Secrets of My Heart

by Tracie Peterson

  “Maybe I would, if I could figure out my heart.” Nancy straightened as she placed the last cookie on the tray. “There. We’d best get these to the ladies, although they seem happy enough.” She could hear their laughter through the closed kitchen door.

  “Oh, I nearly forgot why I came to find you. One of your boarders returned just now with her brother.”

  Nancy knew that could be none other than Seth Carpenter. The laughter rose in volume, and Nancy smiled. “Sounds like they’re enjoying his company.” She picked up the pot of tea. “I hope I have enough cups on the sideboard.”

  Mrs. Taylor grabbed the platter of cookies and followed Nancy into the dining room, where Seth was regaling the ladies with some tale about his childhood adventures.

  “Oh, here she is.” Mrs. Mortenson chuckled and elbowed the lady next to her. “I think our plan is perfect.”

  Nancy felt a shiver go up her spine. “What plan? What’s going on?” She put the pot on the buffet and waited for someone to speak.

  “Clementine mentioned that I knew you,” Seth said, smiling, “and the ladies wanted to know how we are all acquainted.”

  “I see. Well, we are neighboring friends from long ago.”

  “Which makes Seth quite perfect for our plan,” Mrs. Mortenson began. “You see, we are of a mind that you must remarry, and soon. The Bible says it’s not good for man to be alone.”

  “Paul also says that widows would do well to remain single,” Nancy countered.

  Mrs. Mortenson looked momentarily flummoxed, but Bedelia Clifton was not. “Indeed, it is good to remain single. You can better focus on your work for the Lord if you haven’t a man to concern yourself with.”

  Clementine looked at Nancy with an apologetic smile. “The situation is this. The ladies were discussing the possibility of you and Seth getting to know each other better. That’s when Seth mentioned that he knew you quite well, and because of that, Mrs. Mortenson thought it only right that you two should . . . well, consider—”

  “An outing,” Seth interjected. “I told them I would be more than happy to escort you to dinner and a play tomorrow evening.”

  Nancy didn’t know what to say. She looked at the expectant expressions of her friends and then again at Seth’s smiling face.

  “Tell him you will, please,” Clementine begged. “That way I won’t have to go in your stead.”

  Seth moved toward Nancy. “No, don’t feel you have to go. I just wanted you to know that I would be happy to take you.”

  Nancy could see the sincerity in his eyes. “I . . . well . . . it’s only been a few months since Albert died.” She looked at the women around her table. “What will people say?”

  “That you’re young and deserving of love,” Mrs. Mortenson declared. “Besides, who cares what they will say? The only people who matter are right here with you today, and we’re encouraging you to go.”

  “Well, some are,” Bedelia said with a huff.

  “I promise to bring you right home if you don’t enjoy being out,” Seth said, his voice soft.

  Nancy felt her resolve slip away. “Very well, then. I will go with you.”

  Chapter 7

  Nancy couldn’t believe how easy it was to be with Seth. Over dinner, they talked about the old days in Oregon City and the dreams they had for their futures.

  “The town hasn’t changed that much,” Seth said just before finishing off his steak.

  “I doubt Oregon City will ever change. It’s a quaint town that seems to be lost in time.” Nancy hadn’t thought of it with fondness in some time. “I sometimes miss the slower pace.”

  “Me too. After living in Washington, Oregon City is as silent as the grave.”

  “Hardly,” Nancy said, laughing. “My family and their sawmills see to that.”

  Seth asked after her aunts and uncles and then shared some of what had been happening in his family. Eventually the talk came around to Albert.

  “I was surprised when I heard you’d married a stranger,” Seth said.

  “Yes, well, I suppose you were no more surprised than everyone else.” She shrugged. “But I had my reasons, although now I’m not exactly sure what they were. I know that must sound terrible, but I think I married more to get away from my family and Oregon City than because of love.”

  She was surprised by the things she admitted but did her best not to show it. Seth made her feel safe, and sharing the past was not nearly so intimidating with him.

  “I think people often marry for reasons other than love.” His comment held no condemnation. “In fact, I think love is probably rarer than you think.”

  “I can believe that.” Nancy considered her own choice. “I thought Albert very interesting. He told me things but never seemed to be trying to impress me. He was who he was and never tried to impress anyone. I liked that about him.”

  Seth chuckled. “I always figure, why try to impress people? Folks are either going to like you or they aren’t. If I’m not myself, they’ll find out soon enough, and if they only liked the impression I gave, then they’re going to be disappointed.”

  “Exactly.” Nancy smiled. Seth seemed to understand her, and that gave her a great sense of acceptance.

  By the time they reached the theater, she felt more at ease than she had in years. Albert had hated plays and musicals, so they rarely went. He didn’t mind, however, that Nancy had gone on occasion with friends, but for her it wasn’t as much fun. There was no one to talk to later about the story or the characters. With Seth it was completely the opposite.

  “Did you enjoy the play?” he asked, helping her with her shawl as they made their way outside. “I thought the character of Mrs. Wigglesworth was hysterical. I’m afraid that if I met the actress on the street, I’d probably burst out laughing.”

  Nancy giggled. “I’d keep imagining her saying, ‘I do believe I have the vapors!’”

  Seth roared with laughter. “Exactly.”

  “I had heard such good things about this little comedy, but since Albert died, I didn’t figure I could make it to the play.”

  “That’s when you need something like this the most,” Seth argued. “Laughter and good friends.”

  “Yet tradition hides us away. People who experience a death are supposed to die themselves, in a way.”

  “That makes little sense. When a person loses someone, that is the time they should be surrounded by loved ones. Friends and family can make all the difference in seeing a person through bad times. Like tonight. I believe you needed a diversion.”

  Nancy knew he was right. “Thank you. You have certainly been a good friend, and I enjoyed this evening out very much.”

  “I like being your friend, Nancy. There’s something comforting about having a past with someone and knowing their history. It makes me feel safe to be myself.”

  Nancy felt her cheeks flush and looked away. “I suppose I should admit that I was apprehensive for the very reasons you think beneficial. You know too much about me.”

  He leaned in closer. “And I pledge to guard all of your secrets to the grave.”

  She could hear the teasing in his tone, but at the same time there was a depth of sincerity she hadn’t expected. Nancy hadn’t felt entirely comfortable coming out that evening, because even if she and Albert’s marriage had lacked love, she was still in mourning. Mourning for her youth. Mourning for her dreams.

  Of course, the people standing around them at the theatre didn’t know her or her circumstances, and because she’d chosen to wear dark green instead of black, there was no reason they should. Still, she knew and was uncomfortable at just how much fun she’d had with Seth Carpenter, and of how well he seemed to anticipate her every need.

  “Say, would you like to walk instead of catching a cab?” he asked. “It’s a pleasant evening, and the streetlights will show us the way.”

  “I would be fine with that.” She glanced around at the many people fighting to get a carriage. “Besides, I think it would be some
time before we were able to secure a ride.”

  “I agree.” He took her arm, and they began the long walk back to the boardinghouse.

  For several blocks they said nothing. Nancy wondered what Seth was thinking. The evening had been forced on him, and she suddenly felt guilty for that even though she’d had nothing to do with it.

  “I want to apologize for the way you were backed into a corner regarding this evening,” she said.

  “Whatever are you talking about?” He looked at her and shook his head. “I was hardly forced to invite a beautiful woman to spend the evening with me.”

  She felt her face grow hot. “I know the church ladies were rather ruthless in their attack. I heard a good portion of it.”

  “They were just enthusiastic. They love you, Nancy, and didn’t want to see you wasting away in mourning. I feel the same way. You’re much too young to give up on life.”

  “I’m not giving up on it. I’m just taking time to figure out what I want.”

  “And have you figured that out?” His tone was light, suggesting he was teasing.

  “To some degree. I’ve been working to figure it out a little each day.”

  “What have you come up with so far?” They stopped at the street corner until the way was clear, and then Seth held fast to her arm and pulled her along. “Come on, pick up the pace or we’ll be run down by that oncoming freight wagon.”

  Nancy craned her head around Seth’s tall frame to see what he was talking about. The wagon was bearing down on them fast. “Goodness, you’d think they’d be more mindful of people.”

  “They don’t have to. They’re bigger,” he said, laughing as they reached the other side. “Now, back to my question. What have you come up with so far?”

  “Regarding what?” Nancy hadn’t really forgotten what they were talking about but had hoped Seth would.

  “What you want in life.”

  “Oh. Well, I suppose I want what most everyone else wants. I want a good life, a home, and a family.”

  “What else?”

  She frowned and settled her gaze on a line of distant houses. “I don’t know. Not for sure. I’m still thinking it through.”

  “Tell me about Albert Pritchard.”

  This surprised her. “I’m not sure I can. In his death I have learned how little I knew him in life.”

  “How did you meet?”

  “The first time was when he did some business at the sawmill in Oregon City. I happened to be there with Mother. He caught my attention.”

  “How? Was he witty? A great conversationalist?”

  She smiled. “He was handsome, and I was just a girl.”

  “And was it love at first sight for you both?”

  She saw no reason to lie to Seth. “No. It wasn’t love at all. I mean, I think at first I had a girlish infatuation. I saw the potential for him to take me away from Oregon City and my folks.”

  “And you wanted that?”

  She nodded. “More than I wanted anything else.”

  “But why, Nancy? Your family is a great bunch of folks, as I recall.”

  She shrugged. “I suppose it depends on which side of the gate you stand. My folks are good people—my aunts, uncles, and cousins, they’re all good. I guess I just wanted something more.”

  “And Albert gave you that?”

  “To be honest?” She slowed her step and looked at Seth in the dimming light. “No. Albert didn’t turn out to be the man I thought he was.”

  “And you were married for eight years?”

  “Yes. Eight long, lonely years.” She bit her lip. She hadn’t meant to say that aloud.

  “I’m so sorry, Nancy. I had no idea.”

  “Most people didn’t know, and frankly I don’t know why I’m telling you except that you’re an old friend and easy to talk to.”

  “I hope you know you can always talk to me about anything.”

  His voice was soft and so sincere. Nancy felt touched by his kind spirit. “Thank you.”

  “It’s not like it takes much effort.”

  Nancy laughed. “My family would say otherwise.”

  “Families often do. Now, please continue. Did Albert own the store when you married? Was he already established in Portland?”

  “Yes. He had been running the store for about a year before we wed. Before that, he worked on the river. He was good at saving his money and at making a profit. In fact, when he first proposed, he told me we would have to wait three years to marry until he had a decent profit set aside. Then one day, barely six months later, he told me that the store had been wildly successful and we could marry right away. I was just eighteen and knew my parents wouldn’t approve, so I ran away to marry him here in Portland.”

  “I remember Gabe telling me that in a letter. I was back east at school, and I remember your marriage upset him.”

  “I’m sure. It was quite the gossip for a long time.” She grew uncomfortable and changed the subject. “What about Albert’s papers and ledgers? Have you managed to figure it all out?”

  “I’ve been working on it. There are some peculiarities, to be sure.”

  “Like the coded ledger entries? I looked through them when I was collecting them. I had no idea what most of the notations meant, but they seemed particularly strange.”

  “Indeed. I’m working on it, along with the nameless IOUs.”

  “I didn’t notice those. I suppose I was in a hurry to collect things and be off.”

  “Well, they caught my attention because John said your husband didn’t believe in having debts.”

  Nancy nodded. “That’s true. If he couldn’t pay cash for something, he didn’t buy it. He saved his money faithfully and always told me to do the same with any extra that came my way.”

  “Yet he borrowed money from someone, at least according to those IOUs.”

  “I can’t see that being the case. Are you sure they aren’t IOUs from someone who has borrowed from Albert?”

  Seth slowed his step. “No. That much is clear. These are pledges for Albert to repay. The only thing in question is to whom the money is owed.”

  They had reached the boardinghouse, and Nancy could just make out someone on the porch. “It would appear I have a guest.” As they drew near, she stiffened. “That’s Mr. Hanson. He’s the one I mentioned coming to see me months ago. He says Albert owes him weapons and whiskey.”

  “I’ll speak to him about it,” Seth said, slipping his hand in hers. “Don’t be afraid.”

  “It just makes me uncomfortable. I know so little about what Albert did in his business. I feel bad if this man paid out a great deal of money and has nothing to show for it.”

  “I assure you, John and I will see him fairly dealt with.”

  They approached the porch steps, and Nancy pulled away from Seth’s hold.

  Hanson got to his feet. “Evenin’, Mrs. Pritchard. Do you remember me?”

  “Yes, I was just explaining who you are to Mr. Carpenter. He’s one of my lawyers.”

  Seth extended his hand. “Mr. Hanson.”

  They shook hands, sizing each other up. Hanson spoke first. “I meant to return sooner, but business kept me away. I’ve come to find out about my whiskey and guns.”

  Nancy looked to Seth. “I know nothing about them, Mr. Hanson. However, Mr. Lincoln and Mr. Carpenter have been handling my husband’s estate.”

  “We would be happy to speak with you in our offices,” Seth declared, taking a step back to stand with Nancy.

  “Why can’t you just speak to me here and now?” Hanson asked. “I want my goods.”

  “I understand that, but there’s something you must understand. There are no holdings of whiskey or guns at the store. No record of a sale or even an order of such items with your name on it.”

  “We dealt in a handshake,” Hanson said gruffly. “It’s always been good enough in the past.”

  “Were you used to purchasing firearms and whiskey from Mr. Pritchard?”

  �
�Yes. We’d been doing it for years.”

  “To what purpose?” Seth asked. “Were you setting up a militia?”

  Hanson wasn’t to be intimidated. “I travel and resell to folks who aren’t close to a city.”

  Seth nodded. “Do you by any chance know if Mr. Pritchard had a separate warehouse somewhere?”

  “I figured he did, but I don’t know where.”

  “And neither do we, unfortunately. If there are whiskey and weapons to be had, then they must be stored in another location, since there was no sign of them at the store. And so far no one seems to have any idea where that might be. It almost appears as though Mr. Pritchard was trying to conceal his connection to that inventory.”

  “It doesn’t change the fact that I want my goods. Understand?”

  Hanson was at least double Seth’s weight, and Nancy feared what might happen if he decided to strike a blow.

  “I completely understand.” Seth smiled and reached inside his coat pocket.

  Hanson stepped back and looked defensive. When Seth drew out a business card, Hanson remained stiff, and his eyes narrowed.

  “This is my card,” Seth said. “The address to our office is just under my name. Come see me tomorrow around ten, and we’ll do what we can to accommodate you. I’m sure we can figure out something—perhaps a refund, if you can help us with any kind of proof of your order.”

  Hanson took the card. “A refund, eh?”

  “Of course. If Mr. Pritchard took your money and didn’t supply the goods you ordered, then you are entitled to a refund.”

  The screen door opened, and Clementine smiled at them from just inside the house. “I thought I heard you out here. Seth, can you come to the kitchen and help me with the stove? The oven door is loose.”

  “Sure thing. I’ll be right there.” He looked at Mr. Hanson. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” Seth headed toward the door.

  Nancy followed quickly behind him, but not quickly enough. Hanson reached out and grabbed her arm. She wanted to call out to Seth, who was already deep in conversation with Clementine, but Hanson gave her no chance.

  “Listen to me, lady. I don’t want a refund. I want to know where those guns are. The whiskey too. I’m tired of waiting, and you’d best get to finding my stuff.”