Love Redesigned

by Jenny Proctor

  “Do I need to give you a minute to wake up?”

  She scrubbed her hands across her face one more time. “No, I’m good. Fully awake.”

  I sat on the side of her bed and launched into the information I’d learned from Angelica, explaining everything as best I could. I’d have to forward her the email, so she could see all the evidence for herself, but for now, it was incredibly vindicating just to know, to say the truth out loud.

  “Sally Mabel?” Dani repeated. “I never saw that coming.”

  “I wonder how long it took to train the Alabama Southern out of her voice,” I said.

  “No kidding,” Dani said. “I have a good ear for it, and I never caught even a shadow of a Southern accent from her.”

  “The dress is ready, right?” I asked her.

  She nodded. “I finished it right after Chase left. I had to so I could focus on the jackets.”

  I looked to the small sewing table she’d been using the past couple of weeks. Three of the four leather jackets for Red Renegade hung on a rack in the corner. “They look good.”

  “Thanks. I’m a little worried about fit. I mean, I had the band go into the Mood on Thirty-Seventh Street so my friend, Harper, could measure them for me, and I trust her measurements. But it’s not quite the same as seeing them in person, myself, you know?”

  “I’m sure they’ll be perfect.”

  “So I guess it’ll be a big couple of weeks,” Dani said, settling back against the headboard.

  “Right. The Compassion Experiment and then Florida a week later. I’ll start working on our travel arrangements tomorrow.”

  “Don’t forget about Paige’s wedding the week after that.”

  “Right. Your week will be busy. How’s all of that going?”

  She shrugged and rolled her eyes. “It’s been a little crazy. Paige’s mom is super committed to making sure the wedding is worthy of Charleston’s finest. She and Paige argued for ten minutes yesterday because the napkins arrived, and Ms. Perry doesn’t think they’re the exact shade of cream they need to be.”

  “Sounds . . . fun?”

  “If anything, it’s helped me realize what I won’t care about if I ever end up getting married.”

  “Like napkin colors?”

  “Absolutely not.”

  Dani stilled, the humor and lightness of the moment quickly transforming into something much more serious. She kept her eyes down for a moment before she reached out and touched my arm, her fingers resting lightly just above my wrist. “I know you have a lot on the line here. Thank you for everything you’re doing. For helping me.”

  I twisted my hand, closing my fingers over top of hers, and held her hand, my thumb rubbing slow circles across her knuckles.

  She looked up and met my gaze, her expression showing surprise, but she didn’t pull her hand away.

  “I’m happy to help,” I said softly. I swallowed, craving her in a way I hadn’t experienced in over a year.

  I tugged her hand toward me, a gentle invitation, and she leaned forward. Our foreheads touched and I moved my free hand to her face, cradling her cheek. “Dani,” I whispered softly.

  Her breath hitched and then she gasped just before a tear slid onto my fingers.

  She was crying?

  She tilted her head up, closing the fraction of space between us and pressed her lips against mine. Fire ignited inside me, overwhelming my senses until every heartbeat echoed the sound of her name. I couldn’t get close enough, couldn’t breathe in enough of her, touch enough of her. When she pulled away, breaking the kiss only seconds after it started, I stilled. Her shoulders dropped and her eyes closed, and I knew, immediately, what was coming.

  “I can’t, Alex.” She reached up and took my hand, still touching her cheek, and held it to her lips. She kissed my palm then dropped my hand and wiped at her tears. “I’m sorry.”

  I shook my head, my longing suddenly replaced with intense regret. We had only just begun to be friends again and I’d likely ruined everything. “Don’t, Dani. It should be me apologizing. I shouldn’t have—I’m sorry.” I stood and moved to the doorway.

  “Alex, wait.”

  I turned. She looked so small sitting alone in the middle of the large bed.

  “It isn’t that I don’t want—”

  “Dani, please,” I said, cutting her off. “You don’t owe me an explanation. It’s all right.”

  She closed her eyes and shook her head, pulling her bottom lip into her teeth. Everything about her expression spoke of how much she didn’t want to hurt me. But I realized with startling clarity how inevitable that hurt actually was. I’d never stopped loving her. And probably never would.

  Once outside, I leaned against the studio door, letting the cold air wash over my skin. I pulled it into my lungs, a pitiful attempt to quell the fire Dani had ignited in my gut. I tried to tell myself it wouldn’t ever work between us. We wanted different things, dreamed of different things. But my heart wouldn’t be convinced; the only thing my heart wanted was her.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Dani

  The flight to New York was mostly uneventful. The rest of the team wouldn’t fly up until the following morning, but I’d wanted an extra day to deliver the custom jackets to Reggie and the rest of Red Renegade; the jackets were, in my not-so-humble estimation, freaking spectacular, so I’d convinced Alex to book me an earlier flight. Instead of sending me on my own, he’d booked flights for Isaac and himself as well, mentioning some important meeting with the venue people they needed to attend. I was pretty sure there wasn’t actually a meeting, but I wasn’t going to argue.

  I leaned back into my first-class seat, a luxury Isaac had insisted on. “It’s a business expense,” he had said. “You’re flying first class with the rest of us, end of story.”

  I’d caved on the New York tickets, but I’d put my foot down when Alex had tried to upgrade our tickets to Key West. Even though Isaac was coming along, he was only coming as an accomplice to my evil plan. No matter how he stretched it, he couldn’t write off Florida as a business expense and there was no way I was paying for a first-class ticket. It had been hard enough letting him pay for my coach seat. The cash I’d had left over after buying the leather had been enough to cover a plane ticket, but I was so cash poor, I’d hated to spend it. Not if I wanted to keep my phone turned on and my credit cards in good standing. When Isaac had offered to loan me enough to cover my ticket, I’d relented.

  The list of money I owed my brother kept getting longer and longer. But I would pay him back. Somehow, I would get through all this madness, find a new job, and figure out a way to pay him back.

  My phone dinged from my bag, stashed under the seat in front of me, and I reached for it, remembering that I hadn’t yet switched it to airplane mode. Before I did, I opened my messages. There was a new text from Chase.

  Food for thought, the text read. Sasha has hired and fired two assistants since you left. Seems like she can’t find anyone as amazing as you.

  Ha. Maybe. Probably she just couldn’t find anyone as gullible as me.

  “What is it?” Alex said.

  I turned the phone so he could read Chase’s message. “From Chase,” I said.

  Alex’s eyes passed over the phone, then he nodded. “Interesting. What do you think it means?”

  I shrugged. “Probably nothing. It doesn’t really change our plans.”

  “It does make you feel good though, right? You were good at your job. Apparently irreplaceable.”

  I stashed my phone back in my bag and turned toward the window. Talking about Sasha, thinking about my time at LeFranc left me uneasy. It hadn’t been so hard in Charleston; I was removed enough that it had felt easier. Easier to breathe. Easier to forget. Now I was flying back to New York. To the city I’d dreamed of my entire life and then abandoned. I reminded myself that this trip wasn’t about me, which helped, but only a little.

  I said a silent prayer that our luggage wouldn’t get lost
somewhere between Charleston and La Guardia and took several deep breaths to try and settle my nerves. I generally loved flying. Was it Chase’s text that had me feeling so off-kilter?

  Alex shifted next to me, brushing up against my arm. I leaned into him, almost involuntarily, but then retreated back to the window. What was I doing? No, Chase’s text wasn’t the only thing messing with my head. Chase. Sasha. New York. Red Renegade. Alex. Paige. I leaned my head against the cool windowpane and closed my eyes. I was just shy of a complete mess.

  The past week and a half leading up to the Compassion Experiment had been fraught with more tension and awkwardness than I’d ever experienced before. Alex had been polite, gentle, perfectly respectful. But it had almost made things worse. He was acting on the assumption that I had stopped the kiss and sent him away because I didn’t want him. Which was the furthest thing from the truth. It had taken every ounce of my willpower not to scoot over and pull him right down beside me.

  But wanting him physically wasn’t the same thing as needing him. And as sure as I was that we still had chemistry, that I still cared about him, maybe even still loved him, I was too afraid to talk about it, too afraid of what loving him meant. Alex had made it clear he liked the Charleston version of himself much more than the New York version—that he’d never loved his life in the city.

  If I decided to go back to New York, to find a new job, would he go with me? Or would loving him mean giving it up? The flicker of a dream I’d imagined once before passed through my mind—a Charleston version of my future self that had stirred so much longing. I looked over at Alex, wishing I had the courage to take his hand, admit what I was feeling, admit how terrifying it all was.

  There were still too many questions, too many uncertainties tainting every one of my thoughts. I couldn’t make sense of anything without immediately second-guessing my certainty and starting the whole vicious cycle of doubt all over again.

  Of course, I couldn’t overlook Alex’s motives.

  Darius had suggested that Alex was helping me get Paige’s dress back because he still cared about me. But Alex’s relationship with the LeFrancs was even more complex than his relationship with me. His need to prove to Alicio that he’d been right about Sasha all along was intense, too intense to assume this entire shenanigan was only a grand gesture of love. It had never been that simple.

  I had to wait.

  Get through the wedding.

  See where everything fell after, well, after everything.

  The venue was a large warehouse space in Brooklyn, with tall ceilings and huge windows and a great view of the Statue of Liberty. The decorations felt like Christmas, but not in the cheesy Hallmark movie kind of way. No poinsettia. No mistletoe or fake fireplaces. Instead, it was a little more modern, a little more dressed down.

  The Christmas trees lining the stage were full of tiny white lights but didn’t have any ornaments on them. They really only served as a backdrop for the words. Oversized posters filled the venue, all displaying quotes about kindness and love and reaching out to others.

  Center stage, a huge wall of video screens displayed the Compassion Experiment logo and hashtag. Later, when the scavenger hunt was going on, the screens would show multiple live streams of the teams as they moved through the tasks on their list, racing to be the first one back to the party.

  It was pretty incredible to see it all shaping up the way Isaac and Alex had envisioned. Pride swelled in my chest and tears filled my eyes. I suddenly understood the Isaac that he’d always wanted to be. He’d always been brilliant, but I’d been stupid to think he could only use that brilliance one way. For the first time in a very long time, I was genuinely, intensely proud of all that my brother had accomplished.

  I crossed the street to the hotel where we’d stayed the past couple of nights and headed for the elevator. I pressed the button and waited, filling the time by pulling out my phone to make sure, for the billionth time, that the soundcheck with the band was going okay.

  Yesterday afternoon Alex had kept Isaac busy long enough for me to grab an Uber and take the jackets to Reggie’s apartment, where the entire band had gathered for a rehearsal. The jackets all fit as well as I had hoped, and they’d been genuinely pleased to receive them. Even so, I couldn’t shake my worry that something might still go wrong. I wanted to surprise Isaac almost more than I wanted to get back Paige’s dress. Something couldn’t go wrong.

  I’d ended up having to pull Vinnie and Tyler in on the surprise in order to make the soundcheck happen without Isaac finding out. On my own, I never would have gotten Isaac out of the venue long enough to get Red Renegade in. But then Vinnie had needed to buy some sort of splicing cable that the A/V company didn’t have and had roped Isaac into going with him. His performance was practically Oscar-worthy.

  Just before the elevator dinged, a text came in from Tyler letting me know that the band had completed their soundcheck and was sequestered in their private green room where they would remain until it was time for their performance. Isaac, he’d said, was on his way to the hotel to change. I breathed out a sigh. Everything was actually going according to plan.

  After my late-night conversation with Mom when she’d challenged me to consider Isaac with a new perspective, I’d spent some time thinking about the things she’d said. It hadn’t taken long for me to come up with my own list of the small ways I’d seen him bring joy to other people, his YouTube show notwithstanding. He was ridiculous in so many ways. And his fashion sense was completely nonexistent. And sometimes his inability to tone down the silliness left me completely exhausted. But I’d never given Isaac enough credit. He deserved for tonight to be a win in every way it possibly could be.

  The elevator doors dinged open as I slid my phone back into my purse. Alex stepped off the elevator.

  “Hey,” he said, the Southern lilt to his voice evident enough to turn the heads of the women waiting next to me.

  “Hi. I’m just going up to change.” I looked him up and down, trying not to dwell too long on his perfectly fitted suit or the intentional stubble lining his jawline. Maybe that’s what had caught the attention of the women standing next to me. I swallowed. “You look really nice.”

  “Thanks. Is everything set with the band?”

  I nodded. “Soundcheck is done and they’re in the green room.”

  Alex smiled. “You did good, Dani.”

  “I’m still nervous. You don’t think Isaac has figured it out, do you?”

  “I’m positive he hasn’t,” Alex said. “I’m not proud of how many lies I’ve told to keep him in the dark, but he doesn’t have a clue. He might be a little disappointed we don’t actually have Harris Town booked, but I think he’ll forgive me once he sees who is going to close the show.”

  The elevator had come and gone and then arrived again since we’d started talking. When the door slid open a second time, I stepped inside. “Going up,” I said awkwardly. Going up? I fought to keep a straight face despite my stupid comment.

  Alex nodded. “I’ll see you shortly.” He held my gaze with an intensity that nearly made my knees weak until the doors closed, cutting me off from view.

  A low moan escaped from somewhere behind me and I turned to find an older woman standing in the corner of the elevator, her handbag clutched to her chest. “To have a man look at me like that,” she said when we made eye contact. “I’d hold on to him.”

  I managed a smile. I’d tried that once before. Was it possible I wanted to try again?

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Alex

  I didn’t exactly have a reason to hang around the hotel lobby. And there were any number of things I could have done to keep busy across the street at the venue. But I had my phone on me. If anything were to go wrong, I’d know and could be there in a matter of seconds. That argument worked for a solid twenty minutes before I nearly caved, deciding I couldn’t wait any longer before checking in with Isaac in person. But then the elevator doors dinged open and I’d nev
er been so happy to have wasted twenty minutes playing Ball Blast on my phone.

  Dani stepped off the elevator, wearing a red dress that both hugged and flowed at the same time, flattering her figure in an understated, classy way. I’d spent time enough around women who dressed in a way that begged for attention; that wasn’t Dani. She exuded confidence, poise, elegance.

  She smiled as she approached in a way that filled me with hope. She’d pushed me away, and I respected her need to do so. But maybe she wouldn’t push me away forever. “You’re still here,” she said.

  “Yes.” I slipped my phone into my pocket. “I realized I hadn’t yet defeated level one hundred and twelve on Ball Blast and it really felt important that I take care of that. Now. Here. In the lobby of this very elegant hotel.”

  She raised an eyebrow and I shrugged. “It seemed like an appropriate location for such an important task.”

  “I’m sure.” Her eyes said she completely understood why I was still around, but they also said she didn’t really mind it.

  “You look beautiful.”

  Her eyes dropped to the floor, but only for a moment before she met my gaze head-on. I’d always loved that about her. She never shied away from a compliment. “Thank you. I thought the dress felt like Christmas.”

  “Ah, see? I had the same thought.” I motioned to my red and green striped tie.

  “I noticed that earlier,” she said. “Very festive.” She motioned to the front doors of the hotel. “Shall we?”

  As we turned, we both froze, until Dani reached over and gripped my hand. Sasha and Alicio, as well as Gabriel and Victor, were directly in front of us, not ten yards away.

  “What are they doing here?” Dani asked, her voice strangled and small.

  “Having a family dinner, apparently.” The restaurant in the hotel lobby was nice enough to warrant their patronage, but still. What were the odds?

  Dani dropped my hand, and slipped an arm around my waist, turning me slightly so she could lean up on tiptoe and whisper in my ear. “We’re together, all right? Dating again. Desperately in love. And we can’t wait to see them at the wedding next week.”