I can be honest in family therapy?
“Gabe you know you can.”
Mom stress is not good for you. You and Dad need to start taking care of yourselves. I am thinking we can do family yoga and mediate. “That sounds like a good plan Gabriel.”
Good because I have found a few places and they specialize in trauma. I know it has been hard on you and Dad with Lily being missing. I have seen you isolate yourself, become depressed and blame yourself. I have seen the shock and your denial.
I sometimes hear you and Dad arguing blaming each other but what happened is not your fault or Dads’ fault. I know that you are in conflict because you and Dad have different grieving styles. That is only natural I do not want you or Dad to get a divorce. Mom there is no such things as the 5 stages of grieving everyone grieves differently. Please do not isolate me from you anymore. You have to eat, bathe and go back to work. Mom you need to get into a regular routine. Go to individual therapy if you must and continue the family therapy with me and Dad. Keep a journal, I have a journal. Write down all of your thoughts, feelings that you cannot say out loud. Talk to your loved ones about this, you have to let it out. We can establish a new family ritual and when Lily comes home, she can be included. Mom love never dies. Lily will be with us again.
Hi Dad!
You are so smart Gabe! I am so proud of you. Your mom and I will be fine we will get through this together as a family. We will do more together and from now on we will be eating dinner together. We will talk to you about Lily. I will answer the hard questions. You will no longer be ignored in this house! Your mother and I love you very much. I know that your mom and I are coping with this differently. It does not mean that we no longer love each other. I promise you mom and I are not getting a divorce. We are doing everything we can to keep us together. Gabe don’t ever feel like you cannot talk to us. We do not want you to feel isolated. We all need to have an open line of communication. If we all work together, we can get through this. I know it is going to be a long tough winding road. But I am not giving up on any of us. Including Lily, we will never stop looking for her. Now let’s eat this breakfast your mom cooked up for us. Mom, Dad I love you so much.
“We love you too!”
Dad I need you to stop drinking it is not going to ease your pain, or bring Lily home.
7
Patricia Flannery
Ever since my daughter Lily Rose was taken, I have not been the same. I find it hard to get out of bed in the morning. I am in constant pain, and fear. I feel like nobody understands me or if I talk about it, I am talking about it too much. Only another mother would understand the turmoil I have been facing. My life has been ripped to shreds.
My husband does not understand because we are not grieving the same way. I have this feeling of distain from him. He started drinking some after Lily was taken and it worries me. My son Gabe feels like he is a ghost in his own home. I have isolated my family, and my friends.
I am in so much pain. I do not know how to cope. How do I grieve in a healthy way? Is there such a thing? I know it is important for me to be allowed to show my grief. Sometimes I feel like I am on a roller coaster that I cannot get off of always up and down. Some days I feel good and then all of the sudden the sadness kicks in. I want to know how long this is going to last? Will it ever end?
I was in complete shock when Lily Rose was taken, then the shock turned into denial, disbelief and anger. I shut myself off from the rest of the world. I always feel agitated; I feel weak. I am always crying. I find myself engaging in meaningless activities. My thoughts are always preoccupied on Lily. I can never get her off of my mind. She is all I think about. I just feel like I am going through the motions of seeing family and friends. I feel angry when I see happy families together.
I feel guilty because I let Lily go out that night. I could have made her stay home. I am depressed and I dream of Lily every night. I have to take medication to help me sleep. I do not go into work. I cannot face a life without her. There are constant cameras around my family and I. News reporters, people taking our pictures. Why can’t they just let me be? I feel all alone and distant from the rest of the world.
I am told by some to let go but do not forget. I cannot let go when I know my daughter is alive and out there. I know that my friends are trying to help by telling me to practice the art of so be it. But they do not understand. How could they?
They want me to start the process of letting go. I am not letting go of Lily not yet. I do not believe in the five stages of grief I think they are bullshit denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I feel all of those things at once except for acceptance. I am so angry how dare these men shot Zack and take my little girl. Who the fuck do they think they are?
I cannot hurry or ignore my grief I must somehow find a way to acknowledge it. This has been such a heavy burden on all of us. It has been emotionally overwhelming, and physically draining. My spiritual being is starting to fade. I feel so helpless, and afraid. I fear these men have taken away my humanity. I am told I should learn new skills. Pick up new habits and adjust my life so I am not so focused on Lily. Sometimes I can’t even think clearly. I do not want to eat. I watch a lot of TV. I feel sick all the time, and I clean my home four times a day. I know that I have a long road ahead of me. I just do not think I have the strength to walk the road. I feel like God is testing me, and does not love me. I try to stay strong but I cannot be strong all the time. I thought if I ignored the pain of Lily being taken the pain would just go away. I must acknowledge my pain. I must seek out people who will support me. I must learn the triggers that can set my grief off. I have to support myself emotionally, and physically. I need to recognize the difference between depression, and grief. I need to start getting out again, and enjoy the life I have with my family. I miss my daughter so much I just want her home. I do not want to lose my family during this process. I need help!
I want revenge I want those men who took her to pay with their lives. They had no right to kill Zack and take Lily Rose from us! I have moments when I wish they would kill themselves in their jail cells. They will not tell anyone where they took Lily Rose anyhow. Let the mother fuckers hang themselves. They do not deserve to live.
I still remember the first time I felt Lily Rose move in my belly. It was the most amazing feeling I loved every second of being pregnant. The day she was born April 24, 1999 was the best day of my life. I finally got to meet the love of my life. She was perfect my husband and I were in awe. We had our family, and it was incredible. Lily was an easy baby she rarely cried. Getting her shots did not bother her, she would giggle when she was injected. Lily always had a smile on her face. She took her first steps at eight months old. She did not crawl she just started walking.
We never experienced the terrible two’s with Lily Rose. She was always dancing. Trying to sing and jumping from furniture to furniture. She started speaking in complete sentences at the age of one and she knew the alphabet, and could count to one hundred. She is very bright, she loves reading. She started to try to read on her own at the age of three. She was reading before she went into kindergarten. She is just a bright shining star. She loved Thomas the Tank Engine and had all of them. If you moved one of them, she knew. Her Father was also teaching her the periodic table of elements at eighteen months old. Her Father also taught her math, and about classical music from the start.
Lily Rose loves school she never wanted to miss it or God forbid we would be late. She started playing piano, and taking voice lessons when she was eight and she was a natural talent. I remember hearing Lily praying for a little brother one night. She said she needed a best friend. Lily has always been mine and Gabe’s best friend.
God, was listening to Lily Rose we had Gabriel August 26, 2003 and Lily was so excited to meet him. She promised him she would be the best big sister and his best friend always. Lily changed his diapers, fed Gabe and got up with him in the middle of the night. She was his little mother. She read to
him, and taught him so much. She watched over him like a hawk. She always promised him that she would keep him safe. We were blessed with these two marvelous children. We all had a great life. Uncle Mike and Aunt Dee were always Lily’s favorites. She loves her Grams and Gramps too.
Lily Rose is a gift from God. She was always open, and honest with her Dad, and I. She had no secrets. Even when she hit puberty. She had some issues but for us we kept an open line of communication. It was so important to us to be firm but fair. Lily Rose is smart we never questioned what she was doing. She intends on staying a virgin until she is married. I have to be honest I tried to warn her about the online world, and how dangerous it could be. She would tell me that she was always with someone, and she would be okay. I honestly wanted to keep her off of social media, but her father and I trusted her. She was not going out and meeting complete strangers.
One day Lily Rose brought Zack home and said Mom and Dad this is my boyfriend. We really liked Zack, he was polite, funny and Gabe was in love with him immediately. Gabe also told Zack that if he hurt his sister, he would kick his ass. Zack, and Lily were so special together. They encouraged each other and other kids to do the right thing. They are something the world needs more of. Zack had the biggest heart. He brought out the best in Lily. Lily is sweet, kind and would help anyone in need. She did not see that people could be bad, she only see’s the good. Lily thought everyone was a good person.
All her teachers, and the students love her, she is so down to earth, and funny. She strived for straight A’s in school and would not accept anything less than an A. She maintained a 4.0 grade point average because she wanted a future. She wanted nothing but the best for herself. When she turned 16, she asked for her work permit and her Father, and I agreed. She took a job at a fast food restaurant, and she loved it. Nothing is beneath her; she is great with the customers. Her boss and co-workers all enjoyed working with her. She could make anyone smile they could have been having the worst day in their life, and Lily Rose would lift them up. She would save her money from her job and donate some of it. She insisted on buying her own gown to Zack’s senior ball. She is a generous, beautiful soul. Lily is one of a kind.
She has never tried drugs, drank alcohol or even smoked. She has friends who do use drugs and asked her to try them. She told them no and told her Dad and I about it. We never had to worry if Lily Rose was making the wrong choices. She always came to us for advice, and listened to our advice. Lily Rose was not perfect all the time, but she tried her best to be the best kind of person she could be. She and Gabe would argue but they would always make up immediately. They liked to dress up like they were from the 1800’s and play around the house. They said it was like being transported back in time.
I wish that Lily Rose did not make everything public on social media. Lily Rose could be very naïve, and we tried to warn her that not everyone had her best intentions at heart. We tried to warn her that people could easily find her. She always told us that she was fine, and she could handle it. She would never be alone or meet anyone off the internet. All we had to do was trust her, and not do anything to ruin her trust in us.
Every year for her birthday she never asked for presents. All she asked was for her friends, and family to donate any charity of their choice. She never wanted gifts on Christmas all she wanted to do was help the less fortunate. She is not like this once a year, she is like this year-round. She is someone who wants to change the world for the better.
She would help feed the homeless, organize donations for food, clothing and blankets. She never judged them Lily Rose saw them as human beings in need. She would get her friends involved, Zack and our family. Her inner beauty outshined her outer beauty. Lily is drop dead gorgeous to begin with. She never acted like she is better than anyone. She would help people learn, and write English and visit sick children in the hospital Lily is pure love.
Lily always see’s the beauty in the world she is never in a rush. She is the type to stop and smell the roses. She takes time to admire the beauty around her. She loves our family vacations, being up in the mountains, and exploring the wildness. She likes the sound of the ocean, and the smell in the air. We took her to Texas, and found a flowering field, and Lily was just in wonder with it.
She said she had never seen anything so magical in her life. Lily loves being outdoors taking in life, and enjoying her life. She has so much love for everything. During the summers she would volunteer at animal shelters, and she loved taking care of the animals. She loves visiting her Grams, Gramps, Aunt Dee and Uncle Mike in Oregon.
I have never seen Lily really upset, or hurting. She just has a great attitude on life and is so good at putting others at ease. She doesn’t need to speak all she needs to do is hold your hand. She has a way with people, and is so comforting. I love her quirky personality; her laugh is contagious. When you get Lily really laughing, she snorts, and it is hilarious. She is bit of a nerd but, so much fun. She is smart, witty and good at everything she does. She will try anything new, and she is so adventurous. She loves to climb mountains, and I tell you she did not get that from me. She does not show her fear; she says fear is the worst because it builds walls. She also says you can overcome your fears. She is a forgiving soul, and so spiritual. Lily definitely has an old soul, and I love that most about her.
Our family is by no way perfect we argue, we fight, we curse but at the end of the day we all love and support each other. When we do fight, we make sure we do not go to bed mad at each other. My favorite part of our family unit was dinners together. It was so important to my kids that we ate together. We have family game nights, and even family movie nights. I am so proud of my daughter, there is no one like her in the world. I need to remember the good things about Lily I know that she is still alive. I know in my heart that she will one day be home. I know in my heart she would not want me to be sad. I also know she would never want me to give up. I will never stop searching for Lily.
I have to find a way to carry on. The worst part is not knowing. I hate not knowing if someone is hurting my baby. If she is being treated well? Is she being fed? I struggle with the what if’s? What if we monitored her internet access more? What if we did not allow her to go out on April 8? I drive myself crazy with these thoughts. None of this is fair. I feel like I am losing my family, and we need each other more than ever now. I feel so distant from everyone. I am isolated from my friends and family. I go out to the candle light vigils that Lily Rose’s friends hold for her, and Zack. I am there but my mind is not present. When my husband, and I go on the news I never speak. If I do than it makes it real, and she may never return. I cannot face that!
Even with Lily Rose missing she is bringing people together. She is great at getting others to set aside their differences. All she wants in life is to bring people together, she wants everyone to get along and love one another. Lily does not ask for too much.
I know wherever she is she is fighting. She will not give up and will find a way to escape. I know that she will never stop loving, she has a strong faith and belief system. I know Lily is planning to escape. I know this because she is a planner. This is how I know that she will be reunited with our family someday.
I have to think of Lily Rose in this light in order for me to carry on. I must remember her smile and her laugh. I will remember how kind, smart, funny, sweet and care free she is. The world needs to know what they are missing out on. Lily Rose is special she is so genuine, and honest. I love her so much; she has been my best friend since birth. I have to keep fighting for Lily Rose, Gabe and Patrick. I will reflect on Lily Rose, and never stop praying for her safe return.
Lily Rose’s friends, and Patrick organized such a beautiful vigil for her. They shared so much about Lily Rose, and her love for life. They shed tears for Lily Rose, and prayed for her return. They prayed for Zacks family, and friends. They all observed Lily Rose’s and Zacks life in such a loving way. They showed nothing but love for both Lily Rose and Zack. They want answers l
ike the rest of my family and Zacks family. They truly honored Lily Rose and Zack. My family, and I have had nothing but support from Lily Rose’s friends. They have worked tirelessly in order to bring my daughter home. They bring us food, and make sure we are okay. They visit with Gabe, and reflect about Lily Rose. They pass out flyers and update her social pages on a daily basis.
I need to be more present and focus on the positive. My family, and I are strong together, and we need to stay together. We need each other. We need the support groups, and I need to learn how to mourn in a healthy way. I need to start communicating again with the ones that I love. I do not want my son to feel like he does not exist anymore. The last thing I want to do is shut him out. I want him to be able to talk to me about Lily Rose. We all need to be able to talk about Lily Rose. I will not shy away from the world anymore, and I will not allow anyone to make me feel guilty for having a good day.
8
Carl Booker
When Brett Everly, and I went to Mrs. Bookers home we were not sure what to expect. By all accounts, Carl grew up in a loving nurturing home according to friends and neighbors. His parents were married for thirty-five years. Carl’s father Mark was a well-known Cardiologist and his mother Barbara is a CEO of a large company. Carl had a younger sister her name is Tina and a younger brother Gregg. Carl grew up in Pittsford, NY it is just outside of Rochester. He came from a well to do family. Carl lived in a mansion and had everything given to him. Carl attended medical school at the University of Rochester. He quit during his 6th year of residency Carl only had one more year to go. Carl’s dream was to become a Neurosurgeon. His family was shocked when they heard he had dropped out. Family, neighbors and friends thought Carl was a great guy with so much potential. Carl was hiding a lot of dark secrets.
Trafficking the Disappearance of Lily Rose Flannery: Based on Many True Stories Page 8
