The Wrong Night

by Katrine Robinson

  Percy peered hard into the darkness. It looked like an old Wellington boot – a large Wellington boot, tipped over on its side. Percy stared at it and rubbed his eyes. Where had it come from? Whose was it? It wasn’t his – it was much too big – and where was the other one? Just then there was a second thump and another boot landed close to the first. This time Percy was watching. It had come from the fireplace!

  And there, dangling in the fireplace was a foot! A foot whose big toe was poking through a large hole in its sock. In fact, not just one foot, because a second big toe was just descending. Percy watched, a mixture of alarm, curiosity and excitement invading his mind, first one by one and then all together – it felt most peculiar. He could feel his heart beating in his chest as he watched the feet swivel round and two legs slowly appear and then the rest of the body. A shower of soot and two brussel sprouts followed as the figure stepped out of the fireplace and slowly stood up and shook itself. Turning back to the chimney, it bent and shouted upwards: “OK, Rudolph!”. A bulging sack hurtled down and bounced onto the hearth. “There’s no need to throw things,” said the figure, crossly, reaching to pick it up and holding one hand to the small of its back as it did so. Percy watched agog – he couldn’t believe his eyes! The figure turned to him:

  “And I don’t know what you’re doing sitting there! You’re supposed to be asleep. How can I do my job if you sit there wide awake?”

  “But..,” began Percy.

  “And another thing, you’re supposed to see that the chimney’s swept before I come round. Not a brush has that chimney seen in a month of Sundays. How do think I’m supposed to keep my beard clean with all that rubbish up there? Youngsters today! – No respect for their elders, no respect at all!” As he spoke he removed two starling feathers and a couple of twigs, shaking them briefly at Percy before tossing them into the fireplace.

  “But…!”

  “And you’re the fifth house tonight with no mince pie or glass of sherry. There’s just no consideration these days! It’s a cold night out there you know.”

  “I…”

  “How would you like it?” the figure rounded on him fiercely. “Having to go all over the place in the middle of the night when any other self respecting person is asleep in their bed, delivering presents to ungrateful children who can’t even be bothered to go to sleep? Still,” added the figure, relenting slightly, “At least you didn’t leave brussel sprouts for Rudolph. They give him terrible wind, you know, but he simply can’t resist them. Imagine it,” he said gloomily, “miles and miles through the snow behind a reindeer with chronic wind.”

  “But it’s the wrong night!” burst out Percy finally.

  “What do you mean, it’s the wrong night?” demanded the figure?

  “It’s the wrong night. You are Father Christmas, aren’t you? Only he’s supposed to come on the night of Christmas Eve isn’t he?”

  “I’m a Father Christmas, yes. But it is Christmas Eve, isn’t it?” he asked anxiously, counting on his fingers as he did so.

  “No,” replied Percy, “it can’t be because we only had school Christmas dinner yesterday, and it’s not the end of term until Friday.”

  “Oh dear!” said Father Christmas. “ Are you sure? Then I must be….,” he counted some more and continued: “A whole week early!He seemed quite deflated and put out by this discovery. “That explains why there weren’t any stockings hanging in the usual places – I had to use three pairs of socks in one house,” he added miserably. Percy felt rather sorry for him.

  “Have you made many deliveries tonight?” he enquired, politely.

  “Only five,” responded the Father Christmas, sitting down heavily and sootily on the end of Percy’s bed. “-but they’ll all have to go back. My name’s Grumbo, by the way. The trouble is that it’s one thing to climb down a chimney and wait for Rudolph to drop the sack down after you, but it’s quite another to climb up a chimney with a full sack. We usually only climb up with empties.”

  “Oh. I see,” said Percy, who was wondering how Grumbo ever managed to climb the chimney at all, even without a sack of presents on his back. He was rather large and the fireplace was quite small.

  “Yes,” continued Grumbo. “And it’s to be done without waking any of them, and paper does rustle so. -And I can’t see how I’m to do it all with my lumbago!”

  “What’s a ‘lumbago’? asked Percy, curiously, wondering if it was some kind of lifting device for overweight Father Christmases.

  “Backache, boy, backache! You’ll know all about it when you get to my age. That and sciatica! Why sometimes these days I can hardly bend to put my wellies on, never mind climb chimneys for ungrateful children.” Percy could see that Grumbo was getting cross again, and he did seem to be in pain. He was rubbing the small of his back as he spoke and little clouds of soot drifted gently onto the duvet as the bed rocked under his weight. “There’s only one thing for it- you’ll have to do it for me,” he continued, leaning back so that the bed creaked alarmingly.

  “But..” said Percy.

  “Oh don’t start ‘butting’ again!” said Grumbo, tetchily. “It’s perfectly straightforward. Rudolph will show you where to go. I’ll just have a short rest while you get on with it. Wake me up when you get back.” - and with this last remark Grumbo stretched out on Percy’s bed, pulled the duvet up comfortably around himself, and closed his eyes.

  *****

  Percy looked at the mass of Grumbo lying there, and then looked at the chimney. A gentle rumbling snore came from the bed, followed by another. Percy hoped his parents couldn’t hear. There seemed nothing for it but to climb the chimney. He picked up Grumbo’s discarded sack and put his arm through the loop of rope that closed the top so that his hand would be free. Then, in some trepidation, he approached the chimney. It looked very dirty. He ducked his head down under the edge and looked up. Far above starlight was twinkling at him from above the chimney pot. He could hear an odd snuffling sound echoing down from the top. Plucking up his courage, he reached both arms high into the blackness and pushed his hands hard against the rough sides of the chimney to support himself. Then he pressed his feet and knees against the sides and moved his arms up again. Then feet…then arms…then feet…then arms…- and in quite a short time he could feel the edge of the chimney pot. He gave one last heave, dragging the sack after himself, and there he was, sitting right on top of the chimney in the crisp frosty darkness under the night stars.

  Chapter 4- Rescuing the Presents

  “You took your time,” said a strange sounding grumpy voice, and a reindeer who had been idly grazing on the moss growing on the tiles and gutter, turned to look at him. “Oh, he’s sent you to do the work for him, has he,” it remarked. “Ah well, first time you’ve climbed a chimney I suppose. Lazy idler’s gone to sleep, I guess?” As if to confirm this, as he spoke, a particularly loud snore reverberated upwards and out of the chimney pot, rather as though someone down below was practising the tuba very badly. Percy jumped at the noise and would have fallen and slid on the roof tiles, but for a steadying hoof put out by the reindeer. “I’m Rudolf,” it added. “I expect he told you.”

  “Er, yes,” said Percy, who had never held a conversation with a reindeer before. “I’m Percy,” he added, politely.

  “Wrong bag, was it?” enquired the reindeer, indicating the fat lumpy sack still attached to Percy’s arm. “He’s hopeless with the labels these days. His writing’s so untidy he can’t even read it himself.”

  “Oh, no,” responded Percy. “It’s just that it’s the wrong day, you see. It won’t be Christmas for another week. I’ve got to go and get the presents back for him before everyone wakes up.”

  “Ah,” said Rudolph. “I told him! I told him he’d read the date wrong, and he wouldn’t believe me. The cuckoo clock got iced-up with the weather you see, and what with that and the stables brussel sprout eating competition making me lig
ht headed I couldn’t be sure if I was mixed up or he was. I might have known! “ He chewed thoughtfully on a particularly succulent patch of moss growing where the guttering pipes had blocked with leaves and overflowed, and then said: “Well, we’d better get on then. If it’s the wrong night the windways will be clear and so we can go as fast as I like without any speed checks. Hop in. -I won the speed sleigh of the year last December, you know,” he added, conversationally, as Percy climbed carefully over the loaded sacks onto the sledge. There was a sudden whoosh and Percy fell backwards against the seat as icy air rushed against him and the sleigh turned to almost vertical.

  Percy clutched at the nearest solid object, which turned out to be a bag containing Grumbo’s spare pair of outsize Wellington boots. “Do you fancy looping the loop?” called out Rudolph from somewhere far above.

  “Erraghhh,,,” was as far as Percy got before he found himself spun upside down pinned against the sleigh cushions by centrifugal force and gazing vertically down at the black holes of the chimney pots.

  “Number 32 coming up,” shouted Rudolph, cheerfully, turning his head as they shot round to upright again and a particularly large snowflake melted inside Percy’s ear.“Not sleigh sick, are you?”

  “No, no. Not at all!” lied Percy, valiantly, still clenching the bag of Wellingtons and wondering where he had left his stomach and if it would ever return.

  “That’s good,” said Rudolph, skidding to a halt on the top of a steep roof between two tall narrow cream coloured chimneys each iced neatly with snow. “Thirty two’s the one on your right. There should be 2 bags – twin girls – same room.”

  “OK,” said Percy, getting gingerly out of the sleigh onto the tiles. His legs felt distinctly wobbly and the ground was a frightening distance away. He shivered and held tightly to the top of the pot, wondering exactly how one set about climbing down a chimney. What if he fell all the way down? Would it make a noise? What if he broke a leg or something? He wouldn’t be able to climb back up with a broken leg. How would he explain what he was doing climbing down a strange chimney in the middle of the night when he was found? They might send him to jail for housebreaking!

  “Oh get on with it,” said Rudolph, but his voice wasn’t unkind. “You’ll find it’s easy when you start. Just keep your knees pressed into the sides and you won’t fall.” he added, helpfully.

  Percy sat on the edge of the chimney pot and lowered his legs cautiously into the blackness below. Then he grasped the edge of the pot firmly with both arms and let his body drop until he was hanging from the top.

  “Knees! Don’t forget your knees!” came Rudolph’s voice from above.

  Percy tried to obey, but the chimney was wide and he wasn’t built like Grumbo. There seemed to be an alarming amount of black sooty space surrounding him. He lifted his feet and pushed them against the sides so that he was in a sitting position with his legs partly extended. Then he tentatively released one arm from the snowbound pot rim and lowered it. Pushing his open hand against the inside of the chimney for support, he wedged his back hard into the other side. Then he nervously released the other hand and did the same. Then he carefully let go with one leg and shuffled it downwards slightly and pushed again. Then he did the same with the second leg. Slowly he moved down the chimney. It was really just the same as climbing up, only the other way around, but he definitely preferred narrower chimneys, he decided. His own had a lot less space for falling.

  There was a faint glow of light from the fireplace at the bottom. Percy hoped no-one was awake. What on earth could he say if they were? Would he end up in the right room? What if it were the parents’ room- they might be sitting up late watching a DVD or something! He’d just have to pretend he was sweeping the chimney, only he didn’t think boys did still sweep chimneys except in books, and they wouldn’t be doing it in the middle of the night, would they? Perhaps he could say he’d fallen out of an aeroplane….that was it, he’d say he’d fallen out of an aeroplane on his way to see his Aunt Ethel in Ethiopia for Christmas! But he’d still got his pyjamas on….people on planes didn’t wear pyjamas, did they? -He’d tell them his mother was trying to economise on the packing and as they were flying in the dark it made sense to wear night clothes. No, he’d tell them it was a traditional costume that everyone wore in Ethiopia. He hoped the M&S label wasn’t showing at the back….. Percy’s mind darted about wildly thinking of explanations. His heart was in his mouth as he finally felt his foot touch the grate at the bottom. Would there be anyone there? He must be as quiet as possible! He could hear his chest beating much too loudly. He held his breath as he ducked under the edge of the chimney breast and stepped out of the fireplace.

  *****

  The glow came from a small nightlight with a glass shade studded with tiny gold stars placed between two beds. In the dimness, Percy could just make out two small curled humps, one under each duvet. From the gloom at the end of each coverlet, he could discern two pairs of tights bulging with packages. A soft sighing noise rose and fell from the left hand bed and a quiet snuffling from the other. Percy was still holding his breath. He let it go as gently as possible and tiptoed forward. Then he realised! He had forgotten to bring the empty sack. How was he to carry the presents back up? He turned and started back to the grate and ducked his head under. “Rudolph!” he whispered. There was no reply. “Rudolph!” he called again, hardly daring to raise his voice. No response came. Just then he heard someone speaking from the stairs. Percy froze! The door was a little ajar. He could hear footsteps getting nearer!

  “I must just check on the twins, Peter,” said a woman’s voice, and the door swung open. The light from the landing flooded into the room, illuminating the Disney designs on the bedspreads, a battered toy rabbit on one pillow and dark curly hair on the other.

  Percy stood petrified into stillness in the shadow from the back of the door, as close to the wall as he could, praying that she would not look round.

  The woman tiptoed round between the beds. “Goodnight, Hatty. Goodnight, Emily.” - She bent to bestow a light kiss on each sleeping figure in turn, and then, standing upright again, glanced in puzzlement at the foot of the beds.

  “Come along, Caroline. They’ll be perfectly alright,” called a male voice. The woman tiptoed out.

  “They must have been playing at Father Christmas,” Percy heard her say as the door swung to. They’ve stuffed my old tights full of toys and put them on the end of their beds, would you believe!”As her voice faded away and door shut down below, Percy decided it was time for action. Grabbing the first pair of tights and their contents, he quickly pushed down the parcels and tied a knot in the top. Then he did the same with the second one. Holding both upside down he knotted the toes together to make two huge loops and hung them over his head like giant lumpy necklaces. Then he dropped into the fireplace and began to climb upwards towards the night sky as fast as ever he could.

  “You forgot the sack!” said Rudolph, as he emerged.

  “I know!” responded Percy, breathing heavily as he lifted the parcel laden tights from round his neck. “I called but you didn’t hear.”

  “Sorry!” said Rudolph cheerfully. “- I was just practising a few loops and a figure of eight round the trees over there. It’s quite an art, you know, to do it without spilling anything, and I don’t often have the chance without Grumbo on board. What are you going to do with the tights?”

  “This!” answered Percy, untying the knots and emptying the parcels into the sleigh. Then, standing at the edge of the chimney pot, he rolled the tights into small ball and aiming carefully for the centre, he hurled them towards the grate below where they landed with a soft ‘phht’ in a pile of soot. “Right, next one!” he said decisively, wiping the black from his hands onto his pyjamas and jumping into the sleigh.

  “Right you are!” said Rudolph, and the sledge shot off over the top of the nearest pine tree. “We’ll take the scenic rout
e,” he shouted, calling back over his shoulder as they slid downwards at tremendous speed towards the edge of an empty quarry, Percy closed his eyes and prayed they wouldn’t end up in the icy pool at the bottom which seemed to be approaching them at a terrifying pace. Just then there was a splash, and Percy’s eyes jerked open just in time to see a large thin parcel skimming and bouncing over the water before finally sinking. “Sorry about that,” called Rudolph. “I made the turn a bit too sharply. I don’t think it was for anyone important though. Damien someone or other – he’s not very satisfactory. – Not worth telling Grumbo we lost it,” he added blithely, swooping up and over the far edge of the quarry towards the housing estate.

  “Er, no,” agreed Percy, faintly. Then he thought a little: “Not Damien from Shigglehampton Road, was it?”

  “That’s right,” said Rudolph. “Not a friend of yours, is he?” he enquired anxiously.

  “No way!” exclaimed Percy.

  “Aah!” said Rudolph, slowing a little. “In that case, as Grumbo’s not here, I’ll tell you a story. You know I said Grumbo had dreadful handwriting? - Well, last year he kept getting the labels muddled up because he couldn’t read them. Your friend Damien got the stocking intended for a little girl called Danielle and she got his. Now Danielle didn’t mind because she was only six months old and too young to understand, though I expect her parents were a bit confused when they found an electronic game and a football by her bed. It was too late to do anything about it by then, though.”