the door. Granny Relda stopped washing the dishes and rushed to open it. Snow White was standing outside in the cold. The old woman quickly invited her inside.

  “Thank you so much for coming, Snow,” she said as she took off her apron and folded it.

  “I’m happy to help! Any chance to spend some time with my favorite student,” the teacher said.

  “That’s me!” Daphne cried as she rushed to the door.

  “Mr. Canis will be coming with me, and the sheriff is on his way now,” Granny said. “The children have eaten, but feel free to raid the refrigerator. Hopefully, we won’t be gone too long.”

  Just then, a car-horn blast came from outside.

  “That’s Hamstead,” Mr. Canis said as he opened the closet and took out his and Granny Relda’s coats.

  “What’s going on?” Sabrina asked.

  “We’re going to go and put a stop to what’s going on under the school,” Granny Relda replied. “While we’re gone, Ms. White will be looking after you.”

  “You got us a baby-sitter?” Sabrina cried indignantly. “I’m too old for a baby-sitter.”

  “You’re too old?” Puck said to her. “I’m over four thousand years old. This is an outrage!”

  “I might have thought the same thing this morning,” Granny replied as she put on her coat.

  “We should go,” Sabrina steamed. “We’ve seen the tunnels. We know how to get down into them.”

  There was another knock at the door. When Mr. Canis opened it, Wendell Hamelin stepped inside.

  “Oh, we’ve got a guide,” Granny replied.

  “The sheriff says we better get going,” the boy said, wiping his runny nose on his handkerchief. He looked more sad than excited about this latest detective assignment.

  “Honey, you don’t have to do this,” Granny said. “This is your father we’re going to arrest.”

  “Maybe I can convince him to stop before anyone else gets hurt,” Wendell said. “He’s my dad. I have to try.”

  Granny Relda, Mr. Canis, and Wendell, looking apologetically at the other three children, said their good-byes and were soon gone, leaving Sabrina standing by the door with a stunned expression.

  “Well now,” Snow White said uncomfortably, reaching into her handbag and pulling out a board game. “Who wants to play Candy Land?”

  Snow White did her best to keep the kids busy. She set up the board game, but Puck had no patience for it. When he landed on Molasses Swamp and lost a turn, he flew into a rage, flinging the board out the front door and into the yard. Later, after he had calmed down, Ms. White suggested they play charades. Once again, Puck was the spoiler, acting out the names of tree gnomes and pixies that had lived three hundred years ago and insisting they were as famous as any astronaut or president. Eventually, even Snow White gave up and let the children do what they really wanted to do—research.

  The girls searched the library for titles that might be of help. With half their family traipsing around in some dark tunnels, Sabrina and Daphne felt the lea
st they could do was make sure that nothing had been overlooked. Sabrina eventually came across her great aunt Matilda’s pamphlet entitled Rumpelstiltskin’s Secret Nature. She could see it was going to be a dry read, so she fell into a chair and started on page one.

  Rumpelstiltskin’s story was a famous fairy tale; everyone had heard it, but Sabrina wasn’t taking any chances with what she thought she knew. Dad’s attitude about fairy tales had left the girls at a disadvantage, and she wanted to know the story inside and out. But even she was shocked to see how much information Matilda had collected about the little creature. It looked as if months of work had gone into the analysis of every single nuance of his personality, powers, and actions. Her ancestor even had theories on how Rumpelstiltskin spun wheat into gold, where he had come from, and why he tried to trick people out of their children.

  Matilda’s book also recounted at least two dozen versions of the original tale. The story Sabrina had always heard involved a woman who begged Rumpelstiltskin for his help. In exchange, she promised to give him her first-born child. When the baby finally arrived, the woman demanded a chance to keep it, so Rumpelstiltskin wagered that she would never be able to guess his real name. Of course, by the end of the story, she had figured it out and got to keep her kid, making the little man so angry he actually ripped himself in two. But Matilda said there was an alternate version of the ending that not many people knew. In the other ending, Rumpelstiltskin didn’t rip himself in half—he actually blew up like a bomb, killing everyone within a mile.

  One chapter, entitled “The Power of Rumpelstiltskin,” contained theories on the source of the little man’s powers. Matilda believed he was like a walking battery. He stored energy and converted it into destructive power. Unfortunately, the more of Matilda’s theories Sabrina read, the more questions she had.

  “It doesn’t make any sense,” Sabrina cried. “What do Rumpelstiltskin, the Pied Piper, the children of Everafters, and a bunch of tunnels under the school have in common?”

  “The barrier,” Puck replied.

  “What?” Sabrina asked.

  “The barrier runs very close to the school,” Puck said. “We flew into it, don’t you remember?”

  “You’re just telling me this now?” Sabrina cried.

  “Seemed obvious to me,” the Trickster replied.

  “They’re digging to the barrier,” Snow White gasped. “Baba Yaga’s spell is probably not as strong underground. But what would be the point? They’d still need a powerful magic explosion to get through it.”

  “I think they’ve got one,” Sabrina said, holding up her great aunt’s book. “Matilda thought Rumpelstiltskin was a walking nuclear bomb. He might be able to make a crack in it.”

  “Still, they have the river to worry about. The waters would drown them all,” Snow White pointed out.

  “Maybe not!” Daphne said, rushing to the bookshelf and snatching down one of the family’s journals. She ran over to the table and put it down in front of Sabrina. It was their grandfather Basil’s journal.

  “Granny had this out one afternoon and forgot to put it back,” the little girl said. “I was flipping through it and found some maps Grandpa Basil drew of the town.” She flipped it open and searched for a page. When she found it, she pointed for her sister to read.

  Sabrina flipped the page and found a hand-drawn map of the town and the surrounding areas. A circle enclosed the town and Grandpa Basil had written THE BARRIER on it as a label. She had to admit, the circle wasn’t very big. Mount Taurus was inside it, as well as the edge of the Hudson River, but it wasn’t a lot of room. She found the very spot where Puck had slammed into the barrier and dumped them all into the river. It was close to the school—as was a tiny island that sat right on the barrier. Sabrina had never noticed Bannerman’s Island before, but there it was on her grandfather’s map.

  “Kids, let’s just calm down,” Snow White insisted. “Your grandfather was right. Without a crew of workers, it would take Rumpelstiltskin decades to tunnel to the barrier. Your grandmother and the sheriff will stop him and the piper tonight.”

  “See, that’s where I’m confused,” Sabrina said. “What does the Pied Piper have to offer in all this? If Rumpelstiltskin can blow a hole in the barrier, then what does he need with a guy whose claim to fame is leading a bunch of rats out of town?”

  “Maybe he’s using the rats to chew through the rocks,” Puck said.

  “That’s stupid!” Sabrina snapped.

  “You’re stupid!” he shouted back.

  “Maybe he’s not using rats,” Snow White said uncomfortably.

  “What else could he use?” asked Sabrina.

  “You don’t know how the Pied Piper’s story ended, do you?”

  The girls shook their heads. Apparently, their father’s no-fairy-tales rule was coming back to haunt them again.

  “He drowned the rats and became a hero, right?” Daphne said.

  “Well, he did drown the rats, but he didn’t do it to be a hero. He did it for a paycheck. In his day, he used to travel from town to town, using his pipes to clean up messes. He drove the spiders out of Paris, the monkeys out of Bombay, and snakes out of Prague. But he did it for money. When he showed up in Hamelin, the townspeople were desperate. They were completely overrun with vermin.”

  “What’s vermin mean?” Daphne asked.

  “Rats and mice,” Sabrina explained.

  “Rats were everywhere,” Ms. White continued. “They spread a lot of disease and people were getting sick. Everything the town had tried hadn’t worked. So the piper agreed to handle their problem, and in no time he was leading the rats right into the ocean where they drowned. But that wasn’t the end of the town’s problems. When the piper came back, he wanted payment, but the town refused to pay. They had used him and he was furious.”

  “What happened?” Sabrina said, already sensing the story’s unhappy ending.

  “He gave them twenty-four hours to come up with the money and when the time was up, they just laughed at him. So, he blew into his bagpipes and the town’s children congregated around him. The piper marched out of town with the children following behind him, just as the rats had. Their families tried to stop them, but reports say the kids were in a trance and kept on following the music. The families never saw them again.”

  “So, of course it makes a lot of sense to hire him to be principal of an elementary school!” Sabrina said angrily.

  “Rats or brats,” Puck said, before Snow White could explain. “What’s the difference?”

  Suddenly, the truth dawned on Sabrina. “He’s providing the workforce!” she cried.

  “What are you talking about?” Daphne said.

  “The piper has been using his magic to force the students to work at night. You’ve seen the kids in my classes. They’re exhausted. It’s because they’ve been working all night. We have to warn Granny!”

  “We can’t do that,” Snow White said.

  “But, Ms. White! We have to!” Daphne cried, rushing to the closet and returning with her deputy’s hat tied to her head.

  “The sheriff and Mr. Canis are with her,” the teacher replied. “They’ll figure this out before anyone gets hurt.”

  “What if they don’t?” Puck asked. Sabrina was surprised. The boy usually acted as if he didn’t care. “What if they don’t find out? We saw those tunnels. They go on and on. If Rumpelstiltskin blows a hole in the barrier, those walls will collapse on everyone inside.”

  Now Sabrina was stunned. “I thought you were a villain. If you come along, you’re going to have to be a hero.”

  “As long as I’m ruining someone’s day I’m in,” Puck said.

  Snow White looked from child to child and then reached for her car keys.

  “Get your coats on,” she said. “But if I think it’s too dangerous, we turn right around.”

  Soon they were rushing out the front door. They were in such a hurry, Snow White didn’t see Mayor Charming coming up the path, an
d the two ran right into each other.

  “Snow,” Charming said, surprised.

  “Billy,” the teacher whispered.

  They stood holding hands in the cold night air. Sabrina rolled her eyes.

  “We’re not going to go through this again, are we?” she cried. “We’ve got to get going.”

  “What’s the rush?” Charming asked.

  “Rumpelstiltskin and the Pied Piper have been tunneling under the school for months and are looking for the weak spot in Baba Yaga’s barrier so they can try to crack a hole in it and escape, and Granny, the sheriff, Mr. Canis, and Wendell are there now trying to stop them, but they don’t know that Rumpelstiltskin is like a living battery and he has the power to create the hole, but if he does he’ll collapse the tunnel and everyone inside will die,” Daphne said, breathing heavily.

  Charming stood still with wide eyes. “What was that again?” he asked.

  “We’re going to save the day,” Ms. White said.

  “We’ll take my car,” the mayor declared, leading the group to his stretch limousine. Mr. Seven got out of the driver’s seat, but Charming waved him off.

  “Seven,” he commanded. “We’re in a hurry!”

  The little man crawled back into his seat, closed the door, and started the engine. Once everyone was inside, he pulled into the road and sped off like a NASCAR driver, leaving a tire stain on the pavement behind him.

  “Billy, what are you doing here?” Snow White said, as she strapped on her seat belt.

  “I have something for the girls,” the mayor explained as he reached into his pocket and took out a small box of matches.

  Charming handed the box to Sabrina and smiled proudly. “We made a deal. Here’s my end of the bargain.”

  “Uh, thanks,” Sabrina said. “I’ll save these for the next time I need to build a campfire.”

  “Child, those aren’t ordinary matches!” Charming groaned. “They’re the Little Match Girl’s matches. I just handed you something people in this town would kill for.”

  Snow White gasped. “You told me they had been destroyed!”