Highlander's Sacrifice: A Scottish Medieval Historical Romance

by Alisa Adams

  She had tried. And she had failed.

  So much for her hopes of even pretending to be as much a hero as Finn was.

  A knock on her door had Merith looking up. She swallowed, recognizing the knock as that of her sister, and called out with uncertainty.

  "Come in."

  As Ella stepped inside, her eyes cast about over the mess, but she said nothing. Merith blushed in shame and flicked a spot on the dress she held, marked damp by one of her tears. Ever the elegant one, Ella spoke nothing of the destruction in the room and came to stand before Merith, hands reaching. Merith's cold, pale fingers were taken in hand, and Ella drew her down to the bed so that she might sit and regain her composure.

  "Come now, Sister..." Ella cooed, her hands chaffing upon Merith's. "Come, can we not be happy that you have returned to us safely? When we heard the news of Lord Mackay fleeing his castle, we feared the worst of you. For so sweet a little sister, you have caused much turmoil in days past."

  Merith blinked, a fresh tear passing down her cheek. She broke from Ella's hold in order to wipe at her face, unsure what to make of her sister's words. She frowned.

  "Lord Mackay fled?"

  Now Ella blinked in confusion.

  "But, of course." She said, her words slow and simple. "The rebels were numerous in size. He left his castle to them with the intention of taking in back when he had the men. Father has already pledged his support to him. It will delay your marriage, of course, but you cannot marry a man without a home!" Ella laughed, as if such an idea was so very preposterous.

  All Merith could think was that Finn had no technical home. He had spoken of Aggie. Of how she had a little house in the province owned by Kathleen's husband, Laird MacDonald. She knew he returned there whenever he wasn't serving in his militia. But he had no true home of his own. Marrying a man without a home...Merith had never thought of it like that.

  Yet, she would still marry Finn over Alastair Mackay, without a second thought.

  "I will not marry Lord Mackay."

  The words were screamed through her head but Merith didn't realize that she had spoken them aloud until Ella looked at her strangely.

  "What are you talking about, Sister?"

  "I will not." The words were harder this time. Louder. Merith was determined. "I love another. I will not marry any but he. I do not care for Father's arrangements, nor will I bow to them."

  Large blue eyes found Ella's and Merith could read the woman's shock despite her usual appearance of serenity. She had always thought her sisters to be calm in disposition, and yet here Ella sat, shocked to her core. She looked at Merith as if she had turned reptilian, never having seen her sister speak with such fire.

  "I do not mean to wound you, Sister," Merith assured her, reaching out to claim her hands. "I know that my refusal to follow Father's wishes will cause turmoil in this house. But please understand that it is not in my power to do otherwise."

  Quiet fell over the sisters following Merith's declaration. The youngest watched the other, her eyes searching for some form of acceptance, a level of acknowledgment that would bind them in such a moment. Merith meant what she had said. She did not mean to wound or disappoint either of her sisters. She was proud of their achievements and success in a world of etiquette and rules. She just knew that she could not do the same. Not now. The last week had shown her that it was not in her nature. Her timidity had always been a sense of insecurity, the innate belief that she could never do right because she could never be herself.

  She did not yet know who that girl might be. But she knew that such a woman was loyal to the man she loved.

  When Ella finally spoke, her voice was lower than usual, as if she had lost the feminine lilt that was so expected from a woman of her breeding. Her eyes softened, her smile lightened. For a strange moment, Merith wondered if this was the first time she'd truly looked at Elizabeth or been looked at by her.

  "It is the boy, isn't it?" she asked, her fingers squeezing Merith's. "The man that you love? He is the one."

  Merith refused to feel any shame in it as she nodded. She met her sister's gaze, obstinately, daring her to chastise her for her choice.

  Ella's smile only broadened.

  "I think him a fine choice, Sister," she admitted. Even though they were the only two in the room, that strange and real tone of voice was kept low so that no one else might hear. "I am happy that you have met another that you can love with your whole heart."

  Merith felt the tears spill over yet again.

  "For what little time it will be," she admitted. Wrenching her hands from her sister's hold, Merith buried her face behind her palms. The sobs that had been rising in her chest, pouring from her heart, would be restrained no longer.

  "Oh, my darling..." Ella drew her sister close and Merith buried her head in the woman's skirts. Her legs lifted and Ella encouraged her to curl up beside her on the bed, seeking comfort in her sorrow.

  Merith had no understanding of whether a minute passed or an eternity. She cried and cried, unleashing all that had been bottled up inside since she had last slept in this bed. All of her fear and tension. Her tension over Lilith Braith, her anxiety from sleeping in the woods, her terror in the attack on the Mackay castle, her fears in the dark and open field. Her heartbreak, as Finn was dragged away in irons.

  Everything tumbled from her, wetting Ella's lap and drowning her hands in the saltiness of her tears.

  For however long it took, when the storm had passed and Merith could once more breathe evenly, she felt lighter. It was as if all her burdens had been witnessed, experienced, and tucked away as memories that could no longer hurt or fester. Her mind was clear and her heart felt lighter. She mopped up her face with the handkerchief her sister was timely enough to offer.

  "My apologies," Merith said, seeing to her eyes and nose. Ella seemed entirely unperturbed.

  "No need, Sister."

  When Merith was calmed and able to sit straight beside her sister once more, Ella spoke.

  "Merith, what is your hope for your life? What is it that you want?"

  Merith blinked at her, startled.

  "I...I don't know. I have always wanted to be like you and Kat. Elegant and pretty. So good at everything."

  Ella guffawed in a way that was so unladylike, Merith's eyes bugged wide.

  "Oh my dear, you think of me as perfect? You think Kat to be perfect?" Ella was shaking her head, dumbfounded. "Neither of us are so good and well as to find true happiness within ourselves, Merith."

  "But Kathleen is married. And suitors call at your doors and you keep their interest and play games that seem so elegant and entertaining. You are so desirable to all. How can you not be happy?"

  Ella shook her head. Her lips curled in a smile of genuine doting, and she tilted her head at her sister. "Sweetest Merith, Kathleen is married to a man whom she does not love. She respects him and is eager to be his wife and raise his children, but she does not hold the great joy that must come with marriage to your one true love. For myself..." Her eyes turned sad. "I play with such men because the idea of marriage is abominable to me. I do not wish to see any suitor succeed for I could never love them. And yet, I know that such a future will eventually befall me and I shall be committed to a life that I must build with as little misery as possible."

  Merith could not believe her ears.

  "But you, Sister!" Ella continued, her voice rising and her hands tapping at Merith's knees in excitement. "You have found what all women do wish for. A man to love and love you in return."

  "I do not know that he loves me—"

  "I do." Ella interrupted her. "For certain, Sister, I ne'er saw a man that ached so hard to be with you. His love was in every line of him as he watched you defend him. He wished to be by your side so! His last look to you, as he was taken away, nearly broke my heart. Surely, you cannot doubt his love?"

  Merith wasn't sure she believed her sister but the flower of hope was a sturdy one. It bloomed in her heart regar
dless, reminding her of how Finn had held her in the night, how he had watched her as she had shattered under the touch of his loving. Her cheeks bloomed and her heart grew in her chest, aching with all the devotion she felt to the man, unable to let it go. Whether he loved her or not, Merith would never turn back. She would never love a man as she loved Finn.

  "But what does it matter, now?" Merith argued, with sorrow. "He will be collected by his men come the morning and taken to a sentence of death. All for serving and protecting me. If he does not hate me now, he most certainly should and even if I was still lucky enough to hold his heart, it is useless if he hangs!"

  Ella's hands leaped to Merith's shoulders. She shook her a little, setting Merith's teeth on edge and drawing her focus.

  "Then do not let him hang."

  Finn was cold.

  While the cell he'd been succinctly thrown into was bare brick and stone, an open window left to the elements and only an iron grill across its front, it wasn't his new quarters that were turning his muscles to ice. Sat in a corner, his shoulders braced upon two of his three walls, he made no effort to stay warm. He didn't draw up his knees or hug his thighs to his chest. His legs were stretched out long, one bent to become a ledge for his arm. His head had long since fallen back against the stone, his eyes closed, and his thoughts dull.

  The icy sense of defeat grew from his heart, not from his skin. The room could have been as hot as a balmy summer day and Finn would have still shivered. He couldn't help it. It was his first experience of despair.

  Finn's thoughts weren't truly for himself. He would lie if he said that he wasn't scared to die, that he would be placing his head in the noose without regret. But there seemed little that he could do about that now.

  When the soldiers came for him, Finn could only hope that he knew them, that he had befriended them at some point. If he could get speak with them, convince them to listen to his version of events, then he had the slimmest chance of survival. But it was as slim as an icicle’s in the springtime warmth. Lord Mackenzie was head of his militia. If he wished for Finn to die then his commander could do little to deny it. Finn's skin was as good as fried.

  With nothing he could do to save his hide, Finn's mind had found others to be concerned for. His brothers, for one. If they were not there when his sentence was passed, they'd not learn of his demise until they started to ask questions. They would search for him, investigate his disappearance, and find that the unit to which they pledged their life had been responsible for his death. Just how would that hurt them?

  Tomas had seen such sorrow in his life already, it hurt Finn to think that he might be responsible for more. As for Lachlan, Finn knew he wasn't as emotionless as he appeared. The loss of a brother he had grown up protecting and providing for would cut him deeply, especially since there was no honor in an execution for assaulting a woman. It wouldn't matter if it wasn't true. That was how his death would be recorded, for all who followed to see.

  Finn almost winced. His brother was so true, so honor bound in all that he did, that he wondered if the shame of such a thing would hurt more than the loss of Finn himself.

  Then there was Aggie.

  God, but that one tore at him inside. Aggie, who had witnessed the loss of her husband, never had children, and raised him as her own. Aggie would always grumble at him when he came to visit, insisting that he had a duty to perform that didn't include old women. He was never fooled, catching the warmth in her eye and the way she immediately made his favorite dumplings for dinner. How would she take his death? Would she believe the charge against him? He doubted it. But still, it was a heinous stain upon the memories he might leave with others.

  The thought of memories brought Merith to his mind, though she was never far from it.

  He remembered thinking, as they had come over the rise of her father's lands, that he wished for her to have a happy memory of him. That they could not be together but at least he could be a reminder that warmed her on cold nights and saw her smile when she needed it. Though the idea of her growing older out of sight, marrying another, and having a future that relegated him to her past would churn at Finn's stomach, he had thought himself able to accept it. He loved her too much to see her future destroyed by an association that would ruin her reputation and see her regretting ever meeting him. A happy past was better than a miserable future.

  But now...

  When leaving her was not a theory but a real eventuality, Finn could only consider his previous thoughts foolish. It was true that he could not be with Merith, that he would not diminish her. But there was no acceptance for him; no contentment. The idea of living without her set his heart stilling and his soul already dying.

  It didn't matter that he was a soldier and she was nobility. It wasn't important that she was graceful and taught all manner of impractical skills that would never be of use to his wife, nor that his own skills in sword work and battle could never serve him as a husband to a lady. The two of them were wrong together in so many ways and yet none of it was significant. None of it stopped his heart from bleeding at the very idea of losing a life with her. Despite all of his promises and vows to himself, being alive would have seen the smallest of chances for being with her. And now he was set to die before he could hold her again. Likely, before he could ever see her once more.

  Closing his eyes, Finn summoned up the image of Merith's face. His mind drew her fine and soft lines, curled lovingly around her little lips, and then flushed her cheeks with color. The image grew larger as the wisps of her hair began to frame her face. He didn't paint them in her fine ladylike designs or braids. Her hair fell about her face in wanton, wayward strands. Just how it had looked when she had awoken the morning after they had made love.

  He left her eyes until last, as if they were his finest treat but also the most painful detail.

  They were bright, a glowing blue that would have been icy if it wasn't for the warmth of her soul behind them. Framed by dark blonde lashes, long and curling in pretty upward sweeps, her eyes were too big for her face but all the more beautiful for it. The way he painted them in his mind, they were loving and gentle. Happy.

  Yet, the moment he opened his eyes, he was still looking at them. Only now, they were wild with panic and sorrow.

  "Finn..."

  Blinking, Finn snapped out of his daydream and looked across the cell again, staring out between the bars.

  "Merith!"

  He hadn't shouted the word, only spoken it in a shocked expression of surprise, but she shushed him nonetheless. Her little hands flapped down and her hair flew over one shoulder as she looked about. Clearly she feared being discovered. Her father did not know she was here.

  "Merith, what are you doing?"

  Instead of answering him, there was a soft clack of metal as she worked at the lock upon the door.

  Confused joy started to warm Finn through but he stamped it down. What was she doing?

  Finn scrambled to his feet, stumbled as his legs had fallen asleep, and rushed for the door to his cell.

  Just as Merith was about to push it open, Finn's hands shot through the bars and grasped at her hands. The circle of their arms forced the door to remain shut.

  "Merith, I can't let you do this. I'll not run."

  Even if he rode as hard and as fast as he could, he would not find work or safety. And worse still, he would appear guilty. Even with his fate more or less sealed, he could not reject his only chance of speaking with the men who came to collect him. Perhaps it was a fool's errand, but it was all he had.

  "And we shall not."

  Merith twisted her hands out of his grip, only to turn them around and squeeze his fingers. Her gaze met his, firmer and more confident than he had ever seen it before. Startled for a moment by the brilliance of her eyes, it took Finn a second to recognize her use of the word “we.”

  Merith showed no such nervousness.

  "We shall return to your unit," she told him. "I shall explain to your commander, I
will speak as my father's daughter, and as your so-called victim. They will not openly refute the word of a lady and be forced to grant you leniency. They cannot kill you for a crime you did not commit."

  Guilt curled in Finn's belly.

  "It is not such a lie," he reasoned. She had been in his care. And he had lain with her.

  Merith's fingers clenched down on his, and she pulled him against the gate. Her gaze was blue fire, burning into his.

  "Never think it. Finn, I..." Her innocence was not entirely lost, for her cheeks flamed with color. "I chose to be with you. I chose to allow you to have me, and I would choose it again. You have committed no sin that I have not encouraged. And I shall not see you hang for my selfish wants. Now, let me open this door! We need to hurry!" Releasing one of his hands, she pushed against the door, shaking it to force him backward.

  He didn't budge.

  "Merith, listen to me. It is not that simple. You need to accept that I'm likely to die tomorrow. And even if I weren't—"

  "Even if you weren't, what?" Merith demanded, angry now that he was blocking his own escape. She shook the door again, trying to shift him back. "Even if you were not to die, you would not want me? Would not seek to make me your wife? You ask me to be reconciled to your death but to do so would be to reconcile with my own. I will not, Finn."

  Finn felt his breathing stop and his heart sputter in his chest. He had never heard a declaration of love and intention. Never witnessed a woman of such strength, demanding more from him than simple surrender.

  As if the words could not stop now that they had begun to break free, Merith's eyes filled with unshed tears and her mouth began to tremble.

  "I love you."

  Like when they rode through that opening in the Mackay castle, it was as if time stood still, allowing Finn time to witness and cherish her next words.