#BreakingTheRules

by Yesenia Vargas

  “Okay,” I said, settling back down. I eyed the books next to me. They could wait. Especially if it meant hanging out in the vicinity of Wes.

  I ignored the part of my brain calling myself a total loser.

  Whatever.

  Twenty minutes later, my mom brought out some new kind of healthy cookie she wanted us to try.

  We each grabbed one from the plate in her hands, and she gave us each a napkin. They looked normal enough.

  I took a bite, and so did the guys.

  Carefully chewing on the tasteless and definitely sugarless concoction in my mouth, I was careful to keep my facial expression neutral. Even attempt a look of delight.

  Mom beamed. “So, what do you all think?” she asked, still holding her tray.

  Hugo, Wes, and I exchanged glances.

  I pretended to wipe my mouth but really spit out out the cookie, or rather, imitation of a cookie into it when my mom wasn’t looking.

  Hugo nodded. “It’s good, Mom.”

  Wes kept chewing, nodding along.

  “Fifteen grams of protein per serving!” she said. “Just what you two growing boys—sorry, men—need. I’ll go bake another batch!”

  But not before she offered us seconds.

  My brother and Wes immediately grimaced.

  Wes patted his stomach and said, “Wish I could, Mrs. Hart. But I’m stuffed.”

  When she offered me one, I took another cookie with an enthusiastic grin. “Thanks, Mom.”

  She left, and I set the cookie down on the coffee table.

  Wes glanced between me and Hugo. “Is it me or did that taste like glue?” he whispered.

  I giggled. “Definitely.”

  Hugo shook his head. “Fifteen grams of protein, though.”

  We went back to the movie.

  It was a car racing movie, my brother’s favorite kind of movie, and one of the characters picked up a sledgehammer, using it to destroy the hood of his friend’s car.

  The boys groaned. Hugo even covered his mouth and sat up. I rolled my eyes.

  Boys.

  “Dude,” my brother said.

  Wes exhaled. “You don’t do that to your bro’s car.”

  On the screen, mayhem ensued with a confrontation between both characters.

  Maybe it was like if someone had ripped up the books on my shelves upstairs. This had to be the equivalent of that.

  Although it was still funny to see Wes and Hugo get worked up about a car.

  My brother went on, almost as if it had been his car. “Man, I’d be crying so hard. It’s a ’67 Mustang, for Pete’s sake! You don’t mess up that paint job no matter what!”

  Wes completely agreed. “I’d no longer be friends with that guy. Friendship over.”

  I giggled.

  My brother sat silent for another few seconds then said, “It’s a violation of the bro code, that’s what. I mean, punch the guy if you’re that upset. Even break his leg. It’ll heal! But mess up his vintage car? That’s just wrong. It’s like…the same as your friend kissing your little sister or something. You just don’t do it.”

  I froze, trying to pretend I was too engrossed in the movie to pay attention to what he’d just said, but the acid in my stomach said otherwise.

  You just don’t do it.

  I heard Hugo’s words in my head over and over again like a bad horror movie.

  I dared to glance at Wes, and his face had turned white. He was pretending to watch the movie too, but then he flashed his gaze in my direction.

  One glance said it all.

  If my brother ever found out…

  He looked away.

  I bit the inside of my lip.

  The thing was, Wes had already kissed me.

  Three

  Hugo kept talking, and eventually, we went back to just watching the movie in silence.

  But the tension between Wes and me hung thick. I tugged at the collar of my t-shirt for a second before realizing what I was doing.

  I caught him glancing at me another time or two, and he didn’t laugh or talk as much anymore after my brother’s comment.

  It was true that we had kissed before, but it had meant nothing. Just a meaningless mistletoe kiss.

  If that mistletoe hadn’t been there, hanging above us at Tori’s Christmas Eve party, he never would have leaned down toward me otherwise. And the more I thought about it, the more I was sure he did it out of tradition.

  Nothing else.

  Otherwise, he would have said something, done something, given some indication that he’d felt something.

  But he hadn’t.

  He’d just gone back to being Wes, the boy next door and my brother’s best friend. Hardly looking at me or talking to me.

  My heart sank a little at the thought.

  So what if I’d held out hope that he’d suddenly see me for who I was?

  A girl he could be interested in, not just the kid he’d grown up with.

  I thought about his lips on mine again, and part of me went back to that night. I’d always treasure that moment, even if it didn’t mean the same thing to Wes.

  Even if it was another sign that Wes and I just weren’t meant to be.

  So really, Wes had nothing to worry about.

  A silly kiss under mistletoe? It hardly counted as a real kiss anyway.

  No longer interested in the movie, I grabbed my books and headed to the stairs.

  Hugo turned back to me. “You’re not watching the rest? We really don’t care if you stay, sis.”

  I forced a smile and kept my eyes locked on my brother. “I’m just tired. But thanks.”

  Then I hugged my books to my chest and left, the image of Wes and what was obviously regret still replaying on my mind.

  Tori put her shopping bag down, grabbed something from her purse, and slid a familiar looking piece of paper across our table.

  The buzz of the busy Saturday mall surrounded us, and we were refueling before continuing on with our mission for the day.

  Ella leaned in to get a better look at the paper, but I already knew what it was. My copy was somewhere inside my book bag at home, probably stuffed somewhere between this weekend’s math homework and the heap of graded papers I’d gotten back from teachers in the last month or so.

  Tori smiled wide. “Guys, graduation is officially almost here.”

  Ella grabbed it but teased Tori. “Officially almost here, huh?”

  Harper clasped her hands. “I can’t wait.”

  Lena leaned in. “Me neither. I really hope I find my graduation dress soon. I can’t believe you found the perfect thing already, Tori.”

  That was today’s mission. Shop some sales, of course. And start looking for the dress we’d each wear on that graduation stage. The thought made me… Well, I wasn’t sure how it made me feel.

  Harper picked up the paper next. “And hair styles. Can’t forget hair styles and make up for the big day.” She pushed it toward me, but I hardly wanted to touch it.

  Ella looked at me. “Which package are you going with? I’m kind of partial to the hoodie and sweatpants myself.”

  Lena laughed. “Of course you are.”

  She was talking about the different senior graduation packages the school was offering. That’s what the paper was all about.

  We had to buy a cap and gown, but you could also order a class ring, a hoodie/sweatpants combo with the school name and graduation year on it, and a multitude of other accessories that only would only serve to remind me that high school was over forever.

  “You like to drink tea, right?” Harper said. “They have a cool looking mug,” she tried.

  I shrugged. “I’m just not sure yet. My parents said we have a budget we need to stick to,” I fibbed. Really, I was sure my mom would want to buy every single thing on there, but I just didn’t want to think about it yet.

  Ella stood up. “Maybe we can head to the next store, then?”

  I almost sighed in relief. “That sounds good.”

/>   Everyone else seemed to get the hint, and we threw the remainder of our Chinese food away.

  I made sure I still had my journal with me and caught up to the girls.

  With Lena and Tori leading the way, Harper, Ella, and I followed behind.

  Lena glanced back. “I know the perfect store to hit next. It’s just this way.”

  I glanced at my favorite store in the whole place: the bookstore. It called to me from the other side of the mall. I ached to go into the bookstore, get lost among the aisles, and discover something new to read tonight. So what if I had a pile of library books waiting for me at home? I needed to at least go in there and touch the books. Smell the books.

  Just for a minute.

  Maybe grab a new journal?

  But the girls were already walking the other way without me. Harper and Ella waved to me, and I jogged off to join them.

  Not without one more glance to the bookstore, though. I had to come back at some point.

  That store was my happy place, and a week where I didn’t go in there and take home something new equaled a sad week.

  I glanced back at it one more time, promising I’d swing by before going home.

  A few minutes later, we were back to browsing aisles and aisles of sales racks.

  I studied a dress or two but none of them were right for graduation. Plus I just wasn’t in the mood.

  The more this day went on, the more my stomach felt like a dark pit and I realized that graduation did not feel like something to look forward to.

  On the contrary, just thinking about it made me feel kind of nauseous. Graduation meant no more #BFFs walking down the hallways together, whispering in class, or catching up at lunch.

  Probably no more sleepovers or text message threads full of funny emojis that would go on forever.

  Graduation meant we were each going our separate ways and for good. I knew friends didn’t usually stay in touch after high school, and I was sure the same would happen to us.

  It made me tear up right then and there to think that I wouldn’t be seeing Lena, Ella, Harper, and Tori almost every day anymore. Just the thought of them forgetting about me and leaving me behind as they all went after their dreams made me want to curl up into a ball under the covers.

  I wiped a stray tear away and cleared my throat, pretending to give all my attention to a crop top I’d never actually wear.

  Harper came over. “You okay?” she said quietly.

  I nodded right away. “Yeah,” I managed, wiping at my nose. Swallowing, I said, “Did you find anything?”

  She smiled and held up a sleeveless white dress with the perfect cinched waist.

  “Oh, I love that,” I said. “You have to try it on.”

  We linked arms and headed to the dressing rooms.

  As we walked, she showed me a couple other dresses she’d found, and I insisted she had to try them all on.

  Lena was already back there, trying something on like a maxi dress in front of the mirror outside. “It’s just not right…” She turned to me. “Are you not trying anything on, Rey?”

  I shook my head. “I haven’t found anything that seems right.”

  She frowned. “Well, we need to find you something.”

  Before I could say anything else, she went back into her dressing room, locking the door behind her.

  I sat on one of the little benches, waiting for Harper to come back out.

  Tori and Ella joined us with their own finds, excitedly holding up several hangers before finding their own dressing rooms.

  I smiled but couldn’t help but feel like they were all leaving me behind.

  Metaphorically, at least.

  Lena would probably be off playing college soccer in a matter of months. She was still waiting to hear back from her first choice, but it was just a matter of time because she was crazy talented. Ella and Jesse had already gotten into Georgia Tech. Both so smart. Harper and Tori were waiting to hear back on a couple schools like me, but they already knew what they wanted to do next. They were ready to move on to college life.

  And me?

  I was lost, like the one time when I was little and I’d gotten lost in this very mall until my mom had found me. It had been just a few minutes of feeling terrified, sure I’d never see my family again, but those minutes had felt like forever. Now that same feeling was back.

  Even though my friends were just a few feet away, it felt like they were leaving me behind, and I had nowhere to go. No idea where I wanted to go next. Not what college or what major.

  I felt completely lost.

  Like I had so long to figure out that question kids always got: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Well now the time had come and I still had no good answer.

  Couldn’t I just keep writing in my journal or on my blog forever? Did I have to get a degree and have a career in a few years?

  This was definitely not something Ms. Moreau had covered in her College 101 session last week.

  Was I just supposed to go through the motions and hope something called out to me? A school? A course of study?

  I bit my lip.

  I had no idea.

  Four

  Thoughts about college and deadlines and roommates and being away from home swirled around in my head for days.

  Finally, I couldn’t take it.

  I needed a distraction, something to whisk me away from Earth for an hour or twelve.

  A Harry Potter movie marathon.

  I was usually always reading one of the books at all times. J.K. Rowling’s words comforted me beyond anything else in my life. Sometimes I liked to just open up one of the books and start reading.

  But what I was in the mood for was a Harry Potter movie marathon. A movie marathon meant buying and preparing snacks and vegging out on the couch every day after school.

  At least until one of my brothers insisted it was their turn to use the TV. Just another part of life with my parents and dealing with just one TV in the entire house.

  While my younger brothers were at baseball practice, I claimed the TV and the couch in the living room. My mom texted that she’d be home soon from the grocery store and Dad wasn’t home from work yet.

  So it was just me and Hugo, and he was currently holed up in his room.

  I smiled to myself. Nothing like a Harry Potter marathon complete with popcorn (with extra butter) to bring me some much needed joy in my life. I pulled a thick blanket over my legs and settled in, hitting play. I had the first book beside me. Maybe I’d restart the series later. It’d been a while since I’d done that.

  But for now, the movie would do.

  It wasn’t long before a familiar knock at the door interrupted my me time.

  I glanced at it, wondering if Hugo was gonna get it. It had to be Wes after all.

  This time, the doorbell rang, and I sighed. Hugo had to be snoring upstairs if he wasn’t coming down by now.

  I threw the blanket aside and set down my popcorn on the coffee table, making my way to the front door.

  Just before I made it there, I stopped at the large decorative mirror hanging above the side table where everyone left their keys. Just the right amount of volume? I hoped so.

  I swung open the door, and sure enough, there stood Wes.

  How did he make a plain t-shirt and jeans look so good?

  “Hey,” he said, adjusting his backpack on his shoulder.

  I blinked back. “Hi,” I said. “Come in. I think Hugo’s upstairs somewhere. Probably unconscious.”

  He laughed and stepped inside. Then he grabbed his phone, read something on it. “I’ll wait for him down here if you don’t mind? Apparently, he just woke up.”

  I waved toward the couch. “Wanna sit?”

  He followed me to the living room, but as usual, he took the sofa that was empty, setting his backpack down on the floor.

  I sat down and hit play on my movie. He went back to his phone for a few minutes, and I went back to Harry meeting Ron for the first
time.

  Hugo’s voice cut through the silence. “This looks like the movie you were watching the other day,” he said.

  I nodded. “Yeah, it’s the first one. Same franchise, but—anyway,” I said, deciding not to explain the difference between Fantastic Beasts and the main movies, “no dragons yet. But it’s pretty good.”

  We watched in silence for several more minutes, and I wondered how much longer it would be before Hugo came down.

  Then Hermione entered the scene. Oh, good old Hermione. Wes chuckled at her dialogue, and I found myself smiling.

  “The books are way better,” I replied.

  He glanced at me. “Aren’t they like a thousand pages long?”

  I held up the first book, and I hoped it didn’t look so dorky that I happened to have it beside me. “The first one’s not bad. Here,” I said, without really thinking. He stood up and grabbed it, sat back down, a polite expression on his face. “The fifth book is the longest at 870 pages. But they’re all so good, they don’t feel long at all.”

  As soon as I said that, I felt like the biggest nerd ever. Wes nodded a couple times, but I could tell he had no idea what I was talking about.

  He smiled, still flipping through the book. “I don’t really read, but I think it’s cool that you do.”

  “Thanks,” I said, trying not to freak out at his compliment. “Maybe if you tried it…you never know. You might like it.”

  “Yeah,” he replied, still holding on to the book, and I felt like a bigger dork than ever. Why couldn’t I stop gushing? It seemed like any time I was around Wes, I turned into a complete mess and today that meant not being able to shut up about books.

  We went back to watching the movie. Wes laughed at Harry’s first Herbology lesson, not to mention the first flying lesson.

  “You should see Neville in the final movie,” I said, grinning.

  Wes chuckled. “Maybe I should.”

  I couldn’t believe what was happening between us.

  But immediately, I knew that it was nothing. Just him being nice and waiting for my brother to emerge from his room. Maybe it was all pretend, and he really didn’t care at all about Harry Potter.

  I tried to shove those thoughts out of my brain and go back to the movie.