#BreakingTheRules

by Yesenia Vargas

  I nodded, and she finally left.

  Then I contemplated how much longer I could stay in bed before she came up or it was obvious to everyone that something was wrong.

  I sighed and slowly got up. Checked my hair. Changed out of my pajamas and put on some makeup.

  If I had to go downstairs, then I wasn’t about to let Wes see how much he’d hurt me. If he wanted to pretend I wasn’t there, then I could do the same, no matter how much I wish we could go back in time and never run into each other at the bookstore.

  As I left my room, I stopped and glanced at Chamber of Secrets. Part of me wanted to grab it, take it to him, see if we could fix things.

  But I closed my door behind me instead.

  Seventeen

  I stepped into our backyard, and the first thing my eyes went to was the treehouse.

  I remembered all the times Wes and I had hung out there, the time I thought he might kiss me.

  Watching Sorceror’s Stone felt like forever ago, but it had only been last week.

  My dad called to me from the grill, and I came back to Earth. He waved his spatula in the air. “Rey, honey, want a burger? Fresh off the grill,” he said with a giant smile.

  He had on his favorite apron, the one he saved especially for warm spring days like today when he got to barbecue outside. It read Chillin’ and Grillin’. That and his way too enthusiastic grin always made me smile, but not today.

  I walked toward him instead of the picnic table nearby where everyone was seated. “Sure, Dad.”

  He flipped a couple of patties and glanced at neat toppings he had organized on a table nearby. “Cheese? No cheese?” he asked.

  “No cheese,” I replied, eyeing the picnic table. My mom was over there with Wes’s dad. They were laughing about something and holding drinks.

  Wes and Hugo sat at the other end, side by side. Hugo was polishing off a giant burger and pile of potato chips, while Wes glanced down at his food. He looked like he’d hardly touched his plate.

  I must have caught his eye because he flashed his gaze in my direction. I snapped my head back to the grill. Fidgeting with my hair, I wished I’d brought a book.

  Books made things better.

  Maybe I’d go get one. It would be the perfect way to find a solitary corner to sit in and not talk to anyone. “I’ll be right back,” I said to my dad, walking back inside.

  “But your burger will get cold,” he said.

  “Be right back,” I called back, but I was already sliding the back door closed and sighing in relief.

  I welcomed the silence, shutting my eyes and exhaling.

  Then I made for the stairs.

  When I got to my room, I wondered if I could just stay up there for a while until eventually Wes went home or something, but my stomach growled, and I thought of the burger waiting for me outside.

  One burger, then I could make up an excuse and come back inside. Or just sneak away.

  Once again, my eyes went to Chamber of Secrets, still sitting lonely on my nightstand, but it didn’t feel right reading it without Wes, especially with the weird place we were currently in.

  So I grabbed one of my library books, staring at the bright cover. I smiled. This would do.

  I went back downstairs, wondering if I could just pull up a chair where my Dad was with the excuse that I wanted to chat with him and help.

  That could work. No need to sit two feet away from Wes. That would be way too awkward.

  Midway down the stairs, I froze.

  Wes stared back up at me. “Hey,” he said quietly.

  I blinked back at him. “Hey…” I replied.

  “Can we talk for a minute?” he asked.

  All of a sudden, my stomach roiled inside me. Was it Wes’s words that did that or the way his eyes and mouth turned down, like what he wanted to talk about wasn’t going to mean anything good for us?

  I finished going down the stairs and met him by the banister. “Sure.” That was all I could manage to say. It felt like my throat was closing up and saying anything else would reveal just how crushed I already was inside.

  How lame was that?

  I waited for Wes to say something. He glanced down and blew out a breath.

  He opened his mouth to speak, but the sound of the back door opening had us both facing that direction.

  Wes looked just about as panicked as I felt, especially when Hugo’s voice called out. “Wes?” Silence. Then, “Maybe he went home to grab something.” But it sounded like he was coming inside, from the sound of footsteps in the kitchen.

  Without thinking, I grabbed Wes’s hand and pulled him upstairs.

  I willed my feet to not make noise and make it obvious what we were doing.

  But somehow we made it to my room without being discovered.

  I closed the door silently behind us and spun around.

  Wes was in my room.

  Maybe I hadn’t thought this through…

  Thankfully, there didn’t appear to be anything too embarrassing laying around, like dirty laundry or something.

  For once, I was glad my mom had made us clean our rooms that morning.

  Wes glanced around, seeming to realize the situation too. His gaze stopped on my shelves in the corner beside the window. “That’s… a lot of books,” he said, taking a step toward the row of filled up journals. “And a lot of writing.”

  The small smile on his face lit a tiny candle of hope inside me.

  At least for the moment.

  I walked over to him. “Yeah, I guess you can’t really see the shelves from your room, huh?”

  He shook his head and made his way over. There were well over a couple hundred fiction books, but the one he went to was the new copy of Chamber of Secrets sitting on top of my neat row of Harry Potter books. “Where’s yours?” he said, nodding at the empty spot where my copy was supposed to be.

  I pointed to my nightstand.

  Wes nodded, his face falling for a second.

  “I haven’t started it,” I said quickly. “It’s…”

  I didn’t know what to say after that.

  I turned to Wes. “Anyway, I guess we should talk before my brother sends a search party to find you.”

  He met my eyes. “Rey,” he began. Then he took a deep breath. He took a step closer, and inside my mind, I begged him not to say what he was going to say next.

  “Hanging out with you has been…the best, but the more I think about it… I’m just not sure it’s a good idea,” he said.

  I focused on the books behind him, willing myself to get through this conversation without letting him know just how much this was breaking me inside. I swept my hair behind my ear and nodded. “It’s okay. I get it. You don’t have to…” My voice faded into nothing, and I swallowed the lump in my throat.

  He took another step closer, grabbed my hand. “Rey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you or something. Don’t think this didn’t mean anything because…that’s not true. It’s just that…”

  Hugo.

  It would freak him out. And understandably so.

  I nodded and slipped my hand out of his. “You don’t have to explain. I understand. If I became the reason that you guys stopped being friends or something…”

  I looked back up at Wes, and I was at least comforted by the fact that he looked torn too.

  “Please don’t ever think I would use you or something,” he said quietly. “I’d never do that to you.”

  I nodded again. “I know.”

  A single tear raced down my cheek. Before I could wipe it away, Wes came in close, his thumb stopping my tear in its tracks.

  My eyes closed for a second, and all I wanted to do was memorize the feel of his touch on my skin.

  Too soon, his hand was back at his side.

  He sighed. “I should go,” he said.

  “Yeah.” Already I was wondering how I was going to go back out there and not make it obvious to everyone how bad I had it for Wes.

  And anot
her part of me couldn’t believe that he felt the same way.

  He felt the same way.

  But it didn’t matter because his friendship with Hugo was more important. They’d been friends for years. I knew how much Wes meant to my brother, how they’d been there for each other since they’d been kids.

  Through Wes’s parents’ divorce.

  I took Wes in, wanting to sear this moment in my heart forever, before he left my room and left me.

  Instead of leaving, though, Wes took another step toward me, leaving only a couple inches between us.

  “Rey?” he said.

  I met his eyes, a clear reflection of how hard this was for him as it was for me.

  “I already miss you.” His voice cut straight through my chest.

  Four words.

  Four words that became everything.

  My breath hitched, and in Wes’s eyes, I realized what the rest of him was not strong enough to do next.

  So I did it instead.

  Maybe because I knew this was it. This was the end of us. Like a star that had exploded into being, too strong and too big to sustain itself, and then collapsed.

  It was now or never, and I was done with never.

  My arms wrapped around his neck, and I pulled him in close, let my mouth cover his.

  Everything else faded until it was just us, determined to create one last moment where this existed.

  Where this was okay.

  We sank into our kiss, and Wes placed his hands around my waist. Too soon, I realized it was time to pull away.

  I had to be the one to put a stop to it.

  Still breathless, I let go of Wes and took a step back.

  He looked like he might say something, but instead, he clenched his jaw and put his hand on my cheek.

  Without another word, he left.

  I exhaled, still breathless and with a tide of mixed emotions hitting me like a tsunami.

  Sadness in the pit of my stomach because we were over, mixed in with butterflies from kissing Wes like that, and something like resignation.

  Through my window, I could see Wes’s room. A pile of books and notes on his desk. An unmade bed, shoes on the floor.

  Blinking through the tears in my eyes, I walked to the curtains and closed them.

  Eighteen

  By the time my mom came out with her gluten-free, sugar-free chocolate cake, the #BFFs had thankfully arrived. So had Adam, Wes’s brother.

  My friends joined me at the now empty picnic table. Adam sat nearby, the adults were in cushy lawn chairs, and all the boys from Hugo and Wes to my younger twin brothers were playing soccer in the yard.

  I left to refill the bowl of baked potato chips and found Adam at our table when I came back.

  Adam was different from Wes in a lot of ways. Adam was taller, he sported dirty blonde hair and dark blue eyes. In other words, he looked like their mom while Wes looked like their dad.

  I sat down to listen in on the conversation.

  Harper kept her gaze on Adam. “So what happened after that?”

  “Yeah,” Tori said. “Did you hear from her again?”

  Lena nodded. “I need to know what happened next.”

  He chuckled.

  Just as I opened my mouth to ask what they were talking about, my mom walked out with a birthday cake in her arms. Several glittering candles lit up her face.

  My younger brothers went crazy at the sight of birthday cake, running back to the picnic table in a flash.

  I stood up to give my mom room, and my friends did the same. We stood near the glass back door as Hugo sat down along with Wes. My dad and brothers and neighbors began singing happy birthday, and I joined in, trying to keep a smile on my face.

  Thankfully, Lena sang loud enough for all five of us, making my younger brothers snicker and giggle.

  My brother nudged Wes, nodding at the cake. Wes smiled back, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

  At the end of our serenade, we clapped for Hugo, wishing him a happy birthday. My mom reached down and kissed him on the cheek, making him groan. “Mom,” he said, drawing out the word.

  That made me smile, a real smile, and suddenly I felt glad that Wes and I had cut off our romance at the bud. The idea of disappointing him or making things awkward between him and Wes wasn’t worth it.

  Not when Hugo was such an awesome brother.

  My mom sliced the cake, handing each of us a piece. My friends and I took our plates back up to my room.

  When I sat on my bed, I couldn’t help but stare at the spot where Wes and I had kissed just an hour ago. And broken things off.

  Tori, who joined me, nudged me with her shoulder, said, “What is it?” she turned to that spot in front of my bookshelves, curiosity clear on her face.

  I shook my head and took a bite of cake.

  Harper sat at my desk. “So gluten and sugar free, huh?” she asked, taking a big bite. The look on her face went from excited to confusion as she stopped chewing.

  Lena, who had also taken a bite of cake, made a surprised sound and swallowed with a grimace. “That…”

  Ella gave a thumbs up from my reading chair. “Tastes good.” But she didn’t sound very convincing.

  Lena went on. “I was gonna say doesn’t taste like cake.”

  We all began laughing, and we set our plates down. I swallowed the piece of cake in my mouth and said, “My mom’s cooking takes some getting used to. It’s part of our new family health initiative,” I explained. “They’re geeks for vegan, paleo, all that jazz.”

  Lena nodded, attempting to keep a neutral face. “Hm,” she replied.

  I remembered something and stood up. “Actually, I think I have some cookies around here. I stash them for times when I get a craving and my mom’s sugar-free, no-flour whatever version won’t quite do the trick.”

  Lena clutched her chest. “Rey, you’re my hero.”

  I smiled and went over to my closet. There was a pile of shoe boxes filled with drawings, notes, and other things like that. I grabbed the black and pink box from in between two other boxes and turned back around.

  I set the box down on my bed and opened it. Sure enough, there lay a half-eaten container of actual chocolate chip cookies.

  I grabbed one and passed the container around.

  Tori took a bite of hers. “Oh, yum.”

  Long after the cookies were gone, the subject turned back to Hugo and Wes.

  This was the first time the #BFFs had been around my family for an entire afternoon.

  And gotten a good look at Wes.

  Lena winked. “Rey, he is super cute. I don’t blame you at all for crushing on him forever.”

  I gave her a small smile. “Yeah.” Biting my lip, I wondered how to tell them what had gone on between Wes and me these past few weeks.

  I wanted to tell them, but that also included what had happened today. The wound was still fresh.

  Harper gave me that concerned look of hers. “What is it?”

  I exhaled. “I don’t even know how it happened—it just happened like out of nowhere…” I started.

  Lena sat up, and the rest of the girls waited with bated breath for me to go on. I was pretty sure Ella had a bite of cookies in her mouth that she had completely forgotten about.

  Lena waved her arms. “Well, go on! Don’t keep us waiting.”

  Tori scooted in closer. “The suspense is killing me.”

  I glanced at them. “We started hanging out and talking, not just messaging.”

  The girls practically gasped collectively.

  “Rey, that’s awesome,” Ella said. “We’re so excited for you.”

  I glanced down at my lap. “Well, don’t be. It didn’t work out in the end.” I paused, thinking about how much I was ready to share at the moment. “We hung out once, in the treehouse, and for a second, I thought he might kiss me.”

  Ella actually held her hand to her chest.

  Harper said, “That is so romantic.”

  I tucked a
strand of hair behind my ear. “Then we ran into each other at the bookstore. And he actually kissed me.”

  I looked around for the reactions of the #BFFs, and just as predicted, they began chatting loudly.

  Lena shrieked. “So we finally get to go on that quintuple date?”

  An image of said quintuple date flashed through my mind, and for a second, I imagined the five of us out with our boyfriends. Laughing. Holding hands. Maybe playing a game of volleyball or something.

  But then my mind went to what had happened with Wes earlier, and my lip trembled. That would just never be us.

  Or at least, not me.

  Tori and Ella were talking about a million miles an hour. Harper covered her mouth with her hands. Then she said, “I thought there was a certain way he’d been looking at you earlier!”

  I sighed, focusing my gaze on my hands. “Yeah, we kind of decided to end things.”

  Tori looked at me confused. “Ended it? But it sounds like you guys just got started.”

  I shrugged. “It’s for the best. If my brother—”

  Lena stood up. “Your brother!”

  The rest of the girls said, “Indoor voice, Lena,” and I couldn’t help but grin at that.

  Lena sat back down. “Wow, have you guys been practicing that or something?”

  Tori winked at me. “Anyway, back to Rey,” she said. Then she went to a whisper. “And Wes.”

  They sat there, waiting for me to go on. “It’s just better this way.” But I wasn’t sure even I believed that. “It would just be too weird for my brother, and if we ever broke up—”

  Now Ella broke in. “If? You’re basing this on an if?”

  Harper turned to me. “Have you guys talked to your brother about it? Maybe Wes could see how he felt about the idea of you guys? Or even just in general? Like a hypothetical.”

  Lena imitated a guy’s voice, making her own deep. “Hey, buddy. Say this guy fell in love with this girl. Like for real. But it was his best friend’s sister. What would you say about a situation like that?”

  We giggled, but I shrugged again. “It’s just not worth the risk. I’m pretty sure he’d figure out what Wes was talking about, and if their friendship—”

  “Another if,” Tori said. “What if he’s fine with it? You’ll never know unless you try, Rey.”