Otorimonogatari

by Nisioisin

  “There is…and in that case, we’ll just have to give up.”

  Mister Serpent said this like he was being gallant.

  If he really was, though, maybe he should have forgotten about getting Nadeko’s help to begin with.

  i’d have given up, if i were Mister Serpent, upon realizing that Nadeko was the only person who could help.

  “…How much time do we have? By when does Nadeko need to…find Mister Serpent’s object of worship?”

  “Not a clue─I’m like a candle in the wind, ready to go out at any moment. I’m relying on your energy now to continue being in this world─but again, you’re like a backup battery. Our standards don’t line up, unfortunately…”

  “Standards?”

  “It’s like keeping something plugged in for too long to a foreign power outlet─don’t worry, I don’t plan on taking over your body or anything, and I’m not going to stay merged with you until you die. If you don’t want to do this, dear, you can just wait it out and I’ll eventually disappear.”

  “…”

  “You’ve got two choices. Give it your best or bear it.”

  “…”

  It seemed like he was set on giving Nadeko a choice─but from Nadeko’s perspective, i didn’t have any.

  At least, that’s what i thought.

  i didn’t want to have to keep wearing the tacky scrunchy, and anyway, giving it her best and bearing it are the same to Nadeko.

  “i’ll help you look… But Mister Serpent,” Nadeko said. “i can still go to school, right?”

  “Hmmmm?”

  “E-Er…i mean, can i still lead a normal life? N-Nadeko…d-doesn’t want people to be suspicious of her.”

  “People? Who do you mean?”

  “…Big Brother Koyomi,” Nadeko gave a straight answer to the Serpent’s question. “Because i told him it was nothing…that it was just Nadeko’s imagination.”

  “…? In that case, dear, shouldn’t you be saying that you don’t want him to worry, rather than be suspicious of you? Isn’t that why you lied to him?”

  “W-Well…”

  i messed up. i slipped up.

  “I thought,” the Serpent pressed, “you lied to him despite wanting him to save you because you didn’t want him to worry─was I wrong?”

  “N-No, you’re not… Yes, that’s it. i don’t want him to worry. To worry…”

  Mister Serpent gave a questioning look at the way Nadeko sounded like she was taking it back, but maybe he decided it wasn’t important. “Whatever,” he dismissed. “That’s what we’ll do, then─you’re right, I can’t ask you to spend all your time, day or night, for my sake. That’d be too brazen. And anyway, if you’re going to be searching for my corpse, that’s to say, object of worship, it’s better if you’re doing it at night.”

  “…”

  “Okay, so it’s decided. Days are yours, and nights are mine. As a show of gratitude for your self-sacrifice, I vow not to infringe on your private time─”

  …

  That was what happened last night.

  It might be a little confusing because of how long it was, but all of that was a flashback. Now, i’m arguing with the Serpent on the landing of the stairs leading up to the school’s off-limits roof. Wait, no─now.

  i’m in the middle of fighting Koyomi to the death now.

  All of this is what’s flashing before Nadeko’s eyes, a kalaidoscope of revolving memories.

  Regrets flying through her mind.

  This whole time i’ve been thinking how Nadeko Sengoku could have gotten off what seems like her single-tracked fate─so.

  Let’s get back to this turning kalaidoscope.

  Spin spin spin spin.

  “─Liar. And you’re a god, too.”

  “Hold on… Sure, it was a lie when I said I’m taciturn, and I did vow not to infringe on your private time, but I never claimed that I wouldn’t talk. The mortal world is a novel thing to a god─well, actually, scratch that. It’s the same as it ever was.”

  “…”

  “They say that the heavens don’t talk, they make men talk instead─but I’m a talkative god. I don’t mean to make any trouble for you, though. I don’t mean to turn you into a ‘pitiful girl’…there’s no point in doing that. All right, all right, so I just need to stay quiet.”

  “…”

  “Fine, I won’t just stay quiet, I’ll get some shut-eye. Happy?”

  I’m not the type to talk in my sleep, either, the Serpent promises.

  “This is hibernating season, anyway…”

  “Yeah. But please don’t actually hibernate. Be sure to wake up at night, because Nadeko can’t do anything on her own─”

  And.

  Just as Nadeko is making herself clear to Mister Serpent.

  “Hey, Nadeko? What’re you doing over there?”

  i hear a voice coming from behind.

  To be precise, it’s coming from down the stairs─from Nadeko’s teacher, Mister Sasayabu, who is looking up toward her.

  Mister Sasayabu’s nickname is Panda-sensei. Not because he looks like a panda (in fact, he’s skinny) but only because of his name, which means “bamboo grass”─though Year 2, Class 2 is no longer the kind of place that calls its homeroom teacher by a nickname.

  “i, i─”

  Nadeko replies as she turns around, a little concerned about the hem of her skirt given the angle between us on the stairs.

  “i’m nothing.”

  A slip of the tongue.

  i mix together “i’m fine” with “It’s nothing” and end up sounding like a girl who’s up for anything.

  “?”

  Mister Sasayabu tilts his head.

  Of course he does.

  “i’m fine,” Nadeko simply restates. She lacks the wit to turn a misstep into a joke and land on her feet…and just feels embarrassed.

  It will be enough to make Nadeko feel depressed for about three days.

  “i-i just tried to go up to the roof for a breath of fresh air, but then, it, the door, was locked…and Nadeko found herself at an im, im, im─”

  i try to say “impass,” but the word seems so hollow in its formality that i stutter.

  “…”

  From there, Nadeko falls silent.

  i don’t like lying.

  No, it’s not that i don’t like it, i’m just bad at it…

  Even now, having lied reflexively, i can’t stop looking at the floor.

  “C’mon, Sengoku. You ought to know that the roof is off-limits. Haven’t I always told you guys?”

  “…”

  Nadeko can’t reply to Mister Sasayabu’s completely accurate statement.

  i go quiet when things get difficult.

  That’s who Nadeko is, glad to make your acquaintance.

  It’s true that Nadeko knew that the roof was off-limits, and it’s because people don’t come this way that i chose it for a “confedential” talk with Mister Serpent…

  Mister Sasayabu probably passed by after supervising a club’s morning practice─i believe he’s the advisor for the wind instruments club, which meets in the music room.

  “…i’m sorry.”

  In the end, Nadeko apologizes out loud because it’s just as hard staying quiet in front of her homeroom teacher.

  Between the Silence and Apology commands, i picked Apology.

  Nadeko doesn’t need to lower her head.

  She is looking at the floor, so it’s like her head is already bowing─though maybe it doesn’t look that way because Nadeko is on these stairs, as i said earlier, and higher up than Mister Sasayabu.

  “It’s almost first bell,” he tells me.

  He seems to have put Nadeko’s suspicious behavior aside─he’s looking at her the way adults often do, in other words, maybe not at a “pitiful girl” but at a “vexing girl.”

  If you were to put it into words, it says, “There seems to be some kind of problem here, but dealing with it would be tiresome.”
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br />   i wish they knew how much it hurts when they look at a child that way…but i don’t have the courage to say so.

  Plus it’s tiresome for Nadeko, too.

  “Okay,” she just replies, “i’ll be right there. We have a quiz today.”

  “Yes… Can you help me hand out the─hm?” Mister Sasayabu interrupts himself. Finding this odd, i read his expression, and it’s saying, “What’s that?”

  Oh, i think─in apologizing, Nadeko instinctively put both her hands on her thighs. In other words, she exposed her wrists to Mister Sasayabu.

  In other words, Mister Serpent on her right wrist.

  Nadeko gulps.

  The Serpent is quiet─he doesn’t talk, and he stays enwrapped around Nadeko’s right wrist, not moving an inch.

  In that state, he really seems like just a tacky scrunchy─not that he could do anything about the tackiness if he tried.

  Anyway, the Serpent doesn’t say anything.

  He pretends to be an accessory like he promised.

  i’m glad, but in this case, just because he’s pretending to be an accessory doesn’t mean─

  “Well, fine… I’ll let it pass,” i hear Mister Sasayabu mumble.

  Like he’s talking to himself and doesn’t mean for Nadeko to hear.

  i guess he doesn’t find Mister Serpent suspicious and was just noting Nadeko’s violation of the school rules.

  Immoderate accessories are subject to confiscation…

  It seems like Mister Sasayabu decided to overlook it, though.

  i’m not grateful.

  Because it’s just another case of feeling that “dealing with this girl is tiresome.”

  It’s just what i was expecting, too.

  …It’s true that Nadeko herself finds being treated in such a way nice and “hassel-free.” It’s relaxing for a student when a homeroom teacher doesn’t want to get too involved with you.

  i breathe out a sigh of relief and wonder if i should wear a blouse with longer sleeves tomorrow, but…

  “By the way, Sengoku. What your teacher asked you to do the other day─how’s it going?” Mister Sasayabu says, making Nadeko breathe her sigh back in with an ack.

  Not like that’s a real figure of speech.

  “H-How’s it going?”

  “Any closer to getting it worked out?”

  “Um.”

  Mister Sasayabu’s words send Nadeko into a light─no, a heavy panic. Nadeko can feel her fingertips shaking.

  It’s not like i’ve just sprinted or anything, but Nadeko’s knees are trembling, too.

  The panic isn’t because i don’t understand what Mister Sasayabu is saying─in fact, it’s because i know what he’s talking about and it’s a topic that i want to avoid that i’m panicking so much.

  “Hey hey, I’m counting on you,” he responds to Nadeko’s not-a-response of a reaction, clearly disappointed. “You realize that this needs to get taken care of fast, right?”

  “…”

  “You’re the only one I can count on─Class President Sengoku.”

  With that, he raises a hand and leaves.

  Well, like always, i guess.

  While i stand around mumbling, the other person leaves.

  Even Nadeko’s homeroom teacher.

  You could call it Nadeko’s killer anti-personnel tactic.

  In her whole life, the other person never failed to walk away, right, except for like once─

  “You’re the class president?” the Serpent asks as soon as Mister Sasayabu is gone.

  He doesn’t sound cynical, just plain surprised─and Nadeko is very proud that she surprised an aberration when their business is surprising people.

  That’s a lie, i don’t think that.

  i feel like i’ve been found out.

  i wanted to keep it a secret because he might make fun of Nadeko…

  “Yeah. Nadeko is the class president.”

  “Liar. Class president? Like the class representative? The most respected student, who’s responsible for managing class affairs─is you? Hmmmm, Nadeko?”

  Mister Serpent sounds completely unconvinced─he’s being incredibly rude from an objective point of view, but i kind of understand. “Not really… The class president isn’t respected…”

  Of course, the Serpent draws his knowledge from Nadeko, so for him to be asking her questions or for her to be issuing denials is “fewtle”…but i guess knowing and feeling are different, and so is accepting or rejecting what you know.

  Also, considering i wasn’t found out until now, Nadeko’s class presidency must be categorized under memories rather than knowledge.

  “It would be one thing if i was chosen like a class president among class presidents like Miss Hanekawa…but Nadeko is different.”

  “Different? How so?”

  “i just got the short straw,” Nadeko says. It comes out sounding a bit “masachistic,” but i can’t help it here. “You noticed our class’s strange mood, Mister Serpent, didn’t you? That started during first term this year and kept going through summer break…so when we had to choose the second-term class president, there weren’t any volunteers or nominees…and after a dispute─”

  No.

  It’s more accurate to say that there was never any dispute.

  There was just that oppressive air in the room.

  “─Nadeko was chosen.”

  “And how exactly does that end up happening?”

  Even after Nadeko tried to explain, Mister Serpent doesn’t seem convinced─but i guess i can understand.

  It’s just so hard to explain that heavy, gloomy air─it would exist between the lines in a novel, so how are you supposed to put it into words?

  i’m bad at language arts, anyway.

  i’m even worse at explanations.

  “But…well, if i have to…then it’s because Nadeko was the only girl in class who didn’t go for those ‘charms’…i guess.”

  “Huh. So process of elimination.”

  I should have guessed as much, Mister Serpent mutters.

  He seems to get it when he describes it as a process of elimination─though it absolutely makes Nadeko feel sad that this is how he’s finally convinced.

  But Nadeko knows better than anyone else that she’s not the type to be class president and has felt it keenly over the last two months, so i can’t argue with him.

  i almost want to get on his wavelength.

  If we were holding glasses, i would have toasted to it.

  “In short, a job no one wanted to do or make anyone do got pushed onto you─what a bunch of assholes, hmmmm?”

  “Not really… It’s not like it was pushed onto Nadeko…”

  i wouldn’t go so far, but it’s also true that i couldn’t turn the position over to someone.

  You could say Nadeko got pushed over.

  “Well, at least they didn’t foist an outrageous role on a timid girl who isn’t equipped for it, because that would be abuse─hsshh, hsshh, hsshh.”

  “…If we’re going to talk about forcing a task on Nadeko, doesn’t the same go for you, Mister Serpent?”

  “Oh? Well, maybe─guess I’m an asshole too.”

  He openly admits it with a “gaffaw.”

  Like he’s saying, you got me there.

  Really, how shameless.

  “Maybe it’s just the way of the world. Quiet girls like you end up with the short straw. Always.”

  “…”

  “That being said, what was your teacher talking about just now? What’s this thing he asked you to do?”

  “It’s─”

  Mister Serpent asks a reasonable question i knew he was going to ask, and Nadeko recites her prepared line, exactly as scripted.

  “It’s…none of your business, is it?”

  “It’s not? I thought you and I were partners, one in body and spirit.”

  “D…Don’t think that…”

  Nadeko’s tone is feeble.