Otorimonogatari

by Nisioisin

  It would mean that. But Mister Serpent doesn’t give a clear yes or no. “Well, I suppose it would mean that─it doesn’t not mean that,” he answers vaguely.

  The way he puts it makes Nadeko grow uneasy. “Um, Mister Serpent… If you’re going to call Nadeko your partner, i’d like you to just tell Nadeko instead of ‘consealing’ it…because it’s going to be Nadeko who has to do the actual searching…”

  “Oh, no, don’t you worry. I’m not trying to put on airs or anything─and I’m not plotting anything, either. I’m just trying to choose the best way to do this.”

  “But─”

  “And anyway, aren’t there other things you ought to be thinking about and solving, hmmmm?”

  “…”

  Well, true.

  Like why Tsukihi suddenly cut Nadeko’s hair─according to Mister Serpent, it’s because i rubbed her the wrong way when she was brissling, but…

  Tsukihi can get mad on other people’s behalf.

  Maybe she’s just carrying on the ideals of Big Brother Koyomi, who hustles for other people’s sake…but what i can’t figure out is why her rage led to that result.

  Maybe i’m just going to have to ask her…

  It also feels pointless to ask her…

  Also, considering the sentence Big Brother must have exacted on her afterwards, i can’t go near the Araragi residence carelessly.

  i even want to hold off on phone calls.

  “Yeah, i do need to think about it… The ordinary thinking would be that she was breaking Nadeko’s heart by force by cutting her hair, but that seems too shortsighted.”

  “Isn’t that the right answer? So you do get it, Nadeko. Bingo─but if you find it shortsighted, I guess you need to think more long-term. Not just about why she cut your hair, but why you still refer to yourself by your name.”

  Mister Serpent sounds appalled.

  His words confuse Nadeko.

  Think long-term? Does he mean─all the time?

  Always?

  “Give me a break… Thinking all the time…would be so tiresome─” Nadeko starts to say without thinking, but she’s interrupted.

  “Oh. I’ll be quiet.”

  Nadeko doesn’t even have the time to wonder why, because at the same moment─

  “Sengoku,” she hears from behind, as someone places a hand on her shoulder.

  i don’t feel repulsed since it’s over Nadeko’s clothes, but it sure does surprise her.

  When i look behind with a jolt, it’s Nadeko’s homeroom teacher, Mister Sasayabu.

  i was so absorbed by our conversation i completely forgot i was already at school─so once again.

  Once again Nadeko feels tense.

  Mister Sasayabu must not have heard the conversation since Mister Serpent noticed him first and went quiet─

  Thinking so, i check him out.

  “Hm, hmm?” His expression is so totally suspicious.

  i wonder if he noticed something, but i’m wrong─Mister Sasayabu isn’t surprised about anything to do with Mister Serpent. It’s Nadeko’s hairstyle.

  He probably couldn’t tell from behind, but unlike until just yesterday, Nadeko has no bangs─so of course he’d be surprised.

  “I-I must have the wrong person… Sorry.”

  “Oh, no, i’m Sengoku.”

  Mister Sasayabu tries to leave, flustered, but Nadeko stops him─there’s no need to, if i think about it with a cooler head, but i do it without thinking, reflexively.

  “i’m Nadeko Sengoku.”

  “Sengoku… So that’s your true form…”

  What a brutal line.

  Then again, Nadeko thinks the same thing about herself.

  Still, i don’t want people thinking it’s the real Nadeko… i don’t intend for a version of Nadeko with a weird hairstyle, short only in front, to be her true form.

  Mister Sasayabu clears his throat, cheesily.

  “Are you being bullied?” he asks.

  …That’s what it looks like?

  From a teacher’s perspective, this unique hairstyle looks like the result of Nadeko’s heartless persecution by her peers─you know what? Ultimately, you could say so.

  While we go to different schools, Tsukihi is absolutely a girl Nadeko’s age.

  “…”

  Nadeko falls silent and shakes her head.

  Denying it by saying “i’m not being bullied” might backfire, like i’m really trying to deny it.

  Nadeko’s plan seems to work, and Mister Sasayabu seems convinced.

  “Okay, then.”

  While he’s relieved, he also looks a little disappointed─and i know how he feels.

  There’d be a course of action he could take as a teacher for a big, blatant issue like bullying─at least, we’d be able to move on from the current state of our class.

  Teachers are pros, too. If there’s a problem, they can take care of it. But.

  While they can enforce something like “not fighting.”

  They can’t enforce “getting along with each other.”

  Which is why i can see why things getting worse might seem like an improvement.

  …Still, he’d be nothing but a pest if he said, If only you were being bullied, Sengoku.

  Give Nadeko a break.

  “By the way, Sengoku. About what I asked you to do the other day─any new developments?” he asks, changing the topic.

  Well, maybe he thinks that’s what he did, but it doesn’t feel that way to Nadeko who’s listening─that aside.

  It seems to be why he wanted to talk to Nadeko─i’m glad that he didn’t overhear her conversation with Mister Serpent.

  Even if she’s really tired mentally, even if she’s beyond exhaustion and on the verge of death, Nadeko needs to stay a little more focused, she thinks to herself. At the same time, she also can’t believe Mister Sasayabu.

  While i know it’s not good at all to feel this way about an adult, especially your homeroom teacher, i can’t suppress the feeling.

  i mean, he only asked the other day.

  This has been dragging on with no signs of any solution since the start of second term and is basically entrenched─such a problem, or lack of a problem, can’t be settled in a few days.

  If you want to be malicious, you might almost arrive at the groundless suspicion that he sees it as part of his routine work─in other words, checking in about it every time he sees Nadeko Sengoku, regardless of the time or place. And that he’s preparing an excuse, or building an alibi, about doing his job as a homeroom teacher…

  A nasty way to look at it?

  But Nadeko isn’t particularly good-natured, so she can’t help but think so.

  Furthermore.

  Regardless of what Mister Sasayabu really thinks─that’s probably what Nadeko would do in his place, she believes.

  “…”

  Well, all of these things might be going through Nadeko’s mind, but she’s not going to say them to his face.

  Not a chance. Nadeko just goes silent and looks down like always─she’s going to wait for Mister Sasayabu to give up and leave.

  No matter what his intentions, whether or not it’s just been a few days, Nadeko hasn’t done anything. There aren’t going to be any new developments.

  Everything is still on standby.

  “…?”

  But today, Nadeko’s usual way isn’t working─Mister Sasayabu seems to be oddly persistent and is waiting for a reply from her.

  Why might that be?

  Has something changed between yesterday and today? Nadeko finds it odd, but then she comes upon the reason in no time.

  What changed between yesterday and today.

  Nadeko’s hairstyle, of course.

  She can look down all she wants, but he can still see her whole face─and if he can see Nadeko’s expression, he can figure out that she’s not as troubled as she says.

  What an awful effect of the haircut.

  i didn’t expect this.

&n
bsp; Nadeko’s gloom factor has decreased now that her bangs are gone…

  There’s nothing i can do about it.

  It’s not like Nadeko can cover her face at this point… i just need to come up with a convincing excuse and get out of here.

  What should i say, though?

  i’m sorry, i’m now proactively investigating, identifying challenges, devising an action plan, preparing approaches from a variety of directions, and holding brainstorming sessions each night─or something?

  No, no. Nothing like that.

  i just need to give a normal excuse.

  i’ll start with the usual.

  i’ll start with “i’m sorry” the way i always do, bangs or no. The rest i can make up as─

  “Shut the fuck up!”

  Hm?

  Did someone just say something?

  “Of course I haven’t made any progress, stop forcing your damn work on me, hmmmm?!”

  018

  But it wasn’t Nadeko’s voice, the words came from a male student who dashingly appeared behind her from nowhere─that was the kind of twist i expected, yet no, it was Nadeko’s honest-to-goodness voice.

  Air was expelled from Nadeko’s lungs.

  It passed through Nadeko’s vocal cords.

  And it turned into a voice emitted by Nadeko’s oral cavity.

  But─Nadeko didn’t intend any of that.

  “Asking someone how’s that thing going, how’s that thing going every single time you happen to see her─how do you think it’s going?! Nothing’s going anywhere! You’re supposed to be a homeroom teacher, so instead of depressing your students first thing in the day, can’t you at least lead off with a good morning?!”

  “…”

  Mister Sasayabu is stunned silent.

  So is everyone else─they all look at Nadeko from a distance with the same expression.

  i mean, Nadeko would like to wear the same expression if she could─and watch Miss Sengoku from afar, but i can see in the mirror behind Mister Sasayabu that her face is burning with a savage rage.

  Her teeth are gritted, her brows are raised high, her eyes are bloodshot─and she’s glaring at everything around her.

  This is really a girl i’m seeing for the first time─and i’m not talking about Nadeko’s hairstyle─but.

  It’s still unmistakably Nadeko Sengoku.

  It’s unmistakably─me.

  “Feeling like you can say whatever the hell you want to someone just because they’re nodding quietly back at you─what’re you feeling so disappointed for when you know better than anyone else just how ridiculous the request is?! Is that your job, to be unreasonable to kids?! How the hell do you think a kid’s going to solve something that an adult can’t, hmmmm?!”

  “S-Sengoku… Wh-What’s wrong with you?” a confused Mister Sasayabu asks, and Nadeko responds by stomping her foot.

  Wham!

  As if she’s going to put a crack in the hallway.

  It’s not just her mouth, it’s not just her expression, it’s Nadeko’s whole body─that’s moving on its own against her will.

  Against her will?

  Is that really true, though?

  “What the hell do you think’s wrong?! Who wouldn’t get mad if they’re constantly being asked to do the impossible?! You should expect this, it’s normal─hmmmm?!”

  i yell.

  i scream with a foul, aggressive voice.

  Not exactly at Mister Sasayabu─but at everything.

  With every bit of bitterness and hate i can muster.

  Right at them─looking Nadeko’s targets in their eyes.

  i yell.

  “Give me a fucking break, civil servant! You could at least take care of some kids instead of feeling good about doing a half-assed job! Stop leaving everything up to other people! You say you’re respecting your students’ autonomy? Yeah right, like people have autonomy! Look after them like you’re supposed to, take care of them!”

  “S-Sengoku…”

  What is Nadeko saying?

  She’s not making any sense. No, honestly, i’d like to be dumbstruck right there next to Mister Sasayabu.

  i’d like to react in the exact same way as him.

  This isn’t Nadeko talking, it’s Naughtyko─no.

  It really is Nadeko─her and no one else.

  It’s clearly Nadeko.

  You can tell at a glance that it’s Nadeko.

  This is─me.

  This is “who I am.”

  “Wh-What’s wrong, Sengoku…”

  Despite being confused, Mister Sasayabu still keeps talking to Nadeko─putting his hand on her shoulder like he’s trying to pacify her─

  “Don’t touch me like we’re friends or something!”

  Nadeko brushes his hand aside.

  Nadeko isn’t willing this to happen, of course─but it is Nadeko’s body that does the brushing.

  It is Nadeko’s arms that flail around.

  “Is that how you treat people─like they’re puppets or something?! Hah… I know that all I am is cute, that I don’t even talk back! But it doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings! You’d better not think people who act harmless really are harmless! Just because someone’s quiet, that doesn’t mean they’re not thinking all kinds of things on the inside! People still have opinions even if they’re silent! If you’re so stupid that you don’t even understand that, how can you teach anyone anything?!”

  “S-Sengoku…”

  What verbal abuse.

  It isn’t at all how you should speak to your homeroom teacher─actually, it’s not how you should speak to any adult, whether or not it’s your teacher, homeroom or any other kind.

  “H-Hey, Sengoku? What’s wrong?” a voice calls from across the hallway… It’s a boy, someone i believe was in Nadeko’s class last school year.

  i’ve forgotten his name, but i remember he was caring─it seems like he was just passing by when he happened to run into this mess, and he can’t hide his confusion.

  “Y-You need to calm down. Yeah, just calm down. You’re tired, that’s what.”

  Looking around, i can see that a huge crowd has gathered to watch─it feels like i’m in front of an audience of a hundred thousand.

  Of course, it’s twenty or so in reality.

  Being subjected to that many stares, and curious, prying stares at that─Nadeko feels like her spirit is about to break.

  You might say they’re the eyes you turn on a “pitiful girl”─but maybe it’s even worse in this case.

  Right.

  They’re the eyes you turn on a “funny girl.”

  But i can’t escape these curious stares─Nadeko doesn’t have any bangs to protect her now, and most of all, she’s facing straight ahead.

  Not facing down, not lowering her eyes─

  She’s staring right back at all of them.

  “Calm down?! All of this is happening because I was staying calm! I’m tired?! Of course I am, anyone can see that! Stop acting like you’re being thoughtful when all you’re doing is stating the obvious!”

  Nadeko is baring her fangs at this boy who was probably just worried for her, like normal─i’ve gone berserk.

  No, but.

  Most likely, this isn’t taking out her anger on just anything─it’s everything.

  Everything in this school─is the target of Nadeko Sengoku’s anger.

  She’s angry.

  Nadeko is angry.

  “Every one of you, every last one of you─hmmmm?! You’re just a bunch of opportunistic fencesitters! What are you, weathercocks? The way you face this way and that, turning around and around and around… Cut the crap already!”

  “S-Sengoku… That’s not at all what I was thinking when I assigned you the task,” Mister Sasayabu tries to soothe Nadeko, in a tone like he’s handling something sensitive…no, fragile─you could say he’s flustered.