Looking for Love

by Linda Mayes

  ***

  Grace went back to work the following day. She hadn’t spoken to Maggie about anything she had discovered, and she didn’t intend to. She knew that Maggie would be angry about having her privacy invaded, and with no more information, Grace didn’t think it would be worth the confrontation. She doubted that she could compel Maggie to tell her the rest of the story. The one that she had apparently kept to herself for over thirty years.

  She kept busy at work. Sarah was off and Charlie had bookwork to do in back. She had a steady flow of customers before lunchtime when Charlie came up front and asked her if she wanted Chinese food.

  “Sure,” she agreed. “I’m starving.”

  He sent her to the break room and she smiled when she saw that he had left it all set out for her. He must have gone to Great Falls for dinner the night before; there was no Chinese food in Belt. Grace sat down and devoured the sweet and sour pork and fried rice he had left for her. It was delicious. When she finished, she cleaned up and went back out front. Charlie was sitting in a chair he kept behind the counter for when there was a lull in business. When he saw Grace, he got up and told her to sit while he got another chair.

  “How was the date with John Harwell on Friday?” he asked innocently.

  Grace laughed. “Is there anything a person can do in this town without everyone knowing about it?”

  “Pretty much, no,” he said with a grin.

  “Well, for your information it wasn’t a date.”

  “No?” Mock surprise filled his face.

  “No! It was dinner, between friends, that’s it.”

  “Hmm, it’s been a while since I’ve done this date thing. But from what I remember, you just described a first date perfectly. Except, of course, for the end of the evening kiss. Was there a kiss? Because that pretty much decides it.”

  “Stop it, Charlie,” she said, feeling her face flush hot.

  “You didn’t answer my question.” He smiled. “But I think the blush did.”

  Grace bumped him with her elbow and they both laughed. To change the subject, and because she really needed someone to talk to about it, she said, “Charlie, what would you do if you found out something about your parents that essentially changed everything you knew about yourself and them?”

  “Wow, deep. I don’t know, what exactly might this something be?”

  “I kind of read some of my mother’s old journals.”

  “Kind of?” he asked, looking at her like he had just caught her shoplifting.

  “Okay, I read them, a few pages. I feel guilty as hell about it, but I can’t change it now. The real problem is that I read something that I’m sure she never would have told me herself, and I don’t know what to do about it.”

  “Is it something you can just forget about and move on?”

  “Not really. It’s hard to say out loud. I know you like my mom a lot, so please promise me you won’t lose respect for her, okay? And, you won’t tell her any of this?”

  “I’m crazy about Maggie. I could never lose respect for her. As far as betraying your confidence, Grace, I would never do that either.”

  Grace sighed. “I’m not sure, but I think maybe my father is not really my biological father, if you know what I mean.”

  “Did she write that, directly?”

  “No, she just references telling him about me, and feeling guilty and praying for forgiveness, and then later she said something about me looking like him.”

  “By him, I assume she didn’t mean Sam then?”

  “No, she definitely didn’t want anyone to recognize that I looked like whoever he was. Do you know a man named Matt my mother is friends with?”

  “Sure, Matt’s a great guy. He and your mom have dinner once a week. I suspect that Matt is in love with Maggie, truth be told.”

  “Has he lived here his whole life? Do you think he’s the same Matt she knew as a teenager?”

  “Yes, I’m sure he is. What are you thinking, Grace? That Matt is your father?”

  “I don’t know. What do you think I should do?” she asked him.

  “Why don’t you ask Maggie?”

  Grace laughed. “Because she would first yell at me for invading her privacy, second, kick me and my children out of the house, and third, never speak to me again.”

  “I can’t see Maggie doing all that. Once she got past being hurt about you going through her things—”

  “Oh never mind,” Grace said, cutting him off. She stood. “None of you here know the same Maggie I do. I grew up with a bitter, unhappy, drunk for a mother. Yes, I said it out loud—my mother was a drunk. She seems to have kicked that, and I’m happy for her. But, Charlie, she was not a good mother to me, and there is no way that I could tell her something like this.”

  Charlie stood up and took her hands in his. “I’m sorry, Grace. I didn’t know it was that bad. Maggie did have a drinking problem when she first came here. As a matter of fact, Matt was the one who helped her through it. He’s her sponsor. That’s how the Friday night dinners started.”

  Grace suddenly had an idea. “Charlie, what if I talk to him. Maybe he can shed some light on all of this.”

  “Don’t you think that would make Maggie more upset when she found out?”

  “I don’t know. It’s just the only thing I can think of besides talking to her, and I just can’t do that.”

  “Alright,” Charlie told her. “Let me see if I can get a hold of him. I’ll ask him to come down here. It might feel safer to you to do it here.”

  Grace hugged him. “Thank you, Charlie. You’re a good friend.”

  Charlie smiled. “Maybe one of these days we could have one of those dinner-only-not-a-date-things since we’re friends?”

  Grace smiled back. “Maybe.”

  Charlie went back to the office and Grace straightened up the aisles until she heard the door jingle. She went out to see if it was a customer and she saw a pleasant looking older man with brown hair and ruddy cheeks. “Hi there,” she greeted. “Can I help you find something?”

  “Maybe,” he said. “I’m looking for Grace.”

  Charlie came out of the back. “Hey Matt, that was quick!”

  They shook hands. “I was just up the street. It sounded important. Are you Grace?” he asked, turning to her.

  “Yes. Thank you for coming.”

  “You are as pretty as your mama has always said you were,” he told her. Grace smiled and Matt must have read something in it. “She really does speak highly of you.”

  “I’m glad to hear that,” Grace said.

  “Why don’t you two go in the office and talk. I can handle it out here.”

  Matt followed Grace to the office and took the chair she offered him. Crossing his feet he said, “So, Grace, how can I help you?”

  Grace didn’t know where to start. She was humiliated to have to tell this stranger what she had done. It helped that he had a way about him that made her feel at ease. She could see why Maggie had chosen him to be her sponsor. She finally bit the bullet and told Matt what she had done and what she had found out. Matt listened quietly.

  “I’ve been telling Maggie for years that secrets do more harm than good,” he told her when she’d finished.

  “Then you know what really happened? You know who my real father is?”

  “I didn’t say any of that, Grace. Let me tell you first. Maggie is my dearest friend, and I will not betray any secrets she may have entrusted me with. However, that being said, I have been trying for years to get Maggie to invite you here and work on your relationship. So now you’re here, and I get the feeling when I talk to Maggie lately, that the two of you are getting closer. If there are any secrets that need to be shared, now is probably the time to do it.”

  “So you agree with Charlie, I should just ask her?”

  “Yes and no. I know Maggie, probably better than anyone but you. She will be angry and defensive, and it would probably do you both well to have a mediator.”

&nbs
p; “You would do that for me?” Grace asked him.

  Matt smiled. It was a nice smile. “Yes, but mostly I’d do it for Maggie. Her soul has been burdened for decades, and it’s about time she lifted some weight from it.”

  “Thank you!” Grace told him. She was still nervous about talking to Maggie about all of this, but she would definitely feel better with back up. The only problem came when Matt told her to meet him and Maggie at their weekly dinner at the diner. The thought of waiting all week, while living under her mother’s roof with all of this bottled up, made her nervous all over again. Matt, however, assured her that it would be a better time, and a better place, than any other he could think of. She agreed, reluctantly, and he told her to meet them at the diner Friday night at seven.