A Million Little Lies

by Bette Lee Crosby

  She was younger than Suzanna expected. Her hair was cut short and tucked behind her ears, her skin a pale ivory, her face freckled and without makeup. As she neared the car, there was no flicker of familiarity, just a warm, friendly smile.

  Suzanna sat with both hands plastered to the steering wheel and made no effort to move. Ginger reached out, grabbed the handle, and pulled the door open.

  “You must be Darla Jean,” she said. “Gregg told us you were coming.” She leaned in, gave Suzanna a one-arm hug, then kissed her cheek.

  “I’m supposed to pick Gregg up here.”

  “I know, but the guys are still working out back. Come on inside, I’ve made some sandwiches and a pitcher of lemonade.”

  Suzanna shook her head. “I’d better not. My grandmother’s expecting me back and—”

  “Don’t worry, Gregg called her.”

  “Called Grandma Ida?”

  “Uh-huh. He explained that putting the porch set together was taking longer than they’d expected and asked if she’d mind you staying for dinner.”

  Angling her legs to the side, Suzanna tentatively stepped out of the car. “Grandma was okay with that?”

  “Absolutely,” Ginger replied. “She said to stay as long as you like, and she’ll make sure Annie brushes her teeth before she goes to bed.”

  Apparently not sensing Suzanna’s resistance, Ginger took hold of her arm and tugged her toward the house.

  “I have been absolutely dying to meet you,” she said. “Gregg has been talking my ear off about you and that darling little girl of yours. He told me that you’re from Florida, and I said, well, now, if that isn’t a coincidence…”

  Suzanna’s back was stiff as a ramrod as she moved one foot in front of the other. Her chest felt as though it was caving in on itself, and there was no way to escape. Her breath caught in her throat, and she felt a trickle of perspiration roll down her back.

  When she heard the sound of Gregg’s laughter coming from the back yard, desperation took hold of her, and she said, “Please let’s not talk about Florida. I hated it there. All that heat and humidity…”

  Ginger stopped, turned to Suzanna with a wide-eyed expression, then laughed out loud.

  “You can’t imagine how glad I am to finally meet someone who agrees with me. For the past three years all I’ve heard is what a paradise it must be. Not for me. If I sit in the sun for a half hour, I’m blistered. Why, if it wasn’t for having Mama there, I’d never go back.”

  Suzanna released a long slow breath and smiled.

  As it turned out, Ginger was from Miami and she’d never even heard of Sun Grove.

  “Is that on the east or west coast?” she’d asked.

  “Neither,” Suzanna replied. “It’s in the middle of nowhere.”

  For the remainder of the evening, that was the last mention of Florida.

  After a quick tour of the house, they sat in lawn chairs under a shady oak. Then once the men finished assembling the outdoor furniture, they gathered around the redwood table with one leg that was still a bit shaky. Gregg folded a piece of cardboard and wedged it beneath the wobbly leg.

  “We’ll look at fixing that tomorrow,” he said, then eased himself into the chair alongside of Suzanna.

  The hours flew by as they sat and talked. The last rays of sunlight disappeared in a burst of pink and red; then the sky darkened and stars twinkled overhead. The things Suzanna had worried about never came to pass. There were no questions, no red flags, just friendship and conversation. She told about living with Ida and discovering the love of a grandfather she’d never known, then pulled back and let the others do most of the talking.

  The men spoke about the repairs yet to be done on the house, and Phil repeatedly thanked Gregg for his help. Ginger was full of chatter about the baby due in December and the job she had just resigned.

  “Cavalier’s Couture,” she said. “It’s a darling little shop. I loved it there and I couldn’t ask for a nicer boss than Colette Cavalier, but since this is our first baby I wanted to stay at home with her—”

  “Or him,” Phil interjected with a laugh.

  Ginger nodded sheepishly. “Or him. At least for the first few years.”

  “You won’t regret it,” Suzanna said, then went on to tell how she’d spent the first seven years with Annie and was glad to have done so.

  “I’m not saying every day is a picnic, but being there for your child’s first word, first step, first day of school, well, those are things money can’t buy.”

  She didn’t mention Earl or how he’d refused to let her get a job.

  You’ve got no car and no way to get around, he’d said, and that was the end of that. If she wanted to be with Annie, she’d have to settle for the few bucks he occasionally left on the kitchen table.

  Brushing aside the memory of Earl, she moved on. “Now that Annie’s in school, I’m going to start looking for a job.”

  “Why don’t you talk to Colette Cavalier? She needs a sales assistant to replace me.”

  Suzanna chuckled. “Maybe so, but I doubt I have the qualifications. I have no retail experience, zero fashion sense, and practically live in jeans.”

  “Makes no difference. Colette lets you wear what you want outside of work. In the shop, she has you wear outfits from her collection. You’re a sales clerk but also kind of a model. She says customers are more likely to buy when they see someone wearing the clothes.”

  “Really?” Suzanna leaned in and asked a number of questions about the duties involved, the type of customers, and whether or not experience was a requirement. Thinking back to her days at the Snack Shop, she said, “I’ve got a little bit of sales experience but not much.”

  “I wouldn’t worry about it. Colette trains people to do things her way. If she likes you and thinks you’ll be good with people, that’s what counts.”

  “It sounds like a dream job.”

  “It was,” Ginger said wistfully. She leaned back and proudly patted her belly. “But I’ve got a much more important one coming up in December.”

  They both laughed. Ginger offered to give Colette a call and put in a good word if Darla Jean were interested.

  “Oh, I’m interested,” Suzanna replied. “Very interested.”

  The conversation moved on, and Ginger began talking about a new restaurant that had recently opened up in downtown Barston. “They have steaks that are out of this world.”

  “Instead of telling them about the place, why don’t we take my brother and Darla Jean there for dinner this Saturday?” Phil said, looking over at Ginger and giving a wink. “Our treat, to thank Gregg for all the work he’s been doing.”

  “A fabulous idea!” Ginger said.

  Gregg turned to Suzanna. “Well, are you okay with Saturday night?”

  She hesitated for a second, not because she had something else to do, but because it had been so long, so very long, since someone had asked her out, that she’d all but forgotten how good it felt. She looked up, let her eyes meet his, then nodded.

  “Sounds wonderful.”

  ——————

  LATER THAT NIGHT, AS SUZANNA lay in bed waiting for sleep to come, she thought back on the evening and all the promise that lay ahead. She hadn’t come to Cousins intending to live a lie but it had happened, and now that lie was turning into reality. She could almost believe her past was truly buried and forgotten. She’d left no evidence behind, taken a few dollars and nothing else. There was no trail for Earl to follow. She closed her eyes for a moment, picturing Earl and the dingy little house on Shady Creek Road, but this time they appeared at a distance, further away than she remembered, surrounded by dark pines and shadows that obscured the ugliness of what she’d known.

  She breathed a sigh and relaxed into the pillow, assuring herself that Suzanna Duff was actually disappearing. She was a woman who had simply rolled away like a lost marble. Gone. Completely and forever. Replaced by Darla Jean, a woman with a grandmother who loved her, a grandfat
her who’d pined for her return, a family history. Soon that same Darla Jean would have a job; a respectable job, one where truckers didn’t reach over the counter trying to steal a pack of cigarettes or catch a feel.

  The more she thought about it, the more determined Suzanna became. Come what may, she was going to hold on to this new life. If, in the weeks or years ahead, someone stepped forward claiming to be Darla Jean, she would call them an imposter and tell Ida to send them packing. She owed it to Annie. Hell, she owed it to herself.

  As she drifted off to sleep, she recalled the look on Gregg’s face as he awaited her answer about Saturday night. She pictured the way he seemed to look straight through to the very inside of her heart, and she remembered how at that moment she’d wanted to reach out and touch her finger to the curl that had fallen across his forehead.

  Suzanna

  Cavalier’s Couture

  THE FOLLOWING MONDAY, AFTER SUZANNA dropped Gregg off at the school, she drove over to visit Ginger.

  “I was in the neighborhood,” she said, “and thought I’d stop by.”

  It was partly true, but the bigger truth was that she couldn’t stop thinking about the job at Cavalier’s Couture. Suzanna knew she had little to offer in the way of experience and even less awareness of fashion, but with Ginger’s endorsement she stood a chance. Not wanting to make it appear as though that were the only reason for her visit, she sat at the kitchen table patiently listening to Ginger’s thoughts on decorating and commenting on the pictures torn from baby magazines.

  After an hour of chit chat and two cups of overly sweet tea, Suzanna felt settled enough to broach the subject. Even then, she still had butterflies in her stomach and a slightly higher pitch to her voice. Trying to still her nerves, she took another sip of tea, then leaned back in the chair and casually asked, “By the way, have you called Colette Cavalier to find out if she’d be interested in meeting me?”

  Ginger slapped her palm to her forehead and laughed. “Good grief, I’d forgotten all about it. Thanks for the reminder.” She stood, grabbed the receiver from the wall telephone, and began dialing.

  Suzanna felt her heart thump against her chest. “I’m not trying to pressure you into doing this, if you’d rather not.”

  “No, I’m happy to, and—”

  A click sounded, and Ginger suddenly switched to a more sophisticated voice. There was a brief hello, a few words about how she was enjoying her time at home but missed the shop, then she went on to say, “I was devastated by the thought that I might be leaving you in the lurch, so I’ve found a replacement you will absolutely love. She’s tall, attractive, and presents well.”

  The conversation went back and forth with a few words such as absolutely and without a doubt, then she said, “Yes, she worked in a Florida boutique that went out of business. Unfortunately, no references but I assure you, she’s Cavalier’s quality.”

  When Suzanna heard that, her foot began bouncing up and down like a rubber ball. The conversation seemed to drag on forever as she sat there wondering how she was going to fake something she knew nothing about.

  When Ginger finally hung up, she looked across with a smile that stretched the full width of her face.

  “Colette said to come in tomorrow afternoon. She’s anxious to meet you.”

  Suzanna sucked in a breath. “You told her I had experience?”

  With a mischievous grin curling her mouth, Ginger nodded. “So I did. But don’t worry, she won’t check. She never does. Colette trusts her instinct about people. Right off the bat she can tell whether or not she likes you, and that’s what counts.”

  ——————

  AFTER SUCH AN ENTHUSIASTIC ENDORSEMENT, Suzanna walked into Cavalier’s Couture expecting a warm welcome, but what she got was a pencil-thin business woman who was taller than she was, had a sharp nose, and an oversized twist of red hair.

  Earlier that morning Ida had boosted her confidence and assured her that she was a shoo-in.

  “Darla Jean, why on earth would anyone pass up a woman like you?” she’d asked, then gone on to detail how she was beautiful, smart, and talented. As Suzanna started out the door, Ida had kissed her cheek and said, “Don’t worry, I’m certain she’ll love you.”

  When Suzanna parked in front of the shop she’d felt pretty sure of herself, but once she saw the icy gray eyes scrutinizing her from top to toe that confidence disappeared. Fearful that beads of perspiration were already rising up on her forehead, she tried to smile as she walked over to the counter, stuck out her hand, and said, “You must be Colette Cavalier. I’m Darla Jean Parker.”

  “Pleasure,” the woman replied as she extended her hand.

  She had an accent Suzanna didn’t recognize, a nasal sound that made it seem as though she were pushing the words through her nose.

  “You are on time, have height, and a narrow waist, all good,” she said and gave just the slightest inkling of a smile. “Now tell me about your experience.”

  Suzanna swallowed hard, and when she started to speak it felt as though her tongue were stuck to the roof of her mouth.

  “Well, it’s not much to speak of…”

  She thought back, trying to remember the key words Ginger had given her, but as she stumbled over the tale about it being a small retail shop with not a lot of traffic, she felt the heat coloring her cheeks. Lying came easy to Suzanna; she could do it and never so much as blink an eye. But after five months of living with Ida, she’d shed too many parts of her former self. She was now more Darla Jean than Suzanna, and the art of lying had been lost.

  She stopped mid-sentence and said, “Actually it wasn’t a boutique, it was a snack shop. I worked there when I was a teenager. I don’t have any fashion expertise, and for the past seven years the only real thing I’ve done is be a mom to my little girl.”

  Colette Cavalier’s expression softened ever so slightly.

  “Honesty is good,” she said. “Experience I can teach, but honesty you must have to begin with.”

  A sense of shame rose up in Suzanna; it came with knowing she was neither a good liar nor an honest person. In trying to bridge the gap between the two, she had somehow fallen into the crack of nothingness in between.

  “I’m sorry for wasting your time.” She lowered her eyes, tucked her chin to her chest, and turned toward the door.

  The sound of Colette’s voice stopped her.

  “Did Ginger not tell you that I have a keen sense of people? I would have in time known the truth anyway, so let’s just move on.”

  Suzanna lifted her chin and turned back to see Colette pluck two outfits from the rack.

  She thrust the clothes into Suzanna’s arms, then gave a nod toward the dressing room. “Try these on, and let’s see if you present as well as your friend has suggested.”

  Not quite believing she’d gotten a second chance, Suzanna entered the dressing room and hurriedly stepped out of the jeans she was wearing. She slid the black wool dress over her head, checked her image in the mirror, and gave a gasp. The dress fit as though it had been made for her, and the sparkling rim of gold braid at the neckline seemed to brighten her face. Her shoes were wrong; terribly wrong. She looked down at the flat sandals, hesitated a moment, then kicked them off and walked out of the dressing room in her bare feet.

  Colette stood there fingering her chin for a moment then glanced down at Suzanna’s feet and smiled. “You must have more fashion sense than you realize; you apparently knew those sandals would ruin the look of the dress.”

  She asked Suzanna to walk across the room, turn one way and the other, then gave a nod of approval. “Now let me see you in the suit.”

  After the suit there was another armful of clothes to try on, and for the better part of an hour Colette watched as Suzanna strutted back and forth across the store.

  “You’re a perfect size 8,” she finally said, “I’ll give you that. Few people wear clothes as well as you do.”

  Suzanna heard a hitch of hesitation in her voi
ce and sensed that Colette was looking for someone more sophisticated than herself. Someone with an eye for fashion. Someone who wore the right shoes and already knew the names of designers like Bonnie Cashin and Colette Quant. Someone who had experience. With a sense of urgency rising in her chest, she forced a smile.

  “Please at least give me a try,” she said. “You won’t have to pay me for the first two weeks. That will give me time to learn what I need to know, then afterward, if you don’t think I’m right for the job, I’ll walk away. No complaints…” Her words trailed off when she could think of nothing more to say.

  The apprehension stitched to Colette’s face softened, and her voice lost its crispness.

  “You remind me of myself when I started in this industry. Hungry for the opportunity, willing to do anything.” She smiled, not with a slight upturn of her lip as she had done earlier but a genuine smile, one that was rounded out and full of warmth.

  “I was younger than you, only seventeen, and new to this country. Herb Goldman took a chance on me. It was my first job and I didn’t know a thing about modeling, but he took me in and taught me the business. If not for Herb, I wouldn’t have this shop. Perhaps it’s time for me to repay his kindness.”

  She held out her hand and walked toward Suzanna. “You will have two weeks to prove yourself, and I will pay you a fair wage. In return, you must promise to buy yourself a decent pair of shoes.”

  ——————

  SUZANNA WAS NOT SCHEDULED TO start work until the following Monday, and now that Gregg had his car back she had more free time than she wanted, so she spent the remainder of the week trying to keep busy. For the first four days she scuttled up and down the staircase carting the summer furnishings to the attic and bringing down the heavier drapes and warmer blankets. Once that was done, she cleaned the house top to bottom, vacuuming every nook and cranny, sweeping away lost buttons, bits of thread, and a shoelace that once belonged to a sneaker. She polished the furniture to a shine and spritzed the bathroom mirror until it was so crystal clear a person could see beyond themselves.