Soon it was the final week of September and the final week they were hosting guests. Alec didn’t know what was going on outside the farmhouse, nor did he care. Rebecca assured him that Tommy, Ben, and Allison had everything under control, and that was good enough for him. Even if they didn’t, he wouldn’t have done anything about it. For all he cared, the entire ranch could burn to the ground.
None of it mattered. The only thing that mattered was in this room, lying in this bed, gradually fading away like embers in a fireplace.
Dr. Calder assured Alec that none of this was his fault, but that didn’t stop the constant sensation of guilt that gnawed at his insides. He picked apart every tiny thing that had happened over the summer; every report Lucy brought back from his check-ups; every seemingly innocuous complaint that Walter had about being tired.
Had they missed something? Was there truly nothing they could have done to prevent this from happening?
“Maybe the performance was too much for him,” he said to his wife. “He was out for such a long time and it was such an emotional night–”
“And I’m sure he doesn’t regret it for a second.” Rebecca took his hand in hers. “If he had to pick a final memory, Alec, I’m sure that’s the one he would have chosen.”
Sometimes Walter was quite lucid; other times he was deep in the stages of unconsciousness. By the fifth day after they brought him home, Lucy could no longer coerce him to drink any water.
“It won’t be long now,” she whispered to Alec.
He hadn’t been upstairs one time since they’d returned from the hospital. He hadn’t showered, he hadn’t shaved, and he’d only slept in short, troubled spurts. At some point he dozed again, only to be awakened when Rebecca knelt in front of him.
“What time is it?” he mumbled.
“Almost midnight,” she said, placing a small plate in his lap. “I made you a sandwich.”
“I’m not hungry.”
She gave him a pointed look. “Alec, you need to eat. You’ve hardly eaten a thing this whole week. You’ve got to take care of yourself.”
His gaze shifted from her to the bed. At this point his father more closely resembled a skeleton than a human being. He hadn’t cried once since all of this started, but two tears leaked out of his eyes now as he weakly shook his head.
“I need to take care of him.”
His chin quivered when Rebecca took his face in her hands and wiped the tears from his cheeks. “You already have,” she whispered. “You’ve taken such good care of him for so long now. But there’s nothing else you can do. It’s time to let go.”
He gave a helpless shrug. “I don’t know how to.”
She wrapped her arms around him as he hunched over in his chair. He didn’t know which of them started to cry first, but soon they were both weeping silently. He buried his face in her hair and tightened his arms around her, as if she were somehow in danger of slipping away from him, too.
“I’m so glad you’re here, Bec,” he choked. “I don’t know what I would ever do without you.”
*
The following morning, Alec finally gave in to Rebecca’s requests for him to clean up and eat something substantial. “I’m not going anywhere,” she promised as she settled into the bedside chair. “I’ll stay right here until you get back.”
His body felt like it was filled with lead as he hobbled up the steps and forced himself through a shower. He dried off and wiped the fog from the mirror, grimacing when he saw his reflection.
No wonder his wife was so concerned about him. He looked like hell.
With a weary sigh, he went through the motions of shaving his face, combing his hair, and brushing his teeth. He didn’t look much better when he glanced in the mirror again, but he did feel somewhat refreshed by the time he put on a fresh pair of clothes and headed back downstairs. He opened the fridge and ate the first thing he found–leftover pasta salad–before he downed two cups of lukewarm coffee.
To his surprise, Walter was awake and conversing with Rebecca when he entered the bedroom.
“Hey, Pop.”
Walter’s voice sounded stronger than it had all week. “Hi, son. Looks like a beautiful day outside.”
He followed his gaze to the cracks in the blinds. “Yeah. It does.”
“I would very much like to go out there.”
Alec was startled by the request. Rebecca rose from the chair and came over to meet him, leaning close so she could lower her voice. “I haven’t seen him this lucid in a while. All he’s been talking about is going outside to see the leaves change.”
He glanced back at the bed. “Okay, then. Let’s take him outside.”
A few minutes later, he wheeled his father through the back door and onto the porch. “Ah, yes,” Walter said. “That’s much better.”
Alec pulled up one of the rocking chairs and took a seat beside him. “I think we’re going to get some early snow.”
“I think you’re right.” His gaze was fixed on the distant peaks of the Tetons. “I also think there’ll be a nice little Indian summer this year.”
“What makes you say that?”
“The air is dry.”
Alec didn’t notice any difference in the air, but he wasn’t about to argue. It was so pleasant to hear his father’s voice, no matter what he was talking about. He knew in a very short time that he would never hear it again.
“It’s my favorite time of year,” Walter continued, almost to himself. “There’s snow on the peaks but the trees still have all their golden glory. And the air is so warm you could almost wrap yourself in it.”
Alec smiled at his description. When Walter grew silent, Alec acted quickly to continue the conversation. “Why do they call it Indian summer, Pop?”
“No one knows for sure. Some tribes considered it to be a divine blessing on their harvest. Others took advantage of the longer hunting season.” He gave a little sigh. “The term’s been around for a long time now. Hard to say how it got started.”
“Why do you love it so much?”
Walter considered it for a moment. “Because like everything in life, Alec, it never lasts. It’s that much more precious because of how fleeting it is.”
Alec’s throat tightened as he turned his gaze from his father to the mountains. He wanted to respond, but he didn’t trust his voice.
“Promise me something, son?”
“Anything.”
“Promise me you’re going to do everything in your power to keep that girl in there happy. Don’t you ever, ever let her go, no matter what happens. Is that clear?”
Alec gave a solemn nod. “Yes, sir. I promise.”
Walter’s gaze drifted over to him. “You’re going to have a lot of decisions to make once I’m gone. Important decisions. And if I know you as well as I think I do, there’s one you’ve already made. Am I right?”
He searched his father’s eyes, wondering how it was possible that Walter understood him so well. He didn’t have the courage to admit it aloud, so he responded with a simple nod.
“You have no reason to feel guilty, son. None whatsoever. Do you understand me?”
Alec disagreed, but he drew in a deep breath and forced himself to say the words. “I understand.”
“That’s all I wanted to hear.” Walter turned his eyes back to the mountains. “Will you get Rebecca for me? I have something to say to her, too.”
He rose from his chair and was about to open the screen door when his father spoke again. “Alec?”
He stopped midmotion and turned back to him. “Yeah?”
Walter’s face crinkled in a feeble smile. “I hope you know that no father has ever been more proud of his son.”
*
Rebecca was sitting at the breakfast table with a cup of coffee when Alec appeared in the doorway. “Hey,” she said, staring up at him in surprise. “What are you doing in here?”
“He wants to talk to you.”
Instantly she was on her feet. A chilly b
reeze stung her cheeks as she opened the patio door and stepped outside to join her father-in-law. “Hi, Pop.”
“Hello, Rebecca. Come sit with me, dear.”
Obediently she took a seat beside him, trying to prepare herself for whatever he was about to say. “I want you to promise me something,” he began softly. “I want you to promise me that you’re going to take good care of my son. He’s sacrificed so much of his life for my sake, and I want to know that you’re going to help make up for all the things he’s missed. I want to know that you’re going to support him in whatever he decides to do after I’m gone, because no one has earned that right more than he has. Will you do that for me?”
Two tears leaked out of her eyes, but she quickly swatted them away. “Of course I will.”
Walter gave a gentle smile. “I was always worried about Alec being alone, but now I know that he won’t be. You have no idea how much peace it brings me to know that he has you now. You are without a doubt the best thing that has ever happened to us.”
Rebecca mirrored his smile. “You don’t know what it means to me to finally have a father. I only wish that I could have known you sooner.”
“I wish that, too. But at least we had this time together, even if it was only a little while. And I finally got the daughter I always wanted.”
She rose from her chair and leaned over to kiss his forehead. “I’m going to get Alec.”
“Yes. That would be nice.”
She opened the door and motioned for him to join them. He stepped onto the porch and pulled a second chair over, positioning it on the other side of Walter’s wheelchair.
“This is just what I wanted,” the old man said. “Will both of you sit with me?”
Alec nodded. “Of course we will, Pop. We’re not going anywhere.”
Rebecca’s eyes glazed over again as she glanced between Alec and his father, overwhelmed by how much love existed between the two of them. Walter may have felt that she was the best thing to happen to them, but the truth was that they were the best thing that had ever happened to her.
They sat in companionable silence for a long time, watching the sun make its slow descent toward the mountaintops. At some point Rebecca glanced back at her father-in-law, only to give a little gasp. Sometime while they’d been sitting there, Walter had closed his eyes.
“Alec,” she whispered.
He turned his head and grimaced when he saw his father’s face. There was no need to call for Lucy or check one of the monitors dangling from the wheelchair.
They both knew that Walter was gone.
Chapter 45
The first snow of the season fell on the day of Walter’s funeral. Tiny white flurries drifted down from the low clouds, spiraling through the air on their journey to the ground. Alec stared through the windshield as Rebecca pulled their truck up to the funeral home, but his eyes didn’t actually see anything.
He’d never been so grateful to have her in his life as he was this past week. There were so many details that had to be sorted out, but Alec couldn’t summon the strength to do any of it. He’d nod or shake his head when Rebecca asked him something, and he’d given the obligatory opinions when they were selecting the casket and the headstone. The only useful thing he managed to do that entire week was write the obituary, although Rebecca still had to make several corrections before she submitted it.
For the most part, though, he sat in their bedroom and gazed out the window. He didn’t eat; he didn’t sleep; he didn’t even cry. He simply sat. There were no words to properly describe his emotions…or lack thereof. Last night Rebecca finally took his hand and pulled him into their bed, wordlessly curling her arms around him. Only then, for the first time since his father had fallen ill, did he actually sleep through the night.
This morning he’d stared blankly into their closet, as if he had some sort of choice about what to wear to the funeral. He owned exactly one suit, and he’d worn it exactly one time–on his wedding day.
How ironic, he decided, that he was now wearing it to his father’s funeral.
His father’s funeral.
He’d had two weeks to get used to the idea–nine years, really–but the shock of it still hit him blindsided. He’d never again come downstairs in the morning to be greeted by his father’s smile. He’d never again hear his gentle laugh or the subtle drawl in his deep voice.
Walter was gone, and for the life of him, Alec couldn’t understand it. The notion was so absurd that it couldn’t possibly ever make sense.
He was jolted back to the present when Rebecca opened her door and a blast of freezing air entered the truck. On any other day, he would have taken the time to admire the way she looked. Even with dark circles under her eyes and sadness etched across her features, she was still beautiful. She always was.
He wished he could muster the energy to tell her that.
The funeral home was full of people when he and Rebecca entered. Immediately he was engulfed in hugs and condolences, but the words didn’t register. Even the majority of faces didn’t register. He knew that he knew them, and he knew that he would look back one day and be grateful for their attendance, but at the moment it didn’t really matter to him. The only thing that mattered was that he was never going to see his father again.
Walter was the only person he wanted to see right now…and he was the only person that wasn’t there.
Everyone respectfully stepped aside as he made his way down the aisle. Technically speaking, his father was there, lying at rest inside the polished casket. A framed photo of him sat on the nearby table, and Alec paused for a moment to examine it.
Walter was young, probably Alec’s age now, and he leaned casually against the corral gate, laughing at some forgotten moment. It was a simple portrait of a simple man whose only goal in life was to give of himself in behalf of others. Alec studied the photograph for a long time, wishing that he could be more like him.
He would have liked to think that it was a nice service, but in truth, Alec didn’t hear a word of it. Instead his gaze was fixed on the portrait beside the casket. He studied the intense gray of his father’s eyes, trying to comprehend the fact that those eyes were now closed forever. When he finally glanced around at the rows of people listening to the eulogy, he was startled to realize that he was the only person who wasn’t crying.
He couldn’t cry, though.
He was far too numb to cry.
*
The majority of people trickled away after the service, but Alec and Rebecca remained a while longer.
They’d made arrangements to bury Walter tomorrow in the family plot on the ranch, so there was no need to rush anywhere. Rebecca gave his arm a loving squeeze before she wandered off to mingle with their friends and family. Alec simply stood beside the casket with his head bowed low, waiting for the nightmare to be over.
He didn’t know how long he’d been standing there when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. He recognized the touch instantly, but it still took him a minute to turn around.
“You’re here,” he said.
Shania gave a little nod. “Rebecca called me.”
Automatically he reached out and embraced his friend. “I’m so sorry, Alec,” she added. “I can’t even imagine how devastated you are.”
He didn’t trust his voice, so he simply nodded. He’d thought about calling her earlier to give her the news, but like everything else, he’d never found the energy to actually do it. He was so glad that Rebecca had.
Some indeterminate amount of time later, Alec released her and stepped back. “Thank you for coming. Was it a lot of trouble for you to get here?”
“It doesn’t matter. It wasn’t an option.” She turned her eyes to the portrait of Walter. “I wouldn’t have missed this for anything.”
Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of someone clearing her throat. When Alec turned his head, the sight that greeted him nearly stopped his heart.
“Mom?”
Julia
nne gave her characteristically cool smile. “Hello, Alec,” she said, giving a polite nod in Shania’s direction. “Shania.”
Shania looked as startled as Alec felt. “Hi, Julianne,” she replied, taking a slow step back. “I’ll, um…I’ll leave you two to talk.”
She turned and disappeared down the aisle, but Alec couldn’t take his gaze off his mother. Four years had passed since he’d last seen her, but she looked the same as he remembered, her steely blue eyes standing in stark contrast to her dark complexion.
For the first time, though, he noticed a touch of gray in her hair and tiny lines at the corners of her eyes. Age, it seemed, was finally catching up with her.
“How did you know?” he asked.
“Your wife called me.”
Alec was speechless. How many people had Rebecca called this week?
Julianne seemed equally uncertain as to what to say. “I thought it was only right that I be here. I know how hard you’ve worked these past few years–”
“You have no idea how hard I’ve worked,” he snapped. “You have no idea about anything that’s gone on here. So don’t even pretend like you do.”
She didn’t divert her gaze. “I’m not here to make amends, Alec. I’m just here to pay my respects to Walter.”
Just like you did when he was alive, right?
The words almost spilled out of his mouth, but he bit them back just in time. Finally he pried his eyes off her and turn his gaze back to the casket.
“So where’s, um…” He fumbled for a minute before he let out a frustrated sigh. “I can’t think of his name right now.”
“Ken?” she supplied. “Ken was battling cancer for over a year. He passed away this spring.”
Alec hadn’t expected that. Again he studied the flecks of gray in her hair and the wrinkles on her face–this time understanding their source–and he regretted his biting tone.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I didn’t know.”
Her tone was softer now, too. “You couldn’t have known.”
Indian Summer Page 30
