Illuminate: Upper YA Paranormal Romance

by Sarah Addison-Fox

  His eyebrows rose in surprise. His chest tightened at the tears appearing as she threw up her hands. “You are Luminary, Tarquin. I saw it in you. I feel it in you. But there’s something…”

  His breath seized in his chest, locked inside, while he waited for her to speak. “Something?”

  She dropped her gaze to study the pine needles on the floor, her voice just above a whisper. “Something I don’t understand.”

  Tarquin’s heart began to thud too quickly, the anger tempered by shock. “But you said you’ve done this—this illumination thing—before?”

  Her head snapped up, the flash of brilliance in her eyes dying as her gaze swept across his face. “I have. But you’re not, I mean, you aren’t—”

  Her voice trailed off as though she couldn’t speak the words that might bring him some relief, some understanding of what was happening to him. She was supposed to be the key to unlocking his memories. “I’m not what?”

  Merrin’s voice held a waver, though she met his eye. “You aren’t just a Luminary.”

  Ice began to spread through his veins at the worry on her face. “Then what am I?”

  Merrin stared at him for a long moment before her breath escaped in a rush. “I need to find out. But I can’t take you to the others. Not until we know you aren’t a threat.”

  A burning lump descended from his throat to his stomach as he stared at her. He no longer cared about how his words might impact her. Threat.

  He needed to get away from her. She was the cause of all of this confusion. Before she’d shown up, he’d been…what? Happy? Sure of himself? Content?

  His memories were scattered to the wind, but Tarquin knew he’d never been any of those things.

  But was not knowing better? What if he was something worse than hunter? What if that was why he couldn’t remember anything?

  Without a word to Merrin, he turned on his shaking legs and prepared to return to the one place he could still remember clearly.

  Maybe if he could stand the flogging that would accompany his return, Tartarean would show him what he was.

  ***

  Merrin kept behind her charge, making sure he couldn’t see her as she followed in his wake. That he was angry with her rankled her.

  There was something about him that wriggled under her skin and caused her own anger to spark to life.

  I shouldn’t let him annoy me so much.

  He paused up ahead and pivoted abruptly, causing her to duck behind a tree for cover.

  She waited for a few moments, her heart jumping about as she considered where he was likely heading.

  She couldn’t let him get that far, not after trekking half the day to get him away from the Tartarean’s stronghold.

  In the forest, her forest, she could better sense danger coming. But out past the rocks he was almost at, nothing but the very danger she’d sought to protect him from would greet him.

  Tartarean wouldn’t take kindly to one of his hunters being illuminated. It would lead to nothing but more pain for Tarquin.

  Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he needed her.

  A ripple crept down her spine as he neared the boundary lines. A few more metres and they’d be right back where they started.

  Merrin straightened her shoulders and skirted him, moving as swiftly as possible until she was directly across from him.

  A flicker of amusement crossed his face before he stared in her direction. “You followed me?”

  Merrin shrugged, trying to keep her thoughts from showing. “I can’t let you leave here. It’s not safe. Why won’t you listen to reason?”

  He snorted and leant against the nearest tree. “Maybe I’d listen to reason if you hadn’t dragged me here, drugged me then still refused to answer my questions.”

  Merrin blanched, her hands dragging to her hips. “I did not drug you. The tonic helps you to sleep, and it usually brings out more memories.”

  He threw his hands up. Though he looked exhausted, his temper still held him. “It doesn’t matter. I’m leaving.”

  Merrin shook her head. “With no supplies, no warm clothing and no idea of where you’re heading?”

  Tarquin’s eyes flashed in response, giving her hope she was wrong about him. A Luminary was never more apparent than when their emotions took hold of them.

  That was why she’d noticed him in the trees. The thought jolted her. He’d been feeling something strongly enough that his true nature had shone through.

  “Tarquin. Fine. You win. I can tell you what you want.”

  His eyes narrowed. “All of it?”

  Merrin gulped. Could she tell him all? Was it worth the risk? She could try to stop him leaving, but she’d run the risk of hurting him and undoing what little progress they’d made.

  Trust was essential. And so far, he had no reason to trust her. She needed to give him something to hold on to.

  “Yes.”

  He worked his jaw, eyes scanning their surroundings. “Tell me here.”

  Merrin released her breath slowly. As in the ruins, her tongue seemed to protest at the release of words she normally found easy.

  Why was he so awkward to be around? Had she lost touch of dealing with those her own age?

  Her exasperation seemed to meld with his, and she sighed. “What would you like to know?”

  Tarquin adjusted his footing and peered at her, doubt evident in his voice. “You said you’ve done whatever this is before, but you’re completely clueless.”

  Merrin’s cheeks blazed under the insult, her fists clenching at her sides. “I’m doing the best I can. Whatever I do I’m wrong, I can’t take you back to Evanswood, and I can’t let you go!”

  His jaw slackened. “What are you saying? You’re going to force me to stay here with you till you can figure it all out?”

  He didn’t wait for her to even attempt a reply. “Do you even realise how insane that sounds? Why would I stay here? You’ve no clue as to what I am, let alone how to help me!”

  The light behind his eyes began to intensify as he glared at her. “You showed me something back there. You started it. Now finish it, or I take my chances with whatever it is I seem to have forgotten, because I’m beginning to think you have other reasons for wanting me to stay with you.”

  Merrin’s eyes popped. “What are you saying?”

  He gestured around the forest. “What are you doing all the way out here? What are you, some kind of outcast?”

  Merrin bristled at how close he’d cut. “You don’t know anything about me.”

  He shrugged, the fire in his eyes dimming. “No, I don’t. Which is exactly why it’s crazy to stay here when you won’t explain what happened to me.”

  She blew out a breath, frustration curling around her body. “Fine! I’ll tell you. But you won’t like everything I have to say.”

  He eyed her before he slumped to the ground and folded his arms across his chest. “I’m listening.”

  ***

  His anger was fast dissipating, along with the energy he’d momentarily found. The second she’d appeared in his sights, his anger had mingled with something he loathed to admit resembled relief.

  She hadn’t given up on him. Despite her obvious annoyance, she was genuine. Even if she was genuinely annoyed with him. Whatever she thought she was doing with him, she was persistent.

  I’ll give her that at least.

  He dropped his glare down a notch and waited for her to settle across from him, folding her legs under her, her voice carried a wobble as she began to speak. She cleared her throat, her eyes drifting about as though she couldn’t look at him. More worry trickled down his spine at the apprehension on her face.

  A bird trilled overhead, the smell of wild lavender on the breeze, a breeze that had seemed to grow colder the further he got from her hut.

  Or did the warmth come from her? He shook off the foolish notion and stretched out his foot to nudge her into speaking.

  “I’m not sure where to start exact
ly. But I was like you not that long ago. I was living a life without any real memory of where I’d come from or why I was where I was. I wasn’t hunting like you. I was inside a castle, in the kitchens where every day I got up at the same time. I worked till I dropped then went to bed and did exactly the same thing the next day.”

  She swallowed, her eyes downcast as she carried on. “It never really bothered me that I didn’t know much. I guess I was so ignorant of how it could be, I never really tried to think.”

  A dark look flittered across her face. “That’s the way they like it. Tartarean rely on the complacency of their captures. My mind was so tattered at that point, so filled with distractions, I never placed any real importance on anything outside the kitchen windows.”

  Tarquin’s throat thickened with the similarities. No wonder she kept saying she knew. She really did have an understanding of how confused he was.

  He let her continue even though the questions were building. Her eyes found his, and the brightness flickered before dimming. “One day I was outside feeding the chickens when a man approached me and asked me a simple question.”

  Though he wasn’t sure why, Tarquin’s heart began to beat a little quicker. “What did he ask you?”

  Merrin’s lips twitched, her eyes staring past him as though remembering. “He asked me if I’d like to see the spring flowers in the meadows.”

  He frowned heavily, the words on his lips before he could stop him. “That was the question?”

  She chuckled. “I know not exactly earth-shattering, but it got me thinking. Did I want to see past the boundaries that had been erected for me? Once he asked that question, I started to ask him a whole lot more questions. Finally, before he left, he asked the most important question of all…”

  She held his gaze, and this time the question didn’t seem irrelevant or pointless. This time the question made his face heat and his veins fire in response.

  “He asked me if I ever had a choice.”

  Tarquin held his breath as the strange girl peered at him. “Did you, Tarquin? Every day that you were sent out to hunt. Did they ever ask you what you wanted?”

  His hands began to tremble with one of the few memories that did remain intact. “I asked once. That was one time too many.”

  Merrin’s jaw tightened, her eyes blazing so brightly he squinted against the intensity. “They hurt you?”

  His nod was weak, and he hated that the cold seemed to be spreading through him. As though the memory caused it to run through him again. He dropped his gaze and tried to stop the trembles threatening again.

  “Twelve lashings. For questioning, I was made an example.”

  Merrin inhaled sharp enough for him to snap his head up. “An example to who?”

  Tarquin frowned as he tried to recall something he knew must be of vital importance.

  Were there others? Locked away in the caves? Why couldn’t he remember anything clearly?

  “I don’t know. I can’t remember.”

  Merrin nodded, frustration edging into her voice. “I’m sorry. It’ll come back. One day you’ll remember all the others who were with you. Just like I did.”

  Her smile was sad as she carried on. “Anyway, he convinced me to leave. And I did. He took me to Evanswood and showed me who I really was.”

  Tarquin’s nod was limp. “How long did it take? To remember I mean?”

  Merrin chewed her lip. “Around a month. But I wasn’t a hunter. They usually take longer to recover completely.”

  All the wind left his lungs. “How much longer?”

  She winced. “I’ve only met one other hunter.”

  Something akin to fear flashed over her face; the cold he’d felt encroaching covered him, causing shivers to run the length of his back.

  Merrin was on her feet in a heartbeat, desperation on her face. “We need to go. They’re looking for you. It’s not safe this close to the boundary.”

  Tarquin shifted his weight so he could peer into the clearing, marking the edge of the forest. “I don’t see anything.”

  She shook her head, the slightest of scolding in her tone. “You never see them coming. You feel them, Tarquin. Now get up and come back where I can keep you safe.”

  She extended her hand, her eyes scanning the area surrounding him. “Please.”

  He grasped her hand and nearly crashed back to the ground at how warm it was. She squeezed her fingers around his and tugged not so gently for him to follow.

  Tarquin gripped her hand tighter as though she were a lifeline for him to cling to. He didn’t fight her as she led him back. Why would he ever want to let go of her when her very touch reminded him of something locked deep inside.

  Something he wanted to find again.

  ***

  Merrin pushed Tarquin inside her hut and bolted the door. Muttering under her breath, her heart crashed against her ribs as she sought to control the anger rising.

  It had been stupid to let him venture away. She was making too many mistakes. Whatever he was, she had been led to him, and she still had her duty as Luminary to protect him.

  She waited, closing her eyes as she sought the dark and the cold it brought. When she was sure they’d not ventured past the boundary, she released her breath in a rush and turned to face Tarquin. “They’re gone. For now.”

  He slumped into a chair, all raw tension as he placed his head in his hands. “How do you know that?”

  Merrin dragged her hand through her hair and took a seat alongside him. “Once the memories come back, you’ll start to see everything that has been stolen from you. Inner sight is something all Luminaries have. You’ll start to feel when danger is near.”

  He peered up at her, confusion creasing his brow. “So, here we are. Back in your pig-sty. Now what?”

  An indignant snort escaped. “Pig-sty?”

  His face contorted as he struggled not to smile. “No offence but I don’t think mushrooms are supposed to grow indoors.”

  He gestured to the remains of a hastily eaten meal before the smile appeared again. Merrin’s heart caught in her chest. A flimsy smile covered her reaction to what was likely an appearance of his true self.

  Onom help her. He was funny.

  “Well, if it’s bothering you that much go ahead and clean up. It’s the least you can do for how I rescued you.”

  His eyes widened before his grin returned. “Ha! Some rescue.”

  The light in his eyes dimmed as he shook his head and seemed to withdraw inside himself again. “So, tell me what else I am.”

  All the amusement left the room as she nodded slowly. “I can’t be sure. But it seems like you’re both Luminary and Tartarean somehow.”

  The cost of admitting it worsened as his confusion and mistrust seemed to return like a flood.

  His eyes sparked angrily. “But you’re trying to keep me from the Tartarean?”

  Merrin shook her head, unwilling for him to go down that track again after she’d just pulled him back into trusting her. “I don’t understand it. I just know what I feel inside you. There’s light, and there’s darkness. It’s like they’re warring and trying to see which one will win.”

  He stared at her blankly before his eyes narrowed. “I’m neither good nor bad? Is that what you’re saying?”

  Merrin scratched her chin, stalling as she tried to put into words what her heart was trying to tell her.

  “The truth is, it’s not supposed to happen. I don’t know how long you’ve been with the Tartarean: maybe that has something to do with it? Once you can tell me when you were taken and sent to them, maybe things will start to make more sense?”

  He pulled a face. “I remember being taken, but I don’t remember how old I was.”

  Merrin eased back in her chair and crossed her ankles. “I was twelve when I was taken. I was fourteen when Chief Jensen rescued me.”

  The dull ache in her chest returned as the memory of her family returned. She shook it off. This wasn’t about her, it was about
saving Tarquin. “It doesn’t matter right now. You are Luminary, just an unusual one. That’s all.”

  He blew out a breath, annoyance trailing over his tanned cheeks. “How did you know where to find me?”

  Merrin smiled easily. Finally, a question she could answer without causing him distress. “I’m a tracker. That’s what I do. Jensen was my tracker. We get assigned a Luminary to find, then let our inner light guide us to who we’re looking for.”

  A light sparked inside his eyes, his mouth opening slightly. “But I could have shot you? You’d be dead if I hadn’t…”

  A flush crossed his cheeks, and she found herself desperately curious to know why he hadn’t fired. “Why didn’t you?”

  He waved his hand, dismissing the question. “It doesn’t matter. But you do this? How often? You said I’m your fourth? That doesn’t seem like a whole lot of experience to me.”

  Her own cheeks heated as his eyes narrowed. All her insecurities and doubts rose to the surface where she’d tried so hard to suppress them.

  “I know what I’m doing.”

  Instead of the anger she expected, he laughed again and shook his head. “No, you don’t. Not with me anyway. You’re out of your depth, and I keep making the mistake of thinking you can help me.”

  He gestured around the hut. “I mean seriously, Merrin, how can you help me get my memories back when you can’t even take care of your home. How are you supposed to keep me safe? Huh? What can you possibly do that I can’t?”

  Merrin rose to her feet, her skin tingling as heat trickled through her body. “I haven’t shown you what I can do because I didn’t want to frighten you.”

  His laugh was caustic as he pulled himself to standing, forcing her to look up at his smirking face. “So far, you’ve shown me light, confused me and told me you’ve no idea what to do with me. If anything, it looks like I should be protecting you.”

  Merrin’s anger unleashed as he laughed at her. “You. Have. No. Idea.”

  To prove her point, Merrin grabbed him and showed him exactly what she could do.

  ***

  Pain blazed down his skin, hot needles tearing into him. This was nothing like the pleasant warmth he’d felt earlier. Worse than the pain was the searing knowledge Mirren was looking inside him, peeling away layers of who he was, layers he couldn’t even see himself.