by Ellis Marie
This is so different.
As Trent unfastens my shoes, I look around us, only noticing now how people were watching me as they gossip most likely. I look to where the twins had gone, and I see the group they are with. They’re grinning at Trent, who is kneeling down in the sand and not paying attention.
“Trent,” I whisper, looking down at his mop of hair. “People are staring.”
He slowly lifts his head and looks at me with a smirk on his lips as he, no doubt, notices my blushing cheeks and then he taps one of my legs and I realise he’s done unfastening it.
I lift my leg and he slips the shoe out from under me.
“Well, it’s not often we bring people to these parties that aren’t from here,” he mumbles. Suddenly, I feel uncomfortable.
What if people don’t want Kristie and I here?
Trent seems to notice my tension, perhaps because my legs straightened under his touch. He stops what he’s doing and stares up at me, his eyes scanning my expression.
“Do you remember what I said to you in the car?” he asks, and I quickly nod.
He hadn’t said much, so it’s easy to know what he’s talking about. “And do you trust me?”
Again, I nod.
“Then stop worrying. I told you you’re safe with me.”
It’s only now that I’m looking into his eyes that I realise I’m gripping his shoulder and I can feel his muscles underneath, the sheer mass of them dwarfing my hand. Suddenly, his fingertips that are grazing my ankle are very noticeable as well as the shivers that take over my skin as he slowly undoes the strap, his eyes still locked on mine. It doesn’t just feel like he’s taking off my shoe anymore; it feels like he’s peeling back everything and I’m completely vulnerable, all the way down to my core. Or maybe that is just my dirty mind.
We probably look extremely strange, just standing staring at each other as he undoes my shoe, but I can’t break my gaze away.
This feeling scares me.
I clear my throat quickly as he slides off my shoe. I take a step back into the soft sand, folding my arms over my chest, not able to look into his eyes anymore.
“We should go find Kristie and Cole, in case she’s killed him,” I joke awkwardly, trying to get rid of the tension. Trent just nods silently and begins walking with me, heading in the direction of the bonfire.
When we reach it, I see my best friend sitting on a log chatting to a group of guys. I have to laugh because she always managed to feel comfortable in situations like these; that’s where we were completely different.
“There she is!” Kristie exclaims when she sees me and motions for me to join.
The boys beside her give me wary looks as I cautiously approach.
“Sit! Sit!” she urges, yanking me down next to her. I fall into the seat with a drink being thrust in my hands. “Drink up!”
I look at the liquid for a second, unsure of whether I want to drink it when I’m in an unusual place, but for some reason, my sight finds Trent and I’m comforted by his presence across the fire.
I’m allowed to have fun tonight.
I gulp down about half the contents of the cup and the group around me cheers, their faces breaking out into smiles. I relax around them, beginning to realise that they’re not so scary after all.
“What was that?” I splutter, the taste stinging the back of my throat. Kristie laughs, holding up a clear bottle.
“Vodka and orange juice. Don’t drink it too fast, I don’t want you to pass out on us,” she teases.
“Don’t worry, she only does that around me,” Trent interjects from a few feet away, making his way over to us. I groan as the boys start to whistle at his words.
“That happened one time,” I argue, trying to keep the smile off my face. “And it was really warm in the gymnasium.” Trent winks at my statement and I stick my tongue out at him in response.
He is never going to let that go.
“Excuse me, I have not heard this story,” Kristie complains, nudging me in the side. The fact that I had been keeping it a secret seems to have escaped me.
“There’s nothing to hear,” I counter, shooting daggers at the male now sitting beside me, but he just chuckles and knocks my shoulder with his as he sighs deeply.
“That’s not the way I remember it,” he sings, making Kristie gasp in excitement.
“Please tell us the story, Trent, please!” she half begs. He smirks but shakes his head. She and the boys around us shout in refusal, urging him to speak.
“I promised Elle I wouldn’t . . . unless she says I can.”
Everyone looks at me in suspense, and I want to kick him for putting me on the spot like that; he knew I would give in.
“Go ahead, it’s not that good a story anyway,” I counter smugly, taking another sip of my drink. I expect Trent to give up, but my words only seem to make him happier as his eyes shine in the firelight with mischief dancing.
“Oh, I’m going to make it a good story.”
He’s not wrong; he does make it a good story. A totally fictitious one but a good story nonetheless. In his words, I had fainted with just one touch from him, and he acts out the whole thing just to make it better. Cole plays the part of me. Apparently, I speak with a voice ten octaves above the normal human tone and constantly swish my hair from side to side. Trent struts around as if he’s a giant for the most part and seems to just be continuously throwing winks in my direction.
I have to say, Cole’s squealing and gushing about Trent’s muscles does resonate with me a little, but of course, I never let on; it’s clear after that performance that Trent doesn’t need to get an even bigger head. Everyone watching rolls about in laughter the whole time, and even though I keep blushing every time Trent compliments Cole (as in me but Cole pretending to be me . . . Cole-me?), I still can’t help but join in. It has been a long time since I have been able to properly laugh about myself and not feel like I would get berated for it.
After that, it seems like old funny stories just pour out of people’s mouths and the whole group begins to interact. I meet a lot of Trent’s friends and I’m surprised at how close they all are. There are people a few years younger than us here, but they don’t once try to touch alcohol or do anything bad. There seems to be a level of respect amongst everyone, and for the first time, I feel totally at ease around a group of strangers.
Some people bring a football out. While Kristie jumps up in excitement and runs off to play, I decide to stay around the fire and chat with some of the girls. I know Scarlette is lovely, so I just assume that they will be too, and I’m totally right.
We sit and laugh for ages, all chatting about the school and how they’re getting on. Time seems to fly, and before long, it’s pitch black. A slight shiver begins to take over my body as I regret not wearing a jacket.
“So what’s going on with you and Trent?” one of the girls named Laura asks and I look at her confused. “Oh come on, everyone can see the way he looks at you.”
I laugh and shake my head. “Nothing is going on with Trent and I.” The girls give me looks that tell me they don’t believe me, making me roll my eyes. “Really, there isn’t.”
“Elle, even now, while he’s playing football over there, I can see that his attention is here,” Rochelle whispers while glancing over my shoulder and I resist the urge to turn. “He looks over basically every ten seconds, and I’m pretty sure it’s not any of us that he’s looking at.”
“He’s probably just watching to see if I’m alright,” I counter although my heart beats faster. “I was pretty nervous to come because I didn’t know anyone, and I’m not like Kristie who just blossoms in social situations.”
The girls all give me soft looks. Laura reaches out, her blue eyes gentle as she squeezes my hand.
“Well, now, you know us,” she states firmly. “And because you are now one of us, we would be honoured if you smoked with us.”
My eyes widen as she pulls out an already rolled joint from her pock
et, grinning. I haven’t smoked weed in a long time, not since Matt started to not be okay with it; however, Kristie and I used to dabble in it on the occasion. Her brother Scott and his friends used to let us join them whenever their parents went away, as long as they could keep an eye on us. We never really did anything crazy. We just used to eat a lot, watch a good film and then fall asleep, but it was always a peaceful break from the demons inside my head and the constant need for me to please people.
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Rochelle tells me quickly. “We’re not going to force you and we won’t judge if you don’t. It’s just we noticed you haven’t drunk much and thought you might prefer this?”
She’s right. In the couple hours that we have been here, I’ve had about two drinks and I’ve been nursing them all night.
“I don’t really like alcohol,” I mumble embarrassed, not wanting to seem lame. “I just think it . . . changes people.”
For a moment, I wish I hadn’t said anything because I’m scared that the girls will ask why or try to get me to open up about the traumatic experiences of my childhood, but they don’t. They simply smile, and each wrap an arm around me, making me into a sandwich.
“We don’t like it either. We have a kind of high tolerance and it’s not very fun.” Laura smiles. “Which is why we prefer this.”
She hands me the joint and I take it from her hesitantly, looking at the almost perfection of the way it is rolled.
They must do this a lot.
The reason I had stopped doing it is that Matt doesn’t like it . . . but he isn’t going to be thinking about me while he’s out on Tracey’s boat, is he?
“Do you have a lighter?” I ask, and their faces light up in excitement as they pass me one.
I quickly stop before the flame touches the paper and spin around on the log I’m sitting on, my eyes finding my target who is running with the football.
The whistle leaves my mouth at a high pitch, echoing across the sand but the person I intended it for isn’t the first person to turn around. I try not to blush when the two girls beside me chuckle, noticing it too.
“Hey, K!” I shout, knowing that she will kill me if I do it without her, especially when she’s here. “You wanna join?” I wiggle my fingers, showing her what’s in them. Even from where I’m sitting, I can see the happiness on her face as she discards the ball without a thought and starts running over, cheering at my offer. The boys behind her shout and scowl at us, complaining about how we hadn’t offered them.
“Bring your own!” Laura shouts back. They all grumble, going back to their game, except one of them.
I feel his eyes watching me intensely as I reach my hand out to my best friend and help her sit down beside us, but I don’t dare look at him.
“Am I okay to join?” Kristie asks politely. Rochelle scoffs, wrapping an arm around her and yanking her into the circle.
“Don’t even ask, you’re one of the girls. What’s ours is yours.”
My heart swells at her words, as well as the way Kristie’s smile broadens. I can almost feel tears forming in my eyes. Kristie deserved people around her like this, who are so caring and full of life and never brings her down.
“Light it up!” Laura instructs. I do as she says, taking a deep breath as it lights. I inhale the smoke as I bring it deep into my lungs. The two East Bay girls look at me in shock while Kristie grins with something akin to pride, her laughter booming around us.
“This is definitely not your first time.” Rochelle gasps in shock. “Who knew the golden girl of Northern Valley had a rebellious side.”
If I haven’t been beginning to feel the effects, then I might have panicked at her words. I probably would have even stopped and closed myself off to them, but I don’t. Instead, I wink at the blonde girl and pass it to her, releasing all the negative feelings that are pent up inside my body.
“Kristie and I used to do this a lot with her brother,” I explain. “We used to have competitions, which usually ended up with us half-asleep and bloated but fun nonetheless.”
Kristie smirks as she takes a draw, her eyes shining at the memories. “Elle used to kick ass against my brother’s friends, and they were all older, so they didn’t like it at all. In fact, one of them stopped coming around because he couldn’t stand that a girl could handle it better than him.”
“What a loser.”
My laugh comes out much louder than it probably should as I remember Seth and his childish issue, but I don’t care. It feels good to just laugh in any way I like and not try to make it pretty or polite.
My legs begin to tingle a little bit. It feels like a weight is lifted off my shoulders as my mind quietens, the constant buzz of stress and self-loathing taking a back seat to the peaceful breeze coming over me.
“Does your brother go to our school?”
Kristie’s smile falters a little, but she clears her throat and takes another draw while breathing in deeply as she pauses before shaking her head slowly, her eyes becoming softer as she, no doubt, thinks about Scott and where he is.
“He already graduated,” I answer for her. She shoots me a grateful smile. “Do you guys have siblings?”
The two girls glance at each other.
“We’re both from pretty big families,” Laura states before clearing her throat. “What about you, Elle? Do you have any siblings?”
“I’m an only child,” I reply quietly, not being able to help the feeling of loneliness overcoming me.
“You must get spoiled by your parents then,” Rochelle teases. I let out a light laugh, but I can feel my throat catch at her words as I try not to think about it. Kristie must notice my unease because she quickly cuts in, passing me the joint so I don’t have to speak.
“My mom has basically adopted Elle, and I think she prefers her to me,” Kristie says, pretending to be angry at me. I immediately feel myself lighten up. I’m so unbelievably grateful to have her around all the time.
“Yeah, that’s like Trent’s family with Cole.” Laura chuckles. I glance over at the two boys who are currently fighting each other on the grass. “We always complain about how easy Cole gets off with stuff compared to the rest of us.”
I turn to her with a frown, confused at her comment.
“What do you mean? Is Trent’s mom like a teacher or something?”
Their faces both drop a little at my question.
“Yeah, kind of. So about you and Trent . . .”
I know that it should pique my interest and I should realise that something is strange, but my mind just feels foggy and I’m too at ease to worry. Despite my refusal to admit something is happening between Trent and me, I couldn’t help but be eager to discuss him. “You keep saying nothing is happening, but everyone can see that he likes you.”
I blush as Kristie’s face morphs into one of surprised happiness as she looks at me, waiting for my response. I groan, knowing that she’s definitely never going to let it go now.
“You sound like Scarlette,” I huff and the girls smirk at my words. “Trent just likes making fun of me, but that doesn’t mean he likes me.”
Kristie rolls her eyes and turns to face the two girls, deciding to ignore me for a moment. “Elle is in total denial about how perfect she and Trent could be together. Trust me, I’ve tried.”
I punch her arm as I hand her the joint and then I relax into the grass, sliding down the side of the fallen tree as I wrap my arms around my legs. Despite the fact that I felt warm inside, my limbs would not stop shaking. I furiously rub my arms in an attempt to heat them up.
I glare at Kristie, who is gossiping about me and my refusal, but I’m not annoyed at that; I’m annoyed that she’s managed to get a denim jacket from somewhere and I hadn’t.
Where had she got it from?
“So, Elle, do you like Trent?” Rochelle asks suddenly as I sip my drink, and without thinking, I answer.
“A little.”
All three girls’ eyes widen along with
my own as my words ring out, hovering in the air as I realise what I’ve just admitted. The shrieks are instantaneous as I try to take it back, my words tumbling out of my mouth in a babble; however, the girls don’t listen to me, and in all honesty, I wouldn’t listen to me either. My words are all muddled up, and I can’t string a full sentence together as I sit shocked at my confession.
“I knew it!” My best friend sings happily. “What do you like about him? Spill!”
All the girls go silent as they inch in closer to me, our heads all coming together as I glance around us, making sure no one is suddenly going to creep up on me.
“I don’t know . . .” I grumble, my eyes drifting over to the man playing football a few metres away from me. His dark hair glistens in the moonlight as he runs with a huge grin on his face. “I just . . . do. He makes me feel like it’s okay to be myself.”
I don’t think I’ve said anything special; however, all three girls says ‘aww’ at my words. I know what I’ve said isn’t completely true. There are a hundred reasons why I find myself liking Trent, but I’m just not ready to admit them yet. Not completely anyway.
Before I can realise how bad it looks, Trent turns and glances in our direction. He looks as though he’s expecting us to not be paying attention, but when he notices us all staring at him, he falters in his run and stumbles as he crashes into Robbie with a crack. Or maybe it’s Dean.
I wince at the sound, as does Kristie, but no one else seems to be worried. Instead, they all howl in laughter at the two of them on the floor.
“That was amazing.” Rochelle giggles, gasping for breath.
“Do you think he’s alright?” I ask as they stand up. I quickly turn my head away from him, not wanting to be caught staring again.
“He’s fine, Elle.” Laura laughs, wiping her eyes. “If you don’t believe me, you can ask him yourself.”
I begin to battle with myself on whether I should go over and see him or not, but before I can make up my mind, it seems like he’s already decided for me. Out the corner of my eye, I can see him making his way towards me as the girls’ faces in front of me smug as they watch.
“Everything okay?” he asks from behind me. My whole body seems to melt at the sound of it.
