~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I'm sorry but we need to close,” the bar tender said.
I looked around and saw everyone was gone and felt a tear hit my cheek. No one had bothered to come over and talk to me after Chris left to supposedly go talk to some of the others.
All I wanted was to be accepted for me. No strings attached. I hadn't heard from any of the men from my old unit since before I moved, and now even those I thought might care among the people I had thought were my friends didn't seem to care.
I felt so alone, and so scared. What did it matter any longer? The last few times I tried calling Kathy I got nothing but an answering machine, Gordon wouldn't let Sarah answer the phone just in case I called. Mom and dad acted like I was some stranger they never knew, and tonight the only man I thought I could trust walked away as soon as he found out who I am.
I stood and walked out to my car and slid behind the wheel wishing I could be anywhere but where I was. I just wanted to have someone treat me like I belonged.
“Sam can we talk please?” Chris asked.
“What do you want Chris? Just leave me alone,” I said.
“Sam I think that's the problem. I did leave you alone,” he said.
I didn't want to hear this so started the car and pulled it into reverse making Chris jump back or get hit by the swing of the car turning.
“Samantha Waters, stop!” Chris yelled.
“What did you call me Chris? Who do you think you are?” I said.
“Someone who cares,” he said.
“You have a hell of a strange way of showing it.” I slammed my car door and pulled the car into drive and hit the gas just as he rattled the passenger door trying to get in.
I drove out by the base and sat there waiting for the airplanes to land and take off. Chris had scared the hell out of me when he called me Samantha. Was he really that sure of who I was now that he knew I was White Rose commander?
I felt the tears burning tracks down my face and blurring my vision. I sat there until the sun came up and wondered if Irene had gone and picked up the girls from her mothers yet. She had left me sitting in the bar long before Chris walked away from me, which hadn't really been much of a surprise.
The colors in the sunrise banished the depression a little and when they faded into the full light of morning I headed back for the house and noticed Irene's car wasn't sitting in the drive so headed over to her mothers to see if maybe she was over there picking up the girls.
“Sam. I guess you're here to pickup the girls?” Irene's mother greeted me.
“I take it Irene isn't here,” I said.
“We haven't seen her since the two of you dropped the girls off last night,” she said.
“Did she at least call?” I asked.
“You know better than that Sam,” she said.
“Yea I guess I do. If the girls are up I'll get them out of your hair,” I said.
The girls both seemed to be excited to see me, when I walked in the house.
“Were you good girls for grandma?” I asked kneeling down and catching both of them in my arms.
“Sam I hate to ask this, but don't either you or Irene talk about God with these two?” Irene's mother asked.
“I don't believe in god ma'am, I have no idea whether Irene does or not. If she does I think the god she believes in is the god of self indulgence,” I said.
“That's not a nice thing to say Sam,” she said.
“I'm sorry, I didn't mean that in a bad way, it's just she seems to think more of herself than she does the girls,” I said.
“I know these two love you though. They don't seem to be able to stop talking about all the things you do for them,” she said.
“I... I don't know what to say. I know I love them,” I said.
“Did you know that Kathy has started calling you mommy Sam?” she asked me.
“N...n...no I wasn't aware of that. I'll have a talk with her about the difference between men and women,” I said.
I got the kids out in the car and headed for home.
“Kathy did you tell grandma I was mommy Sam?” I asked.
“But you don't say anything when I call you mommy,” Kathy said.
Had she really been calling me mommy without me even being aware she was doing it.
“You aren't in trouble Kathy. I guess if you've been calling me mommy I haven't noticed, or maybe it's because I wish I could be your mommy. For now though I think it might be better if you just call me Sam, can you do that for me?” I asked.
When I pulled in the driveway Irene's car still wasn't there. I helped the girls out of the car and into the house, wondering what I was going to fix them for breakfast.
I got the girls in and saw a message on the answering machine.
“Sam is there any chance you could pickup the girls from moms. I probably won't be home until Monday, I hope that won't be to much of an inconvenience for you,” Irene said.
So it was just the girls and I for the weekend.
“Sam is mom coming home?” Kathy asked.
“I'm right here honey,” I said.
“You won't leave us will you?” she asked.
“No I won't leave you. I won't ever leave my two little angel girls,” I said.
All I wanted was to let these two know I would always be here for them. That I loved them so much and as much as they needed me I needed them as well.
I thought about calling Kathy to see if there was any chance of picking up at least one of the boxes I had in storage at her house. I picked up the phone and started dialing and let it ring three times.
“You've reached the Nielson residence, we aren't able to get to the...” the answering machine started.
“Hello, this is Kathy may I help you?” my sister said.
“Really? It's been so long I can't help but wonder if it really is Kathy,” I said.
“What do you need Sam?” she asked.
“I was thinking of coming over and getting a couple boxes I have there, if it would be alright that is,” I said.
“Sam you can come over and get that stuff any time you want,” she said.
“I'm going to have a couple kids with me,” I said.
“I take it their mother ran off for the weekend leaving you stuck with them,” she said.
“We can talk when I get there. I need to get some breakfast for the girls and then we'll be over,” I said.
I scrambled up some eggs and fixed toast making sure I cut the crust off since neither of them would eat it if the crust was still there.
While the girls ate I went in my room hoping just maybe I hadn't packed all my Samantha clothes in the boxes I had at Kathy's.
The Hidden Rose Page 81
