Dignity

by Jay Crownover

  Which is why I was at the police station, teeth grinding together, hands clenched into fists as Titus warned me if I killed anyone, he was going to have to arrest me. He didn’t really seem too concerned about protocol or losing his badge. With the entire police force in disarray, everyone was relying on him to call the shots and pull it all together. He was the last good guy left, the last man anyone trusted. No one was going to report what went on in that interrogation room . . . unless I lost control and someone died. The rage I was feeling was as close to murderous as it had ever been, so I made no promises. If I lost control, if I pictured all the ways those men in that room had abused and manipulated Noe, there was a good chance someone was going to stop breathing.

  The only thing keeping me in check was knowing I had to go after her. I needed to find her and bring her back. She needed to know I would always come for her and it didn’t matter where she hid, I would track her down. She was the only thing that made sense to me. She was the only one who understood me. She was the only person who wanted all of me, and I wasn’t going to fight the fact that I wanted all of her. Everything inside of me had been in disarray and out of order until she broke into my house and into my heart. She was the thing that reset everything, the person who knocked the rust off and started the machine back up. I purred steady and loud now, all because of her.

  “I will come in there and pull you off if I think you’re going too far.” It wasn’t a threat. Titus was simply stating the way it was going to be. He was big enough that he might have a shot at reigning me in, but he had no idea there was an unholy fire burning in my belly when I imagined Noe being under the smarmy lawyer’s thumb, too young to fight the monsters herself.

  He was an average looking guy. Not too big, not too small, but definitely a lot larger than Noe. He had a soft face, a cleft in his chin, and his hair was done in an artfully messy way. He looked media ready and unnaturally confident. He even had the gall to slap Goddard on the back and throw his head back and laugh at something the older man said. There wasn’t anything funny about why they were in that room. I wanted to make him stop laughing. I wanted to break his teeth out and snap his jaw in half. It would be impossible to laugh through a face full of metal. It would be hard to represent anyone that way, as well.

  The lawyer laughed again and I couldn’t handle it anymore. I reached out and touched the button that blacked the glass out and turned to look at Titus. “Five minutes. Don’t give me any longer than that.” I pointed to the video feed and told him to turn it off. I wasn’t sure he was going to comply, but even if he didn’t, I planned on going into the system and erasing any evidence of my visit. Nothing needed to tie me to this visit. I breathed a sigh of relief when the cop did as I asked.

  Titus finally started to look slightly uneasy. His sharp gaze rolled over the set of my shoulders, my clenched hands, and the fury I was sure was stamped all over my face. “A lot can happen in five minutes, Stark.”

  I dipped my chin in a nod. It took both men in that room less than five minutes to change my girl’s life forever. “I know.” I planned on keeping up the tradition.

  I stepped around him and pulled open the door to the interrogation room. I was immediately hit with the smell of expensive cologne. Noe had to fight for her freedom, her body, and her mind, and this piece of garbage was all gussied up like he was going somewhere fancy. He’d donned his best to represent a monster.

  “Who are you? You’re not with the prosecution.” The lawyer started to get up, but I was on him before he could rise to his full height.

  I grabbed the back of his head and slammed it forward, shoving it into the unforgiving edge of the metal table. There was a satisfying sound of bone crunching as his nose took the brunt of the contact. Immediately, the coppery scent of blood overlapped the cologne. It was deeply gratifying. I used my hold on the back of his head to ram his face into the edge of the table a couple of more times, ignoring his shouts of surprise and Goddard’s wails for the police.

  I kicked the lawyer’s chair out from under him, landing him and his ass in that fancy suit on the dirty floor at my feet. I glared down at him as he put his hands over his gushing nose. He was clearly bewildered and frightened.

  Good.

  “Consider me the judge, jury, and executioner all in one. Your sister is someone who is very important to me, so you’ve already been found guilty beyond belief.”

  “I don’t have a sister. I’m an only child.” The words were garbled and wet as he spoke them through the blood covering his face.

  The fact that he never looked at Noe like family, that he was denying who she was, made me see red that was brighter than his blood. I put my boot into his ribs and while he was curled on his side, whimpering on the floor, I put the heavy tread on his neck and pressed down. He couldn’t breathe. He was clawing at the leather and laces desperately. His watery eyes were bugging out of his head. He looked as frightened as my girl must have been when he caused her to run.

  “That was the problem all along. You never considered her your sister. You treated her like property, like she belonged to you. You never thought she was family.” I lifted my foot as he groaned and wiggled under my weight. I bent and picked up his heavy briefcase, pressing the stiff bottom into the center of his chest, pinning him back to the floor. “If you stay on this case, I will find you, and I will end this. I’ll make it so you can’t represent anyone ever again. I’ll rip your life apart from the inside out. Ask your client how good I am at taking away everything that matters.”

  My gaze lifted to Goddard who was pounding his fists on the two-way glass. He was screaming that he was going to sue the police department, that he was going to have Titus fired. All that noise and the door remained shut. That meant I had a few minutes left. I grabbed the handle of the briefcase and swung it as hard as I could into Aaron Cartwright’s face. The thud it made pleased me all the way down to my bones. So did the way he slumped to the floor, bloodied and unconscious. I let the briefcase fall and watched Goddard through narrowed eyes.

  “That’s how you win a fight? A sneak attack on an unsuspecting man and threatening a helpless old man? Who are you and what do you want?” It was all bluster and bravado. I could see the fear in his eyes and the way he was sweating. His voice was a few octaves too high; my presence was the cause.

  I stalked toward him, forcing him to retreat into a corner of the room. “He doesn’t deserve a fair fight. He never gave his sister a chance at one.” And even if the lawyer had a warning, I still would have pounded him into the ground. When we were chest to chest, I wrapped my hands around the lapels of Goddard’s suit jacket and lifted him up so that only his toes were touching the ground and we were almost nose to nose. He wiggled like a caught fish in my hands. I gave him a shake so that his head thudded heavily against the brick wall behind him.

  “They call you God, don’t they? The man with all the power? The man who calls all the shots and decides who’s worthy and who isn’t? Why don’t you tell me what happens next?” I got really close to his face so he could see the white-hot rage. “Why don’t you tell me how helpless you were when you raped your stepdaughter and all those girls from the after-school program you set up? Explain to me how weak you were when you kidnapped my girl and locked her up for two weeks while your men touched her, fondled her, scared her?” I shook him again and let him go once he started screaming for the police. “Who do you think told me you were here for questioning, old man? The police who actually give a shit about their jobs and this city aren’t on your side. No one is. I could snap your neck right now and no one would care.” I pointed a finger at the center of his face and growled, “Your life, or what’s left of it, is in my hands. I own you, you sick fuck.” I had all the power and he was nothing but a bug I was about to squash.

  Goddard smoothed a hand over his wrinkled suit jacket and shirt. His beady eyes narrowed on me. “What do you want then? Why are you here?”

  I put my hands on my hips and looked down
at the crumpled form of Noe’s tormentor. “I want to go back in time and give those girls a fresh start. I want them to have their youth and their innocence back. Since that’s impossible, I want you to make all of this going forward as easy on them as possible. Fire this asshole.” I nudged Aaron with my foot, eliciting a groan of protest. “Plead guilty when you’re charged so Julia Grace doesn’t have to look at your wrinkly old ass ever again. Go quietly away, Goddard.”

  He huffed out a breath. “Why would I do that? It’s my word against that little tramp’s. I’ll explain that she seduced me, that she was desperate for a father figure. She was the one who instigated it. I’ll find another lawyer.” His confidence was unbelievable.

  I shook my head at him. “I already took your money, old man. I took your title away. I dug up each and every single one of your secrets. I’m so deep inside your life, you can’t see me. I know what you’ve done. I know where the bodies are buried. If you don’t go to jail for rape, I’ll send you away for fraud and tax evasion. I have more tricks up my sleeve than you can imagine.” I pointed at him and narrowed my eyes. “And if you think I’ll let anyone take your case, you’re an idiot. He,” I inclined my head toward Aaron, “Was personal. He needed to know what it’s like to have someone bigger than you, stronger than you, someone more determined to get what he wants. I’ll go after any other attorney you hire without stepping foot inside this room. I’ll fuck with their law license. I’ll erase their credentials. I’ll freeze their assets. I’ll have warrants issued for them. I’ll put their houses in foreclosure. There is no limit to what I’m willing to do in order to see you rot behind bars, Goddard.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “I’ll go after everyone you care about. Your wife. Your siblings, their kids. Anyone who’s still taking your fucking calls. Anyone who visits you in lock up, I’ll check off their names one by fucking one. I’ll ruin anyone and everyone who tries to help you.”

  We stared each other down for a long moment. Aaron groaned from the floor again and I heard the door to the small room open. Titus let out a string of expletives and barked that it was time for me to go.

  “You think you’re smart, don’t you?” Goddard sounded frustrated and furious. “You think you have all the answers.”

  “I know I’m smart.” The only answer was him paying for what he had done.

  Titus grabbed my elbow and I let him haul me out of the room. Goddard didn’t say anything else and the cop purposely ignored the bleeding man on the floor. Once the door was shut behind us, I took my glasses off and dragged a hand over my face. Titus lifted a black eyebrow in my direction and looked at the closed door over my shoulder. “What would have happened if I gave you another five minutes, kid?”

  I shook my head and put my glasses back on. “If Goddard asks for another lawyer, let me know.”

  “He’s facing some pretty ugly charges. He’s not going to walk away from this no matter who his lawyer is.”

  I grunted in response and pulled out my cell phone to look at the app that was tracking my laptop that Noe still had with her. I’d installed the software a couple of days ago when she started pulling away from me. I knew she was going to run and I was going to chase after her like a desperate, needy fool. She’d finally stopped moving. She was in a small town up north. I would have to drive all through the night to get to her by morning.

  “He can sit in front of a judge with a public defender. If he’s smart, he’ll plead guilty and just go away.” I tapped my phone and looked up at the man I admired and respected. He was looking at me like he finally realized there was more to me than quick fingers on a keyboard.

  “What happens if he doesn’t go down quietly?” That was the cop asking, not the guy who let me in the room to kick the shit out of my girl’s adoptive brother.

  “You don’t want me to answer that. The less you know, the better. I gotta go get my girl. I appreciated what you did for me today, Titus.” I stuck out my hand and tried not to wince when his shake squeezed my fingers together in a crushing grip. It was a warning that I couldn’t miss.

  “I like you, kid. You think before you act and you weigh the odds of things going south before jumping in with both feet. You helped me get my department in order, which means you care about this city and the people in it the same way I do. Don’t do anything that forces me to consider you an enemy. I got enough of those as it is.”

  I rubbed my hand when he let it go and started for the front doors and my truck that would take me to her. I was floored that he liked me. Most people didn’t, but since Noe, it seemed to be happening more and more. She humanized me, softened me. She made me likeable. “I can’t promise anything, King. Sometimes the ends justify the means.” If it wasn’t already, it should be the slogan for the Point. Sometimes bad things had to happen in order for the good to have a shot.

  After Goddard was sentenced, I was going to do my thing and make sure he was locked up in the same prison as my old man. My father might not have any warm, fuzzy feelings for what was left of his family, but he was fueled by justice. I had a feeling if I let it slip that Goddard was in the same cell-block as he was, even if it was solitary, my dad would find a way to get to him. The man sold out his country to avenge my mom. He wouldn’t blink at giving Goddard a proper welcome if I passed on all the dirty shit the former mayor had brought into my life. He promised he knew punishment, and no one needed punishing more than Goddard. It would give my dad a way to show he still cared in his own, twisted, vengeful way that didn’t involve any more heart to hearts or uncomfortable truths. He wouldn’t even have to see me in order to prove I still mattered to him.

  He swore again and flipped me off before the doors closed behind me. I jogged to my truck, hoping against hope that Noe didn’t realize I’d put a tracker on the computer. I didn’t know what I was going to do if she ditched the damn thing. I was betting on the fact that she was like me, unable to be unplugged for any length of time. I was also holding out hope that she wanted to hold onto the damn thing because it was mine, something she took from me when we first met. I wanted her to have the same connection to me that I had to her.

  I’d lost one person who meant everything to me . . . I wasn’t about to lose the one who meant even more than that.

  Noe

  I wasn’t alone in the basement of the charming little church. As it turned out, even picturesque small towns had their fair share of victims and castoffs. When you were stuck in the Point, it often felt like the rest of the world had it so much better, anyplace else would be an improvement. Sitting in the basement of this building, in a town that shouldn’t remind me of home, I couldn’t help but notice the similarities, and I realized anywhere I ran wouldn’t be perfect. There was a teenage boy who had the same kind of bruises and fear in his eyes that Julia Grace had when she first found me. There was a young mother with two young children. All three of them were too thin and jumped at every noise and shadow. There was another young woman who was around my age; she was twitchy, nervous, and unable to sit down. She kept looking at my backpack with unnatural interest, forcing me to keep the tattered material close at hand. She was no different than the junkies who ran the streets. All she wanted was a way to score another fix, she didn’t care about the roof over her head, the small bathroom we could shower and freshen up in, the stale peanut butter and jelly sandwiches a kind volunteer scrounged up for us, or the fact we all had a somewhat comfortable bed for the night.

  Her frantic pacing and incoherent mumbling made for a restless night, not that I would have slept anyway. I was pissed at myself for letting old fear and panic rule me. I was angry that I reverted to the helpless, trapped teenager who felt as if she didn’t have any options. I was beating myself up, which kept my eyes pried open and regret flowing through my blood well into the early hours of the morning. I should have stood my ground, faced Aaron down, and showed him he was no longer calling the shots. It didn’t matter that he’d gone on to live a productive, prominent life like he’d done nothing wrong, as if
he hadn’t taken everything from me. He’d moved on. I was the one running, the one refusing to let myself get attached to anything or anyone. I was the one who hadn’t let myself live a normal life. I told myself it was best that I relied on no one, that I trusted only myself, but running from Stark and leaving the city behind forced me to realize how entirely alone I was. And I was lonely. I wanted someone to tell me it was going to be all right. I needed someone to lean on and remind me that I was no longer the young woman who didn’t have a voice. I’d not only found mine, I used it to speak out, I used it to scream for others, to beat the drums of justice so loud that the violators were forced to cower, yet I couldn’t beat those same drums for myself. I was done running; this was stopping right here, right now.

  My strength and dignity wouldn’t be compromised by the memory of the man who had taken it away in the past. I was so much better than the likes of Aaron Cartwright and Jonathan Goddard. I had nothing and it was more than either of them would ever have.

  Well, that wasn’t entirely accurate. I had faith that Snowden Stark wasn’t ready to let me go quite yet. We had unfinished business between the two of us, things that needed to be said, promises that needed to be made. I wasn’t worried when he didn’t show by the time the sun came up. I wasn’t fazed when another church volunteer showed sometime in the morning with a box of cereal and fresh fruit. I wasn’t concerned there was no sight of him when the pastor of the church came down and offered to speak with the mother, the teenaged boy, and the junkie. He took one look at me and determined I had somewhere else to be. I didn’t need to talk to him, I needed to talk to the giant, tattooed behemoth stomping down the stairs, boots making his approach echo through the building.