Unlearning Meditation: What to Do When the Instructions Get in the Way
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Its emptiness becomes more and more apparent. Because you are seldom doing anything in meditation, your mind experiences stretches of being empty of doing. Because rarely is anything added to your experience, your meditations become empty of instructions, strategies, goals, and judgments. Because nothing is being subtracted from your experience, your meditations include all that would naturally be present in your mind, and as such, your mind becomes empty of avoidance and self-deception.
What captures your attention begins to hold your interest in a more sustained way. You can stay with it, even though it may hurt to do so, waiting patiently, not for it to go away, but for an exploration into the dependently arisen nature of the experience to begin. You may find that the quality of interest while meditating feels calm and steady, unlike something driven by desires, which is nourished by each new discovery on how things came to be in your life.
Your mind goes into so many different states of consciousness—from a full range of degrees of wakefulness to levels of samadhi and modes of sleep—that you can no longer believe that only one state of mind is optimal, true, or real. The whole of the human mind in all of its great variety is now your arena, and you can go from the heights to the depths and all that is in between with a sense of confidence that what you experience, see, and know are constructions of the mind and are no more true or real than that.
And when you wonder if there is some instruction you must do, some state of mind you should generate, or some truth you must realize, you can pause and look into those thoughts without having to believe them. You are not going to be turned away from your own path so easily again. You have developed greater trust and confidence in the meditative process, which is none other than trust in the path of inner awakening, otherwise known as the Dharma.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
This book has had a long genesis, with many individuals participating in its development in a variety of ways. It started in 1998 after I showed Jeremy Tarcher (founder of Tarcher Press) some of my writings on meditation, and he encouraged me to write a book. The title “Unlearning Meditation” came out of the several conversations we had. I wish to thank him for his support and counsel in the creation of the first version of the manuscript and for his believing in the value of this book.
The original 1999 version of Unlearning Meditation was dedicated to a dear friend, student, and colleague, Gordon Smith, who passed away in 2006. Gordon helped me establish the Skillful Meditation Project, served as the treasurer, and provided financial support for the organization at critical times. Many of my students from the early 1990s fondly remember Sunday afternoon sittings at Gordon’s house in the hills of Mount Washington, situated between downtown Los Angeles and Pasadena.
My wife, Jacquelin, who has been in my life since before I left for Nepal (she followed three months later), helped behind the scenes with the writing of this book, and she read it in her accustomed thorough manner. Her observations and suggestions have clarified many passages that otherwise might have been misinterpreted.
Dave O’Neal, senior editor at Shambhala Publications, brought my work to the attention of Shambhala Publications and has shepherded it from the initial proposal to the final draft. His care and understanding are evident throughout the book.
Over the past decade I have been training people to teach Recollective Awareness Meditation. The first person I trained as a teacher is Ron Sharrin, who is a psychotherapist and longtime Buddhist meditator living in Topanga Canyon, California. He attended one of my retreats in 1996 and I began teaching him how to teach this approach to meditation in 1999. Mary Webster, who lives in Spokane, Washington, followed a couple of years later, and she is unique in that I was her first meditation teacher almost fifteen years ago. Another longtime student, Linda Modaro, has been studying meditation with me for the past decade and primarily teaches in Santa Monica. Nelly Kaufer has been teaching meditation for nearly twenty years in the Portland area and for the last five years has been working with students in this approach. Dan Nussbaum is a teacher who leads groups in Los Angeles. Greg Bantick, who has a long history of meditation practice, is another teacher I have trained. We met on my first trip to Australia in 2004 and he now teaches this approach to groups in Brisbane and Northern New South Wales.
There are several meditation teachers in Australia who have more or less adopted this approach to meditation, though some of them may blend it with other forms of meditation. I would like to mention Winton Higgins in Sydney, Victor von der Heyde in Sydney and Brisbane, Anna Markey in Adelaide, Jenny Taylor in Alice Springs, Eoin Meades in Brisbane, John and Bobbi Allan in Lismore, Ken Golding, Barry Farrin, Nique Murch, Marc Wilson, Betsy Faen and Malcolm Huxter. I would like to express special appreciation for my dear friend and traveling companion Eoin Meades. We visited Sri Lanka in 2005 and Tibet and Nepal two years later. Eoin has been encouraging me to write this book for several years. There are many folks in Australia I would wish to thank for their kindness and generosity. One person in particular, who has been my host in Sydney, is Paul Frischknecht.
Many of my students over the years have assisted in a variety of ways in the preparation of this book. I would like to thank Larry Heliker, Len Follick, Deborah Wozniak, Baljinder Sahdra, Sue Lucksted, Anna Delacroix, Brian Bush, Adrienne House, David Clark, Brad Crampton, Tatiana Melnyk, and Paul Freedman. Others who have helped me include Grady McGonagill, Sarah Conover, Cynthia Schroeder, and Karen Hastings. Also, I would like to acknowledge Peter Mackie of Sydney, Australia, for allowing me to use his creative journal entries. There are also many other students whose presence has contributed to the thought and writing of this book. I offer them my gratitude.
I would like to thank Mu Soeng and Andrew Olendzki, the codirectors of the Barre Center for Buddhist Studies, where I teach a weekend retreat every year. Over the last couple of years I have also led retreats at Cloud Mountain Retreat Center in Washington state, and would like to thank Dhammadasa for inviting me to teach there. Various Vipassana communities have also invited me teach workshops and retreats over the years. I wish to thank the Spokane Vipassana Meditation Community, Santa Fe Vipassana Sangha, the Albuquerque Vipassana Sangha, the White Heron Sangha, and the Bluegum Sangha.
I tend to refine my ideas in four distinct ways. One is through my own contemplation. The second is by writing down my thoughts. The third is by giving talks on retreats. The fourth is through in-depth conversations with colleagues. Most of my colleagues are teachers I have trained, but there are others who are Dharma teachers, educators, and writers I have had the good fortune to spend some concentrated time with. The late Nyanaponika Mahathera, author of The Heart of Buddhist Meditation, greatly influenced my subsequent reflections on the Mahasi method during the two conversations we had when I was a monk in Sri Lanka. When I came back to the States in 1990, I was fortunate to have Dharma conversations with the late Ratanasara Mahathera, and later with the eminent Sri Lankan Buddhist scholar, Dr. Ananda Guruge. I would like to express my gratitude to Stephen Batchelor, Ken McLeod, William Waldron, Tony Duff, and Joseph Goldstein for the engaging discussions we have had over the past few years. The person I regularly exchange ideas with is my dear Idyllwild friend Sam Crowell.
The generous support of my students over the years has provided me with enough financial security to take the time to write. Their donations to the Skillful Meditation Project have made this book truly possible. I wish to give special thanks to the late Gordon Smith (and his brother Greg), Mary Renard, Nancy Holt, and Wayne Chavez.
Lastly, I would like to express appreciation for my teachers, mentors, and friends during the period of my nine years in South Asia, and the first few years of my return to the United States. First, I would like to mention the teachers at the Campus of International Languages in Kathmandu from 1982 to 1986, the monks at Kanduboda Meditation Center in Sri Lanka from 1987 to 1988, the monks at the Island Hermitage from 1988 to 1990, and the late Godwin Samararatne at the Nilambe Meditation Center, where I taught
meditation for six months in 1989. I would like to mention the teachers, students, and staff at Ryokan College from 1991 to 1992, and my supervisors and fellow psychotherapy interns at the Saturday Center for Psychotherapy from 1992 to 1994, all of whom were a great help to me upon my return to Los Angeles. From that period in my life I would also like to acknowledge Dr. Jock Hearn, a Zen monk and psychotherapist, who showed me the possibilities for a young Buddhist ex-monk teaching the Dharma in the West.
Jason Siff
Idyllwild, California
November 2009
INDEX
Note: Index entries from the print edition of this book have been included for use as search terms. They can be located by using the search feature of your e-book reader.
Abhidhamma (Abhidharma)
absorption
agitation
anger
anxiety
attachments
attainments
attention
paying
shifting
author’s story
awareness
present-moment
pure
regarding samadhi
of thinking
whole body
widening
See also recollecting
behavior
beliefs
in pure experience
in self
in transcendence
See also views
Bhikkhu Bodhi
bodily sensations
painful
pleasant
See also feelings; tingling
breath meditation
at abdomen
natural breath
at nostrils
Buddha
Buddhism
practices of
practitioners of
Theravada
Tibetan
Zen
calming the mind
calm states
awareness in
describing
See also drifting off; samadhi; tranquillity
Chödrön, Pema
choice
choiceless awareness. See Vipassana meditation
compassion
concentration
difficulty with
ease of
concepts
embedded
function of
conceptualization
transformative
conditions
being right
creating right
not being right
conduct
conflicted process
confusion
connected experiences. See unifying experiences
connected process
consciousness
contact points
control
craving. See also wanting
critical thinking
curiosity
daydreaming
dependent origination (dependent arising). See also conditions
desire. See craving
detachment (distance)
Dharma
disappointment
discernment
discipline
distractions
doctrine
doubt
drifting off
Dzogchen
effort
ego
eightfold path
elements
emotions
intense
See also feelings
energy
exploration
explorative process
failure
fantasies
fantasizing. See daydreaming
feelings
pleasant
repetitive
underlying
unpleasant
See also bodily sensations; emotions
flexibility
frustration
generative practices
generative process
gentleness
God
Goenka, S. N.
gratitude
Grimes, John
guilt, meditator’s
habits
happiness
harmony
hindrances
hypnagogic states. See also drifting off
hypnosis
ideals
images. See mental images
imaginings. See also daydreaming; fantasies
impasses
around instructions
definition of
impatience. See also agitation; restlessness
impediments. See also hindrances
impermanence
inadequacy
insight, path of
insomnia
instruction-centered practices
instructions. See meditation instructions; meditation practices; Recollective Awareness Meditation
intentions
interest
internal dialogues
rehashing conversations
rehearsing
with your meditation teacher
interpretation
investigation. See also exploration
jhana. See also samadhi
journaling
instructions for
joy
judging
karma
knowledge
labels
language
laziness
learning
letting go
liberation, final
loneliness
lucid dreaming
lust
Mahasi method
Mahathera Narada
Manjusri
mantra meditation
McLeod, Ken
meditation
assumptions about
common perception of
goal of
guided
promise of
meditation instructions
contradictions in
loosening around
meditation practices
traditional
Eastern
meditative process, the
theory of
meditative states, hierarchy of
meditators, beginning
memories
painful
pleasant
repetitive
mental constructs
building
models
mental images, visual
colors
lights
moving
random
metaphors
metta (loving-kindness)
mindfulness. See also awareness; Mahasi method
mind-wandering
monkey mind
monks
morals
multilinearity
naming
narratives
personal
Nepal
non–taking-up
non–taking-up process
nonself
no-self
objects
concentration
mental
primary
sense
Om
Oneness. See unifying experiences; transcendence
optimal states
out-of-body experiences
Pali language
path
patience
peace
perception
planning
pleasure
meditative
sensual
posture
lotus
sitting
predicaments
problem solving
psychology
qualities
realization
receptive process
receptivity
recollecting
effects of
Recollective Awareness Meditation
basic meditation instructions
guidance for the breath
guidance for drowsiness
<
br /> guidance for emotions
guidance for thoughts
regret
rejection
relaxation
religion
reminding
resistance
restlessness
restraint
Revata, U
rhythm
rules
samadhi
pre-jhanic
samatha
Satipatthana Sutta
Sayadaw, Mahasi. See also Mahasi method
self
self-structures
sense impressions
shame
Shikantaza
silence
similes
skillfulness
sleep
sleepiness
space
between thoughts
interior
spaciousness
Sri Lanka
stillness
stories. See narratives
stream-enterer
structured meditation practices. See also instruction-centered practices
struggle
surrender
teachers
influence of
role of
teachings
Buddhist
Hindu
questioning
techniques
tension
texture
themes
thinking
allowing
constant (repetitive)
dying down
nonsensical
verbal
See also internal dialogues
tightness
tingling
tolerance
developing
of emotions
of painful sensations
results of
training
trance states
tranquillity. See also calm states
transcendence
transformation
transformative conceptualization, theory of. See conceptualization
transitions
primary
secondary
truth
trust
unifying experiences
unlearning meditation
definition of
previous practice
validity
views. See also beliefs
Vipassana
body scanning
choiceless awareness
Goenka’s style of
meditation
meditators
noting “rising and falling,” (see also Mahasi method)
visual field
visual images. See mental images
visualization
vows
vulnerability