Way Of The Wolf: Endeavour (The Wulvers Series Book 3)

by Rebecca Anne Stewart

  Way of the Wolf:

  Endeavour

  The Wulvers Series

  Book Three

  Rebecca Anne Stewart

  Way of the Wolf: Endeavour

  Copyright © 2020 by Rebecca Anne Stewart

  All rights reserved.

  First Print Edition: April 2020

  Limitless Publishing, LLC

  Kailua, HI 96734

  www.limitlesspublishing.com

  Formatting: Book Pages By Design

  Cover Design: Deranged Doctor Design

  ISBN-13: 978-1-64034-828-8

  No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to locales, events, business establishments, or actual persons—living or dead—is entirely coincidental.

  Dedication

  To anyone who’s suffered, and those still fighting with mental health illnesses; every breath is a battle won.

  Table of Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 1

  Soul’s Craving

  He was watching. He was always watching, with eyes that burned into my skin and left their mark on my soul. To me he seemed far more feral wolf than man, from the way he tipped his head to listen to someone speak, to the way his eyes were constantly alert. He was intimidating but I found that I was also always watching, entranced. His scent was scorched into my memory and I could sense his presence before I could even see him.

  Yet it didn’t matter that his eyes often fell on me because when she was in the room, I became invisible.

  I wasn’t sure if I minded or not; instincts that had been built from years of living in a hostile home had me sure I was better off without male attention, but the moon had sung her song the last time she was full and had me craving the feel of his eyes only on me. I’d never craved anything like I craved him. It was a deep-seated hunger for his touch on my skin. I’d felt his touch only once and his fingers had been delightfully rough against mine, but that simple touch had set off a spark of desire. Desire and fear.

  A smashing of glass being knocked off the kitchen counter had me flinching, eyes tearing away from the window. My wolf rose, defensive instincts kicking in. My heart hammered, blood rushing past my ears. Even after I noticed my Alpha Female had caused the noise, it took me a moment to assure myself that there was no danger. Relaxing a little, calming my breathing, I looked back out the window and slumped. He was gone.

  “I’m sorry, Oria! My hand slipped. I hope I didn’t frighten you too badly,” Cathwulf apologized profusely, her face contorted into a look of concern.

  I gave her a smile and shook my head, even as my shoulders hunched again and I looked down, unable to hold her gaze.

  “I’m fine, I was lost in a daydream and didn’t notice you come in,” I assured her.

  She didn’t believe me. She knew me too well. Part of me wished I’d never confided in her, I hated the look of pity she got when she looked at me but if I hadn’t, I’d still be stuck at home with a father who had used his fists far more than he ever used his words. I wondered if she regretted listening to my cries for help. For weeks after she took me under her wing, she’d been jolted awake by the sounds of my screams from nightmares so dark, I locked them away once awake before I could remember them. Even locked away, they haunted me. Memories often slipped through the cracks in my shield, awoken by familiar sounds or smells. Like smashing glass. My past had shaped me and sunk its claws in so deep I was filled with a constant ache, a reminder of my weakness.

  I wished I hadn’t lost sight of him out the window, he kept my thoughts on far less grim topics. In fact, I could barely think of anything at all when those coal eyes were on me.

  “Are you going to train with the pack today, Oria? I’ve kept Roarke off your back for as long as I can but he’s really pushing for you to join in now,” Cathwulf said, bringing me out of my thoughts once more.

  My stomach churned, instincts screaming a deafening NO in my head. I chuckled and smirked to hide my unease, lifting my chin just a little. “I think Roarke would much rather be on your back.”

  She saw right through my teasing of course and gave me a look; one I was quick to turn away from. I could feel her irritation with me, her wolf pushing for me to obey and take her and her mate, my Alpha, seriously. Having her angry with me hurt but I didn’t want to train with the other members of the pack. I couldn’t bear to watch and hear the sounds of fighting that put me so on edge that I worried my wolf would take over. Not that I’d ever be able to do much damage because even in my fur, I was no fighter.

  “The basics of self-defence is all he wants you to learn and I think it’ll be good for you. You might feel more confident in yourself once you know a little about how to protect yourself,” she insisted a little more firmly than she had the day before.

  I fidgeted, leaning against the counter. Could I manage that? It wasn’t asking a lot, not really, and I understood why Alpha Roarke wanted all his wolves to know a little self-defence. The more I thought about it, the tighter my chest began to squeeze. I couldn’t do it. Even just contemplating it had images of fists flying towards me playing behind closed lids and the ghostly ache of bones made me tremble. I’d probably suffered more injuries than most of the warriors in the pack.

  “Please don’t make me, Cathwulf,” I pleaded quietly, staring down at the floor like the coward I was.

  She sighed heavily. I could feel her eyes on me but I could tell she wasn’t going to force me. If my Alpha Female ordered me to, I wouldn’t be able to refuse but I’d forever resent her for it. She knew that too. Tension strained between us and I almost crumbled, terrified she would punish me for insubordination until she spoke again.

  “What if we started off with me teaching you in private until you got more confident? That would give you a few more months of getting out of it, at least till I’m no longer the size of an elephant,” she suggested softly, leaning next to me.

  I tried not to laugh as I looked up, catching her gaze for the barest of moments before smiling. Hopefully she would forget all about this arrangement and I’d be left to my own devices. For now, I knew it was best to agree and placate my Alpha pair. “I would be okay with that, I guess.”

  Cathwulf grinned, pulling me into a quick hug. “Good! I’m sure Roarke will agree to it.”

  I couldn’t muster the same amount of enthusiasm as my friend did, but I felt much more relaxed at the idea of
training alone with her if I really had to. I trusted Cathwulf more than I trusted myself. Roarke would agree with her arrangement, of course. He’d give anything to her while she was carrying his pup, his feral side demanding he keep his pregnant mate happy. My gaze fell to her swollen belly. That was something I’d never get to experience but I knew I would love their pup as if she were my own flesh and blood.

  “Are you all right? You’re not yourself today, you’re too quiet,” Cathwulf noted, taking my hand to pull me into the empty living room. “Talk to me.”

  But oh, what to say? How could I tell her even a little of the trouble I’d found myself in? That my wolf wanted a male far above our station, a male that both terrified me and kept me in a constant state of awe. A male that had eyes only for her. How could I explain that I didn’t feel at home here and didn’t like the way wolves watched me when I flinched away from a male or cowered from raised voices. She couldn’t fix these things and she’d feel guilty for convincing me to stay here with her when she mated with Roarke.

  “I’ve been thinking about my father a lot today.”

  Not a complete lie, not really. He had been on my mind more than usual, but only as a reminder that I shouldn’t go after him because I was nothing. I was an omega terrified of her own shadow. I was the lowest of the lowest in the pack with not the will nor the strength nor dominance to fight my way even a little bit higher up the hierarchy. And there was always a small part of me that felt my father’s damning eyes on me and heard the echo of his voice in the darkness of my insecurities.

  Cathwulf studied me a small moment before nodding and tugging me into an awkward hug, her bump stopping her from being able to hold me properly. I was grateful for her comforting touch and fell into her hold, inhaling her sweet scent that had always brought me ease.

  “He was your father only in blood, Oria, he has no right to you,” she promised, and I realised that she thought I was worried he would find me and take me away, not that I was beginning to believe every cruel thing he had ever said to me was true.

  “I know,” I murmured. “You won’t let him near me.”

  Cathwulf laughed as she pulled back and I frowned in confusion. Had I missed a joke?

  “Not one member of this entire pack will let him anywhere near you. Not I, not Roarke, not Quillan or Brighid and Flidais. Don’t you see how important you are to all of us?”

  I blushed, using my hair to hide myself away. No. I didn’t see how important I was because they were nothing but sweet words meant to put me at ease. I knew Cathwulf loved me, I loved her too, but sometimes I worried she spent too much time trying to look out for me, that I was holding her back from getting to know her packmates. I couldn’t be in a room with too many wolves, so she stayed with me instead of joining in with pack BBQ’s, or games nights, sometimes even having breakfast with me instead of her high-ranked. She shirked responsibilities because of me, and the pack noticed. My eyes filled with tears and I did my best to keep them out of her view. She inhaled as if to speak but stopped suddenly, her gaze flicking to the door.

  Quillan’s scent filled the room, strong and intoxicating, and it only put more strain on me. Inhaling that smell of burning embers that warmed my chest, thinking of what an odd scent it was yet I couldn’t get enough. I couldn’t stay here, I wanted to run. Having him this close and watching him mourn over Cathwulf was too much for me to bear. Jealousy reared its ugly head, making my nose scrunch. His footsteps echoed behind the couch and my body fluttered to awareness as he passed behind me. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. His eyes were on me. I heard him take a deep breath in and froze, my heart squeezing. I dared to look up and my hope crumbled away. Cathwulf was giving Quillan a warning look, followed by a soft growl as he leaned in closer. It hadn’t been my scent he was getting lost in then, it had been hers. She was reminding this wolf that she was taken, that she was his Alpha Female and demanded respect.

  Swallowing the lump in my throat as he walked away without a word. I shifted uncomfortably, my head dropping and shoulders hunching over. His power was truly crushing. I could almost feel the untamed nature of his wolf as if it were my own, like an incessant scratching under my skin.

  “He’s dangerous,” I whispered to myself, forcing that knowledge into my being.

  “I’m sorry, Oria,” Cathwulf murmured absentmindedly with her eyes on the spot Quillan had disappeared. “I need to go find Roarke, will you be—”

  “I’ll be fine. I can look after myself,” I snapped and then almost choked as I realised how I’d spoken to her.

  I waited for her to berate me, for her wolf to push forth and have me submit for talking to her so but she never did. Looking up, I saw hurt in her expression that soon turned to sympathy and then tears. Hormones had made her a little more emotional than normal and I instantly felt guilty. It wasn’t her fault that I felt so useless but the apology stuck in my throat and she nodded slowly before mumbling brokenly, “Okay, I’ll find you later.”

  I didn’t relax until she’d left. I was still shocked over my reaction, the biting growl that had filled my voice. She wouldn’t hold a grudge, fortunately for me, but I’d say sorry the next time I saw her. It was cruel of me to take my frustration out on her. My fingers wound through my hair and I squeezed my eyes shut, letting out a heavy breath.

  “Idiot,” I muttered, pushing myself to my feet and brushing out my long skirt.

  I made my way outside, easily avoiding the males who were finishing work on the kitchen after the fire that had destroyed it. That seemed so long ago now. Months had passed since Alpha Robert and the treachery and death he’d brought to this pack. Months and I was still nothing but a shadow to everyone here, but that was how I liked it. I was good at keeping quiet, moving like a ghost through the halls. Chuckling as I slipped outside, I realised I would probably have made a good scout or hunter in another life. My wolf did enjoy the hunt whenever I felt brave enough to let those instincts take control.

  The air was icy as it hit my skin but the sun still shone her light brightly down, hitting the few brown and dark orange leaves that clung to skeletal branches. Winter was creeping in slowly. It had already snowed heavily in the last month, and I’d have to say goodbye to my beloved skirts and dresses in favour of warmer clothing. Soon the snow would stick to the ground for more than the few days it had before. The ground was muddy and slippery with puddles of melted snow that squelched under my boots and spotted the hem of my skirt in brown dirt. I wouldn’t have minded so much if it didn’t soak right through to freeze my legs as well. Rubbing my arms, I wished I’d thought to pick up a jacket before I left but I’d been too distraught to think properly.

  The road to Sam’s was easy to follow now that I’d trod it so often. I wouldn’t be in the cold for too long. I enjoyed Sam’s company, she never pressed for me to talk and she was a good teacher. I took pride in my work with her. To become a healer was hard work and held a high rank in the pack. Though I doubted my abilities, Sam assured me I had the makings to be a great healer, even if I chose to remain an omega. We both knew that wasn’t possible however, healers needed to be strong and obeyed. If only I could get over my fear of males and confrontation.

  I pushed into her home that doubled as her clinic, a small bell above the door signalling my arrival. Sam never came through to greet me so, assuming she was with a patient, I went into the small back room to begin my work. Freshly picked and drying herbs littered the tables, hanging from string by the window, petals and stalks covering the wooden floor. I smiled, breathing in the array of floral scents. This small part of the clinic almost felt like home, a safe place that was truly mine.

  My fingers trailed over the spine of musty leather books that held centuries of secrets written by the healers that came before me. Every healer had a journal of information that they passed down to the next, but this pack hadn’t had a healer since Roarke’s grandfather had been Alpha.

  “Oria, is that you?” Sam yelled through, her footste
ps echoing until she appeared at the door.

  Her brown hair was tied up in a messy bun and she had dark circles under her eyes. I’d never seen her look so…unkempt before. Normally she was clean and confident so I wondered if the female I’d seen here a few days ago had finally had her pup last night and needed help. I knew Sam had been worried about the new mother-wolf and pup.

  “Can you get me some aloe vera, scrape it into a little tub for me? I’ve got a pup in the other room with a burnt hand,” she sighed wearily, looking around the messy room that I’d promised to keep in order.

  My cheeks flushed at her appraisal and I was quick to get to work with what she asked.

  “Did Arianna’s pup arrive last night?” I asked quietly, scraping what I could from one leaf I’d prepared the day before into a reusable tub.

  She chuckled. “Kicking and screaming. It was her first pup so I understand her fear, and of course the pain of childbirth is worse than I can imagine, but by the gods Arianna has a set of lungs on her. Between the two of them, it’s a wonder I can hear anything at all today.”

  I tried not to laugh, but I couldn’t help my lips quirking up into a small smile. I was glad to hear mother and pup were both well, at least I thought they were, Sam would have said if they weren’t. Finishing my work, I passed the tub to Sam who smiled in thanks, seeming to be in no rush to get back to her patient.

  “How is Cathwulf doing? She missed her appointment with me today,” she said, eyeing the room again and nudging a sprig of sage on the floor with her boot.

  “She’s good, a little frustrated with how protective Roarke is being but she can’t blame him after everything they’ve been through. I’m sure she didn’t mean to miss her appointment, I’ll mention it to her next time I see her,” I replied, knowing full well Cathwulf had no intention of coming today. She hated doctors. Or maybe she hadn’t gone because of me. She’d been so caught up in worry about me, it could have simply slipped her mind. Guilt ate at me for once again taking up my Alpha Female’s time.