Dignity

by Jay Crownover

  When she came, she did it crying and screaming my name at the same time. I had claw marks on my back and her legs wrapped around my waist. When I came, she told me I reminded her what home felt like and that I was the only person who made her feel safe. She told me I was the only person she liked every single part of.

  This was intimacy, the connection we’d both been missing. We were good together when we fucked. We were good together when we fought. We were unbeatable when we put our minds together. But more than any of that, we were the best versions of ourselves when we were together . . . period.

  Nassir had to fight for his humanity, I’d had to find mine. It was dressed like a boy living on the streets and running from a past that was almost as bleak as mine. She reminded me I was a man and not a machine. She made me bleed and beg. She made me promise and pray. She turned all the metal and iron inside me to soft, malleable things.

  I was putty in her small hands, and I’d never been happier to be shaped into something new and vital.

  I was never going to be the man my mother wanted me to be or the one my sister needed. I wasn’t going to be who my father tried to mold me into or who the government trained me to be.

  None of that mattered, because at the end of the day, I could and would be Noe Lee’s hero. The man who kept her safe. The man she leaned on and turned to for help. I could be the man she trusted and relied on. I was the only man she let in, the only one she let catch her, and that was all I ever needed to be.

  Noe

  For a guy who obviously liked the finer things in life, Aaron sure had a crappy security system. It only took a minute to bypass the alarm and even less time than that to make sure the automatic call to the police when the system cut out was routed harmlessly to the burner phone in my pocket. Breaking into the townhouse that actually reminded me a lot of the one I was currently calling home with Stark was easy. Getting up the nerve to come here and confront my past was much harder.

  I’d finally found my place. I woke up in the morning with a smile on my face and a rock-hard body between me and the rest of the world. Snowden Stark wasn’t going to let anything bad happen to me, and he wasn’t going to hold me down. I could run, because he was always going to be faster than I was. When Stark explained what Nassir wanted me to do for him, I agreed, shocking both my man and the man who made the offer. I told him I would forge identities and legal paperwork for his clients, as long as I also got to help his wife get the girls who were tired of the Point and hard living off the streets. It was much easier to start over somewhere new when you showed up to that place as a brand new person. Keelyn Gates and I made a good team and I finally felt like I was making an actual difference in the lives of the people who needed it most. If someone had offered me a way out back when I desperately needed it, maybe I would have that more that Stark told me I deserved. I had everything I wanted, but that didn’t stop me from wanting to help other young women from reaching for the brass ring. They deserved more just as much as any of us.

  The only thing that marred my newly acquired sense of serenity and security was the lingering unrest of knowing that Aaron lived a few miles away. Stark assured me we’d heard the last of my childhood tormentor, that he was very aware of what would happen to him if he dared breathe in my direction, but it wasn’t enough. I adored my big, broody, badass genius for smashing Aaron’s face in, for making the man hurt, but he needed to know I was done hiding from him, that he didn’t scare me anymore. He was no longer my nightmare that I desperately longed to wake up from. Now, he was nothing more than a memory. One I planned on filing away and shutting the drawer on once I was done with him.

  I was the one with the power now. I was the one who didn’t wait for people to listen, I yelled so loud they had to hear me. I was the one who chopped down the beanstalk and took on the giants that fell from the sky. I was the one who had fallen in love with the Tin Man and watched him get used to his new heart. Stark didn’t need the wizard to give him what he’d lost, he just needed someone who knew he already had all the pieces, they just needed to be tinkered with and maintained so they could work the way they were supposed to. Aaron had treated me like I was a possession, a piece of property, like I was his most coveted toy. Snowden Stark treated me like I was his equal, his perfect match. We balanced each other out, when he drifted too far into the dark, I pulled him back into the light. He told me every single day that I was difficult, but he did it with a smile. He liked the challenge I offered him and I never once felt like he was trying to own me. I stayed with him, in his house and in his bed, because that was the only place I wanted to be. He told me he would chase me and bring me back, but we both knew that was only because I would ultimately decide to let him catch me.

  I was in charge of my life, my heart, and my body. None of those things would rest until I closed the door on my history with Aaron Cartwright . . . preferably hard enough to make him bleed.

  I rented an SUV that wouldn’t stand out in the perfectly manicured complex. It was shiny and clean. It cost enough that no one would think anything of it being parked in front of Aaron’s building while I systematically cleaned him out. A nosy neighbor even stopped and asked if he was moving when I was loading his flat screen into the trunk of the car. I smiled at her and waved her off, telling her he’d bought some new stuff and was donating the old to charity. It was partly true. Everything I lifted from his swanky home, I was pawning. I wouldn’t make as much as I had off Stark’s, my man had better taste in electronics and an eye for quality . . . obviously, but whatever I made off Aaron’s possessions I was giving to Key. I’d mentioned in passing that if some of the girls who ended up in her hands had real community programs in place, they might not end up on the streets or on a pole in the first place. Goddard had bastardized something that would have genuinely been an asset to the city. She liked the idea and was working on putting something in place. It only seemed fitting my asshole adoptive brother have a hand in funding it . . . even if he had no clue how generous he was going to be.

  I cleaned him out. Everything that wasn’t nailed down and I knew I could flip fast went into the rental. I took his watches, his juicer, his iPad, his passport, his Italian loafers. I grabbed his gaming system and I took a signed football jersey off the wall. I wasn’t a Patriots fan, but I knew something with Brady’s scrawl on it would sell in a heartbeat. The car was stuffed full and I swore I could hear the muffler scraping the ground as I pulled out of the driveway and drove out of the complex. I parked it in the spot in front of the motel I’d rented for the day and blew out a deep breath. My hands were shaking when I climbed out of the car, but a smile tugged at my mouth when the door to the room swung open and Stark filled up the space, arm above his head so he was leaning on the door jamb, just like he had when I first went to him for help.

  He had on a pair of jeans that had a rip in the thigh and were thread bare around the zipper and pockets. The band of his black boxers peeked out of the top, drawing my eyes to the dark hair that arrowed down below his belly button. He didn’t have a shirt on, so all that inked skin was pulled taut over stretched muscle and coiled strength. His black hair had started to grow out, making his light eyes pop even more behind the lenses of his glasses. He was gorgeous, grumpy, and ginormous. He was perfect, even though he’d been vehemently opposed to letting me face my demons alone.

  He understood it was something I had to do, but he didn’t want me alone with Aaron. The idea of anything happening to me or me getting injured made him irrational and argumentative. I didn’t mind the fight because making up was fun. He never expected me to roll over . . . unless I was naked and he was taking me from the back. The compromise meant he came to the Valley with me and he had eyes on me the entire time I was executing my Fuck You grand finale. I had a pair of glasses on my face that were almost an exact replica of his, only mine had clear glass in the lenses and an optic camera in the arm that transmitted back to his laptop. He was seeing everything I saw, and if he didn’t like the way
things played out, he was getting involved. He trusted me to save myself, but just in case I couldn’t, he was there. I loved that about him.

  “All good?” His voice was gruff as his gaze slid over the packed SUV. One of Nassir’s guys was coming to pick it up and drive it back to the Point. I’d always been alone, but I had to admit that having minions on call was a nice perk of working for my new employer.

  I sighed and ran toward him. He caught me with no effort as I threw myself against his chest. I wrapped my arms around his neck and peppered his face with hard little pecks. I locked my ankles together at the base of his spine and gave him a full body hug. I could do this, but only because I had him to hold me up when I felt like I was going to fall.

  “It will be.” I pulled back and smirked at him, eyebrows quirking in amusement. “Did you see how fast I bypassed his security?”

  He snorted and pressed his hips into mine. I felt the one part of him that had yet to soften and relax since the first time we’d been together. “I did. It was hot.”

  I tossed my head back and laughed as he set me back down on my feet. “Only you get hard over a security hack.”

  He raised an eyebrow at me and crossed his arms over his broad chest. “You were the one who shoved me in one of Nassir’s private rooms and pulled my dick out when I told you about hacking into ICE’s system and instigated the immigration raid on the Eastern Europeans.” He’d managed to shut down the sex trafficking ring that had been plaguing Nassir for months. It was hot when he decided to wear a white hat . . . not that it wasn’t sexy as hell when he wore the black one.

  “Like you were complaining.” He never did when it involved my mouth, my hands—really any part of my anatomy—and his cock. “I need to get back. Aaron usually gets home from work around now. I don’t want to lose the element of surprise.”

  Stark swore and reached out to cup my face in his hands. “You don’t have to do this. He’s nothing.”

  I wrapped my fingers around his wrists and gave him a lopsided smile. “I do have to do this. Then he’ll be nothing because I’ll have everything.” I stood up on my tiptoes and pressed a kiss to the hard line of his mouth. “I’ve got this.”

  He grumbled something against my lips but let me go, reluctance clear on his face and in his gaze. “I’m right here if you need me.”

  My heart flipped over and I swore it grew two sizes. It had to be big in order to handle all the things he made me feel. “I know you are. That’s why I have to do this, so I can come back to you and leave him behind where he belongs. You are the only man I want taking up any of this valuable real estate.” I tapped my temple above the glass frames.

  He sighed, still too smart to pick a fight he knew he wouldn’t win. “I’ll be watching. If I don’t like what I see, I’m coming after you.”

  I gave him a nod and turned so I could walk back to Aaron’s townhouse. I could feel his eyes following me, worried and watching, but never weighing me down.

  I slipped back into the townhouse and found the breaker so I could cut the power. I wanted him to come in through the front door, not the garage. There were tools and gardening gear in there that could be used as weapons in a pinch, and I didn’t want him to be able to defend himself in any way. I wanted him completely at my mercy, the way I’d been at his for far too long.

  I settled myself on his couch, a Taser identical to the one the dirty cop used on me clutched in my hand. I had the blinds shut and the sun was starting to go down, so it was dark in his home when I heard a car pull up in the driveway. I tensed, my flight or fight response going haywire and trying to make me flee. My heart was in my throat. My palms were clammy and damp. There was a roaring in my ears that was deafening, but my resolve was stronger than any of that.

  I heard a deep voice swearing and a car door slam. That same voice was short and aggravated as it barked, “I don’t know, Violet, but the fucking power seems to be out. Call the homeowner’s association. With what I pay in HOA fees a month, this is unacceptable.” He swore again and I heard keys scrape in the door. “It better not take an hour for someone to get out here. I have work to do.”

  A moment later, I was face to face with the person who had taken everything from me.

  He hadn’t changed much over the years. He still looked like a spoiled, rich kid, one who felt entitled to whatever he wanted. He was bigger than he was when I lived under his tyranny, but oddly less intimidating. I chalked that up to the fact his nose was taped up like he’d recently had plastic surgery and the twin yellow and green circles around his eyes a visual reminder of the man who always had my back. It had been weeks, but Stark’s calling card was clear all over the man’s face.

  Stumbling in the dimness, I heard something fall as he tripped his way into the living room. He pulled up short when he caught sight of me, his eyebrows shooting up and his mouth falling open. It would have been a comical reaction if years of agony and suffering hadn’t flashed through my mind as our eyes met. His briefcase hit the floor with a thud and I saw him swallow. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down as he reached up to pull on the knot of his tie.

  His gaze darted away from mine and started to skate over the pilfered room. His eyebrows furrowed. “Did you steal all my stuff?” He was distracted by his empty home so he didn’t see the weapon I was clutching.

  I tapped the Taser against my open palm and stared at him unblinkingly. “Not exactly a fair trade, if you think about it, Aaron. You took my virginity, my innocence, my youth. I took your belongings.”

  He swore and raked his hands through his hair. “Does this have something to do with Goddard? I recused myself from the case. I’m not going anywhere near him.”

  He took a step closer to where I was sitting on the floor and I tensed. “No. This is about you and me. About what you did to me.”

  He snorted and rolled his eyes. “I didn’t do anything. You were mine, everyone knew it except for you. My parents brought you home for me.” Suddenly, he paused and cocked his head to the side. “Did you hear that Mom died? Are you suddenly popping back up because you think you’re entitled to something? You aren’t. You were never their daughter. She didn’t leave you a dime.”

  He wanted the words to wound, but I was immune to them. He was right. I was never their daughter. If I had been, they wouldn’t have let him touch me.

  “No, Aaron, I’m here for you, just you.” I got to my feet and braced myself as I aimed the Taser at him. The bars flew out faster than I could blink and hit him square in the chest. He fell to the ground, flopping like a fish on land.

  His tongue lolled out to one side and his eyes rolled up into his head. I dropped the thing on the floor and stalked over to the man who took everything from me. I pulled the switchblade I’d started carrying out of one of my cargo pockets and lowered myself so that I was hovering over Aaron’s twitching, supine form. I dragged the razor-sharp blade over his throat and bit back a smile of satisfaction as he choked and tried to wiggle away from me. The current that hit his body kept him from being able to control his muscles. He was trapped, stuck, unable to escape. I could see the fear working its way through his eyes as the blade kissed his skin.

  “I’m not scared of you anymore, Aaron. You took everything, but I got it all back. I have more than I ever imagined I would, but I think it’s time you know what it feels like to lose it all.” The knife slipped under the knot of his tie and sliced through the silk like it was butter. I held the expensive fabric up in front of his panicked eyes with a smirk. “I think you should leave town. You should run away when it’s dark, scared and alone. You won’t know where you’re going or how you’re going to survive because you won’t have any family or friends to help you. You’ll be all alone, constantly looking over your shoulder because you’ll never know if the person you’re running from is looking for you.”

  I moved the tip of the knife to his cheek and let the point dig in just enough to draw a cherry red drop of blood. It beaded and trickled down his quivering fac
e, chased by a tear he couldn’t hold back. He was gasping, struggling to get his faculties back, but it was a losing battle.

  “You can stay here, but if you do that, know I’ll be watching you. Everything you do, every move you make, I’ll be all over you, Aaron. It was so easy to get inside your house, so easy for my guy to get to you when you were at the police station. I can get inside your life without you even knowing I’m there.” I smirked at him. I was channeling a bit of Stark’s badassness and decades of my own pent-up need to put him in his place. “I’m going to ruin your practice. I’m going to destroy your career. I’m going to let everyone know what you did to me, what your family let happen, and when I’m done with you, I’m going to let the man who fucked up your face do so much worse than that. If you think he’s scary when he uses his fists, just wait until you see what he can do with his mind. I’m going to make your life a living hell.” I moved to the other cheek and gave it a matching mark.

  I scrunched up my nose when I smelled urine and rose to my feet. I glared down at him, his body still quivering from aftershocks. “You’re pathetic. You don’t matter. What you did ruined me, but it also taught me how to survive. I’ll fight you, Aaron. I’ll be loud about it. I learned how to make people listen.” I showed him the knife that was now decorated crimson. “So, what’s it going to be? Are you going to stay or go?”

  His mouth gaped as he tried to form words. I kicked him in the side and he groaned. “G-o. I’ll go.” It was garbled and broken.

  I nodded and stepped away from him. “You’ll go and you’ll stay gone. You won’t ever practice law again. You can feel what it’s like to be ruined. I’ll know if you reach out to someone to help you. I’ll know if you weasel your way back into town. You’re a ghost, Aaron. You vanish and you do it tonight with nothing.” I wiped the blood from the knife off on my pants and gave him one last sneer. “I’m going to have all those convictions you won overturned. You’re a shitty person but apparently a good lawyer. Of course, you put monsters back on the street. It made you feel less alone, less ugly. You couldn’t bear to see animals like you in a cage. Fuck you, Aaron; I was never yours.”