Josie didn’t like it, either. Not even a little. Her words may have sounded like they were said to protect Seth, but when it came down to it, it was her heart she was trying to shield. If she admitted she reciprocated his feelings, then what? She played out every scenario and they all resulted in the inevitable heartbreak she just couldn’t risk. She wanted so badly to stay whole.
“I’m not saying I don’t want to—”
“It’s really okay, Josie. You don’t owe me any explanation.” The disappointment dissolved from his face, replaced with a tender, affectionate smile that would’ve made her knees turn to mush had she not already been sitting. “I think maybe I’ve been reading things wrong lately.” He clambered to his feet and gave her one last look that made her heart physically ache. “Get some sleep, Josie. I’ll see you in the morning.”
17
Seth
You’re an idiot.
Seth’s subconscious didn’t mince words. But it was right. He was an idiot. An epically grand one.
How had he read things so wrong? He always thought he had a decent understanding of women, but Josie was quickly becoming a real challenge to interpret. Either that, or she was the world’s greatest actress, which he couldn’t fault her for one bit. That’s exactly what they had agreed to, after all. To play the part.
Seth rolled onto his back, exhaled, and stared up at the paneled ceiling that was in need of a good painting. Rain continued to patter above. The lull in the storm hadn’t lasted long. Just an hour ago, it picked back up, pummeling the gutters outside his bedroom window with the sound of BB’s shooting through an old, tin can. He contemplated shoving earplugs in to muffle the noise, but if Josie had needed him, he wouldn’t be able to hear her.
But she wouldn’t need him. Josie was self-reliant and he appreciated that. Maybe if she could just rely on him a little bit when it came to taking a chance on her feelings. Was it even okay for him to want that? He had no right to any part of her, least of all her heart.
His thoughts gradually drifted into dreams until a couple of hours later a dip in the mattress unexpectedly roused him from a deep and restful sleep. Eyes bleary, he rotated over to see Josie’s shadowy outline perched at the corner of the bed. She sat in the empty space, knees tucked underneath her, hand outstretched as if about to tap his shoulder. “Seth?” she whispered, voice hoarse. “Are you awake?”
He bolted upright. “Josie. What is it? Is everything okay?”
“I can’t sleep.” There was a frustrated quality in her tone. “I’ve been tossing and turning—”
Seth moved to roll off the mattress. He grabbed his pillow and shoved it under his arm, then nodded toward the vacated space. “Go ahead. You can have the bed. I’ll take the couch.”
“That’s not it.” Her hand touched his hip in a halting maneuver but it did just the opposite. He flinched, not to recoil, but from the mere shock of her hand on his skin. “I can’t stop playing our last conversation in my head.”
He hadn’t been able to stop either. It was on permanent repeat. “I’m really so sorry about that, Josie. I shouldn’t’ve said anything. It was stupid.”
“It’s not that you shouldn’t’ve said anything. It’s that I should’ve said more.” Her hand stayed on his muscled side just above the drawstring on his pants. He tried not to let her touch affect him but that just wasn’t possible. The sharp intake of breath couldn’t be helped, no matter how hard he worked to keep it in.
Josie’s eyes found his in the dark and she shifted closer.
“What should you have said?” Seth’s brain knew he shouldn’t encourage it, but his flesh and blood won out. It needed to know. He swallowed thickly and prayed she would respond.
“I should have told you that you make my heart race, too. And that I’m not sure if it does that because it’s just caught up in this game we’re playing, or if it’s because it’s you that I’m playing the game with,” she admitted. “But I think I want to find out.”
“Yeah?” He swallowed. “How do we do that?” He abandoned his pillow back to the mattress, tossing it near the pine headboard. He was not about to leave this room.
“You could start by kissing me.”
Seth didn’t need to be told twice. That once unreadable gaze was long gone, her eyes now alight with nothing shy of absolute expectation. Seth wanted to kiss her, of course, but he didn’t want to rush the moment. There was something to be said for a first kiss. It would become a memory; a turning point. The before and the after.
This was going to be a marker in their relationship—fake or not—and Seth wanted to make it a good one.
He sank to his knees on the bed and moved toward her across the covers. Reaching out, his hand slid to her jaw, his thumb and finger hooking under her chin to angle her face up to his. While he kept a light hold there, he curved his other arm around her waist to pull her flush, chest to chest. Her back readily arched to meet him and their bodies drew together. Just the feel of having a woman against him was a unique and beautiful form of torture.
“I’m a little nervous.” Her words met his lips as a warm breath.
“Me too.” And he was, but not because he worried it wouldn’t be good. He knew it would be. Too good, probably, and that was the real trouble with it all. He’d never be able to come back from this and he knew it. He moved his hand from her chin and swept her silky hair from her eyes with the backs of his fingers. “You’re so beautiful, Josie.”
She seemed ready to protest, so Seth silenced that denial with his lips pressed to hers.
A surge of rain rolled over the house, a wave of nature’s music that pummeled the roof as it ebbed and flowed across the rafters. With one hand, Josie reached up to grab his shoulder, and then their kiss took on its own rhythm like the rain, a back and forth of lips pressing and retreating, teasing and playing. Her fingers slid down and dug into the flesh on his bicep to grip him in place like she never wanted to let go.
Seth hadn’t realized how much he’d craved this. Josie had intrigued him from the first moment they’d met and this kiss was a culmination of all the energy that steadily grew over the last week. She was a stubborn woman, yes, but there was no stubbornness to be found here. No battle of wills, just a reciprocation of the desire that built between them. A slow kindling that had turned into a full fledged flame.
“Is this okay?” Seth pulled back only long enough to utter the words. She nodded quickly and their mouths found one another again. Breaths ragged and pulse fitful, Seth tried to stifle a groan but when Josie pushed him onto his back, he couldn’t keep the wind from rushing out of him.
She came over him, straddling his waist as she dipped her head low to kiss his forehead, his cheek, his neck. She ran her lips across his stubble-lined jaw and took his mouth in a kiss that created its own version of lightning behind his eyes. The weather outside had nothing on the storm brewing between them in their dark, powerless room. They created their own electricity.
“Josie.” Seth said her name in a guttural sound. “Is this real? Or—”
“You tell me.” She cut him off with another fierce kiss but the unanswered question suspended between them, an ellipsis that strung one kiss to the next.
Did it even matter? He tried to tell himself it didn’t, but the more they kissed the more it felt like falling. Falling for Josie, this beautiful, complicated, unexpected woman.
Seth slid his hands up her bare thighs, stopping at the hem of the sweatshirt that covered her, relishing in the smoothness of her skin that was so very different from his own. She was toned and muscular, but that did nothing to diminish her femininity. Josie was this incredible dichotomy of womanhood and he was powerless to resist.
In one motion, he traded places, bringing her onto her back as he pressed his body down, bracing on his elbows so as not to crush her under the brunt of his weight. Her fingers trailed up and down his back and shivers followed the path of her nails that raked across his bare skin.
“If this is fak
e, I never want to join reality again,” he spoke in a laugh against her mouth. He could feel her lips curve into a smile as he went in for another slow kiss.
“It’s not fake, Seth,” she said. “It’s not fake for me.”
That confession was like a splash of gasoline on their already roaring flames. Seth strained to keep his cool but he was a red blooded male. He wanted her in more ways than he even felt comfortable admitting.
“Seth.” She nearly moaned, which did nothing to keep Seth from losing all control. “I want you so badly.”
“I want you, too, Josie.” He did. He wanted it all. Her body. Her attention. Her heart.
That last thought should’ve tripped him up, but it didn’t. In fact, he wanted her heart most of all.
They kissed for what felt like both hours and only seconds, drawn out and equally rushed, until Seth finally pulled away and rolled to the side, then turned her so his body cocooned hers. His arms slunk around her middle and tugged her tight. With his nose pressed into her hair, he brought his mouth near her ear. “You think you can get some sleep now?”
Her body jolted with a disbelieving laugh. “After that? Um, yeah, no. That’s not likely to happen.”
If just kissing could be this good, Seth could only imagine everything else. “Why don’t you stay here with me?”
“What? And we just spoon all night?” Josie’s shoulder crept up to her ear when he nibbled the tender flesh there.
“That sounds pretty great to me,” Seth said as he took her earlobe between his teeth. She squealed a giggle that had him laughing at how ticklish she was. That was definitely information he would store for later.
“I shouldn’t sleep with you, Seth.”
He knew what she meant, but he couldn’t keep his heart from slingshotting into his throat when those words fell from her lips.
“I mean, I shouldn’t sleep in your bed,” she amended. “With you.”
“Would you rather sleep in my bed without me?” he offered. “Because like I said earlier, I’m totally fine to sleep on the couch.”
She shook her head. “No. I don’t want that, either.”
“What options are we left with then?” He held on extra tight just in case he’d have to let go forever. “What do you want, Josie?”
He felt her shrug in the circle of his arms. “What do I want? I want to stay here with you. Like this. I’m just not sure if I should.”
“If you’re worried I’m going to try something, you have my word that I won’t.”
“That’s not it at all.” She was silent for a moment. The steady beat of rain filled the space where her words were lacking. “Thank you, Seth.”
“For what?”
“For being one of the good guys.” She snuggled in closer and rested her head on his arm. “Out of all of this, that’s the one thing I’m absolutely certain isn’t fake.”
18
Josie
Josie awoke to a woman’s voice filtering down the hall. Early dawn light sliced through the bedroom window, creating a patch of warmth on the mattress where she rested. She curled up like a cat in its cozy rays and strained an ear to listen, but she didn’t need to. The voice steadily grew in volume and urgency. Josie could make out every word clear as a bell.
“How do you think it looks to have a woman spend the night in your house, Seth?”
“I don’t think it’s anyone’s business but my own what happens inside my house.”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” Mrs. Ford sneered. Josie could imagine the woman’s hands planted firmly on her round hips. “Your father and I own this ranch. You merely live on it.”
“Is there a reason you came by, Mom? Other than to reprimand me?”
“I came by to see how you held up during the storm and to let you know that Tanner’s out checking on that new calf you helped deliver last night. Said you were supposed to meet him but you never showed up.”
“I overslept.”
“Mmm, hmm.” Judgment was thick as molasses in the woman’s tone. “Seeing that there’s a pair of women’s jeans folded up on your coffee table and a set of boots underneath it, my guess is you didn’t do a whole lot of sleeping last night.”
Josie’s face went hot. She tugged the covers up under her nose and hid even though she had no reason to. They hadn’t done anything to be ashamed of, and they were grown adults, for goodness’ sake.
“Like I said, that’s none of your business.” Seth’s voice was irritated and tired, like he didn’t have the energy to continue with this argument.
“It most certainly is. If you ‘oversleeping’ with this girlfriend of yours makes it so you can’t do your job—impacting my cattle business—I’d say I have every right to come over here and ask a few questions,” Donna said. “Don’t get me wrong. I like the girl well enough, I just don’t think she’s a good fit for you.”
“Oh, really? And why is that?”
“Come on, Seth. Do I really need to spell it out for you?”
“Yeah, actually, I think you do.”
There was a pause that Josie could only imagine was filled with a sort of mother-son stare down.
“Seth, dear. Josie is…She’s not…There’s no easy way of putting this,” Donna said. “You’re just too good for her, son.”
Josie’s throat scratched and tears pricked the backs of her eyes. Not because she was sad, though. No, it would take much more than that to get Josie to shed a tear. It was the anger that swelled within her that burned her eyes to the point of watering.
“That might be your opinion, but that’s all it is,” Seth said, finally. “An opinion.”
“Sometimes opinions also prove to be facts, Seth. It would do you good to realize that.”
Josie could hear a frustrated exhale that bordered on a growl. “Is there anything else? Or can I get on with my morning?”
“Just tell me it’s not serious. That’s all I need to hear from you and then I’ll be out of your hair.”
There was a long, labored pause before Seth said, “I’m not going to tell you that.”
“Oh, come on, Seth. You and I both know you aren’t the marrying sort.”
“Wow. Thanks for that, Mom.”
“You get what I mean. Not that any woman wouldn’t be lucky to marry you. She would. You are an absolute catch. It’s just that you’ve never been all that great at committing to things. Remember little league back when you were ten? How you quit after just three games before you even broke in your new glove?”
Josie’s mind conjured up a young Seth, all decked out in baseball gear. Just the thought was such a sweet, endearing sight. Her heart squeezed.
“You’re equating one failed season of baseball when I was a kid to me being unable to commit in relationships? That’s a far stretch.”
“All I’m saying is that I don’t think you should rush to make any decisions with this Josie girl.”
“Too late.”
Donna made a soft noise to clear her throat. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that it’s too late for that.”
Josie sat up fully, her back against the headboard. That same stretch of light she had been sprawled out under now drew her gaze to the nightstand as it caught and reflected sharp beams of light across the walls in tiny, rainbow prisms.
The ring. The one Marcie had chucked at Seth last week when he showed up at the trailer and helped Josie out of the financial mess she found herself stuck in. It rested next to a pile of loose coins and a crumpled receipt, all things Josie imagined crammed into Seth’s pocket.
Josie jammed the diamond onto her fourth finger, wedging it right up to her cast with a forceful twist.
The ring might be fake, but so was everything else. It felt like the perfect fit.
With her feet bare, she padded quickly out of Seth’s bedroom and down the hall. She could glimpse his mother standing in the kitchen, but her hands weren’t on her hips like she’d imagined. Instead, they were folded across h
er chest in an entirely closed-off nature. Seth’s stance was much the same.
“I’m going to ask you again, Seth. What do you mean it’s too late?”
Josie came up behind him and placed her hand on his chest, making sure the ring was on full display. “I think this is what he means.”
Donna’s eyes just about tumbled from her skull. “You’re not?” Her words came out with a horrified gasp. “You’re not engaged? Are you?”
“No,” Seth said resolutely. “We’re not.”
“Oh, thank heavens.” Donna’s hands shot skyward in relief.
“We’re married,” Seth said.
Her praising hands collapsed and dropped to her thighs with a clap. “Is this some sort of joke?”
“No, it’s not.”
Donna stepped forward and Seth curved his hand around Josie’s hip to possessively pull her closer. The fabric on the borrowed sweatshirt bunched under his palm. “We went to the courthouse yesterday.”
“Why would you do something like that?” A sudden dawn of some sort of understanding splashed over Donna’s horrified face. “Oh no! You got her pregnant, didn’t you?”
“I’m not pregnant, Donna,” Josie quickly corrected.
“Oh, thank the good Lord above for that.” Donna’s hands were at her bosom now, clasping her heart. “I just can’t think of any other reason why you would rush into marriage with a woman like—”
“If you’re going to talk about my wife like she’s not standing right here, then I suggest you leave, Mom. I won’t have you disrespecting Josie in my house, or anywhere else, for that matter.”
“I’m sorry.” Donna now fanned her cheeks with a frantic, flapping hand. “This is just a lot to take in, Seth. You have to understand my shock. I didn’t see this coming at all.”
“Actually, I don’t have to understand it,” Seth said as he shook his head. “Nor do I have any desire to. So if we’re all done here, I’d like to make breakfast for my wife and get started on our first day as newlyweds.”
Take the Reins (A Cowboy's Promise Book 2) Page 13
