Murder in the Palouse

by Frank Spellman

  “We are investigating … we have all the files and know of the evidence collected so far. Never have we failed in any mission we take on … and the truth be known, we will not fail with this one. My advice,” she said her voice raising in decibel level. “Just observe, keep your eyes open for rattlesnakes and we will take care of the fucking rest.”

  When the two men did not respond or attempt a counter-attack against the three women, Sue thought to herself that they must be intimated by women and were probably gay.

  Whoa, to all that, Jose, Paco, and Maria.

  The three women turned away from the men and began walking the trail.

  ********

  Meanwhile, Patch was fully recovered from his daymare and led the way as Brown Eyes, Mustang Sally and JoAnn followed him onto the trail leading to Staircase Rapids. Unlike Team 1 Patch’s team did not have any local representatives to meet with them. Most people in Washington State, even the wackoes in Seattle, knew that you did not mess with Patch and he especially liked chewing out and swallowing far left wingers even without an appetizer.

  It took the 4 of them about 20 minutes to arrive at the mass murder scene. The area was still roped off with police tape and hikers had to detour to their right down trail and to their left on the up-trail end; they noticed that apparently hikers were observing directions, which is very rare, indeed.

  Anyway, Patch and his team spent the better part of two hours inspecting the site. There was evidence of some heavy tobacco spitting; dry residue was stuck to a few rocks and an outcropping area. JoAnn found the first empty chewing tobacco pouch and Mustang Sally found another one. They used their tweezers from their belt attached forensics kit to pick up the empty pouch and place it into a zip-up sandwich bag and stored it away into their kits for examination later. Meanwhile Patch walked into the grassy area carefully, aware that rattlesnakes could be present. He walked right into the edge of a bare spot the size of a large wash tub and in the bare dirt he spotted a couple of shoe prints. He photo’d the prints and took measurements and recorded them into his notebook. He instantly recognized the prints; they were made by someone wearing Jack boots just like the boots he and his team members were wearing—they are great protection against rattlesnake attack.

  After scoping out the area twice, Patch signaled that they should head back to the SUV.

  They did.

  ********

  Team 3 consisting of Hell, L. and K. Lovey, Two Green Eyes, and Nelly drove approximately 15 miles along Washtucna Coulee before they arrived at the mass murder site; it was still roped off with police tape. The Coulee is a raged-edged, dry tech with 300-foot basalt walls rising above its arid, basalt-strewn channel bed—another heaven on earth region for rattlesnakes.

  They investigated and searched the roped off killing area for about 3 hours. Between them they found 2 empty chewing tobacco pouches and a couple of 30-caliber shell casings all of which they carefully picked up and packed into the sealable plastic bags.

  After agreeing that there was nothing else there to find, they hiked back to the SUV and drove on back to their motel in Pullman.

  ********

  They all gathered in the motel conference room at 1500. Sue presided as spokesperson as they laid their plastic bags on the long table and were enjoying their burnt bottom peanut butter cookies and Salty Dogs; Sue was imbibing too.

  “Well, glad we are back and safe to this point … I have inventoried your findings and we at least know a few things we did not know. First, seems like a whole bunch of tobacco chewing going on with the killers. We have substantiated this with the empty chewing tobacco pouches and in two locations dried up tobacco juice. We also found, where the rain had not wiped them out, Jack boot prints visible … several different sets and all the sizes were in the women’s range except for one size 12—I do not know of any woman with a size 12 foot; it is possible but unlikely.

  “So, I will send the physical evidence to the Pullman forensics lab for prints and DNA if it is present. Where that will take us, I do not know. My feeling is that they may have passed those tobacco pouches around to several different users, so we might get multiple prints. The DNA may be our best bet … we have several swabs of tobacco spit we were able to get from the dry residue … might be a huge help.”

  All of them absorbed what Sue told them while munching away on cookies washed down with Salty Dogs and after Sue had finished, they all agreed with her plans about the evidence.

  The problem was, Sue was not finished talking, informing them. She had received word from one of their FBI counterparts in Spokane who told Sue that another mass murder had occurred that morning while the Curmudgeons were investigating the other sites.

  Mary Hart, our FBI counterpart has informed me that another mass murder has occurred with 9 dead in gash in the southern wall of the Washtucna Coulee and the narrow corridor leading down to the Snake River. This area is known as Devils Canyon ... fairly close to a town called Kablotus. It is a small town of about 200 people. There is an old lakebed there; the lake has basically dried up due to years of drought. The murders took place at the north end of the old lake and near the trail the hikers were on. Apparently, the trail is popular with hikers but overall it is pretty isolated from what I have been told. Seems like the perfect place to commit murder.

  “Well, I guess we better prepare to go down there in force without Nelly who will take all the evidence to the Pullman lab and ensure that they analyze it immediately … and if they obtain results, DNA and/or fingerprints Nelly will run them through the various databases such as the Combined DNA Index System, CODIS and various databases for fingerprints. Whoever is committing these atrocities must have some kind of record somewhere,” Patch said.

  They all nodded agreement and Bessie Mae said, “Well, what’s the plan?”

  There was a moment of munching and sipping and then Patch suggested, “I think one team of me, Mustang Sally, Brown Eyes, Bessie Mae and Crockett and a follow-up team equipped with AR-15s and Magnums for K. and L. Lovey can drive on out of there in two SUVs to the town near the murder site and check it out while all is still fresh.”

  Sue asked, “What do you want the rest of us to do, dad?”

  “I want Hell and Two Green Eyes to accompany Nelly to the lab … want a Dr. near Hell just in case. And you and JoAnn should remain here and study what we have and what we know so far and when Nelly finds out anything at the lab she needs to contact you two here so you can start processing any info they discover … using CODIS and other databases.”

  Sue nodded approval of Patch’s plan and so did the rest.

  “We are burning daylight,” Patch said. “Let’s saddle up and get on the road. I think L. and K. Lovey should sit in their SUV when we arrive at the Devils Canyon Trailhead until we radio for you two to follow us … I say this because we are going to run into police investigators who might be a bit trigger happy if they spot K. and L. Lovey carrying their AR-15s … so, we, me, Brown Eyes, Mustang Sally, Crockett and Bessie Mae will go first and let the authorities know who we are and who is with us so they do not start shooting which would cause them to meet their makers … so to speak … and you know we are not into wasting law enforcement personnel because of a stupid mistake on our part.”

  “Let’s get to it,” Nelly said rising from the table and grabbing hold of the bag of evidence they had found.

  ********

  It turned out that Patch was correct in his assumption that law enforcement personnel investigating the mass murders at Devils Canyon would be a bit edgy and somewhat jumpy with regard to anyone not in uniform showing up at the murder site.

  When Patch and his team first arrived at the killing site, they met a Sheriff’s Deputy named Joe Clark and a plain clothes detective named Jane Sharp. When they first spotted Patch and his team, they greeted them with one hand on their holstered weapon and the other hand was raised signaling for Patch and team to stop. They did stop and waited to be questioned about their identity. Afte
r Patch introduced himself and his team and informed them that the armed Lovey sisters would soon join them, the law enforcement offices immediately relaxed and Jane Sharp smiled and greeted them with, “Well, we finally meet … Stonewall Jackson Patch and his Curmudgeons … it is an honor I am sure.”

  Patch smiled and thanked Sharp and replied that it was “Actually Bessie Mae Sowers,

  Debbie Crockett, Mustang Sally, Brown Eyes and soon L. and K. Lovey who are accompanying me and it is an honor for me to be one of their associates.”

  Whoa, it was not often that Detective Jane Sharp heard any man compliment his female associates; she immediately had the hots for Thomas Jonathan Stonewall Jackson Patch.

  “So, have you discovered anything interesting?” Patch asked.

  Deputy Joe Clark replied, “Not all that much. The bodies were hacked up, butchered and it took our medical people and other responders some time to collect body parts; they transported what they found to the morgue in Spokane.”

  Bessie Mae asked, “What about evidence … did you find any?”

  Without looking at Bessie Mae and instead looking directly at Patch (typical of many men to ignore the female in the group) Sharp replied, “Not all that much. One thing is certain; however, the male perps really like their chewing tobacco … we found several spots where fresh spit was deposited here and there.”

  “What the fuck makes you think the spitters are male?” L. Lovey asked holding her AR-15 at rest and standing in front of Clark.

  Joe Clark, taken aback by Lovey’s statement asked, “Pardon me, ma’am who are you?”

  “I am L. Lovey, Curmudgeon, and I do not chew tobacco but I have run across many women who have that filthy habit.”

  Now Clark changed his attitude and asked, astonished, “So, you are the person who road that horse down the hill at the Crazy Horse Memorial and killed those serial killers?”

  Patch spoke up, “Let’s stick to the problem here … L. Lovey is that person and we are proud of her and she happens to be an equal to all of us and maybe superior to and all and other men, period … and always will be.”

  On the mention of L. Lovey, her well known escapades, her equality as a Curmudgeon and the strong words of favor by her real-life hero Thomas Jonathan Stonewall Jackson Patch Detective Jane Sharp could feel an orgasm coming on; later she did just that—she experienced them in multiple fashion.

  Shit my kind of woman, Jose and Paco.

  Anyway, K. Lovey walked around in the tall grass staying alert for rattlesnakes but it was not a snake that got her attention. She turned and said, “Hey you guys, I have a body part here … looks like a severed arm … from a child.”

  Immediately all those present moved over to where K. Lovey spotted the body part. Bessie Mae Sowers reached down and lifted the severed child’s arm and said, “Shit, you assholes didn’t do a very good job of checking out this murder site … I wonder how many other body parts are still here.”

  Deputy Joe Clark, red-faced and obviously embarrassed said. “Hmmm, well shit…they did not do a good job … Sharp and me arrived after the search of the grounds and the rest … and I agree with Ms. Lovey that there is a lack of professionalism here…shit, totally.”

  “For sure,” piped in Detective Sharp (Yes, snowflakes sex was on her mind).

  Patch suggested that they all spread out into sectors or grids and to search for evidence and/or body parts.

  For two hours while the sun descended near the horizon (the Cascade Mountain Range) and darkness was making its way over the landscape, they finished their thorough search of each grid of the killing area. They did not stumble into any rattlesnakes but they made a few major findings.

  Their findings?

  They found several toes, fingers, two severed feet, one arm and what looked the one human nose but fortunately they did not find any rattlesnakes.

  K. Lovey also showed the investigators two discarded chewing tobacco pouches. She also held up a baggy of spent rifle shells.

  Patch told Joe Clark that his Curmudgeon team did not want the body parts but they did want the tobacco pouches and spent shell casings.

  Deputy Clark started to claim that he could not authorize the turning over of evidence to Patch but before he could finish his statement Detective Jane Sharp cut him off and said directly to Patch, “I will accompany you to the lab in Spokane if that is okay … and that way we locals will still be in control of the evidence.”

  Patch answered, “Sounds like a plan to me … a good one and you are welcome to accompany us to Pullman first so we can check in with our temporary headquarters there … and you can hold this evidence on your person until we can get it to the lab.”

  Detective Jane Sharp smiled and agreed with Patch’s suggestion. Deputy Clark who was smart enough not to argue with a strong woman reluctantly assented to her suggestion.

  Oh, sometimes men can be so smart, Jose and Paco. Sometimes, Maria.

  ********

  Nelly was pleased with the lab results. Well, at least the fingerprints they were able to obtain from the used tobacco pouches. She would have to wait a day or two for the DNA results from the tobacco spit … the spit had dried and the lab had to conduct additional technical steps to obtain a recordable DNA sample; that is, if there were any.

  Anyway, Nelly, Hell and Two Green Eyes returned to the motel around midnight and were the carriers of good news. They told the other sleepy-eyed Curmudgeons that the latent fingerprints positively identified two young women.

  The other two women?

  Darla Lee Mook is the first one identified. She is 24 years of age, from Seattle, Washington, a Graduate from Ballard High School and a close neighbor of the Patches who had not heard of her before now.

  Nelly explained that Mook had a rap sheet a mile long … well a couple of feet long, anyway. She had been arrested several times for shoplifting, stealing automobiles, raiding the girls athletes locker rooms in high school and stealing their shoes, clothing and money while they were in the gym or in the field practicing. She also was accused of raping two teenage girls but was never prosecuted because the families did not want to endure courtroom drama and the bullshit accompanying it (shit, can you blame them; remember, we are talking Seattle here—the home of democrat bleeding heart liberals, homegrown terrorists, shitheads and other assholes). If they had gone to trial the victims’ families feared that their daughter’s would be labeled the criminals and the criminal, Mook, the fucking victim.

  Blaming the victim is a fact of life in Seattle and other commie locations, Jose, Paco and Maria.

  The second person identified from latent prints is Debra Ann Chase. Chase is from Edmonds, Washington very close to Seattle. At 26 years of age she had only a scant criminal record but did include armed robbery of a gas station; she received 4 years in prison and served the whole sentence for bad behavior; she liked to beat up the other female prisoners.

  “I would like to get my mitts on that one…women who beat women should be wasted, for sure, “Hell said.

  Two Green Eyes, Hell’s faithful lover nodded agreement and pinched Hell on her big buttae.

  Sue asked, “Do any of the authorities have any idea where Mook and Chase are located at present?”

  “Well, they know Mook was in Spokane a few months back because she got caught shoplifting but the store manager let her off; he let her go,” Nelly said.

  “Shit, she probably gave the manager an air start (blow job for all you Snowflakes out their in stupid land),” Hell said.

  That could be true, Jose, Paco and Maria.

  Anyway, Patch said, “Okay, that is a start … do you have anything else for us now?”

  Nelly replied, “We should have the DNA results by as early as tomorrow or by no later than two more days.”

  Sue said, “Sounds pretty good … I just looked up Mook and Chase on the Internet they are listed with some background info and maybe a hint as to where they are … not surprisingly they might be close by somewhere her
e in the Palouse because they both talk about horseback riding near the Snake River.”

  “How stupid is that … to put personal info on the fucking internet … I bet those two bitches are on Facebook too … we need to look,” Hell said. ”And remember I want that woman beater all to myself … I will … I will … well shit, I will take care of her dumb ass, for sure.”

  Oh, we sure are glad we are not on Hell’s ‘take care of’ list, Jose, Paco and Maria.

  ********

  The DNA results were ready for pickup the next morning and Nelly, Hell and Two Green Eyes went up to Spokane to get them.

  Meanwhile the other Curmudgeons were in the motel conference room downing a few Salty Dogs; their breakfast of champions, so to speak.

  Detective Jane Sharp had stayed at the motel with the Curmudgeons. She instantly wanted to be one of them and she could not keep her eyes off her new hero: Thomas Jonathan Stonewall Jackson Patch.

  Sue, of course, noticed her attraction to her father almost instantly (as did the women) and she could not stop wondering why women were attracted to her father. She saw him as old, ancient, decrepit, hard-willed and related to a Utah Raptor. Well, in a softer light she also knew that he would protect her and the other Curmudgeons with his life … and for having no college he was one smart old timer … the emphasis on “old,” for sure.

  ********

  At 1300 Nelly, Hell and Two Green Eyes returned with the DNA results. They were all gathered in the motel conference room munching and crunching burnt bottom peanut butter cookies and a cucumber. They were chasing the cookies with Salty Dogs, of course.

  “Well, what do you have for us,” Sue asked Nelly.

  “Interesting … most of the DNA is indecipherable … except for one. The one was clear as day and will tell us a lot,” Nelly said.

  “For instance?” Bessie Mae asked looking at Nelly disparagingly.