by Laura Martin
‘I did it.’
‘You did it. Let’s go again.’
Again he guided her body, his hand resting on the back of hers and applying just the lightest of pressure to show her when to flick and when to release.
‘Four,’ she counted, amazed at how much pleasure this simple game was giving her.
‘Do you want to try by yourself?’
It would mean Josh stepping away; it would mean the end to the wonderful closeness of his body. Quickly she shook her head, even though she knew their proximity was foolish.
‘One more,’ she said, feeling him move an inch closer. For a moment she closed her eyes and allowed herself the pleasure of standing on the beach with this man whose company she enjoyed so much.
‘One more time,’ he repeated, guiding her as if they were coupled in a dance until the pebble skimmed over the gentle waves.
‘You’re a good teacher,’ Beth said, leaning her head back a little so she could look up at him. He smiled down at her. There was warmth in his eyes, but she also sensed some of the desire she’d seen up on the clifftop as he’d handed her the flower. Every time she looked at him, every time she saw the desire flare and burn, she wanted to forget that she was meant to be an impeccably behaved young lady and give herself to him completely. His hand rested casually on her waist, his fingers pressing through the riding habit as if searching for the skin below. Beth knew he was as conscious of her as she was of him, but somehow he still seemed to be able to maintain a normal conversation.
‘Thank you. You’re a good student.’
Beth laughed. ‘My governess didn’t always think so.’
‘I can’t believe you were mischievous?’
‘We had a very dull governess when we were growing up. Our lessons were hours on end of her reading something from a book in a flat voice. Even a saint would have had to find some other way of amusing themselves.’
‘What did you do?’
‘We would play little tricks on her, nothing malicious, just things like changing around bits of furniture when she stepped out of the room or bringing small creatures into the schoolroom. Mainly to see if she noticed and to try to get a reaction from her.’
‘Did you succeed?’
Beth grimaced. ‘At the time we thought she was completely in her own world, seeming not to notice when her chair was moved from one side of the room to the other or the tables turned around, but, looking back, I think she just chose to ignore the behaviour.’
‘Certainly one tactic,’ Josh said with a smile.
‘What about you? Did you go to school or were you educated at home by a tutor?’
‘A little of both. I had a tutor until I was twelve and then spent a few years boarding at a very small school. It was for the children of the wealthy British and at one point only had eight pupils.’
She liked hearing about his life in India, liked imagining the totally different way he had been raised. It was fascinating, thinking about how the British had transported their culture halfway across the world and clung to it, all the while letting just a little of the local customs slip in.
Josh stepped away and sat down on the pebbles and Beth was about to join him when he began pulling at his boots.
‘What are you doing?’
‘Taking off my boots.’
‘I can see that. Why?’
‘I’ve never been able to go to the beach and resist a paddle in the sea.’
‘This is a bit different from one of your Indian beaches.’
‘It’s still the sea.’
‘A much colder sea.’
He looked up at her, an encouraging smile on his face, and Beth had the realisation that she would do anything this man suggested. It wasn’t logical, but it was a fact. He could persuade her to climb a tree in just her undergarments if he wanted to.
‘Come on. The others will still be a while. There’s no one else here. We can paddle our feet and still have time to sit in the sun and dry off before they arrive. No one will ever know.’
Beth had loved dipping her toes in the sea as a girl and had often enjoyed swimming from one of the safer beaches in the area when she was a child, but as she had grown older it had been drummed into her that daughters of earls did not take their boots off in public no matter how inviting the sea looked.
Glancing over her shoulder, she tried to calculate how long it would be before Annabelle and their guests arrived in Seaford. It was quite a detour up the river to get to the bridge and she thought Josh was probably right—they would have plenty of time to put their boots back on before anyone appeared over the crest of the hill. For a moment longer she hesitated, wondering what Leonard Ashburton would think if he found her barefoot on the seashore. She didn’t think he would approve.
Let him disapprove, a rebellious voice in her head protested. If he was that bothered by her enjoying the cool water on her toes on a deserted beach, then perhaps he should find himself another wife.
‘Just for a minute,’ she said, sitting down next to Josh and pulling at her boots.
The water was cold, icily so, and Beth was reminded that, although the air temperature was unseasonably warm, it was still only May. The sea hadn’t had the chance to warm up yet and as the gentle waves lapped at her toes she felt them start to tingle before going ever so slightly numb.
‘This is glorious,’ Josh declared, happily splashing along in the sea. He had rolled up his breeches to just below the knee but she could see splashes on the material as high up as his thighs. It didn’t seem to bother him.
‘Do you swim in the sea in India?’
‘Oh, yes. There is a beach about a half an hour’s ride away with the most beautiful golden-white sand and the sea is so clear you can see the bottom even twenty feet from the shore. I try to get there at least once a week for a swim and sometimes just sit on the beach, contemplating the view.’
Josh always seemed animated, always active but, as with his taking time with the sunsets, she liked that despite his hectic life he still managed to find time to pause. It was something she was bad about, something she didn’t do enough. There always seemed to be something to fill her time: dresses to be altered, the garden to be tended, appearances to be kept up. A hundred different little jobs that meant she hardly ever just sat and enjoyed the moment.
‘I wish...’ she began and then trailed off. She was at risk of saying something she shouldn’t.
‘You wish...?’ Josh prompted her, his hand reaching out reflexively for hers. He didn’t take it, instead brushing the tips of his fingers against hers, which somehow felt more intimate than if he’d simply taken her hand. Beth swallowed, forcing herself to focus on the conversation lest she say or do something she might regret.
‘I wish I could see this beach of yours. And the home you speak so fondly of, the rolling hills and the lush landscape. It all sounds so exotic, so wonderful.’
‘Perhaps you will one day,’ he said.
‘As your sister-in-law.’
They both fell silent.
‘Annabelle is annoyed with me. She said I was being a martyr too.’
Josh smiled at this, and Beth found herself smiling too. She could be stubborn sometimes.
‘Why did she say you were being a martyr?’
‘She doesn’t want me to marry for her sake. She would rather I wait for someone I care more for.’
Josh nodded slowly, his eyes fixed out to sea and his expression suddenly serious.
‘She said Mother could sell the house, cover the debts that way, and that they would have enough for a modest yearly income and a small house.’
‘So you agree your mother is choosing maintaining appearances over you.’
‘No.’ Beth felt the need to defend her mother. Josh had not seen her in a good light, and Lady Hummingford could be single-minded, but she did love her and Annabelle, as wel
l. Her mother was concerned with maintaining the pretence that they were still wealthy, still one of the lucky few families to be in the upper echelons of society.
Turning to study her, he shook his head slowly, reaching out and this time taking her hand before raising it to his lips.
‘It is possible to be too good, too selfless, in this world, Beth. Not everyone is as kind as you and they will often take advantage of that.’
His eyes were warm and dark and she could see herself reflected in them. She wanted to ask him if there were even the possibility of a chance for them. If she refused his brother, if she defied her mother, if she chose her own happiness over anyone else’s...but there were too many obstacles in the way.
‘Perhaps—’ he began, but cut himself off with a frown on his face.
Beth spun to see what he was looking at.
On the beach just a few feet away was a seagull, one of the hundreds that soared and glided through the sky in the area. This one was squawking and flapping about on the beach in distress, one wing caught in a scrap of a fisherman’s net. It kept trying to fly away but the net hampered its ability to get off the ground and with every attempt it just entangled itself even further.
Josh approached the bird slowly, taking his time to make it aware of his presence. As he reached out the bird went for his fingers, pecking and nipping, but Josh was too quick. Carefully he took the bird in both hands, holding the dangerous beak away from his body whilst he deftly unwrapped the fishing net. Once the bird was freed he quickly inspected the wing and then held the bird up to the sky to let it fly away.
They both watched until the bird was no more than a speck in amongst the gathering clouds.
Beth turned back to Josh but as she did so a movement at the periphery of her vision caught her eye. With disbelief she watched as Annabelle, Leonard Ashburton and their other guests came into sight along the beach. They had covered the distance quickly, either that or she had lost track of time here in the sea with Josh. She looked down at the wet hem of her dress and her sandy toes and felt her heart sinking, momentarily wondering if she was subconsciously trying to sabotage her chance of marrying Leonard Ashburton.
‘Lady Elizabeth,’ Leonard Ashburton said, looking her up and down as he dismounted. He was the first across the sand and all the time she could see his eyes flitting between her and his brother. ‘I see you are enjoying the sea.’
‘It is quite refreshing. Perhaps I can tempt you to join us?’
‘No,’ he said curtly. ‘I do not paddle.’
‘Oh?’ She couldn’t think of anything else to say.
‘No.’
‘Come on, Leo, the water is lovely.’
Leonard Ashburton frowned at his brother.
‘I think we need to talk, Josh,’ he said in a way that allowed no argument. Beth felt as though all the air had been knocked from her chest as she saw the two brothers communicate silently, both glancing at her. He knew; he must do. Leonard Ashburton had guessed that the woman who was meant to be trying to become his wife had fallen for his brother.
All of a sudden she felt light-headed, but knew she couldn’t reach out and clutch at Josh’s arm. That would only make things a hundred times worse.
‘Leo...’
‘It’s important, Josh.’
Josh nodded, his face serious. ‘Shall we meet you back at the house?’
The words stuck in Beth’s throat, her reply coming out as a croak. Josh peered at her but didn’t say anything, sparing any more attention being directed towards her. She watched as Josh pulled on his boots and took his horse by the reins and set off with his brother away from her along the beach.
‘Perhaps it is for the best,’ Annabelle murmured quietly in her ear. Her sister had dismounted and squeezed Beth’s hand, before turning to the rest of the guests and suggesting they spend an hour or so relaxing on the sand before they returned to Birling View.
Chapter Fifteen
‘I don’t profess to know much about love,’ Leo said quietly, his eyes fixed on a spot in the distance. Josh waited for him to continue but for now nothing more was forthcoming.
‘You’re thinking of your impending marriage.’
Leo grimaced. ‘I think it is quite clear to the both of us that won’t be happening.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I’m not going to marry the woman you’re in love with.’
Josh laughed, but the laugh trailed off as he realised his brother was being serious.
‘I’m not in love with her.’
‘I know most people find it strange, this bond we have despite not seeing one another for twenty-five years, Josh, but you are my brother and I know you. Don’t ask me to explain how, but I do. I see how you look at Lady Elizabeth, how you smile when she is around. There is something between the two of you.’
Opening his mouth to protest again, Josh instead forced himself to take a moment. He needed to consider if what his brother was saying was true. There was something between him and Beth, something more than the desire that seemed to simmer between them whenever they were within one another’s sight. He liked her, liked the way she took a moment to consider her words before speaking, the way her face was transformed by a smile. He liked how she really listened when he spoke and how she couldn’t help but reveal her inner thoughts when he asked.
‘I admire Lady Elizabeth,’ Josh said slowly and then shook his head violently. ‘Damn it, Leo, I can’t lie to you.’
They were walking along the beach on the wet sand a few feet from the sea, away from the cliffs they had ridden over half an hour previously. Somewhere behind them Beth and her sister would be doing their best to smile and entertain the other guests, all the while wondering what Josh and Leo were discussing and what implications it had for their future.
The tension in his neck and shoulders was giving him a headache and although he knew he was holding every muscle in his body tense he just couldn’t seem to relax. It was laughable really—he’d calmed unhappy workers, negotiated with the toughest businessmen in India and carved out a future for his guardian’s company in the international market but he couldn’t find the words to express how he felt for Beth.
Leo placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and waited for Josh to look up.
‘Sit with me. Let’s talk. Properly talk.’
Josh nodded. He knew he was the only one to see this side of his brother, that most of society thought Leo was abrupt and unfriendly, but to him he was exactly what a big brother should be: full of kindness and wanting to guide him.
‘I kissed her, Leo,’ he said, making sure the words were clear even though his voice was quiet. He didn’t want to have to repeat the statement. ‘I should have told you. I’m sorry.’
‘I expect it wasn’t yourself you were thinking of.’
Josh nodded. He’d kept the secret for Beth and felt as if it was a betrayal telling his brother now, but there was a difference between omitting telling Leo and lying to him. He couldn’t lie to his brother.
‘Tell me what has developed between you.’
‘She’s a very special woman. Kind and funny and great company.’
‘It isn’t just physical attraction, then?’
Josh shook his head. ‘No, although...’
‘Lady Elizabeth is a pretty young woman.’ Leo said it in a disconnected sort of way, as if he could appreciate her beauty but was not affected by it.
‘We’ve spent a fair bit of time together, at the pleasure gardens and at the opera. I bumped into her in the park.’ It sounded to his ears as though he were trying to justify his feelings for her. In reality he didn’t know what the outcome of this all would be. Leo didn’t seem angry though, more concerned about Josh than anything else.
‘Yet she still arranges this house party to try to further the prospect of our engagement. Does she feel the same
way about you as you do about her?’
Josh held out his arms in a gesture that was supposed to mean he was unsure, but after a moment he dropped them to his side. If he stopped and thought about it, he did know.
‘Yes.’ The attraction between them had always been mutual, from the very first time they’d set eyes upon each other in Leo’s garden to the kisses they’d shared just yesterday. It hadn’t been one-sided, hadn’t been him pushing the issue. She had felt it just as much as him. ‘She knows her duty, but she doesn’t like it.’
Leo smiled wryly then, one of the first self-deprecating smiles Josh had seen on his brother’s face since his return to England.
‘I never thought I would be such an unpalatable choice for a husband.’ In anyone else Josh would think the words carried bitterness, but Leo was so detached from the idea of his marriage that he sounded more perplexed than anything else. ‘Surely the answer is that I discreetly withdraw and you two marry.’
If only it were that simple.
‘I understand they are relying on your status and wealth to appease their debtors. Unfortunately an unknown second son just will not do.’
‘Ah. I think I’m starting to understand. Lady Hummingford has impressed the importance of duty on Lady Elizabeth.’
‘Exactly, and Beth feels a responsibility towards her sister. She doesn’t want her to lose her home.’
‘What do you want, Josh?’ Leo asked suddenly, turning all the intensity of his gaze on his brother.
Josh ran his hand through his hair and looked out over the sparkling blue-grey water.
‘Aside from the impossible?’
‘She’s the daughter of an earl, albeit an earl who was in severe debt. You cannot have a dalliance with her.’
‘I know. I know respectable young ladies do not have short affairs with second sons about to leave the country for good.’
‘They don’t have short affairs with anyone.’
‘It’s impossible.’
‘You have two choices,’ Leo said in the infuriatingly calm and sensible way of his. ‘Either you marry her or you forget about her.’
