A Million Little Lies

by Bette Lee Crosby

  A good thing he hadn’t given up, because now he had an actual lead.

  Suzanna

  The Start of Something Good

  SUZANNA’S FIRST WEEK AT CAVALIER’S was more than she’d hoped for. Colette introduced her to customers, explained the nuances of various designers, and demonstrated how the right fashion choice could change a woman’s appearance.

  There were dozens upon dozens of tips. One color to brighten a sallow complexion, another to lessen the ruddiness of weathered cheeks, styles to make a woman seem taller or shorter, styles to make her look younger, enhance an eye color, or compensate for a God-given flaw. Suzanna savored every word and tucked each thought away in the back of her brain. It would all be there when she needed it. By the end of the week, she could glide through the shop as gracefully as Colette and pluck a garment from the rack with a flourish that gave a simple wool dress the significance of a ball gown.

  On Saturday Colette handed her a paycheck.

  “Darla Jean, you really are a fast learner,” she said. “You’ve done well, and the customers like you.”

  A tear rose in Suzanna’s eye, and she blinked it back.

  “I think it’s because you believed in me and gave me a chance,” she replied. “I’ll never be able to thank you enough.”

  Even though the name she used belonged to someone else, the words came from Suzanna’s heart and were as sincere as any she had ever spoken. Leaving the store her steps were so light, it was as though she were floating. The Darla Jean she’d created was becoming real. She had a job, one that would be there tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that. It was something Suzanna had prayed for. A stroke of good fortune. Maybe her lies had been forgiven, and this was her chance to start over.

  ——————

  WHEN SUZANNA ARRIVED HOME, EVERYONE was gathered in the living room, the fireplace lit, and the room fragrant with the scent of pine logs. Gregg squatted on the hearth adding pieces of kindling to the fire; Ida and Annie sat together on the sofa, a jigsaw puzzle spread across the coffee table in front of them. The crackle of fall in the air and the promise of this place was as perfect as Suzanna had ever known life to be. She was a million miles away from the heartache and pain of Florida. Earl. Her father. Here, there was none of the shame she’d known. This was the second chance she’d been given.

  With a sigh of contentment, she lowered herself into the overstuffed chair and kicked off her stilettos.

  “Tired?” Ida asked.

  “Yes, but in a good way.” Suzanna leaned back, stretched her legs out, and smiled. “Today Colette said I’ve definitely got the job.”

  “Wonderful!” Ida grinned. “But I’m not at all surprised.” She gave Annie a pat on the behind and said, “Scoot over there and give your mama a hug.”

  Annie ran over and wrapped her arms around Suzanna’s neck. “Was you surprised, Mama?”

  “I certainly was,” Suzanna said with a laugh. “This afternoon, Colette told me to help Dr. Bergmann’s wife select a dress for the country club party and said I’m her new fashion coordinator. When that happened, I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.”

  Gregg stood and turned to face her. “Fashion coordinator, huh? That sounds like something to celebrate. How about if I take everyone to dinner?”

  Ida shook her head. “Count me out. I’ve promised to make three trays of cookies for the ladies’ club.”

  “Yes,” Annie echoed. “And I promised to help.”

  Gregg eyed Suzanna with a sheepish grin. “Looks like it’s just you and me.”

  After a moment of hesitation, she said, “I appreciate the offer, but after working all week I should probably spend some time with Grandma and Annie.”

  “Nonsense,” Ida said. “You’ve worked hard. Now you need to get out and have some fun. Go. We’ve got all day tomorrow to catch up.”

  Annie hurried back to the sofa and climbed up beside Ida. “Yes, Mama, go. Grandma said you got to go so—”

  “Hold on there, missy,” Ida jumped in before she could finish, “don’t start tattling on our private conversations.” She looked down and made a pretense of zipping her mouth closed.

  Annie nodded, then hiked her shoulders and giggled as if the two of them had shared some delicious secret.

  Gregg eyed the cast-off stilettos and gave Suzanna a playful smile. “You could change into something comfortable, and we’d keep it low key. There’s an Italian place in Barston. They’ve got a jukebox and some really great food…”

  He waited for her answer, his head tilted ever so slightly, his expression hopeful. With a cluster of dark curls pushed back from his forehead and a hint of shyness in his smile, he was as different from Bobby as night from day, and yet she was drawn to him. It was his eyes, a blue darker than hers, but the color hardly mattered. What drew her in was the warmth and sincerity that came from them. Had Suzanna tried to refuse him, she would have been unable, because the truth was she wanted to go.

  Glancing over at Ida, she asked, “Are you really sure you don’t mind…”

  Before she could finish the question, Ida and Annie were both shaking their heads.

  The corners of her mouth curved upward as she turned back to Gregg. “Well, then, it’s a date.” The words were barely out of her mouth when a spot of color rose to her cheeks. “I didn’t mean a date date, I just meant it’s okay; I can go.” She paused, knowing that she had once again used the wrong words. “Actually, it’s more than okay,” she finally said. “I’d love to have dinner with you.”

  Gregg’s smile broadened. He reached for her hand and tugged her up from the chair. “Go ahead and change. I think we might find a bottle of red wine with your name on it.”

  On the drive to Barston, they chatted as they had when she’d driven him to work and home again, but this time it was somehow different. The conversation was just as easy, only now there was a hint of intimacy woven through the words. It was something Suzanna couldn’t quite put a name to—like a shared secret they’d agreed not to mention.

  At the restaurant, they slid into a booth and sat across from one another. Gregg ordered a bottle of chianti, and they pushed the menus aside.

  “Give us some time,” he told the waitress.

  At the end of the table, an oil lamp with a red shade flickered as they chatted about Annie and how just that week she’d learned to roller skate, about the aunts and uncles he’d left behind in Pennsylvania and the new baby that would be there before Christmas. When he asked about her job, she explained how she’d at first felt wobbly on such high heels, then learned to pivot and turn almost as easily as Colette. And how, although frightened to death, she’d helped the mayor’s wife select a dress that minimized her more than ample bosom.

  “It’s amazing what you can do when you have to,” she quipped.

  With his eyes fixed on her face, he told her that he found everything about her to be amazing.

  “You’ve got a glow that shines from within,” he said. “Annie has it also. It’s not something you see every day.” He hesitated a moment then, reaching across the table, took her hand in his. “The first time we met, I sensed you were somebody special, and I wanted to get to know you.”

  It had been a long time since anyone said anything that flattering to Suzanna, and she blushed. At a loss for words, she turned it off with a lighthearted comment about how she’d just come in from gardening and was a mess.

  “A mess?” He smiled and shook his head. “That’s not the way I remember it. Yes, you had dirt on your face and some leaves caught in your hair, but that made you look even more adorable.” He went on to say how he’d wanted to ask her out that day. “If your grandma hadn’t rented the room to me, I would have found another way to get to know you.”

  Suzanna took a sip of wine, and the warmth of it settled in her chest. It was a good feeling, one she wanted to embrace. It would be easy to love Gregg; he was a good man, fun to be with, caring, and sincere in his love of famil
y. Suzanna knew there were a million reasons to let herself go and only one reason not to: Bobby Doherty. The memory came without bidding, and it stayed even though she tried to push it away.

  Eight years ago, he’d flattered her in much the same way. He’d said she was different than the other high school girls and that he’d never known anyone like her. He claimed she was the sun, the moon and the stars, but those words disappeared just days after she told him she was pregnant. In the end, he’d left her with a broken heart and a memory that refused to be forgotten.

  Suzanna took another sip of wine and leaned into the conversation, willing thoughts of him from her mind. Closer up she could see the depth of sensitivity in Gregg’s expression. His eyes were not just blue but tinged with shades of grey and green, fringed with lashes that were dark and feathery. When he spoke, she could hear the gentleness of his voice, the soft round tones that were as warm and comforting as a quilt. There was no reason to hold back. This wasn’t a repeat of eight years ago. This was a new life, and she was not Suzanna. She was Darla Jean Parker.

  The sound of music came from the jukebox in the bar, a mix of oldies and current hits. The Shirelles began singing Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow, and a couple from across the room got up to dance. Gregg smiled and glanced toward the small dance floor.

  “Shall we?”

  She nodded, then stood and allowed him to lead her across the room. As they stepped onto the dance floor, he took her in his arms and she felt the warmth of his hand on her back as he gently brought her closer to his chest. Her heart skipped a beat, quickened, then slowed to a normal rhythm as she lowered her head onto his shoulder.

  They danced to the next three songs; then a fourth record dropped into place, and the bitter memories returned. Wanted. Perry Como singing about a broken romance and how he wanted nothing more than the return of his lover. Suzanna remembered the song only too well. After Bobby had gone off to college, she’d listened to it night after night as she paced the floor with Annie in her arms.

  The magic of the moment was gone.

  “Let’s sit this one out,” she said, and they returned to the booth.

  It was almost ten by the time they ate dinner and after midnight when they returned home. On the upstairs landing Gregg paused long enough to say he’d had a wonderful time, then he touched his hand to her shoulder, kissed her cheek, and said he hoped they could do it again. For a moment, she thought he was going to take her in his arms and kiss her full on the mouth, passionately, and without reservation. He didn’t, and as she climbed the stairs to the third floor, she felt an odd sense of disappointment.

  Suzanna

  The Harvest Festival

  AFTER THAT NIGHT, SUZANNA COULD tell things had changed. Not right away, but over time. Evenings when they settled in front of the television, Ida sat in the big club chair and Annie squeezed in beside her, leaving her and Gregg to sit beside one another on the sofa. Before long Annie’s eyelids inevitably grew heavy, and after Suzanna had carried her off to bed Ida generally disappeared as well.

  That’s when they’d find themselves alone. She’d move closer, and Gregg would wrap his arm around her shoulder. Once they began talking the evening flew by and when the eleven o’clock news came on, it always seemed too soon.

  “The news already?” Gregg would say, and there was little she could do but nod.

  “I’ve got an early day tomorrow,” she’d say, then snap off the television and they’d head up the stairs together. At the landing, they’d pause long enough for a hug and a quick kiss, then head off to their respective bedrooms—hers on the third floor, his down at the far end of the hall.

  Sometimes they’d slip away for an early dinner date, a movie, or an evening with Phil and Ginger, but on weekends he always came up with something that included Annie. A visit to the pumpkin patch, a hayride, the high school football game, the church bazaar. The three of them would spend the day together, and then later, after she’d tucked Annie into bed, she’d come downstairs and spend the remainder of the evening with Gregg. While the weather was still warm enough, they’d sit on the front porch or stroll hand in hand for a number of blocks then return home and settle in front of the television.

  When the Harvest Festival came to Barston, posters went up all over town and Gregg invited everyone to go.

  “We’ll start early in the morning,” he said, “and make a day of it.”

  Annie’s eyes lit up. “Will there be pony rides?”

  “Pony rides, a carousel, animal shows, games, and lots more,” Gregg said. “I’ll bet you’ve never seen anything so spectacular.”

  Annie was full of questions and he patiently answered each one, telling how the Ferris wheel was taller than a house, the cotton candy sweeter than sugar, and the lights brighter than a Christmas tree.

  The house was filled with an excitement that soon became contagious, and after a fair bit of wheedling even Ida agreed to come along.

  On Sunday morning, Annie was up before the sun and came running into Suzanna’s room.

  “Wake up, Mama,” she shouted. “It’s time to go to the festival!”

  Suzanna opened one sleepy eye and smiled. “It’s too early. The festival isn’t open yet.”

  “But it will be soon,” Annie argued.

  “It doesn’t open until ten o’clock.” Suzanna pointed to the clock on her nightstand. “It’s only five now.”

  Annie’s face fell. “Oh.”

  She folded the covers back to make way for Annie. “Climb in with me, and we’ll talk about all the wonderful things we’re going to do today. How’s that?”

  Annie crawled into the bed and snuggled up to her. As they lay curled together in the pre-dawn light, Suzanna retold the stories Gregg had told of the festival. She’d just finished explaining the games of chance and saying how it just might be possible for him to win her a doll or a stuffed toy when Annie cut in.

  “You know, Mama, I think Mister Gregg is ready. Can I ask him to be my daddy?”

  Suzanna was dumfounded. Years earlier she’d told Annie that the man who was her father wasn’t ready to be a daddy, so he’d run off.

  “Don’t worry,” she’d said then. “I’ll love you twice as much as most mamas love their babies to make up for him not being here.”

  There’d never been any further discussion about it, until now.

  “Why on earth would you ask that?” she said. “Gregg is a really good friend, but you know he’s not your—”

  “Yes, I know,” Annie replied. “But he likes me and he does nice things like Lois’s daddy, so I think maybe he wants to be…”

  “Forget about it. You can’t just pick somebody to be your daddy. Relationships are complicated and way beyond your understanding. For now, let’s be glad we’ve got such a good friend.” She started to tickle Annie. “And don’t you dare mention a silly thing like this to anyone else, or I’ll tickle you to death.”

  That afternoon the four of them walked up and down the festival aisles admiring the multitude of crafts on display, sampling foods, and trying their hand at games of chance. After a half-dozen attempts, Gregg finally sunk three baskets in a row and won the stuffed dog Annie wanted. Before the day was out, she’d been on every ride at the festival, taken three pony rides, petted a mama hog, laughed at the dogs in frilly dresses, and consumed enough hot dogs, pizza, candy apples, ice cream, and soda to last her for a month. When her little legs grew too tired to walk, Gregg lifted her onto his shoulder and carried her back to the car.

  At that moment, Suzanna wished she had a camera. The sight of Annie with her arms hooked around Gregg’s neck and her head leaned against the back of his was one she would keep in her mind forever. Years from now, when the festival was nothing but a distant memory, she knew she would be able to call this picture to mind and once again see the weary smile on Annie’s face and the dangling shoelace that had come untied. She’d remember the plaid of Gregg’s shirt and think of how his back was straight and strong as he
carried Annie. And there in the background, she’d hear the fading sound of calliope music as they left the festival behind. There would be no forgetting this perfect day.

  Later on, after Annie and Ida were both sound asleep, they settled in the living room. It was the time of year when the evenings turned cool and the wind came in gusts, scattering dry leaves across the walkway. Gregg carried an armful of logs in and stacked them in the fireplace. His curls were windblown and his cheeks pink.

  “This is a good night for a fire,” he said and lit the kindling.

  Instead of turning on the television as she usually did, Suzanna took the bottle of brandy from the cupboard and poured them both a drink.

  “A perfect end to a perfect day.”

  She touched her glass to his then, without lowering her eyes, took a sip. The amber liquid was warm in her throat and comforting in her chest. It was the shot of courage she needed.

  After months of holding back and worrying that this physical attraction was too much too soon, Suzanna was ready to let go. She wanted to move beyond the quick hugs and goodnight kisses on the landing. She wanted to know if this was a friendship or something more, something that could blossom into the kind of love she’d felt for Bobby. She eased back into the cushions of the sofa and lazily tilted her head back. It was an invitation for him to kiss her, not in the casual way he had before, but full on the mouth.

  He smiled then leaned over her, his breath warm on her cheek, his forehead grazing hers. She closed her eyes and felt the gentle brush of his lips against her ear.

  “I’ve wanted to do this since the day we met,” he whispered then he brought his mouth to hers, and in that singular moment all her doubts fell away. The kiss was long and sweet, a promise of all that was yet to come.