#BreakingTheRules

by Yesenia Vargas

  My younger brothers shouted their approval. They loved Wes. Hugo grinned, mumbling something to Wes under his breath. I gave a press-lipped smile of my own, keeping my gaze on my dinner.

  I’d been hungry before, but now all I could think about was Wes being so close. And the way he wouldn’t really look my way.

  It felt like something had broken between us, and now we were less than friends. Just two people who had someone in common.

  Maybe the fact that graduation was closer than ever was a good thing. Maybe I would go to school somewhere a few hours away, somewhere I could finally forget about Wes and everything we’d never be.

  Anything had to be better than this awkward tension.

  After dinner, I quickly took my plate to the sink. “May I be excused?” I asked my mom. “I kind of want to lay down.”

  She touched my forehead. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

  I shook my head. “Nothing. Just a long day.”

  “Oh,” she replied. “Well if it’s just that then come hang out with us in the living room a few minutes. Get some family time.” She gave me a squeeze. “You don’t even have to load the dishwasher.” She whispered in my ear. “I’ll make your father do it.”

  Wishing I’d come up with a better excuse, I followed her to the living room, where everyone else was waiting.

  Maybe Wes had the same idea because we found him and my dad near the front door. Wes already had his jacket on, but my dad said, “Oh no, Wesley. You won’t get away that easily,” he quipped. “Now that we’ve fed you, you’ve got to give us the pleasure of your company for a few minutes.”

  From the sofa, Hugo shrugged. “Sorry, dude.”

  Wes glanced around and took off his jacket. “Okay. I guess hanging out here a little while beats going home to an empty house.”

  Didn’t look like it, though.

  I sat down on the living room floor, hugging my knees to my chest.

  At least today we didn’t have to have some weird family discussion around our health, our feelings, or how our day had been.

  Instead, we got to watch an old episode of the Secret Life of the American Teenager.

  And then discuss our feelings around relevant topics like protection, abstinence, and other things that made my younger brothers groan and cover their faces with pillows.

  I wanted to do the same. Not the kind of conversation I wanted to have around Wes, or anyone else for that matter.

  I loved my parents and how open they were with us—about everything—but they sure couldn’t get their timing down right.

  Thankfully, a call from my great Aunt Paula had them both leaving the room and the rest of us recovering from the humiliation that was their idea of a fun and productive post-dinner activity.

  My brothers immediately turned on their video games, hogging the TV. I got up, ready to head to my room when something Hugo said caught my attention.

  Wes and Hugo were looking at something on Hugo’s phone. “Dude, this is crazy,” he was saying. “#BoyNextDoor?”

  I stopped, my gaze on the stairs ahead of me but a million thoughts swirling through my head.

  He couldn’t be….

  “Check this out. #StoryOfMyLife, Kissing the #BoyNextDoor… in a Bookstore.” He chuckled then, as he did so many times throughout our lives when he saw me nerding out over something.

  I spun around, their backs to me as Hugo continued reading out loud to Wes.

  At the word “Bookstore” recognition flashed through Wes’s eyes, and he glanced back at me.

  His eyes grew wider and wider the more Hugo read on, still smiling and chuckling to himself, clearly amused and completely unaware of how still Wes and I were.

  My mouth fell and my hand came up to cover it as Hugo read about this girl kissing her brother’s best friend in secret. And how it felt like it’d been years leading up to that sweet moment of finally being noticed as something more than a friend’s little sister.

  How the wait had been worth it.

  My words. All out in the open.

  I felt ready to throw up whatever kind of casserole we’d just eaten. I clutched at my stomach, realizing I had to leave.

  Meanwhile, Wes stared at me, and I could tell he wanted to ask me a hundred questions. Had this really been written by me? About us? Was it true?

  But I couldn’t meet his eyes just then, because I knew he’d see the truth in them the second he did. I blinked several times, trying to push the black pit of fear and anxiety inside me down, down, down.

  This couldn’t be happening.

  I clutched the handrail on the stairs for support.

  “Dude,” Hugo said. “This is crazy stuff. Says here it’s a true story.” He blew out a breath. “I don’t know what I would do if this was me. Kissing my best friend’s sister.” He laughed. “Luckily, you only have a brother.” Wes glanced away. “But man, I’d never do that to you.”

  Before I could hold back, I spoke my first thought. “Are you sure?” I asked. “Are you sure you’d never do that? I mean, what if you really liked this girl?”

  Glancing at Wes, I tried to keep my voice even, like I was just asking a casual hypothetical question.

  Hugo winced. “I don’t know, man. I’d really have to think about it. And I sure as heck wouldn’t kiss her without him knowing how I felt about her. I mean…”

  My stomach dropped, and I had to admit it was because he had a good point. Going behind Hugo’s back, keeping secrets, had just made the whole situation worse.

  The sound of Wes’s voice drew my gaze back to them on the couch. “What if it was the opposite, though?” he asked.

  “What do you mean?” Hugo said, sitting up and putting his phone down.

  Wes shrugged. “Say you had a good friend, and you found out he really liked your sister. Would you be okay with that?” he asked quietly.

  Like me, his voice was casual and normal, but I could see the need to know the answer in his eyes. Had he betrayed his best friend? Would their friendship be over if he found out? Was it already over?

  And more importantly, was it my fault?

  Hugo brought his fingers to his chin, playing with the short stubble there as he pondered. “Hmm,” he exhaled. More silence. Finally, he spoke, his gaze on Wes. “So say he really does like her.” He glanced back at me with a playful look in his eye, like he thought the idea of Wes and me becoming an item was just ludicrous to him. “I think that’s fine. It’s possible there could be something deep there. Something real. But I’m thinking about what happens after this relationship. Then you’ve put the brother in an impossible situation because what happens when the sister and best friend inevitably break up? I mean, it’s probably gonna happen sooner or later, if you think about it. And then the brother basically has to choose sides.” He raised his arms, like he was weighing two different things. “I mean, what if one or the other does something to really hurt the other? Things will never be the same between the three of them again. Either the best friend broke her heart and now he hates him. Or the sister did something to the best friend, which also sucks. Either way, the friendship will never be the same. He’s gonna have to choose family because family is family. But either way, the brother has lost someone that’s always been there for him. So yeah, I’d say I don’t think it would be a good idea.”

  He shrugged, but with that shrug, that whole response to Wes’s question, my heart broke.

  It broke because there was my answer. Now I knew for sure that Wes and I weren’t meant to be.

  Wes’s head lowered, his gaze on the floor, and at least it was a sort of consolation that he seemed just as crushed as me.

  The boy next door loved me.

  That was more than I ever thought was possible. And it would have to be enough.

  My twin brothers appeared out of nowhere and jumped on Hugo then, and they began roughhousing on the floor.

  Finally turning back to the stairs, I left without another word.

  Twenty-Two


  With my back to the window, I lay in bed, quiet tears flowing down on one side of my face and soaking my pillow.

  I wasn’t sure how long I lay like that but a soft knock at the door woke me, and before I could orient myself and remember where I was or wipe the tears away, my mom was walking in.

  “Hey,” she said. “You just disappeared after dinner. Sorry we got hung up on the phone.”

  She sat on the bed, seeing my tears even though I wiped at them with my sleeve and sat up. “Oh, honey, what is it? I know you said you had a long day at school. Did something happen?”

  Think, think, think.

  I blinked, unable to come up with anything.

  She came a little closer, put her hand on top of mine. “Or does this have something to do with a certain boy who lives next door maybe?”

  “You know?” I asked.

  She gave me a quick smile. “I may have accidentally overheard what you three were talking about while your dad was on the phone.”

  That made sense.

  Still didn’t make it any less embarrassing.

  She gave my hand a squeeze. “It’s okay,” she whispered. “You know you have nothing to hide when it comes to me, okay?” She raised her hands in front of her chest. “No judgement here, although I will say I always thought something might happen between you two.” She chuckled, and I wondered what she meant.

  “What do you mean” I asked.

  “I could tell the first day they moved in how smitten you were with that boy.” She gave me a smile

  I couldn’t help but smile back. “Has it always been that obvious?”

  “Maybe not to everyone else. But a mother knows.” She winked.

  Count on Mom to figure it out, I thought.

  “Well, did you know it would…blow up in my face?” I asked her, sitting up.

  She wrapped me in a tight hug, and I shut my eyes, no longer caring about the tears. For now, I felt safe, like those times I skinned my knee or someone at school said something mean and my mom always knew the right thing to say.

  Was it the end of all that now that high school was just about over and I’d be a legal adult? For once, I wasn’t looking forward to my birthday.

  “Oh honey,” my mom murmured. “It’ll be okay.”

  We pulled apart, and I wiped at the tears running down my cheeks.

  She tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “You know, sometimes we make mistakes. Other times, things just don’t turn out the way we thought they would.” She shrugged. “That’s life. But you know what?”

  I sniffed. “What?”

  She touched my cheek. “Things work out. Life goes on. You’ll be okay. All you can do is do what you feel in your heart is right. Sometimes that’s the scariest thing…but you just have to trust it’ll work out in the end. And even if it doesn’t, you’re surrounded by people who love you and who will catch you. Okay?”

  Tears spilled over again, and I nodded.

  She hugged me again. “I’ll always be here to catch you, Rey.” After a while, she said, “What do you think you’ll do?”

  I exhaled. “I don’t know. I really like Wes, but…I just couldn’t do that to Hugo. You heard him.”

  I searched her face for answers, but she looked just doubtful as me.

  I went on. “It’s just a crush anyway. I’ll get over it.”

  That had to be the right answer. The safest, anyway.

  My mom sighed. “I just think that whatever you do, sweetie, make sure it’s the choice where you can walk away proud of yourself. Don’t do something out of fear. Do what feels right.” She brought her hand to her chest. “If you do that, I think you’ll end up doing the right thing. Ultimately, this is your choice, honey. You’re the one who has to live with it.”

  Those words made me stop and think.

  I definitely had some writing to do. I had a feeling that writing it all out, seeing the words on the page, would inevitably reveal the right answer.

  But for now, another question crept to mind.

  “Mom?” I asked.

  “Hm?”

  I wanted to hide, but I had to know. “Did you read the blog too?”

  Her eyes said it all. “I must admit I did.”

  I grabbed my pillow and covered my face with it.

  HOW. EMBARRASSING.

  “Only parts of it,” she said. “Don’t worry.”

  I showed my face again. “Okay.”

  She took my hand. “You know I only read your words with your permission. And I could tell this was really personal.”

  Still hugging my pillow, I said, “I really didn’t think many people would find it.”

  A grin broke out on Mom’s face. “You know, you should be really proud of yourself. I always knew you were a great writer, but…I can tell you’ve really come a long way, Rey.”

  “Really?”

  She nodded. “Maybe something to think about as we consider colleges and everything.”

  I shrugged. “It’s basically just a diary, though.” I eyed all the journals on my shelves. “I can’t really do anything with it.”

  My mom patted my hand. “I wouldn’t be so sure.”

  Lena sat down at the lunch table, setting her tray in front of her. She turned to me right away. “Rey, when are you writing something new on the blog? I’ve been waiting patiently over here,” she teased.

  “You have?” I asked.

  Tori, Ella, and Harper nodded.

  I set my pen down. “I haven’t even looked at the comments since, honestly.”

  Tori eyed me. “Since?”

  I glanced down. “Since that whole theoretical conversation with my brother.”

  They knew all about it, and they felt for me. And like my mom, they’d been super supportive.

  Harper picked up her sandwich. “Are you going to start writing on it again?”

  I shrugged. “What else is there to say?”

  Lena stared at me. “You can’t stop now.”

  Ella leaned forward. “Rey, it’s called #StoryOfMyLife, not #StoryOfMyCrushOnThisOneBoy. Maybe you can talk about other things.”

  Harper nodded. “Yeah.”

  I bit my lip. “I don’t know. It just doesn’t feel right yet. Like this whole business with Wes is unresolved, and we’re in a weird place, and I don’t know. I feel like I need to write an ending to the story, almost. Before I move on to writing about something else.”

  A huge inspiration for starting that blog had been my crush on Wes, and now that whatever had happened between us was over, the blog felt dead too.

  Tori said, “Are things still super awkward with you two?”

  “More than ever before,” I replied. “He avoids me, he hardly looks at me. He used to come over all the time, but now he’ll invite Hugo over to his house instead. Even though I know for a fact that he likes hanging out at our house so much better.”

  Harper gave me an emphatic smile. “Maybe he just needs a little more time. But I’m sure he’ll come around. You guys have known each other for years.”

  “You’re right,” Tori added. “Maybe he just doesn’t want to let your brother down. Because, let me tell you, if he read that blog post, I’m not sure how he’s managed to stay away from you…”

  That had everyone giggling, but all I could manage was a smile. I’d wondered myself if Wes had read that blog post. The thought of him reading my words—my take—on our kiss, was mortifying, but Lena was right. Maybe it just hadn’t been the same for him. Even more reason to be mortified.

  Harper jumped back in. “But honestly, maybe your brother will come around too. You never know. Love always wins in the end.”

  Lena rolled her eyes but laughed. “Count on Harper to come up with some cheesy line about love.”

  I smiled but was ready to talk about something else. “What about you guys? How are college plans coming along?”

  Not my favorite thing to talk about, but it had to be better than the subject of Wes.

  Harper l
ooked up from her tray. “Well, I’ve decided for sure I’m going to the technical college a few minutes from here. I want to study either cosmetology or nursing.”

  Lena nudged her. “You’re already great at make-up and hair. But I could totally see you as a cute nurse, mending people back to health.”

  Harper smiled. “Thanks. My mom secretly wants me to go into nursing like her, but I just can’t decide yet.”

  “What about Emerson?” Ella asked. “What does he want to study?”

  Harper smiled. “Actually, something in the medical field too. Maybe physical therapy. So that would be fun, if we ended up having the same classes and stuff.”

  I smiled. Those two definitely had the chops for helping people. “I love that.”

  Harper turned back to Lena. “What about you? Has Ian made a choice yet?”

  She was talking about the two offers he’d gotten. One was from Lena’s choice, the school that had offered her a full ride to play for them. And another school, one four hours in the opposite direction. Lena sighed. “He says he’s gonna go where I go, but I really don’t want him going there just for me. I told him he really needs to consider both choices equally, logically, all that.” For once, though Lena didn’t seem so sure of herself.

  Tori said quietly, “What if he chooses the other school?”

  Lena shrugged. “It’ll really suck…but you know what? I just want what’s best for him. He deserves it.”

  Harper put her arm around her. “Just wait. It’ll work out.”

  Lena turned back to Tori. “What about you and Noah? How’s that going?”

  Tori glanced around the table. “We’re just not sure yet. I really want to go to UGA. That’s my top choice, but he kind of wants to stay here. Help out his mom and stuff. So we’re just not sure yet.”

  I said, “Well, UGA isn’t terribly far. I bet you guys could still see each other all the time.”

  But she didn’t seem so sure.

  Trying to get her mind off of the situation, I said, “I’m still not sure where I’m going to end up myself.” I shrugged. If I wanted to go anywhere at all… “I just can’t decide what I want to do.”

  Ella said, “You’ll figure it out. Sooner or later.”