Play Me (Jaded Ivory Book 5)

by Rebecca Brooke

  She smacked me on the chest. “Don’t you dare. Be serious for a moment. You know it’s only a weekend, right? Forty-eight hours. I’ll be back Sunday night.”

  I sighed. “I know. But that still doesn’t answer the question.”

  “I know. I’m not sure I can answer it now. The army gave me back my life. At least the one I originally planned. I don’t know what I’ll do when my time is up.”

  While I wasn’t a fan of her answer, I had to respect it. She didn’t say what I wanted to hear because it would make me happy. She was honest. At the same time, I didn’t like the idea of her signing up for another four years. And maybe that was a bit selfish of me considering we traveled all the time. Deep down I knew that really wasn’t the reason I didn’t want her to sign up again. It was the idea that she could get sent overseas. A weekend away was nothing compared to months deployed.

  “Doesn’t that mean there’s more of a chance you could get deployed?” I tried to keep my tone of voice even. I didn’t want her to know how much it bothered me.

  “I guess, but that could happen at any time. Even now.”

  “But you only have months left on this contract.”

  “Yes, and that means the army decides where I go for those months. They could leave me here or send me somewhere.”

  I bit the inside of my cheek to keep myself from telling her that was fucking crazy. Once I was sure I could be rational, I asked another question that popped into my head. “Does that happen often?”

  “Not really. I guess troops have been sent, but usually they’re just replacements to give the full-time soldiers a chance to go home to their families. Honestly, it all depends.”

  My mouth dropped open. I couldn’t believe they would send someone overseas when there were only a little over ten months left on their contract. Wouldn’t it make more sense for someone who had years left to head overseas? Maybe. But that didn’t make it a reality. Until her contract expired the army was in charge. I didn’t have to like it, but I had to respect it.

  I swallowed back my protest and tried for a smile. “Well, let’s hope no one needs a break. I’m not sure I’m gonna survive the weekend.”

  I adopted a fake pout and was rewarded with her laughter.

  “I think you’ll be just fine.” She snatched the remote out of my hand. “That is unless you watch our show without me.”

  She lifted a brow as she pressed play, the show starting exactly where we left off. Megan huddled down as she got sucked into the episode, while my mind wandered. I didn’t think I had as much faith in me as she did. She’d only come back into my life a month ago and her friendship had become a vital part of the day. Seeing her, spending time doing things we both liked. I knew there was a time I found things to do on my own. Then a few weeks with Megan and I suddenly forgot.

  This weekend was going to suck. Hopefully, I could find a way to amuse myself without my friends giving me too much shit about being miserable.

  21

  Megan

  I dropped my bag on the bed for the weekend. The room I’d been assigned this time had more space than my last one. A small kitchenette and a desk sat in the first part of the room. The bathroom separated that from the sleeping quarters.

  Still thirty minutes before I had to report for duty at the hospital, I unpacked my uniforms and toiletries for the weekend. My phone burned a hole in my pocket. I wanted to know what Jackson was up to. Was he bored without me there?

  Probably not.

  Most likely, he planned to spend the weekend with the members of the band. Something I’m sure he missed hanging out with me. I wondered if he would ever notice that I was gone.

  I knew being only friends with him would be a test in willpower I’d lose. No amount of preparations would protect my heart from a man I never stopped loving. This weekend was the ultimate test, and I already felt like I’d left a part of myself behind when I drove away this morning.

  How could he not see it?

  If I thought it would get me anywhere, I’d tell him in a heartbeat. But I knew it wouldn’t. Slipping my fingers into the side pocket of my fatigues, I pulled out my phone and opened the pictures.

  Pictures at the park, the movies, or even selfies of us watching TV filled the screen. I tapped on one, watching it open to full screen. Jackson sat behind me with his arm wrapped around my chest, holding me. I remembered the exact moment the shot was taken. We’d been binge watching movie classics we loved as kids.

  Anyone who looked at that picture would think we were a couple. But I knew better. I knew that picture showed the lie for what it was worth, my eyes telling the whole story.

  I wanted more.

  More of him. More of us.

  The exact more I told him would be a problem from the beginning. I knew my limits and not falling in love with Jackson wasn’t mine.

  With ten minutes to get to the hospital, I put my phone on silent and shoved it into my pocket. The last thing I needed was to be distracted waiting for a call or a text that would likely never come in over the weekend.

  I slid the door key into my other pocket and left the barracks.

  The hospital was a quick walk across the base, so I didn’t bother with my car, hoping the fresh air would clear my head.

  I shoved open the door and the familiar smell of antiseptic filled my nose. My job didn’t change during drill weekends. The only difference was where I did it and some of the injuries.

  But even a lot of that was the same. Enough civilians hurt themselves doing something they shouldn’t be. I checked in with the head nurse and started my rounds. At some point this weekend, I had a triage drill. Useful for the newer nurses and good practice, but for anyone shipping out, things were very different in a desert where you didn’t speak the same language as the people who lived there.

  The hospital was quieter than I expected driving up there. That or my brain was playing tricks on me. I finished up meeting the patients and made my way to the nurses’ station.

  Two younger nurses stood and saluted. “Ma’am,” they said in unison.

  “Relax, Sergeants. There’s no need for formalities every time I come to the nurses’ station tonight. I’m Lt. Commander Randall. I’ll be your head nurse for the night.”

  Both nodded at me. “Nice to see you, Lt. Commander Randall, I’m Sgt. Thomas.”

  “Did you just transfer in?” Both of their faces were unfamiliar to me. Which meant they were transfers or had just finished Officer Training School and this had been their first station.

  “No, ma’am. We just finished OTS.”

  Newbies for the night. I could work with this. I turned my attention to the other nurse. “And you are?”

  “Sgt. Kelley, ma’am.”

  Her eyes continued to scan my face like she was looking for something.

  “Is there something wrong, Sgt.?”

  She shook her head. “No, ma’am, it’s just that you look really familiar.”

  I lifted a shoulder. “I’m not exactly sure where from if this is your first station.”

  Her eyes darted to the other nurse and back to me. “Permission to speak freely, ma’am.”

  “Of course.”

  “It’s not the army, ma’am. You’re dating Jackson Hadden.”

  Shit.

  I should’ve known better than to think the people on base hadn’t seen my picture with Jackson. Being on a military base didn’t stop people from reading gossip magazines and watching gossip blogs, all of whom were speculating about the latest woman with Jackson.

  I lifted my hands up. “Okay, let’s clear this up now. No, I’m not dating Jackson. We’ve known each other since college and just met up again a few months ago. We’re friends. Nothing more, nothing less.”

  The word friends tasted bitter rolling off my tongue. Then I realized, I didn’t have to explain anything to these women. I was a superior officer. I could tell them to drop it and that would be the end of it. At least in my presence. I had no control what
they talked about in their own barracks.

  I guess a part of me wanted it out in the open. Being linked with Jackson had become exhausting, especially since it wasn’t true. And that hurt most of all.

  Everyone else saw us as a couple except the one man who could actually make us one.

  “I’ve seen you everywhere with him lately.” Her brow lifted skeptically.

  “Like I said, we’re just friends.”

  “Sure, you are,” a voice said from behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see Julie Matthews.

  I rolled my eyes. “Don’t give them any ideas.”

  Julie came up and gave me a quick hug. “It’s good to see you and not in a tabloid.”

  We’d had the same drill weekend rotation for the last three years.

  “I honestly wanted to throw up the first time I saw my picture in one.”

  She laughed and set a stack of files on the desk. “I can only imagine, but that’s what you get for being besties with a rock star.” She turned to the two sergeants. “Ladies, these files need to be updated in the computer system tonight. I’d like you to work on them unless a patient or doctor needs you.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” they said in unison as they reached for the files.

  “Thank you.” Julie turned to face me. “Let’s walk.”

  I nodded and followed her away from the nurses’ station and down the hall. “So, you want to tell me how you ended up on the front of a tabloid?”

  I leaned my head against the wall, closing my eyes. It seemed like I had to tell this story over and over again the last few weeks. “I met Jackson in college. We actually dated until I joined the army without telling him.”

  “He dumped you because you joined the army?” Disgust laced her tone. “At a time when he should’ve been supporting you? I don’t know why you bother.”

  My eyes opened. Time to set the record straight. “He didn’t dump me. I dumped him.”

  Her jaw dropped. “Why would you leave a man like him? I get he wasn’t famous, but that man is hot as hell.”

  I couldn’t help but agree. “He is. But I had to leave.”

  I told her about the trouble I’d gotten into and how the army had gotten me out of it. Giving me back something I never thought I would have again. When I told her about Jackson showing up in the ER and finally getting a chance to tell him the truth, she joined me against the wall and wrapped her arm around my shoulders.

  “Oh shit, Megan. I had no idea.”

  “That’s okay, most people don’t. It’s not a story I tell often.”

  We stood there for a moment, then she asked her next question. “Still doesn’t explain why you aren’t together now.”

  “I’m pretty sure I’m lucky he’s even willing to speak to me after everything I did. He told me he just wants to be friends.”

  Sympathy filled her gaze. “But that’s not what you want.”

  I shook my head. “No. It’s not. While the years passed and he learned to hate me even more, I spent the nights in the desert thinking about the first time I’d be able to see him again. Tell him I still loved him. Maybe even more than the first time.”

  “Oh, Megan. I’m sorry. That can’t be easy.” She squeezed my shoulder a little tighter.

  “It’s not. But I’m willing to take what I can get, even if it means just being friends.”

  “You know where to find me if you ever want to talk. My door is always open.”

  “Thanks, Julie. I might take you up on that.”

  “Good.” Her brows drew together and she pulled her phone from her pocket. “I have to get back downstairs. Let me know if you need my help on this floor tonight.”

  She patted me on the arm, then headed off toward the elevator. I turned back toward the entrance that would lead me to the nurses’ station and stopped right before going back inside. No need to encourage the gossip anymore by texting Jackson.

  Me: What did you find to do?”

  It didn’t take long for my phone to vibrate in my hand.

  Jackson: Heading over to hang out with Heath and Sawyer. What about you?

  Me: My shift already started. I just wanted to see what you were up to.

  Jackson: Don’t work so hard tonight.

  Me: I’ll do my best.

  I turned the phone off and slipped it into my pocket. Otherwise, I had a feeling I’d end up waiting for Jackson to text all weekend and I knew how well that would do for my self-esteem. This weekend would be my chance to have a detox from Jackson. Maybe if I could push aside my feelings for him while we weren’t together, I could better control my feelings for him when we were together.

  It might be my only chance to get a hold on whatever was happening between us, especially if Jackson didn’t want to see me the same way I saw him.

  I pushed the door to the floor open and moved back to the nurses’ station, picking up a few of the folders on my way. After that I sat down at one of the computers, ready to answer any information necessary. Mind numbing but effective at keeping myself busy.

  Let the detox begin.

  22

  Jackson

  With a sigh, I dropped down onto the couch next to Heath.

  “This whole army reserve thing sucks.”

  Monty and Heath shared a look. Heath shook his head at him and brought his attention back to me.

  “Why does it suck?” Heath watched me closely.

  “’Cause Megan is stuck on base for the next forty-eight hours.”

  Monty shrugged. “And? You have other friends to hang out with.”

  “Yeah, but hanging out with her is different.”

  Heath looked at Monty again. “He doesn’t even hear himself.”

  I sat up and turned to face Heath directly. “What’s that supposed to mean? Of course I hear myself.”

  A shout of laughter burst from Monty. “Damn, and I thought I was the one who missed it all.”

  “What the hell are you guys talking about?” My gaze bounced back and forth between the two of them.

  Jenna strolled through the room and bent down to place a kiss on Heath’s cheek on the way by. “He hasn’t figured it out yet, has he?”

  I threw my hands up in the air and stood. “What haven’t I figured out? If you guys are going to play the cryptic games, I’m going home to be miserable by myself.”

  “Not that we really want to hang out with your ass if you’re going to be miserable all night, but we think it’s time we talked,” Heath said.

  Monty leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Dude, Megan is way more than your friend.”

  “No, she’s not. We’re only friends. We said that from the beginning.”

  Monty rolled his eyes. “I don’t care what you said. That woman is more than your friend. And I’m pretty positive she’d be thrilled if you finally admitted it.”

  I sat back down, resting my knee on top of my thigh. “There’s nothing to admit. We’re friends. We hang out together. That’s it.”

  “Jenna, help us, please.”

  “Oh, sweetie.” She walked around and took the seat next to me, placing her hand on my leg. “When was the last time you spent time with someone besides her?”

  “I’m here tonight, aren’t I?”

  “Not including tonight,” she said.

  “I don’t remember. Hell, I don’t remember what I had for breakfast yesterday.”

  “You can’t tell us the last time because there hasn’t been one since you and Megan became friends. You spend all your time with her. Even bringing her along when we all hang out together.”

  “Don’t you think it’s a little weird she’s willing to hang out with couples, as your friend?”

  “We eat pizza and watch movies together. That’s what friends do.”

  “Yeah, once in a while. Not every damn night. Not unless they want to be more, but they don’t want to admit it to themselves.”

  “There’s nothing to admit.”

  “Yes, there is," Jenna said. �
�Jackson, hon, you are still completely head over heels in love with that woman. Why is it so hard to admit it?”

  Could they be right? Was I still in love with Megan? I loved spending time with her. Getting dinner, laughing at ridiculous movies like we always did. I missed the hell out of her when she was at work or away, like this weekend. And they were right, there hadn’t been many days since that night at the club that I’d spent away from her.

  God, I really was still in love with her.

  My eyes slid closed. “How can I be such an idiot?”

  Jenna covered my hand with hers. “You’re not an idiot. It just took you a little longer to realize the truth.” Jenna glanced over at Heath, a warm smile dawning on her lips. “Even when it’s right in front of you.”

  “I’m glad you finally did.”

  “Me too.” She brought her attention back to me. “Now, can you please put that poor woman out of her misery? Every time you’re together, she watches you longingly, like she’s waiting for you to realize she’s there.”

  “Dude,” Monty said. “I’ll be honest. I don’t think she ever stopped loving you. Even you said she left to protect you. To make sure you finished school.”

  Heath nodded. ‘That’s not the action of someone who sees you as a friend.”

  I leaned forward and dropped my head into my hands. “How do I tell her that when I’ve been preaching to her that we can be friends?”

  Monty smirked. “Sink your dick in her. I’m sure she’ll get the idea.”

  “Monty!” Jenna’s eyes went wide.

  “Jesus, Monty,” Heath said at the same time.

  I smacked him in the back of the head. “Don’t be an ass. I can only imagine what Allana would say if she heard you.”

  Monty lounged back and put his feet up on the table. “Good thing she’s at home, getting ready for the school year.”

  Jenna winked at me. “Good thing she’s on her way over.”