Illuminate: Upper YA Paranormal Romance

by Sarah Addison-Fox

  With a roar, Tarquin released all the anguish, all the frustration and all the hurt inside him.

  He didn’t notice Merrin until she was rubbing his back and whispering soft words that made it that much harder.

  “You need to come back. We need to figure all this out. Together.”

  He turned to look at her and forced himself to hide the pain though he knew she’d seen it. “I’ll be right there.”

  Merrin cocked her head and frowned. “This part is the hardest. Remembering everything you’ve forgotten. I can only imagine how hard this must be for a hunter.”

  He forced his lips into a smile for her sake.

  No, you can’t possibly imagine.

  Which is why he could never ever tell her the horrors of what he’d really done.

  And who he really was.

  ***

  Inside the tent, with snow falling softly on the ceiling, Merrin knelt alongside Skylar as he sipped water from her canteen. The bruising was still severe, but his colour was returning, and more importantly, he was warm again.

  Tarquin had been silent from the moment they’d stepped back inside the tent. Sitting against the tent wall, hands on knees, his posture was tense and expression grim.

  Not at all like someone set free should look. If anything he looked more despondent than happy like she’d expected.

  Like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. Her gaze drifted from her charge and the reason she felt so confused to Skylar as he handed her back the canteen.

  His eyes were locked on Tarquin. “Seems like I owe you a debt, mate.”

  Tarquin’s head shot up, a wry smile flittered over his face before he nodded. “Don’t mention it.”

  Skylar sniffed. “I won’t be again. And I think it’s time we sorted all this out. Who are you?”

  Merrin swallowed, her heart jumping about in her chest as she waited to see if Tarquin even knew the answer.

  His answer was slow in coming, as though it pained him to speak. “I was Tartarean’s second in command. Until I questioned an order to destroy an entire village, and he demoted me back to hunting.”

  Merrin sucked in a breath as Skylar released his. “That’s why he tried to kill you?”

  Tarquin nodded, his shoulders slumped. “There’s more. Tartarean recruited me from my village because he saw something in me. Something he could use.”

  Merrin’s breath stilled as she waited. Skylar answered before Tarquin even needed to open his mouth. “He saw you were able to control.”

  Tarquin’s anguish was evident in the way his jaw tightened. “I was playing outside my home, trying to get one of my brothers to give up the sparring sword we were fighting over. He gave it to me and started acting strange.”

  Skylar motioned for him to carry on. Tarquin rubbed at the stubble on his chin. “I didn’t understand it then. And I don’t know if I understand it now. But someone must have told Tartarean’s men when they stopped for the night. The next morning they came. And I never saw my family again.”

  Merrin’s eyes watered as she recalled the pain he must be feeling. How many had been taken?

  Skylar shook his head. “Tartarean would have come and wiped away all traces of you.”

  Tarquin’s brow furrowed. “How can he do that? And how can he reach across the country and physically harm me?”

  Skylar shot a look sidelong to her, a question in his upraised eyebrow. “You never told him?”

  Shame filled her again. Her voice was barely audible as she stared at her fingers. “I don’t understand it myself. I was afraid if I told him Tartarean could harm him, he’d run straight back to him.”

  Skylar’s lips pressed together, the slightest eye twitch giving his annoyance away. “Freckles, you can’t just deny the power the dark has.”

  Tarquin glowered from across from her. “Her name is Merrin.”

  Skylar’s mouth turned downward. “Tartarean can hurt you if you are outside of Onom’s protection. Once you accept the light, he can’t harm you physically. But he will do everything he can to cause problems for you. He will also try to convince you that he is stronger than Onom, and he will try to get you to willingly return.”

  Tarquin’s gaze was hard as he nodded. “I think it’s time you told me everything Merrin didn’t.”

  Merrin’s cheeks heated, anger flickering in her belly. “I was trying to protect you. I didn’t want you to end up like…”

  Her stomach turned over as she spoke his name for the first time. “Toby.”

  Tarquin sat back a little, his gaze softer as he looked at her. “You can’t keep trying to protect me by withholding information from me.”

  Skylar nodded alongside her. “He’s right. You can’t protect him. That’s not your job. It never has been.”

  Confusion muddled with the worry. Her frown intensified as she stared at Skylar’s damaged face. “What do you mean it’s not my job? I was sent to track him and protect him while he gained his memories.”

  Skylar’s lips lifted into a smile. “See, now if you’d spent more time studying than learning how to use your…anyway, the point is Tarquin isn’t yours to protect. Neither were any of your charges. Guide, yes. Illuminate, but ultimately you are just the vessel Onom uses to reach the lost.”

  Shock crept through her, her expression slack as she contemplated and tried to understand what Skylar was saying.

  Her mouth opened but all the words were lost as she saw the enormity of her error. By running away and taking a position in the outer reaches, she’d effectively cut herself off from the truth of her purpose—living alone, thinking she was the one who could save those Onom called her to track.

  She wasn’t meant to carry the weight herself, but to lead, to guide and to assist towards the One who really could offer protection.

  Her eyes flooded; her hands began to shake at what a simple misunderstanding had cost her.

  All this time she’d thought it was up to her to protect and save. But it never had been. Never.

  Skylar continued speaking to Tarquin, filling him in on what she’d failed to explain. “Luminary are really just warriors who are given special gifts. Those gifts can be manipulated if the Luminary is kept in the dark or hasn’t fully given themselves to the light. Any abilities you have are granted for Onom’s purpose in this time.”

  Awareness and delight surged through her as she blinked back tears rapidly forming. “I never failed in my task then?”

  Skylar’s smile creased into his eyes. “Never. Not once. Not in the eyes of Onom. You were obedient. You did your job the best you knew how to. That’s all any of us can do.”

  A sob burst from her throat, Skylar’s arm moving around her instantly.

  “I got everything backwards.”

  Skylar’s voice was tender as he squeezed her shoulder. “You did.”

  Merrin sniffed. Her eyes locked on Skylar’s as they blazed a shade of light she’d never seen before.

  His grasped her hand. His eyes still the warmest shade of blue she’d ever seen, he stared down at her hand, the slightest of smiles touching his swollen lips. “We need to get moving. Things are changing. And Tarquin is—"

  Skylar’s words were cut off as he shot to his feet. Merrin’s head snapped towards where Tarquin was standing, his chest rising and falling, his fists curling at the sides of his body as he trembled.

  But worst of all was the black swirling in his eyes. His voice was an angry hiss. “She is mine!”

  ***

  Boiling rage filled him. His entire body filled with it, snaking down his back, roiling through him, tearing at his mind, scattering whatever peace he’d come close to finding.

  He snorted a laugh at the ridiculous thought. He wasn’t at peace. Not even close to it. He was still, underneath it all, a monster trying to play at being nice.

  Pain still tore through him, pain so strong, he felt it physically, though he knew it wasn’t Tartarean causing the pain to batter him so relentlessly.
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br />   He hurt. Inside and out. A scream was locked in his throat, burning at him, threatening to release and prove just how much he did remember.

  He’d show them both. Show them what he was capable of. Then she’d see. See she was wasting her time on a man who was half of what he was.

  One touch and she’d change her mind. One touch and Skylar would back off and go back to the hole he climbed out of.

  It was his presence here that was wrecking everything, wrecking his chances. Hatred began to build inside him, fuelling him to act.

  Fuelling him to harm. Kill. Destroy.

  The thought resounded in his mind, churning with an intensity that made his veins flood with fire.

  Not heat. Fire.

  Skylar’s voice was irritatingly calm as he took a step forward. “Luminary are never more vulnerable to attack when they’re freshly illuminated. I’m not your enemy. Whatever thoughts you’re having right now, make sure they aren’t left over from your old life.”

  A choked sob came from inside him. “What do you know?”

  Skylar raised his eyebrows, his chin dipped, and he pulled back his hair and angled his head. “I have a tattoo, not unlike yours. I was a hunter. I served Tartarean in one of the caves, just like you did. I know what you’ve done. I don’t remember you, but it’s possible we were even inside at the same time.”

  Tarquin stared at the battered man so fiercely holding his gaze. His voice was shaking as he fought the anger tearing through his insides. Was that even possible? Could Skylar really have been inside too? “The things I’ve done…I can’t come back from that.”

  Skylar nodded as he stepped a little in front of a terrified Merrin. “Onom knows what you’ve done. And he still sent Merrin for you. That means something. Something important. But Tartarean knows our weaknesses. And right now, he’s using that. Don’t let him. You have an important part to play in all this. I know it.”

  Merrin’s voice was stronger than he’d thought as she spoke. “This is not the time to fight. Not with each other.”

  Skylar nodded and slowly extended his hand. Knuckles open and bleeding. “There is a war coming, and the best way to weaken us to divide us. You may just be the strongest untrained Luminary I’ve ever seen. Why do you think Tartarean choose you to lead? He was preparing you. You have a choice here. You can leave your past behind, or you can run tail between legs back to a man who rules by fear and cruelty.”

  He left his hand in the air, hovering, waiting for a commitment Tarquin wasn’t sure he was ready to make.

  Merrin’s eyes flashed. “If we don’t stop him, the dark will spread even further, and it will consume Lathrea until all the light is gone. No one will be safe.”

  Skylar nodded. “There will be nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. You were his second in command. You must know what he intends to do?”

  Tarquin closed his eyes, pulling pieces of memories together, as though he were connecting them all together to make a giant puzzle, a puzzle that when completed told him his anger was nothing more than misplaced.

  His eyes shifted from Merrin to Skylar, still holding his muscled arm out in a truce. He stared in Skylar’s eyes, took in evidence of the beating he’d suffered for disloyalty.

  Whatever plans Onom held for him, they involved both the girl he’d fallen for and the muscled Luminary before him.

  He released a sigh, effectively releasing the last of his anger towards a man who’d likely shared a similar history to him and extended his hand.

  His fingers tightened around Skylar’s, his squeeze a little too firm as he tested Skylar’s strength.

  Skylar’s reply was given by means of pain shrieking down his arm. Skylar’s voice flashed in Tarquin’s head before a grin appeared on his battered face.

  The second we finish with the council. You and I are going to have a talk about what you tried with Freckles.

  Tarquin’s lips curled into a half smile, half sneer, the surprise on Skylar’s face evident when he managed to send a ripple of pain back along with his own thoughts.

  Any time you’re ready, let me know.

  Skylar drew away, his eyes narrowing as a hesitant smile bloomed on his face. “Just you remember we’re on the same side.”

  Merrin’s cocked head, the confusion lacing her face enough to hold in the retort.

  There were more important things to worry about than his jealousy.

  War was coming. And even though he was loath to admit it, he needed to understand just what he was capable of before he engaged.

  And if Tartarean no longer held complete power over him, he was free to align himself with whoever he chose to.

  But for now, his choice involved Merrin, even if she were currently giving him a wary glance that spoke volumes of the damage his past had caused them both.

  Tarquin eyes flashed. The words came easily, surprising him. “Take me to the council of Elders.”

  ***

  Two days passed before Skylar was strong enough to leave the confines of the tent. Tarquin had been helpful enough, though Merrin knew he held no love for the Luminary who’d risked his life to find them.

  He’d spoken little of his experience with the light, but every now and then, when he didn’t know she was watching him, his eyes would blaze to life, and the faintest of smiles would cross over his face.

  But the moment he caught her looking, the light would vanish as quickly as it appeared. It was lurking under whatever it was he was trying to hide from her.

  Whatever he was working through, she couldn’t help him with it. He was Luminary, she was sure of it. And she would assist him when she could, but for now, she was still too caught up in his pain to be effective.

  Shame I didn’t see that earlier.

  The mountain descent had been hazardous without a Sherpa, but they’d managed by taking the slowest route, made all the slower by the constant checking for foot soldiers who might be nearby.

  Tarquin had placed himself at the lead, stoically walking the donkey so Skylar could ride. His forehead was creased, his jaw tight as he deflected all of Skylar’s attempts to make conversation.

  By the time they reached base camp, she was exhausted, physically and emotionally. She longed for a moment to sit and be quiet, but the second they’d appeared the Sherpa who Zolten had frightened off had come tearing up to them demanding extra and threatening them all.

  He’d calmed down when she pulled more coins from her pocket, and with a glare he’d muttered something about the ghost in the mountains before stalking off to spend his coin on the ale the mountain folk favoured.

  Now they were back inside the same tent as before. The only difference, Skylar was currently snoring while Tarquin checked his pack, his long legs stretched out.

  A strand of hair fell into his eyes. “You think we’ll take the route past Traventown?”

  Merrin’s eyebrows rose. “What’s in Traven?”

  He swallowed and placed the pack to one side. “Nothing much.”

  She stared at him, the pain so evident it was plain even if he were trying to hide it. “Your family?”

  His eyes flashed before dimming. “I just want to make sure they’re safe. That’s all.”

  Skylar’s snore as he turned on his side stopped her from replying. She waited until she was sure he was asleep before answering. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I told you before Tartarean would be watching them.”

  Tarquin released a long sigh. “I won’t try to persuade you. But I need to know they are alright before leaving, so I’ll be checking in, with or without you.”

  Merrin frowned hard at him, her voice a harsh whisper. “It’s too big a risk. We need to get to the council so you can tell them everything you know.”

  His returned whisper was even harsher than hers. “It’s because of what I know that makes me want to get back to them.”

  He ran a hand over his face and blew out an exasperated breath. “Before I just remembered them and where they were. But now I rememb
er why and how Tartarean found me. I need to make sure they are alright. Can’t you understand that?”

  At the emotion flashing in his eyes, her resolve wavered. She did understand. She’d done the same thing.

  But to see them all, living as though she’d never been a part of their lives…it had torn her into pieces that Tartarean could wipe her out and take her from her close-knit family.

  The pain of remembering them then mingled with the horrible knowledge that to return would cause them grief and confusion and endanger them.

  It had been the hardest decision she’d ever made to just walk away and leave. If Skylar hadn’t been there, she may not of.

  “We’ll talk more about it in the morning.”

  He accepted her dismissal with a despondency that troubled her. He seemed so defeated. After the anger he’d shown towards Skylar, his apathy seemed worse somehow.

  She gave him a smile as he prepared to lay down on his bedroll. “I’m not saying no. I’m just saying that you need to prepare yourself. It hurts. A lot.”

  Tarquin’s eyes locked on to hers, the intensity sending a flush across her cheeks. His smile was tight as he turned on his side. “Don’t worry about me. I’m used to pain. Remember?”

  Her heart jumped at the wording. Remember.

  He closed his eyes, and to the sound of Skylar’s even breathing, Merrin settled in for what she knew would be a sleepless night. Her own memories stirred to life again.

  ***

  Tarquin’s legs propelled him towards the village he’d not set foot in for too many stolen years. Emotions overwhelmed him as the scent of hay mingled with the wild honeysuckle that grew abundantly around his hometown of Traven.

  The fragrance seemed to pull another memory he wasn’t sure he could deal with. Skylar had agreed on the proviso that he stay back, with Merrin keeping a close watch to make sure he stayed out of sight.

  All in case who he really was showed up at the worst possible time. His muscles seemed to remember which way to head.

  He walked, jaw clenched as tight as his fists, Merrin sending him glances as if waiting for him to give them both away.