Not a Player (Laketown Hockey Book 1)

by A. J. Wynter

  Groaning, I leaned forward and rubbed my lower back. I was too young to feel this sore, but too many body checks will do that to a player.

  The package was small, and my name and address were handwritten – it clearly wasn’t from a store. I ripped it open and my gold coin slipped out and spun on the glass table. I shook the package and a folded unsigned note slipped out. My hands were shaking as I picked it up and read the note:

  You never needed it.

  Chapter 34 – Jessie

  Vanessa zipped up the black spandex bodice of my long program dress. I shook my hands and then patted at the flyaway strands of hair that had defied my helmet of hairspray. I heard the announcement of Aimee Mathurst’s marks and the audience erupted in screams of delight. She was a fellow Skating Academy student, and outside of the rink, a friend – but tonight, she was my foe. The top two skaters from the Regionals would advance, one step closer to Nationals to fight for one of the coveted team spots.

  The past two weeks had been hell on my mind and my body. I glanced at my beige tights in the mirror, wincing as I touched my hip. I hoped that the purple bruise on my hip wouldn’t show through the fabric.

  “Fix your eyes,” Vanessa ordered and handed me a tube of liquid liner. I pulled my eyelid tight and tried to keep a steady hand, darkening the cat eyes that was part of my Swan Lake costume. The girl that looked back at me was someone that I knew well – a skater. I couldn’t believe that I had lost sight of her – for a hockey player.

  That’s what he was. A player – and a skilled one at that.

  Just like skating helped me through my parent’s accident, it had gotten me back on my feet after Kane’s betrayal.

  “You have a visitor,” Vanessa said. I opened my mouth to object, but she had already opened the door – and I saw his goofy grin wide behind a bouquet of roses.

  “Hi, Dyl.” I hadn’t seen him since I high tailed it out of Laketown, but we had talked every day.

  “Wow. You look scary.” He kissed me on the cheek and handed me the flowers.

  “Thanks.” I was about to lob the insult right back at him but couldn’t. Dylan’s eyes sparkled; his skin was golden – he looked the healthiest I had seen him in years. “But you’re supposed to give me these after the performance.”

  “You know I don’t follow the rules.”

  That’s when I noticed that he was wearing his Otters’ jacket. I pointed to the logo on his chest, “I thought you were going to get kicked off the team.”

  “Me too,” He said. “It turns out that Coach gives second, even third chances.”

  “Good. It will keep you out of trouble,” I smiled.

  “Never,” he laughed.

  “Jessica. It’s time.” Vanessa gently squeezed my forearm.

  “I’m out of here. Good luck, kid. Nail the fuck out of that flutz,” he yelled and strode out of the dressing room.

  “Quite the character.” Vanessa fluffed the feather skirt of my costume. “Aimee skated well, but she doesn’t have the axel.” My coach transformed back to business and squeezed both of my wrists; her brown eyes locked on mine. “Breathe. Be Consistent. Just like practice.”

  I nodded, pulled my shoulders back, and flicked the switch. All the sounds from the arena dulled to a buzz around me. The audience turned into a sea of color; the announcers voice garbled in the background. A man in a headset opened the door to the ice surface and the second my blade hit the ice; I knew I was going to nail it.

  After my name and skating club were announced, and I took my place at center ice, the arena went silent. The violin’s opening notes sent my body into autopilot, and I opened with a triple toe, triple toe combo – and stuck the landing. The rest of the program was the most flawless skate of my life, but the lutz was still coming up.

  I gathered speed and set up for the jump, my foot poised beside the gliding skate, and I don’t know why, but before I reached out to stab my pick into the ice and launch me into three full rotations, I looked to the audience. Dylan was on his feet, his arms up in the air, and beside him – Kane.

  Already in motion, I couldn’t stop the momentum, and I pulled my arms in tight, praying while the arena spun around me once, twice, three times.

  It was too much – I was too far back on the landing. The heel of my free skate dug into the ice and I knew I was going down. I slid about twenty feet, leaving a cleared swath on the ice.

  Dammit.

  The audience gasped collectively. I squeezed my eyes together tightly, and as I had done so many times before, sprang up from the ice and launched into my finishing spin – a flying camel.

  The audience clapped and cheered, and I brushed the snow off my bruised hip as I skated off the ice. Even though I hung my head in failure, cellophane-wrapped roses littered the ice – obviously, the fans didn’t agree with me.

  Vanessa was waiting for me in the ‘kiss and cry’ section. The qualifiers were televised, and I tried to look away as the camera zoomed in tight to my face. Viewers would’ve seen tears, but they wouldn’t have known that they were tears of anger. How dare he show his face here? Tonight. At the most important competition of my life.

  But, why did I look?

  “You broke focus,” Vanessa whispered as we waited for the marks.

  “I know.”

  She patted my hands. “It was a good skate, Jessica.” Up until the lutz, she was right. “You’re going to get a deduction for the fall, but I think that the axel will make up for it.”

  I nodded and trained my gaze on the scoreboard. The audience cheered as the numbers came up. “It’s a good score.” Vanessa seemed to relax beside me, but I wondered if it was good enough.

  Then the standings were posted.

  First place – Aimee Mathurst, Second Place: Jessica Moss, Third: Katherine Travis.

  “You did it.” Vanessa squeezed my hand.

  I should’ve been ecstatic. I squeezed back, handed the flowers to Vanessa, and walked past the TV cameras into the quiet of the warmup area. Yes, I had made it one step closer to my Olympic dream, so why didn’t I feel anything but sadness?

  The medal ceremony was scheduled for later that evening and I sat to undo my skates.

  “This is for you.” Vanessa held out a small envelope – the kind that comes with flowers.

  “What’s this?” I asked.

  “I told your brother it was better if you got this after your skate. Not before.”

  She pressed the tiny envelope into my hand. It was heavier than I expected. As I ripped it open, I knew exactly what was in it. The flowers weren’t from Dylan, I should’ve known he wouldn’t have bought long stem red roses, they were from Kane. I pulled out the card and left the heavy gold coin in the envelope. I had never seen Kane’s writing before, and it was exactly what I expected – barely legible.

  Beijing 2022. Take this with you.

  I turned the card over. He hadn’t signed it, but who else could have written it? Was it an apology? Why the hell would I want his damn coin? To remind me of my first real heartbreak every time I looked at it? I shook my head and shoved the card back into the envelope and zipped it into the pocket of my warmup jacket.

  “Meet you back here at nine for the medal presentation.” Vanessa disappeared behind the curtain. I shoved my skates into the bag and carefully got out of my dress and into my warmup suit.

  “Good luck,” I smiled at the pairs couple who were scheduled to take over my dressing room. “It’s all yours.” I pulled the curtain back and gestured to the cordoned off room.

  “Thanks,” the duo, who I recognized from the Academy, chorused.

  I wheeled my skating bag behind me and draped my garment bag over my shoulder. My phone chimed three times in succession and I ignored it. Making my way through the crowd, I heard it sound again and again. I joined the other members of the Academy who were seated behind the judges stand, opposite the arena from where I’d spotted Dylan and the asshole.

  “Great performance, Jess.” Jack, one of
the male skaters stood up to let me pass by. I took a seat next to him and watched the couples warming up for the pairs event. My phone chimed again. And again.

  “Are you going to get that?” Jack raised his eyebrows at me.

  “Oh, sorry. I guess it is annoying.” I pulled the phone out of my pocket and clicked it to silent.

  “You think?” Jack smirked and then reverted his gaze to the ice surface. I studied that ice surface and every skater as if I was going to be given a test. There was no way I was going to look up at the stands or try to find my brother. My blood was boiling. Dylan knew what Kane had done and he brought that cheating asshole onto my turf.

  The first flight of skaters finished, and the Zamboni took to the ice. The driver was sporting a tuxedo complete with tails and a bow tie. There was no way Andy would’ve ever been seen in an outfit like that. I sighed. One of my biggest regrets was leaving Laketown without saying goodbye or thanking Andy. Without him, I wouldn’t have been able to keep up my skills. Without him, I wouldn’t be stepping onto the podium here today.

  “Excuse me, pardon me. Yes, you, get out of my way.” Veronica’s British accent, posh yet rude at the same time caught my attention. My coach was making her way towards me. She was pretty much a celebrity in the skating world, and everyone moved out of the way to let her through, like the seas parting. She dropped into the seat beside me. “You didn’t answer my calls.”

  Shit. I had assumed that it had been Dylan blowing up my phone.

  “Oh shoot. The ringer must be off.” I pulled out my phone and made a show of turning up the volume. Jack rolled his eyes. “What’s going on?” I asked. I had missed five calls from her.

  “There’s something we need to talk about.” Her voice was stern.

  “Okay...”

  “Not here.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me from my seat.

  The second flight of skaters had started, and I could hear Vivaldi’s Four Seasons from speakers above the ice surface. “What’s going on?” I was totally confused but let her pull me up the arena’s stairs and into the lobby.

  “I’m fine, Coach,” I said. “I’m good now.”

  “Now?” she raised her eyebrows. She led me to the wooden benches underneath the viewing windows and we sat.

  I huffed out all the air in my lungs. I didn’t want to have this conversation with Veronica. “You’re my coach, not my therapist.”

  “Same thing. Your performance was impacted tonight, and we need to figure why and how to stop that from ever happening again.”

  “There was this guy, back in Laketown...”

  “You lost your focus because of a man.” She pursed her lips.

  I thought that she was going to lose her mind, but she didn’t seem upset or even surprised. “They can do that to you.” She smiled to herself as if remembering someone, or something.

  “Anyway, I thought I was over it and then he showed up here tonight.”

  “I know,” Veronica said. “I told him to stay away until after your skate.”

  “That’s why you took the envelope.”

  “Yes.” She pursed her lips and nodded.

  The envelope sat heavily in my pocket, weighed down by its contents.

  “We were going to wait until after the medal ceremony, but I think it’s important that we break this news to you now.” In an uncommon show of affection, Veronica took my hand in hers.

  “Boys,” she said loudly. Dylan and Kane appeared from around the corner. I tried to pull my hand from Veronica’s, but she held on with a death grip. “Just listen,” she said and then patted my hand. I gripped the edge of the bench and gritted my teeth.

  “Jess. I’m so proud of you,” Dylan smiled and opened his arms out for a hug.

  I remained seated.

  “What are you doing here?” The question was directed at Kane, but Dylan answered.

  “Watching you skate?”

  “Not you.” I narrowed my eyes at Kane.

  “You.”

  Chapter 35 – Kane

  If someone had told me that Dylan Moss was going to become one of my closest friends, I never would’ve believed them, but over the past few weeks, that’s exactly what happened. I had convinced Coach that the Otters’ offensive line would have a gaping hole in it if Dylan got kicked off the team. And if it wasn’t for him, I’d still be drinking away my sorrows. Was I trying to keep Jessie close by spending time with Dylan? Maybe, but I never asked him how she was doing. He dropped those morsels of information on his own.

  Dylan, of all people, stopped me from drinking myself into oblivion every night, and it was Dylan and my father who came up with the plan that would bring Jessie back to Laketown. I just needed to talk to her, to get close enough to make it happen.

  But she wouldn’t take my calls and that’s when Dylan offered to take me to the competition.

  Her Swan Lake program was the longest I’ve ever gone without breathing. I don’t know the names of all of her jumps, but I do know the lutz – and when I saw her leading into it every muscle in my body was tense. She had hit every jump in her program, and I had never seen her look so radiant, so in her element. Tears welled up in my eyes as I watched the woman I loved, doing what she loved, and fucking killing it.

  When she skated, she went into what we both called ‘the zone’. I winced as she looked into my eyes right before she jabbed her toepick into the ice; I knew that she’d lost her concentration.

  “Dammit,” I whispered as she slid across the ice.

  “Shit,” Dylan said beside me.

  She got up just as fast as she’d fallen and finished off her program with that fancy leg out spin that I really liked.

  Her face filled up the video screen and the intensity in her eyes as she watched the scores made my heart feel like it was ripping in half. Could I have ruined everything for her? First, I hurt her; I sent her away, and now, I distracted her when she needed all of her focus.

  The announcer read the marks and then the standings were posted. Dylan started screaming and jumping up and down beside me. “She did it,” he yelled.

  I looked at the rankings. “She got second,” I said.

  “It’s the top two who go,” Dylan hooted and clapped his hands as the names were read over the loudspeaker.

  “Come on.” He slapped my leg. “Let’s go find her.”

  “Maybe you should be the one to tell her.” I didn’t stand.

  “Get up.” He smacked me again. “Put on your big boy pants.”

  We searched that damn arena for at least an hour. Dylan called and texted, but Jessie wasn’t answering her phone.

  “Dylan.” The voice that shouted his name was loud. We turned and saw Jessica’s coach, Veronica walking towards us like an enraged momma bear. “You were supposed to wait until after she skated.” She pointed her blood-red fingernail at me. “That could’ve cost her everything.”

  “I’m sorry. I just really wanted to see her skate. I shouldn’t have come,” I said.

  “What’s done is done. I think that she will be open to the plan, but I’m not going to be the one to break it to her. That’s up to you Mr. Fitzgerald.”

  NOW, HERE DYLAN AND I were, hiding behind the snack bar, waiting for Veronica to lure Jessie out into the open where we could talk to her. We all knew, including Veronica, that Jessie would never agree to speak to me. It seemed tawdry, but we had to trick her – and the coach was in on it.

  “What are you doing here?” she repeated. “Dylan, why did you bring him here?” Her voice shook.

  “Jess.” Dylan sat down beside his sister. “Please just listen to him.”

  Her eyes softened at her brother, but when she turned to me, they narrowed. “What do you want?”

  “Jess. You didn’t return my calls.”

  “So?”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry isn’t going to cut it, Kane Fitzgerald. You slept with someone else.”

  “No, he didn’t,” Dylan interrupted. “I told him
to say that. If you want to get mad and throw someone out of your life it should be me, not Fitzy.”

  “Is that true?” Her eyes were wide. “Why would you do that?” She looked back and forth between Dylan and me.

  I sat down beside her and tried to take her hand, but she pulled it away and held it herself. “We wanted to make sure you went back to the Academy. We didn’t want you to ruin your life, to stay in Laketown, when you truly belong on the ice.” A lump was forming in my throat. “Jessie, you were beautiful out there.” I tried to take her hand and again, she ripped it from me.

  “You two decided what was best for me.” Her voice was guttural.

  “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, Jess.” My voice wavered and I tried to hold it together.

  She stood up. “It was shitty.” She pointed to Dylan and then to me. “Both of you.”

  “We just wanted what was best for you Jess.” Dylan scuffed at the rubber floor with his Vans.

  “I decide what is best for me. Not you. And definitely not you.” She pointed at me but shoved Dylan. She started to walk away. I didn’t dare grab her arm, but Dylan did.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I made Kane do it. He didn’t want to.”

  She looked at me. As much as I didn’t want to throw Dylan under the bus, it was time that everyone started telling the truth. I nodded.

  “Then you’re no longer my brother.” Jessie shook her arm out of Dylan’s hand. “You didn’t sleep with Bronwyn.” She looked to me for confirmation as if she needed to hear it from my mouth.

  “No,” Kane said. “I love you.”

  “But the rumors...” her voice trailed off. “It doesn’t matter. This is my life now. You two made that decision for me.”

  “You might change your mind when you see this.” I set my backpack on the bench and pulled out a manila envelope.

  “What is this?” she asked.

  “Open it.”

  She pulled out the dog-eared proposal, the same one that we had given to Veronica. “What is this?” she repeated and smacked it against her hand.