Downshift Series, #1

by Bonnie R. Paulson

  JT didn't know what to say. Shock held his tongue as he watched her. It wasn't her fault his confidence was through the roof, except with her. He’d played things too cool with her. He knew he could do things physically that other people just couldn't do, like flip his bike to the side in mid-air and then whip it back into place before landing. He wasn't a random Marvel superhero by any means. He knew how to push his body and didn’t usually see his own limits. Kelsey didn't know his pain tolerance was higher than others, except when it came to seeing her hurt, apparently.

  She stood at the edge of the couch, looking down at him. He pushed himself to a sitting position and motioned toward the spot beside him. He waited for her to sit beside him, even as she kept her back straight and her hands clenched in her lap. Cautiously, as if she might run at a sudden movement, JT reached out and grazed her cheek with his knuckles.

  “Kelsey, I don't want your feelings hurt. I don't want you to be worried. This isn't your fault.”

  “Yes, it is. I have been doing everything you want and not what you need. That puts me outside of the bounds of a good healthcare provider, because I wanted something, too. So, rather than having your health at the best interest priority, things became a conflict of interest as soon as I accepted the challenge. This isn't about you. It's not about me. This is because I – as your healthcare provider – failed you.” She lifted her chin and squared her shoulders. “Which is hard to say because I don’t like to fail. I...” She covered her mouth, pushing from his reach to run from the room. Her bag banged against her leg which each step.

  The crushing reality that Kelsey had just quit slammed around JT. What was he going to do? He lost Kelsey, his sponsorships would disappear, and he'd banged himself up so badly that his skin was already starting to feel tight as the scabs hardened.

  What was he doing? What had he done? He forced himself to stand. After a lot of effort, he leaned on the crutches and hobbled into the kitchen. He hadn’t eaten in a while and when he was upset, anything sweet, like donuts, could quench his emotional turmoil.

  If Kelsey was going to leave, and everything else was going to be gone, he would have to learn how to do things on his own.

  The front door knob jiggled and then shook. A moment later someone pounded and slammed against the door with their body. His father yelled through the heavy, thick metal panel.

  “JT! You open this door, or I'm gonna hammer it down.” The door shook in tandem with his irate words.

  JT had no doubt in his mind Mike would break through the house, whether with a hammer, like he said, or with his own vehicle. His dad wasn’t a good guy.

  Crutching his way to the door, JT opened it a few inches, hesitant to have an opening wider than a hand’s breadth. He glared at Mike, clenching his newly bruised hands on the edge of the door. He released his pent-up frustrations into his growl. “What you want?”

  Mike studied JT's form from head to toe. The sneer on his face increased the edge of his mocking tone. “You’re losing sponsors and you're sitting here sleeping? You look like a hobo. Your last two sponsors want to drop you. Did you know Blake is courting these guys? I know you're holding out on me. You need to give me everything. All of it. Or I'm suing you for everything you have.”

  JT tried not to shrink backwards, even after all those years, his belligerent father still scared him. “I don't know what you're talking about.” How did Mike even suspect that JT had money set apart from Mike’s reach? JT had been so careful. The sponsors that signed with Mike present knew JT’s plan and hadn’t contacted him to let him know he had a change in deadline.

  As far as he was concerned, he still had time to show up at Salt Lake City before they’d cancel on him, but that was a deal he made behind Mike’s back and nothing Mike would have any knowledge about.

  His threats didn’t stop. “I can do the math. I know you’ve been hiding extra green somewhere, I'm just not sure where. If you don't give me the rest of the money, I'll sue you for breach of contract.” He leaned forward and lowered his voice to pass calmly through the gap. “I will tie you up in litigation for the next several years and you’ll have nothing. You won’t have a chance at getting anywhere. Dry up as you age. You'll be like those men who were wannabes. Simply because you won’t give me what I want.”

  JT didn't say a word. He'd lost Kelsey, he was going to lose his sponsorships, how far did he need to push this? Did he want to lose his house? And everything that he had? Of course, his dad would attack him when he was down. He couldn't breathe in the air as his dad tried to smother him further. He couldn’t lose his career. While he wouldn’t lose his sponsorships after his birthday, being in litigation would freeze all his assets. He couldn’t pay for races, fixing his bike, or gear without money.

  He couldn’t pay Kelsey, either. Even if she had quit, he still had to pay her for the last week and her grandmother’s nurse.

  He couldn’t let them down. “I'll get some stuff together. It's not going to be today. I just wrecked again. You need to give me a few more days.”

  JT didn't wait for his answer. Mike would take it. He knew when he won. JT slammed the door in Mike’s face and dead bolted it secure before turning around. He didn't want Kelsey to leave, and as the pain overwhelmed him and the fatigue pulled him down, he just wanted to sit and relax.

  Hobbling a few steps to the living room, he let himself sink back into the couch. If he didn't give his dad everything he wanted, his dreams would disappear into court. He’d already lost Kelsey. He was a burden on that woman and that was the last thing he wanted to be.

  The desire to be so much more than another responsibility for her drove him. She didn't deserve the pressure of more. She thought his new injuries were her fault. If it was the last thing JT did, he would try to make it up to her. How could he, though, when his dreams of racing in just a couple weeks would be over? All because he had made a stupid decision or many stupid decisions.

  “When are you going to accept your limitations, JT? Hmmm?” he asked out loud, the only sound to respond to him was the steady tick-tock of the grandfather clock by the front door.

  Chapter 14

  Kelsey

  Kelsey tucked her medicine bag above the closet in her room downstairs.

  Not her room. A room she was renting... borrowing... whatever it was, from JT.

  A room she didn’t have a contract for.

  Where else would she go? She hadn't quit on him, but she couldn't stay and be such a disappointment. How could she have failed him so soon? She needed to take the day off and clear her head. If she hung out with her grandmother for the rest of the day, she wouldn’t be in danger of running into JT.

  In search of her grandmother and the nurse, Kelsey came across a note on the counter. “I took your grandmother to the park. We are feeding the ducks this week. Text me if you need me.”

  Kelsey loved the nurse that JT had hired for them. The lovely woman did things with her grandmother that the other nurses hadn't, like playing board games and keeping her active instead of leaving her in a small room to stare at the walls. Feeding the birds was exactly something Grandma would love to do.

  Since Kelsey had no physical activities for JT that day because of his new injuries, she didn’t have anything to do regarding her job with him. School finals were the week before and she found herself with the unique opportunity of spare time. Reading. She would read while she waited for her grandmother to return.

  A couple hours later and her grandma still hadn't come home. Kelsey wasn’t concerned. The nurse took her all over when they went out and Kelsey hadn’t said she would wait for them to eat, but it was time to eat dinner. Would JT be open to spending some time with her? Had they both cooled down enough they could be around each other, yet? She wandered upstairs to see if JT was feeling any better.

  As upset as she’d been, she couldn't ignore him. He was her patient and it wasn’t his fault.

  The house was quiet. The TV wasn’t on and there weren’t any hums like
from the microwave or computer area. No other sounds in the house made her look around. Where had he gone? She peeked into the living room and then the kitchen where the otherwise empty counters displayed a torn off piece of paper on the corner closest to the door.

  “Kelsey, I went to stay with Mac and Blake, if you need anything, this is Blake's number. Mac is busy with sponsors. I'll be back at the end of the week.”

  As if she’d been punched in the stomach, Kelsey stepped back from the counter. She stared at the note as if it was going to strike out and bite her. What had she done wrong to push him away? She hadn't quit. She just told him that she felt like she was failing him. She’d been honest. Why wouldn’t he talk to her about it? Why would he just leave like that?

  He was too injured to drive anywhere, anyway. Had he taken his car?

  She rushed to the garage and checked, but his car was still there. He must've had Blake and Mac pick him up. Maybe Blake had snagged JT when he’d helped return the bike. Kelsey didn’t know if she should be grateful he had friends that he could rely on, or mad that he would run to them instead of talking things out with her.

  Why would he leave her in the middle of their project like that? In the middle of their quarrel? As if they hadn't kissed. As if they hadn't gotten into a fight. As if he wasn't injured. As if he wasn't really responsible for anything happening to him.

  Kelsey lifted her chin. She would have to figure out something. She couldn't stay there and wait for him to come home. She wasn't that type of girl.

  KELSEY STILL HADN'T heard from JT by lunch the next day. She leaned over and handed a buttered croissant roll to her grandmother. “This is your favorite, Grandma. It has a strawberry jam you helped me make last summer.”

  Any time they talked, Kelsey tried to jog her Grandma’s memory with small facts, details she wouldn’t normally have to repeat to other people. She smiled as Grandma claimed the roll with a sweet smile and elegant fingers.

  A banging on the door upstairs claimed Kelsey’s attention. It wasn't just one knock, or three. It was several bangs. A short pause. Maybe they’d given up—

  Nope, a flat hand slapped on the glass beside the door.

  Kelsey shoved away from the table, pasting on a smile for her grandmother. “I'll be right back, Grandma. Just finish your roll and eggs. This will only be a moment.” She wiped her hands on a damp cloth by the sink.

  Irritated, she rushed up the stairs and threw open the door. “What are you banging on the door for?”

  An older man with his hair cut close to his head and shadows under his eyes stared at her. “I'm JT's father. Where is he?” He peered past her, craning his neck as she pulled the door to tighten the opening to her size.

  “He's not here. I'll let him know you came by. I'm sure you have his number.” Kelsey moved to close the door completely, but the man, who looked remarkably like JT, slammed his palm against the panel. He narrowed his eyes and moved in close.

  His growl pushed a hint of alcohol across the short space between them. “JT isn’t worth your time. I'm taking him for all his money. You tell him I said he's a washed-up loser. He'll never get anywhere. He’s a failure.”

  Moving slowly back, but not more than a few inches, he looked her up and down. “If you’re smart, you’ll follow the money. Come with me.” His snarl morphed into a greasy smile that displayed a crooked front tooth.

  The frustrations and pent up emotions warring inside Kelsey’s heart combined in unjust outrage. JT's father had not come at a good time. She stepped forward through the doorway, leaving the panel open. She thrust her finger into the man’s chest. “It doesn't matter how much money JT has. The kindness and loyalty he has is far greater than anything you'll ever have. The dollar amount doesn't matter.” She glared at him, making a point to look him up and down with a sneer. “The only loser I see is you. If you were any kind of a father, you wouldn't be stupid and miss out on a man like him. But that’s your problem. Get. Off. His. Land.”

  Something in her tone demanded capitulation. Maybe it was the fact that men like that were still little boys when they heard a woman's commanding voice. A shadow of doubt darkened his eyes that very much matched his son’s. He glanced beyond her once more and then set his jaw. He turned without another word and walked toward the driveway.

  Kelsey wouldn’t tolerate anyone talking like that about her... her what?

  JT had taken a day off.

  He wasn’t anything of hers, but she desperately wanted him to be. She wanted to take care of him and show him how important he was. She wanted him to know how much value he had that had nothing to do with money. The realization that JT hadn’t been loved by the man claiming to be his father jolted her from any sad feelings she’d been having earlier. It wasn’t the time to wallow or languish. It was time to get back to work.

  Nothing had been permanently damaged. He’d been willing to try to get on his bike. Maybe he was ready and she’d only been coming at it from a conservative standpoint. Maybe her mindset was wrong in thinking she had pushed too hard, when in fact, maybe she hadn't pushed hard enough.

  Chapter 15

  JT

  Blake shoved JT’s pillow to the side.

  JT growled. “Jerk, I hurt. Have a little sympathy.” The European races hadn’t been on long, but watching Knox O’Neill race was something they did to get them psyched to ride. He was a jerk in person, or so they’d heard from other pro circuit buddies, but he was the best in Europe. If they really were going to ride in Des Nations that season, they had to know what to expect. Research was a planned strategy.

  Blake jerked himself to the side of the couch and stood. “Psht. Shut up. Someone's calling me. You don’t have to be such a grouch.” Blake rolled his eyes toward Mac. He didn’t care that JT saw. “I remember now why we were glad he moved out.” He held up his hand to stop JT’s retort. “Shh. Someone's calling me. Just be quiet.”

  He swiped at the screen of his phone. “Yeah?” After a moment, his eyes widened and he glanced at JT. Another moment passed and he nodded. “Yeah, he's here. You want him to what? Okay.” His disbelief turned to a slow smile. “I’d be happy to.” Blake hung up the phone and shut off the television.

  Mac watched his moves with his eyebrows raised. “Who was that? I’ve never seen you do what anyone says.”

  Blake turned to JT with a smirk on his face. “Come on, man. Time to get up. Your nurse wants you back. She said, and I quote, ‘to get your butt over there and get back to work.’ Then she added something about your dad isn’t going to win this one.” Blake pulled off his hat and pushed his hair back in a habitual gesture. He glanced at Mac then back at JT. “I’m serious. Get up. She’s not coming over and driving something called Lady through the front door.”

  Mac shrugged, but couldn't stop grinning. “Sounds like you got a bossy one there. I'd run with it. If you won’t, maybe I should head over.” Mac winked from his position on the low black recliner by the door. “I like being told what to do.”

  The ache in JT’s side and his legs ebbed and flowed, but at the mention of Kelsey and her telling him to get back over there, all the pain suddenly disappeared. JT couldn't believe it. Kelsey told him to get back there. She’d demanded that Blake, someone that she didn’t even know and that most women found intimidating, told JT to get his butt over there and then she’d tossed in a threat.

  She didn't want to quit.

  Something about his dad. Had she met him? Had he shown up again? He certainly wasn’t supposed to. JT had a few more days until Mike was supposed to come around again. He didn't know if he should be horrified about the possibility, or happy that she was sticking with him. Both emotions claimed him and he didn’t choose. He just went with it.

  Blake gave JT a ride and helped him into the house. “Man, you better get this crap straightened out. Mac is basing his entire career on us getting into Des Nations. We need you.” The slight glimpse into Blake’s vulnerability got more to JT than the nagging from Mac and the snid
e remarks Blake usually tossed his way.

  All of that faded when he saw Kelsey standing in the foyer. JT’s stomach flipped and did somersaults. Even the door closing behind Blake didn’t distract JT’s focus from Kelsey. He watched her, standing uncomfortably with his crutches and bag by the door.

  Swallowing, he got the nerve up to mumble, “Hi.” What a stupid opener.

  Why wasn’t he professing his apologies, or telling her how important she was to him? Where was his new goal to romance the crap out of her and make it so she’d never want to leave him? All he had was a simple hi?

  He’d leave him, too.

  Kelsey approached him slowly, unaware of the turmoil inside his heart. Her eyes bore into his and her calm voice surrounded him with clarity. “You can't leave like that. You can't leave. I don't quit. Ever. On anything. You have to be the one that doesn't either.” She stopped a foot from him and tilted her head to the side, her strawberry blonde hair fell across her cheek, but she didn’t blink as she watched him. “You have to win. I’m going to help you. There’s so much more at stake than just your sponsors.”

  JT looked into her eyes. He was mesmerized by her loyalty to their goals and to him. JT had never experienced it from anyone before, except Blake and Mac.

  He nodded slowly. “Why do you want to win? When does my winning matter to you? I thought you just wanted to help me get better.”

  She studied him, as if considering his words. When she spoke, she didn’t rush her words, smile, or even make a joke. “I let you down, but I can fix it. We have time. I'm not going to fail you.” She inhaled slowly before continuing. “I care about your success because I care about you. I don't know if it's love or if it's just some crazy crush. I just... don't know. But if you fail, I will take it as a personal insult that I have failed.” She set her jaw and tilted her head forward to narrow her gaze. “I don't fail.”